Mental Illness

[deleted922335]

Hi. I am a Junior, about to take the MCAT and apply to medical school this summer. I have a really personal thing I wanted to get opinions on from other people. I have struggled with low self-esteem for a long time, since high school or maybe even middle school. In the past year and a half or so, something happened that is completely my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself for this and my inability to change myself. The point is, I met someone really special to me, and she changed everything. I really love this person. I can never be with her, and she is happy with someone else. I am happy for her, but for well over a year now my heart gets broken every single day, whether it is seeing them together or hearing about them or her just not really paying attention to me even as a friend. She is an amazing person and I constantly compare myself to her and always come up lacking. I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her. It has kind of ruined my hopes for being content, in that I won't have a happy family in my future, no experience with real love. I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad. I have developed depression over the past year and a half ( I think I had a period of depression in high school too), and I have recurring passive (as in I have no intent to commit) suicidal thoughts over this. I wish I wasn't alive every day. I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "get over it." I cannot seem to get closure, because I just love her so badly. What I want to know is, what is it like being a med student (saying I get accepted) when I have a mental illness? Will this affect me getting in, should I mention it to admissions people in an interview? Can I succeed in medical school? Thank you for any help and understanding. I know it can be a sensitive topic. Sorry for the long post. Thank you all.

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[TakotsuboOkazaki]

I think that you would have a very hard time in medical school if it is hard for you to manage your emotions. Especially considering the trouble you are having over someone you never had a romantic relationship with.

I consider myself to be rather sound mentally & emotionally, yet the prospect of medical school still seems daunting at times.

Do yourself, your family, your finances, medical schools, and your soul a favor and work out these issues before you pursue medicine.

I think the fact that you said a life in medicine would be “empty” without such a person/aspect in your life is enough of a reason to hold off.

You could always try and focus and take the MCAT. If you are able to focus and do well, then it may be a good sign for bigger endeavors in the future.

If you want my $0.02 on your issues...learn to focus more on yourself. Get your body and mind in sound shape by being active and doing things that YOU enjoy. You’d be suprised the kind of people you meet when you live like that.

Best of luck.

 

[curbsideconsult]

You should probably hold off on the MCAT until later, but if you feel ready to take the MCAT now go ahead and take it.

Med school is an entirely different story. I strongly suggest you hold off on applying until at least the 2019-2020 cycle so you can give yourself some time to get your mental health affairs in order. If things are bad now, it will only get worse in medical school. I can't think of a single instance where people's circumstances improved between pre-matriculation and a few months post-matriculation.

I believe @Goro mentioned somewhere that most of the students who withdraw (even if just temporarily) from his school are those with mental health issues. Better to figure things out now than in medical school when you have a lot more to lose.

 

[deleted922335]

I think that you would have a very hard time in medical school if it is hard for you to manage your emotions. Especially considering the trouble you are having over someone you never had a romantic relationship with.

I consider myself to be rather sound mentally & emotionally, yet the prospect of medical school still seems daunting at times.

Do yourself, your family, your finances, medical schools, and your soul a favor and work out these issues before you pursue medicine.

I think the fact that you said a life in medicine would be “empty” without such a person/aspect in your life is enough of a reason to hold off.

You could always try and focus and take the MCAT. If you are able to focus and do well, then it may be a good sign for bigger endeavors in the future.

If you want my $0.02 on your issues...learn to focus more on yourself. Get your body and mind in sound shape by being active and doing things that YOU enjoy. You’d be suprised the kind of people you meet when you live like that.

Best of luck.

Hi. Thanks for replying. I am already boxed into applying for the 2019 cycle through my university, so I can't take a gap year. I plan on having a month of free time this summer after taking the MCAT. Maybe I can work on stuff then. I don't really know how long it will take to get this sorted out. I don't have much I enjoy anymore, nor time to do it.

 

[deleted922335]

You should probably hold off on the MCAT until later, but if you feel ready to take the MCAT now go ahead and take it.

Med school is an entirely different story. I strongly suggest you hold off on applying until at least the 2019-2020 cycle so you can give yourself some time to get your mental health affairs in order. If things are bad now, it will only get worse in medical school. I can't think of a single instance where people's circumstances improved between pre-matriculation and a few months post-matriculation.

I believe @Goro mentioned somewhere that most of the students who withdraw (even if just temporarily) from his school are those with mental health issues. Better to figure things out now than in medical school when you have a lot more to lose.

Hi. Thanks for replying. I am already boxed into applying for the 2019 cycle (matriculating in 2019). I plan on having a month of free time this summer after taking the MCAT. Maybe I can work on stuff then. I never have time to be healthy and work on myself or to hobbies with undergrad and keeping a 4.0 and doing extracurriculars and things. I was worried my issues would keep me from doing well on the MCAT and getting in, not to mention what it would be like actually in med school. I figured it would get bad and only normal people would be able to be doctors. That's why I am trying to go to counseling now. This seems pretty discouraging though...what if I just ruined my life?

