More difficult as an intern: Being pregnant or having an infant/toddler?

[CyberKnife19]

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Here's our situation: when my wife is an intern (in Psychiatry with inpatient responsibilities for all 12 months, but there is night float so she won't have to stay overnight) I will be in my first year of Radiation Oncology. RadOnc is nice b/c it is a pretty set schedule (~7:30-5:00 with about 2 hours of studying per day) and so we could certainly utilize day care if we had an infant.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated from anyone who has been pregnant or had an infant/toddler as an intern. We are trying to compile a pros/cons list of each respective option (have a baby in the spring of her MS-IV year or in the spring of her intern year).

Thank you very much for all of those who contribute.

 

[gutonc]

Here's our situation: when my wife is an intern (in Psychiatry with inpatient responsibilities for all 12 months, but there is night float so she won't have to stay overnight) I will be in my first year of Radiation Oncology. RadOnc is nice b/c it is a pretty set schedule (~7:30-5:00 with about 2 hours of studying per day) and so we could certainly utilize day care if we had an infant.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated from anyone who has been pregnant or had an infant/toddler as an intern. We are trying to compile a pros/cons list of each respective option (have a baby in the spring of her MS-IV year or in the spring of her intern year).

Thank you very much for all of those who contribute.

Wait. Not until spring of intern year, more like spring of your first or 2nd years out of residency. Assuming you're not both pushing 40 (as my wife and I were when we had our daughter at the end of my intern year), you have time to wait.

Residency is tough. Pregnancy is tough. Parenting is tough. If you don't have to pile them all on top of each other, why do it?

That said, I think it would be a lot harder to have an infant as an intern than to be pregnant (says the man). I know a surgery resident whose water broke (at term) in the middle of a case. (I wish I could have seen the look on the scrub nurse's face when the sterile field was broken.)

I also know one resident and one fellow who went into premature pre-term labor mid-2nd trimester and were on bed-rest for the last 12 weeks of their pregnancies...both were in the last year of training and both had to extend their programs. So I know it's not a walk in the park.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I know a surgery resident whose water broke (at term) in the middle of a case. (I wish I could have seen the look on the scrub nurse's face when the sterile field was broken.)

Sorry, but I found this funny. Was the resident standing on top of the patient? How on earth did her water breaking contaminate the field? Last time I checked, you weren't sterile downwind of mid-chest anyway.

 

[peppy]

I don't have kids, but I have been an intern, and I think you'd probably be better off trying for spring of intern year. By spring of internship your wife will have a good idea of what's expected and will have learned some coping mechanisms to make things easier at work before taking on the new challenges of the kid.
Being pregnant during a surgical internship sounds nightmarish, but the vast majority of psych programs are not going to be like that.

 

[dotdash]

The best advice you've gotten is to wait longer, until internship year is over. Being pregnant and having an infant are both intense experiences (wonderful and difficult), best experienced when you have the time and energy to appreciate them, not squeezed in to otherwise stressful lives.

That being said, babies are WAAAAAYYYYY harder than pregnancies. More stressful, more awake at night, more sick and having to be taken to the doctor, more guilt-provoking, more worrying, more destroying of your desire to do other things.

Big picture, though: however the timing works out, have a joyful and loving time with each other and the baby, and best wishes.

 

[Doc Oc]

Have the baby while in med school. Take a year off. Then go to internship. Psych isn't very competitive. I've done both. I had a baby after graduation, took TWO years off, started FP residency. Now I'm in my last year, had another baby, and feel like I get no time with her. I see her awake for maybe an hour a day on week days, and have to pump all the time at work. Being pregnant as a resident is harder than if you're not pregnant, but not a big deal if you and your pregnancy are healthy. I don't see how it will be easier after residency. You're both still doctors. Plus, you might want more than one kid.

 

[jdh71]

RadOnc is nice b/c it is a pretty set schedule (~7:30-5:00 with about 2 hours of studying per day)

Sounds rough . . .

<--- Hater

Here's the question: is there ever a good time to have a kid? I don't know, and I'm not one of those anti-kid nazis either. I've got one and he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

So it's obviously going to be harder to actually have the little, live human being in the world, because infants seem to require a lot of attention with feeding and changing diapers and bull**** 🙄 So, if you can't afford a nanny, this means you and daycare will be providing this service. The good news is that you will have amazingly awesome hours as a resident, so daycare should not be too big of an issue . . . in theory. Finding the right one and one that will take your child at 4-6 months when your wife's maternity leave dries up may be an issue. Ask around. See who people use, go with recommendations ONLY - word of mouth.