 

[TakotsuboOkazaki]

Hi. Thanks for replying. I am already boxed into applying for the 2019 cycle through my university, so I can't take a gap year. I plan on having a month of free time this summer after taking the MCAT. Maybe I can work on stuff then. I don't really know how long it will take to get this sorted out. I don't have much I enjoy anymore, nor time to do it.

What do you mean by “boxed into applying”? Are you in a BS/MD program?

 

[deleted922335]

What do you mean by “boxed into applying”? Are you in a BS/MD program?

No, I spent this semester getting all of me pre-app materials for AMCAS together to apply in the summer, and in doing so I got a committee interview from my college for an additional rec-letter from the pre-health advising committee. I signed a thing saying I was applying this cycle and wanted to run my materials through my college so I could be eligible for a committee letter. So I am not wanting to mess that up.

 

[curbsideconsult]

No, I spent this semester getting all of me pre-app materials for AMCAS together to apply in the summer, and in doing so I got a committee interview from my college for an additional rec-letter from the pre-health advising committee. I signed a thing saying I was applying this cycle and wanted to run my materials through my college so I could be eligible for a committee letter. So I am not wanting to mess that up.

Talk to your committee and tell them something personal came up and that you would like to apply next year instead. Or ask if you can still sit for the committee this year, but hold off on submitting until next year. If they're reasonable, they'll accept the more mature decision to hold off on applying until you're absolutely ready.

 

[deleted922335]

Talk to your committee and tell them something personal came up and that you would like to apply next year instead. Or ask if you can still sit for the committee this year, but hold off on submitting until next year. If they're reasonable, they'll accept the more mature decision to hold off on applying until you're absolutely ready.

I'll see. I just don't think I'll be able to take a gap year. I think it may be too late.

 

[Jamisan]

Hi. I am a Junior, about to take the MCAT and apply to medical school this summer. I have a really personal thing I wanted to get opinions on from other people. I have struggled with low self-esteem for a long time, since high school or maybe even middle school. In the past year and a half or so, something happened that is completely my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself for this and my inability to change myself. The point is, I met someone really special to me, and she changed everything. I really love this person. I can never be with her, and she is happy with someone else. I am happy for her, but for well over a year now my heart gets broken every single day, whether it is seeing them together or hearing about them or her just not really paying attention to me even as a friend. She is an amazing person and I constantly compare myself to her and always come up lacking. I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her. It has kind of ruined my hopes for being content, in that I won't have a happy family in my future, no experience with real love. I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad. I have developed depression over the past year and a half ( I think I had a period of depression in high school too), and I have recurring passive (as in I have no intent to commit) suicidal thoughts over this. I wish I wasn't alive every day. I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "get over it." I cannot seem to get closure, because I just love her so badly. What I want to know is, what is it like being a med student (saying I get accepted) when I have a mental illness? Will this affect me getting in, should I mention it to admissions people in an interview? Can I succeed in medical school? Thank you for any help and understanding. I know it can be a sensitive topic. Sorry for the long post. Thank you all.

I know you're not going to like this answer but the absolute best thing for your health is to not see or talk to this girl anymore. I know it hurts but in order for you to feel better and move on you need to not be around her. I've had a similar thing happen to me and it took me over a year to get over it but part of how i got over it was i stopped myself from trying to contact him and i asked all of my friends not to talk to me about him or tell me anything they had heard from or about him. Its painful to let go but it will seriously help. And i promise you will find another woman and when you do you'll wonder why you were ever upset about this one.

In terms of applying, in one message you're saying you can't take a gap year and you're boxed in to applying this cycle but in another you're saying it's too late for you. If you want to be a doctor (based on all of your clinical experiences) then you have to do what you need to do. If you really want to apply this cycle, then do it and if you dont get in then you can spend next year trying to help yourself feel better and then you can reapply next year. It's not ideal but if you want to be a doctor then you have to do what it takes. You have a 4.0 so you can clearly handle school in general and if you're able to feel better before med school starts then you'll be golden. But I honestly think the first step to feeling better is letting go of this girl in every aspect of your life.

 

[Grumpz]

It’s never too late to take time to sort out your OWN mental health. A gap year might do you good, buddy. Med school will still be there next year and the year after...

 

[pms_testosterone]

Dear @fantastic1712 ,

Having a mental illness won't stop you from getting into medical school. I disclosed my mental illness (but NOT the gritty details of it) at my interview and was still accepted.

It sounds like you're really suffering internally even though it's not affecting your grades. Stressful situations (like being in med school) could definitely exacerbate this suffering. I would be persistent in seeking out counseling, go to a different counselor if this one doesn't help, consider medications if you'd be OK with that (this helped me the most). Also, this only helped me somewhat, but maybe you could try and redirect your obsessions towards a more "harmless" target, such as an idea/interest, celebrity, or fictional character. Also eliminate any unnecessary sources of stress from your life.

 

[deleted922335]

Dear @fantastic1712 ,

Having a mental illness won't stop you from getting into medical school. I disclosed my mental illness (but NOT the gritty details of it) at my interview and was still accepted.