Good luck. 🙂

 

[dragonfly99]

Ummm...I don't have any kids yet. I think I vote for waiting until her 2nd year of residency, if possible. I haven't done a psych residency but my impression is that the calls get better when you are an upper level resident. Being an intern kind of sucks, even if it's in psych.

 

[lyn2006]

I just had a baby during fourth year of medical school and this timing is great - if I didn't have to start internship I'd say it was perfect 🙂. I think that there's probably no great time to have kids and one attending told me that the first time the thought "we should have kids" crosses your lips just try then. If you think about it too much you'll realize there's no good time. Best of luck!

 

[Eta Carinae]

Sounds rough . . .

<--- Hater

Here's the question: is there ever a good time to have a kid? I don't know, and I'm not one of those anti-kid nazis either. I've got one and he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

So it's obviously going to be harder to actually have the little, live human being in the world, because infants seem to require a lot of attention with feeding and changing diapers and bull**** 🙄 So, if you can't afford a nanny, this means you and daycare will be providing this service. The good news is that you will have amazingly awesome hours as a resident, so daycare should not be too big of an issue . . . in theory. Finding the right one and one that will take your child at 4-6 months when your wife's maternity leave dries up may be an issue. Ask around. See who people use, go with recommendations ONLY - word of mouth.

Good luck. 🙂

I could read that statement over and over.

That statement like made my month.

Many of my friends and family members in medicine have used different approaches wrt starting a family in residency.

1. My uncle and his wife, both MDs, trained in the UK. They started having kids before residency began. So intern year, both were shuffling care of their first infant and training duties. they/I would advise against it.

2. Another family member and her husband (both surgical residents- ortho and plastics) waited until PGY2 years to start having kids. They had very creative solutions to their work hour troubles, though. Her husband would bring the little gem over to the call room for feedings during call, they did as much to arrange their schedules in tandem etc. And they used family members' help extensively. I mean they booked me, my parents and siblings frequently (pleasure for me ) several nights/weekends a year in advance.

3. A close friend with 2 little ones at home (5 and 7 y/o) had #3 as a PGY3 and she insists it was significantly easier than doing it as a PGY1- she strongly recommends not starting a family PGY1. Her advantage was a (non-MD) spouse with regular and predictable hours.

4. Another family member also with a non-MD husband had her baby before residency. And so she started residency fully equipped with breast milk pumps, portable storage equipment, backpack and a PLAN. She pumped q4hr I believe and it was doable for her as an intern mostly because she was PATH and had predictable hours. Instead of paying for childcare, her husband stayed home. She successfully breastfed for a year and kept her child at home for a year also. Now she uses daycare and family for childcare as her husband has returned to work.

Take home points (and a plan I intend to use):
i. PGY1 is doable for pregnancy, but not for newborns/infants (a non-issue for you guys, I suppose).

ii. Use family members extensively, if that luxury is available. I remain skeptical about giving a really young child over to daycare unless it's 1-to-1 or 2-to-1 at the very most

iii. PLAN in advance (a year in advance if possible)- schedules, pumps/storage, budget for childcare as needed etc.

iv. Enjoy it! I eagerly await the joy of starting my own family. And Children are a joy!

All the best 😉

 

[CyberKnife19]

Thank you very much for all of those who have offered your advice as it is greatly appreciated (especially Eta...great post!)

While there is no "perfect time", I think that having a baby in the spring of intern year is better than having an infant/toddler while trying to become acclimated as an intern. Somebody had mentioned that we should wait until later (after residency), but my wife is not too keen on that idea as she will be 30 years old if we wait until the spring of her intern year. This would be a non-issue if we were only planning on having one child, but we are hoping that the good Lord will bless us with three children.

Thanks again for taking the time to contribute and we would greatly appreciate any further thoughts/opinions/insight that anyone may have. 🙂

 

[Gastrapathy]

Thank you very much for all of those who have offered your advice as it is greatly appreciated (especially Eta...great post!)

While there is no "perfect time", I think that having a baby in the spring of intern year is better than having an infant/toddler while trying to become acclimated as an intern. Somebody had mentioned that we should wait until later (after residency), but my wife is not too keen on that idea as she will be 30 years old if we wait until the spring of her intern year. This would be a non-issue if we were only planning on having one child, but we are hoping that the good Lord will bless us with three children.

Thanks again for taking the time to contribute and we would greatly appreciate any further thoughts/opinions/insight that anyone may have. 🙂

aupaircare.com

Great option, especially when you have more than one. The flexibility is what makes this so much better than a typical nanny/daycare deal.