It sounds like you're really suffering internally even though it's not affecting your grades. Stressful situations (like being in med school) could definitely exacerbate this suffering. I would be persistent in seeking out counseling, go to a different counselor if this one doesn't help, consider medications if you'd be OK with that (this helped me the most). Also, this only helped me somewhat, but maybe you could try and redirect your obsessions towards a more "harmless" target, such as an idea/interest, celebrity, or fictional character. Also eliminate any unnecessary sources of stress from your life.

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it. Honestly I am suffering a lot all the time. I just found out I won't be able to see my current counselor anymore, so I'll have to start over. She did write me a referral to a psychiatrist where I could get on medication if I wanted to. Unfortunately, I am totally financially dependent on my mom right now, and she is against this. It is really hard for me to oppose her and she does not treat me like an independent adult (a whole 'nother set of issues I won't go into here). We don't have health insurance, so we would have to pay out of pocket. She is against them because of the money and because they could cause suicidal thoughts, but as stated above, I kind of already have them at a very minimal level, but she doesn't know that. I can't tell her that. She is also against me taking a gap year just because she wants me to start and be in med school. I don't know why she is just ridiculous. So I am not sure how to progress with things. I won't have a counselor this summer, and we did not accomplish anything except she talked about re framing my thoughts. Which is hard to do on my own because my stupid beliefs are so ingrained in me. And I need to study and cram hard for the MCAT in June, so I don't really have time to "work on myself," whatever that means. I feel stuck.

 

[deleted922335]

It’s never too late to take time to sort out your OWN mental health. A gap year might do you good, buddy. Med school will still be there next year and the year after...

Hi. Thanks for replying. My mom won't let me take a gap year, and I am currently financially dependent on her. So it is hard to oppose her. And I think I am already set to apply through my college into the 2019 cycle. So I don't know if a gap year is even possible anymore.

 

[pms_testosterone]

Sorry to hear that your mom's not on board with your plan. Is there any way to convince her that a gap year would make you a stronger med school applicant? If not, you could always do something like apply to a minimal number of schools this year, likely get rejected, then apply to a larger and more reasonable number of schools next year.

You've probably already thought of this, but do you have access to mental health services through your school? My school has counselors, and I don't think there's a limit on the number of appointments a student can have with them.

 

[goren4]

Should one address mental illness in their personal statement as to why they had problems with their GPA the first 2 years?

 

[deleted922335]

Sorry to hear that your mom's not on board with your plan. Is there any way to convince her that a gap year would make you a stronger med school applicant? If not, you could always do something like apply to a minimal number of schools this year, likely get rejected, then apply to a larger and more reasonable number of schools next year.

You've probably already thought of this, but do you have access to mental health services through your school? My school has counselors, and I don't think there's a limit on the number of appointments a student can have with them.

I don't know if we have enough money for repeated medical school apps. And I see a counselor at school, but she left as of this semester, so I would have to start over with a new one. And she was not very helpful at all. She did not work on me actually changing in sessions, she just made me talk about how I felt, and reasons for that, and then gave me techniques to sort it out on my own on my own time, ones of which I was already knew of. My problem is that I cannot do it on my own. The whole point was because I cannot change my way of thinking on my own. If I wanted techniques on how to change me mental health, I could look them up online. My issue is I can't implement them because of my depression. And, because I am a busy pre-med student, I don't have the luxury of free time to constantly write and counter my thoughts down or to work on myself. We worked on reframing and CBT, but we did not do it during the sessions, so I never had time outside of them to really do anything. She told me at this point I have to choose to "be happy" but that makes no sense and is not possible. I don't really have any hope for happiness at this point. So, it feels like I am doomed. So I don't know what more counseling would do. I am so worried that I have already ruined my life . I don't know what more I can do. Especially with the MCAT looming.

 

[deleted922335]

Should one address mental illness in their personal statement as to why they had problems with their GPA the first 2 years?

If you believe that you have worked through it and have improved and are better now, a different person than before, then absolutely. It gives a reason for lower grades that is justifiable, is a compelling, personal, and real story, shows you can related to patients with mental illnesses, and shows that you had the willpower to take initiative and get ahead of your issues before med school so you will be more successful, which is admirable. That is how you should address it in a personal statement or interview. It would make for a good personal statement topic, in my opinion. Just stress that you have overcame it as of now. That is what I wrote about in terms of my social anxiety I used to have.

 

[pms_testosterone]

@fantastic1712 a family doctor can screen for depression and prescribe antidepressants, if you'd be willing to try that. (I have access to family doctors through my university's clinic - not sure if you do.)

I don't think your life is ruined whether you get into med school this year or not. You can always take a leave of absence from med school if mental illness is making your studies difficult, and if you do end up needing to apply a second cycle, you can work for a year or two to afford it.

I don't have any bright ideas about what you can do at this moment, but I would suggest eliminating as many stresses as possible from your life (work, courses, volunteering - if it's stressful - , etc.) while you study for your MCAT.

 

[deleted804295]

Hello @fantastic1712,

I want to start this off by saying that I am sorry you are experiencing mental health problems. Mental health issues are common among the populace but they should be completely repaired prior to medical school. Many of us are right here with you and understand how difficult mental health problems are.

Next I would like to agree and state you are completely right in saying that the problem resides within you. I know you spent a significant amount of your post talking about the girl of your dreams but be reminded that your happiness and your worth are not attached to any other human. People will come and go in your life, your family will come and go but you will always be with yourself.

Spiritual Post Incoming

I know we live in a secular world and it's the correct thing to say that all of life's problems can be fixed with science and medicine- you should still use science and medicine- but my spirituality has also aided me in becoming a more content person in life.

I never thought my life would end without a person in my life but I have went through heartbreak. When I witnessed heartbreak I would ask God why there wasn't an individual with X Y and Z characteristics that existed or if it was possible to find a person better than the last and every single time God gifted me with an individual who was better than I could possibly imagine. After a couple of these individuals that God presented to me, I submitted myself to His will completely and became self-sufficient. I wasn't interested in having a person with X characteristics because I knew that such a man did exist and if God intended for me to be with such a man then I would be. And if God intended for me to be single for life then I happily would be.

I'm not telling you to join any one religion or follow the path I took, I'm telling you that there will always be a person better than the last but regardless of if such a better person exists or not you have to care for and work on yourself. Be proud of the beautiful creation that you are. Work on achieving your highest potential, strive in all good regards in life, and strip yourself of things that are chaining you back.

 

[Goro]

Hi. I am a Junior, about to take the MCAT and apply to medical school this summer. I have a really personal thing I wanted to get opinions on from other people. I have struggled with low self-esteem for a long time, since high school or maybe even middle school. In the past year and a half or so, something happened that is completely my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself for this and my inability to change myself. The point is, I met someone really special to me, and she changed everything. I really love this person. I can never be with her, and she is happy with someone else. I am happy for her, but for well over a year now my heart gets broken every single day, whether it is seeing them together or hearing about them or her just not really paying attention to me even as a friend. She is an amazing person and I constantly compare myself to her and always come up lacking. I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her. It has kind of ruined my hopes for being content, in that I won't have a happy family in my future, no experience with real love. I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad. I have developed depression over the past year and a half ( I think I had a period of depression in high school too), and I have recurring passive (as in I have no intent to commit) suicidal thoughts over this. I wish I wasn't alive every day. I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "get over it." I cannot seem to get closure, because I just love her so badly. What I want to know is, what is it like being a med student (saying I get accepted) when I have a mental illness? Will this affect me getting in, should I mention it to admissions people in an interview? Can I succeed in medical school? Thank you for any help and understanding. I know it can be a sensitive topic. Sorry for the long post. Thank you all.

Do not embark upon this process until your mental health issues are under control.

You don't just "get over it", any more you get over diabetes or heart disease.

Medical school is a furnace, and I've seen it break even healthy students. The #1 reason my school loses students to withdrawal, dismissal or LOA is to unresolved mental health issues.

Depression is poorly managed on anonymous message boards. Go seek out your school's counseling center and get some help. STAT.

 

[deleted922335]

@fantastic1712 a family doctor can screen for depression and prescribe antidepressants, if you'd be willing to try that. (I have access to family doctors through my university's clinic - not sure if you do.)

I don't think your life is ruined whether you get into med school this year or not. You can always take a leave of absence from med school if mental illness is making your studies difficult, and if you do end up needing to apply a second cycle, you can work for a year or two to afford it.

I don't have any bright ideas about what you can do at this moment, but I would suggest eliminating as many stresses as possible from your life (work, courses, volunteering - if it's stressful - , etc.) while you study for your MCAT.

I have a referral to a psychiatrist to be screened. I may end up following up on that. My mood and concentration and confidence are at an all time low. And since I am on summer break, I have nothing to do but study. Unfortunately, I am plagued by a bad home life that is making things difficult as well. So maybe I should work on fixing that or getting away.

 

[deleted922335]

Hello @fantastic1712,

I want to start this off by saying that I am sorry you are experiencing mental health problems. Mental health issues are common among the populace but they should be completely repaired prior to medical school. Many of us are right here with you and understand how difficult mental health problems are.

Next I would like to agree and state you are completely right in saying that the problem resides within you. I know you spent a significant amount of your post talking about the girl of your dreams but be reminded that your happiness and your worth are not attached to any other human. People will come and go in your life, your family will come and go but you will always be with yourself.

Spiritual Post Incoming

I know we live in a secular world and it's the correct thing to say that all of life's problems can be fixed with science and medicine- you should still use science and medicine- but my spirituality has also aided me in becoming a more content person in life.

I never thought my life would end without a person in my life but I have went through heartbreak. When I witnessed heartbreak I would ask God why there wasn't an individual with X Y and Z characteristics that existed or if it was possible to find a person better than the last and every single time God gifted me with an individual who was better than I could possibly imagine. After a couple of these individuals that God presented to me, I submitted myself to His will completely and became self-sufficient. I wasn't interested in having a person with X characteristics because I knew that such a man did exist and if God intended for me to be with such a man then I would be. And if God intended for me to be single for life then I happily would be.

I'm not telling you to join any one religion or follow the path I took, I'm telling you that there will always be a person better than the last but regardless of if such a better person exists or not you have to care for and work on yourself. Be proud of the beautiful creation that you are. Work on achieving your highest potential, strive in all good regards in life, and strip yourself of things that are chaining you back.

Hi. Thanks for your post. I am religious, and I am Christian. Me being religious is part of the reason why I haven't hurt myself or attempted suicide yet. I do submit myself as you say, but I do not fell content. I am scared that yes, God does not want me to be with people that I want to be with. He has not given me a person that I really truly love. I am afraid that whatever He has planned for me won't make me happy. That is plan is for me to be single. But I won't be happy without that kind of love. I am not proud of who I am, and I don't really think I am beautiful in any way. I don't really understand why God made me at all, and why make me to be alone and unhappy? Because it seems that is what His plan is for me. That's just the religious side of it I guess.

 

[deleted922335]

Do not embark upon this process until your mental health issues are under control.

You don't just "get over it", any more you get over diabetes or heart disease.

Medical school is a furnace, and I've seen it break even healthy students. The #1 reason my school loses students to withdrawal, dismissal or LOA is to unresolved mental health issues.

Depression is poorly managed on anonymous message boards. Go seek out your school's counseling center and get some help. STAT.

Maybe I do need antidepressants.....it's gonna be a hard talk with my mom...

 

[deleted804295]

Hi. Thanks for your post. I am religious, and I am Christian. Me being religious is part of the reason why I haven't hurt myself or attempted suicide yet. I do submit myself as you say, but I do not fell content. I am scared that yes, God does not want me to be with people that I want to be with. He has not given me a person that I really truly love. I am afraid that whatever He has planned for me won't make me happy. That is plan is for me to be single. But I won't be happy without that kind of love. I am not proud of who I am, and I don't really think I am beautiful in any way. I don't really understand why God made me at all, and why make me to be alone and unhappy? Because it seems that is what His plan is for me. That's just the religious side of it I guess.

I will send you a message in the DMs feel free to respond or not respond or meditate on my words or not meditate on my words.

Edit: I also highly recommend you listen to @Goro on seeking professional help. A forum will not help you but rather the people around you- your loved ones, friends, doctors, and church- can help you.

 

[deleted922335]

I will send you a message in the DMs feel free to respond or not respond or meditate on my words or not meditate on my words.

Edit: I also highly recommend you listen to @Goro on seeking professional help. A forum will not help you but rather the people around you- your loved ones, friends, doctors, and church- can help you.

Thank you. Sincerely

 

[goren4]

Thank you for your advice? What has your success been based on the letters?

 

[deleted922335]

Thank you for your advice? What has your success been based on the letters?

I have not yet applied to med school, so I cannot tell you, except that my pre-health committee at my undergrad believe it is a strong letter. Guess it depends on how you say it and what kind of writer you are. I would critique it over and over again with multiple drafts and have appropriate people look at it.

 

[DokterMom]

Maybe I do need antidepressants.....it's gonna be a hard talk with my mom...

"Mom - I know you love me and want the best for me and believe that applying to medical school this summer for 2019 admission is the right path. I want to become a doctor too, but in order to do that, I need to be able to succeed in medical school, not just get admitted. I could probably get admitted this cycle, but mentally and emotionally, I'm not ready yet to attend and succeed. I need to get back into counseling and to take some time to work on my mental health and get on more solid footing before starting medical school. The worst that can happen is not failing to be admitted -- it's failing after being admitted, and that's the risk I see. I need counseling. I know you're worried that counselors will make me think of suicide -- but Mom, I already think about suicide. A good counselor can help me repair my thought processes so I won't feel suicidal anymore and can regain my mental health and then succeed in medical school. That's what we both want.

Good luck to you -- And please, please stick to the timeline you know is wisest -- the one that will enable you to succeed in school.

 

[deleted922335]

"Mom - I know you love me and want the best for me and believe that applying to medical school this summer for 2019 admission is the right path. I want to become a doctor too, but in order to do that, I need to be able to succeed in medical school, not just get admitted. I could probably get admitted this cycle, but mentally and emotionally, I'm not ready yet to attend and succeed. I need to get back into counseling and to take some time to work on my mental health and get on more solid footing before starting medical school. The worst that can happen is not failing to be admitted -- it's failing after being admitted, and that's the risk I see. I need counseling. I know you're worried that counselors will make me think of suicide -- but Mom, I already think about suicide. A good counselor can help me repair my thought processes so I won't feel suicidal anymore and can regain my mental health and then succeed in medical school. That's what we both want.

Good luck to you -- And please, please stick to the timeline you know is wisest -- the one that will enable you to succeed in school.

I could never tell my mom I am suicidal. Never. I'll see about anti-depressants. I will have to find a new counselor. Even if I get antidepressants, they won't kick in before the MCAT so I am going to have to study despite my issues. But maybe in a year I will be better with antidepressants. My mom won't let me take a year off I think. I think I have already signed a document saying I am applying in the 2019 cycle. I don't think it is possible. Also, she was worried that anti-depressants would make me suicidal, not counseling.

 

[DokterMom]

You can tell her the thought has crossed your mind and that you don't think you would -- You need to tell her that much at least. If you don't tell her that, how can she have the information she realistically needs to help you.

If you can't tell her in person, write her a letter. Hand it to her and leave for the day.

And NO, you do not need to apply now. What everyone here is trying to tell you is to STOP while you're still in great shape. Don't dig yourself into a hole by taking the MCAT while you're in a bad mental state. Don't apply now when your thinking isn't at its best. Imagine you receive an interview invitation from a great school but blow it because your self-esteem is lower than pond scum. (That will be a permanent rejection.) Or imagine you are accepted into your dream school but crack under pressure. Those are the worst case scenarios. And they're very real concerns.

So far, all of your "can'ts" are actually self-imposed (or self-enforced). None of them are incurable. Imagine if you had all the courage in the world and weren't afraid of what anyone else thinks. What would you do then? That's the right answer, and that's what you need to do.

 

[deleted922335]

You can tell her the thought has crossed your mind and that you don't think you would -- You need to tell her that much at least. If you don't tell her that, how can she have the information she realistically needs to help you.

If you can't tell her in person, write her a letter. Hand it to her and leave for the day.

And NO, you do not need to apply now. What everyone here is trying to tell you is to STOP while you're still in great shape. Don't dig yourself into a hole by taking the MCAT while you're in a bad mental state. Don't apply now when your thinking isn't at its best. Imagine you receive an interview invitation from a great school but blow it because your self-esteem is lower than pond scum. (That will be a permanent rejection.) Or imagine you are accepted into your dream school but crack under pressure. Those are the worst case scenarios. And they're very real concerns.

So far, all of your "can'ts" are actually self-imposed (or self-enforced). None of them are incurable. Imagine if you had all the courage in the world and weren't afraid of what anyone else thinks. What would you do then? That's the right answer, and that's what you need to do.

I've been told I interview well. I fake it in an interview. But I'll try to talk to her about anti-depressants today. I don't know what else to do.

 

[deleted922335]

Thank you all for your advice. I will take it all into heart. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

[deleted862527]

Hi. I am a Junior, about to take the MCAT and apply to medical school this summer. I have a really personal thing I wanted to get opinions on from other people. I have struggled with low self-esteem for a long time, since high school or maybe even middle school. In the past year and a half or so, something happened that is completely my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself for this and my inability to change myself. The point is, I met someone really special to me, and she changed everything. I really love this person. I can never be with her, and she is happy with someone else. I am happy for her, but for well over a year now my heart gets broken every single day, whether it is seeing them together or hearing about them or her just not really paying attention to me even as a friend. She is an amazing person and I constantly compare myself to her and always come up lacking. I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her. It has kind of ruined my hopes for being content, in that I won't have a happy family in my future, no experience with real love. I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad. I have developed depression over the past year and a half ( I think I had a period of depression in high school too), and I have recurring passive (as in I have no intent to commit) suicidal thoughts over this. I wish I wasn't alive every day. I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "get over it." I cannot seem to get closure, because I just love her so badly. What I want to know is, what is it like being a med student (saying I get accepted) when I have a mental illness? Will this affect me getting in, should I mention it to admissions people in an interview? Can I succeed in medical school? Thank you for any help and understanding. I know it can be a sensitive topic. Sorry for the long post. Thank you all.

In analyzing this post, you absolutely demonstrate the various cognitive distortions associated with depression.

Example: #1: ". I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her."
#2: "I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad."
#3: "'I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "'get over it'."

Due to the presence of your illness, it is not wise or appropriate to question your ability to handle medical school, as you are viewing everything through negative tunnel-vision, supported by distorted cognitive thoughts and irrationally-held beliefs.

Focus on developing and taking care of yourself. You cannot change the past, and no one is perfect. You may have made mistake(s) in your relationship in the past, but who the hell doesn't?

You need to learn to forgive yourself and love yourself first, before loving anyone else on this planet. You're worthy more than you think. Do not let depression suck the life out of you. You got this kid.

If you need to vent to anyone, message me.

 

[deleted922335]

Well my mom refused to let me get meds, and we had several massive arguments, and so I realize that I am alone in this and I am not gonna get better. She just yelled at me to get over it and it is my fault and I can choose to not feel bad anymore. Like it's a choice. Oh well, that screws me up. Thank you mom, for not being a mom.

 

[siliso]

You are incredibly young and heartbroken. There’s so much more time, even though you can’t see it now. Your mother is also not in charge of what kind of medical or psychosocial care you need or seek, and there are always ways to get what you need without involving your parent now that you’re of legal majority. It’s depression and defeatism telling you it’s impossible to get help or get past your current heartbreak, not reality.

Heartbroken people can also continue to live and pursue their goals. Maybe it will take a detour of painfully establishing your adult psycho emotional and financial independence, but it’s not and never hopeless.

 

[bbdylan87]

In analyzing this post, you absolutely demonstrate the various cognitive distortions associated with depression.

Example: #1: ". I do not think I am ever going to be able to love anyone else, because there is never going to be anyone else as awesome as her."
#2: "I want to be a doctor, but without that aspect of my life, it seems empty, lonely, and sad."
#3: "'I am finally trying to see a counselor, but it seems like it may just be up to me to "'get over it'."

Really????? OP clearly stated in his initial post that he is suffering from depression, you don't need to show the entire world that you know what depression is from your MCAT studying... Like why would you even include the first half of your post, it has no purpose in this thread and seems like typical pre-med excitement to me in that you found a few Sx that describe a particular illness.

 

[bbdylan87]

While I agree Matrix could have been a bit more tactful about it, recognizing your own cognitive distortions when you have them is a big part of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a mainstay of depression treatment. In fact, therapists will often point out these distortions to their patients during sessions. So perhaps that was Matrix's intent rather than just showing off.

While that may be what s/he wanted to convey, it unfortunately is not how it appears. It just doesn't sound effective or even helpful when a random person off of a forum says "I've critically analyzed all the Freudian slips you've made in your post and would have to say you clearly show signs of depression." OP did not ask us to counsel him in any way which is why I made the comment

 

[deleted922335]

You are incredibly young and heartbroken. There’s so much more time, even though you can’t see it now. Your mother is also not in charge of what kind of medical or psychosocial care you need or seek, and there are always ways to get what you need without involving your parent now that you’re of legal majority. It’s depression and defeatism telling you it’s impossible to get help or get past your current heartbreak, not reality.

Heartbroken people can also continue to live and pursue their goals. Maybe it will take a detour of painfully establishing your adult psycho emotional and financial independence, but it’s not and never hopeless.

You don't understand, I am financially tied to her. We have no health insurance, so everything must be paid out of pocket, and I don't own my own car so I have no way of getting them without her knowing.

 

[deleted862527]

While that may be what s/he wanted to convey, it unfortunately is not how it appears. It just doesn't sound effective or even helpful when a random person off of a forum says "I've critically analyzed all the Freudian slips you've made in your post and would have to say you clearly show signs of depression." OP did not ask us to counsel him in any way which is why I made the comment

The point of my statement was so the OP can recognize the distortions in his own statement. It's for him to realize that his current thinking is the result of a depression and although his worthlessness feels very real to him, it's important for him to realize that you never make career significant changes in your life while suffering from a depressive episode since his perception of something does not accurately resemble reality. It's not mean t o'

I did not learn this for the MCAT, I learned it from a CBT book that I use for myself because I suffer from depression as well. So don't you dare make assumptions about me because you have no idea who I am.

In regards to the poster who said I should have been more sensitive in regards to the OP, I was. I claimed the poster should begin to love himself, his value, etc.

Seriously I am beginning to believe some posters just want to pick a fight.

 

[deleted922335]

Your mom does not need to give you permission to get meds. Talk to your counselor, primary care doctor, etc. about resources for uninsured people in your area - Easter Seals, free clinics, your college, etc. There ARE other options out there that do not require your mother's approval. And even if for some reason you can't get meds, you can continue with counseling and keep working through things that way.

My counselor referred me to a psychiatrist where I could, but I still have no insurance nor any money to pay the cheap fee, and I have no transportation of my own so I would not be able to get there without her knowing. She would ask me where I was going. I am financially tied to my mom. And she holds "sacrificing" for my future over my head all the time. Like, that is what a parent is supposed to do, you can't make me feel guilty for not bending to your wants. But that is not for this feed....

 

[deleted922335]

guys, Matrix207 did not upset me nor offend me, nothing that he said was wrong. it is ok

 

[deleted922335]

I am just scared now because I do not know what to do....I don't want to ruin my future over this....I really wanna succeed. I feel trapped by all this.

 

[deleted922335]

Then stop getting financial support from your mom. Your mental health is more important than any amount of money you are getting from her. See if you can get a job with benefits or any job at all, get insurance or health services through your school, get on Medicaid, etc. There are tons of resources out there for free or low cost healthcare and mental health care. Many will help with transportation as well, or just take the bus or have a friend drive you. I can almost guarantee you that your college campus has a doctor on campus or close by they partner with to provide healthcare to students, so that can minimize the transportation issue too.

There are ways to make this work, and I hope you can recognize that it's your depression, not reality, telling you it's impossible to get the help you need. I know cutting financial ties with your mom is much easier said than done, but you are an adult and there are tons of people your age who handle things on their own, mental health issues and all.

I do not know how pre-med students cope with the stress and a job on top of that. That is why I do not have one, because my GPA would take a hit on top of all the extra-curriculars and service required of us. My issue is that my counselor referred me to a place in my home town, off-campus, so I do not know how I would get there. There is no bus that I am aware of, and my mom would not let me out of the house if I tried to leave. Like, I cannot really play the "adult" card. I am not really an adult :/. Especially in her eyes. I do not know how to oppose her. I don't even know if she would let me get a job, even after the MCAT, especially if she knew it was just to pay for meds. It is not as easy as you say to just go against her. And it would cause a huge rift between us, and I would lost my main pillar of support. I would have nothing left if she cut me off, I do not know how I would get back to school. Like you say, I would have to get some sort of job, but at risk of ruining my grades and then I do not get into med school. I cannot wait for when I am independent of her though. She has attachment issues of her own and had never let her "baby" go even into college. It is so stifling an annoying. But that is a whole nother set of issues in our relationship and for her. It makes things super super difficult when your parent is not really your friend. I don't mean to make excuses, I hear what you are saying, it is just that the reality of it is that it would really throw a cog into things worse than they already are.

 

[deleted922335]

I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it sounds like it would make a big difference for your mental health. You need to decide if it's worth it.

You can take a break from your extracurriculars and community service to prioritize your mental health. Ask if your counselor can refer you to somewhere closer, or if there are any resources for transportation available. Ask a friend you trust if they can drive you. Schedule your appointments between classes, right after classes on your way home, etc. Find a friend or other relative to stay with. Take out loans or see if you can get scholarship money to move into the dorms on campus. You have so, so many options here. None of them are easy, but you are not stuck in your current situation.

during the semester I do live on campus away from home. My mom knows and payed for my previous appointments. It is just getting meds...and deceiving her....it is all so risky. and cutting her out of my life will not only crush her but I do think it will ruin my chances of success. That is my fear.

 

[bbdylan87]

I did not learn this for the MCAT, I learned it from a CBT book that I use for myself because I suffer from depression as well. So don't you dare make assumptions about me because you have no idea who I am.

Kid, 16 million people in the US alone suffer from depression, I am one of them as well, so now you made yourself look even worse. Not only were you exploiting OP's original post, but now you are using your own illness as an excuse for how you acted, insinuating that it is appropriate for you to say the things you did because you "have" the same illness. Stop acting like you're special or that you have some sort of entitlement because you have this illness. OP needs to see a doctor or therapist, and this thread should have been closed a long time ago. Online forums are not the place for OP, in fact, it could make his illness worse as he might encounter posters like you that pick apart every detail of his posts and throws it back at him as if he doesn't have enough to deal with. Way to go champ

 

[deleted922335]

Kid, 16 million people in the US alone suffer from depression, I am one of them as well, so now you made yourself look even worse. Not only were you exploiting OP's original post, but now you are using your own illness as an excuse for how you acted, insinuating that it is appropriate for you to say the things you did because you "have" the same illness. Stop acting like you're special or that you have some sort of entitlement because you have this illness. OP needs to see a doctor or therapist, and this thread should have been closed a long time ago. Online forums are not the place for OP, in fact, it could make his illness worse as he might encounter posters like you that pick apart every detail of his posts and throws it back at him as if he doesn't have enough to deal with. Way to go champ

Matrix did not upset me. Really. It is ok. I really appreciate all the advice I have been given. I already see a counselor. My mom just won't let me go to the psychiatrist

 

[deleted862527]

Kid, 16 million people in the US alone suffer from depression, I am one of them as well, so now you made yourself look even worse. Not only were you exploiting OP's original post, but now you are using your own illness as an excuse for how you acted, insinuating that it is appropriate for you to say the things you did because you "have" the same illness. Stop acting like you're special or that you have some sort of entitlement because you have this illness. OP needs to see a doctor or therapist, and this thread should have been closed a long time ago. Online forums are not the place for OP, in fact, it could make his illness worse as he might encounter posters like you that pick apart every detail of his posts and throws it back at him as if he doesn't have enough to deal with. Way to go champ

I made myself look worse? "Kid", take a look in the mirror. Your sentiment makes absolutely no sense. In no way, shape or form, did I exploit the OP. I am not a licensed Psychiatrist or therapist, and therefore to actually exploit something from this scenario I would actually have to gain something. If you seriously think that's 'pride', then you are delusional. I don't need to counsel others online to determine my worth.

Do you seriously irrationally believe my intention(s) was to hurt the OP? Did you not read the rest of my original post how I advised the OP to love himself and take care of himself?
Good luck on the CARS. You're going to need it and quit jumping to erroneous conclusions.

Seriously the only people that are offended by my post is everyone else except the OP.

Let it go, goodness gracious.

 

[deleted922335]

ALSO, does anyone have any tips on actually learning and remembering the info in the books? I am using Kaplan right now, and I read the books, take notes while I do it, do the examples, read over the notes, look at flashcards a friend of mine made on quizlet who got a 518, my own flashcards, and then do the MC questions as the end, then move on to the next chapter. The problem is, this is a very slow process. Do y'all know of a more time efficient way to do content review?

 

[bbdylan87]

Good luck on the CARS. You're going to need it and quit jumping to erroneous conclusions.

thanks man, at least CARS is the least weighted section in ADCOMs eyes. You apparently have only studied depression so good luck on the behavioral section