There is no good time so I'd try earlier than later. Never know how long it will take. Be prepared for your wife to decide she wants to stay home despite her high-powered career. May not happen, but she wouldn't be the first among women who never dreamed they would consider it.

 

[DrArete]

.

 

[ResidentMD]

How about not have kids?

That's my solution.

The number of people I know in messy divorces is scary.

Also, there's a lot to be said for being able to travel and live your own life.

Not exactly a population shortage in the world, but to each his own.

This advice is on the same lines of :

"Should I do bench research or clinical research?"
"Why not not do any research at all?"

OR

"Should I do an MD or an MD-PhD?"
"Why not avoid going to med school altogether?"

🙄

 

[Eta Carinae]

This advice is on the same lines of :

"Should I do bench research or clinical research?"
"Why not not do any research at all?"

OR

"Should I do an MD or an MD-PhD?"
"Why not avoid going to med school altogether?"

🙄

HA HA Nice,

Or for someone like me who lives close to where I work:

"Should I bike or drive in today?"
"I just won't go."

 

[tootsweet]

I'd plan to have the baby at the end of 4th year and take a year off before internship to be with baby. My husband and I are both physicians and that's how we arranged it. We were lucky that things worked out perfectly. My husband is finishing up internship and will start his residency in radiology and I'll be starting in FP in June.

Classmates of mine who had babies 4th year were very stressed having to start internship immediately. Many of them (all) couldn't maintain breasfeeding.

PM me with any questions. Although I graduated with my class, I remained technically enrolled so I could deffer loans.

If you decide to have the baby as a student, I'd apply for medicaid as soon as possible. Although I had full med student insurance (~$3,000.00/yr), we just got saddled with $4,000.00+ (above and beyond what Aetna paid) of out-of- pocket expenses. This is after 8 mos of fighting with the insurance company when they refused to cover any costs as they stated my pregnancy was a pre-existing condition. Total delivery costs were over $10,000 and I never even had an IV...just showed up at 9cm and had baby 1 hr later. Baby never even spend a minute in the nursery. We had planned everything down to the last detail except for the cost of the birth. A more sensible thing would have been to bypass insurance all together and go directly on Medicaid from the get go.

 

[Eta Carinae]

I'd plan to have the baby at the end of 4th year and take a year off before internship to be with baby. My husband and I are both physicians and that's how we arranged it. We were lucky that things worked out perfectly. My husband is finishing up internship and will start his residency in radiology and I'll be starting in FP in June.

This is honestly probably the best way to go 👍 IMO

Although I had full med student insurance (~$3,000.00/yr), we just got saddled with $4,000.00+ (above and beyond what Aetna paid) of out-of- pocket expenses. This is after 8 mos of fighting with the insurance company when they refused to cover any costs as they stated my pregnancy was a pre-existing condition. Total delivery costs were over $10,000 and I never even had an IV...just showed up at 9cm and had baby 1 hr later. Baby never even spend a minute in the nursery. We had planned everything down to the last detail except for the cost of the birth. A more sensible thing would have been to bypass insurance all together and go directly on Medicaid from the get go.

😱

 

[StanleyCup7]

It sounds like it would be great to take a year off between medical school and residency, but who can afford to do that? I guess people that go to state schools, are independently wealthy or who have parents that pay a significant portion of their tuition.

If the OP and his wife go to a private school, they could be looking at $500,000 in debt ($250K each) at a lovely 6.8-8.5% interest rate...OUCH! So, the wife would not be making the intern salary ($45K is not great, but its better than nothing), but more importantly she will be one year further removed from making the salary of an attending physician. Anybody else have any thoughts?

 

[NYRN]

When to have kids is a personal decision, but I would agree with the others here who say that waiting until PGY2 would be easier. By then you will get to know people throughout the hospital, see how they do it, and get used to the type of schedule you will have.

Although I am not an MD nor do I have kids, I can tell you what a lot of my resident MD friends do. If the hospital has housing there will be stay at home spouses (usually wives) of your resident collegues who are willing to babysit for some extra cash, they usually have small kids of thier own. It will be easier for you as well because you don't have to go all over the place to drop off/pick up the child if you live in the housing or if the housing is close to the hospital.

I wish you the best of luck in your residency.

 

[CyberKnife19]

Shameless bump. I appreciate all of the advice...anyone else care to contribute? 🙂

 

[tootsweet]

It sounds like it would be great to take a year off between medical school and residency, but who can afford to do that? I guess people that go to state schools, are independently wealthy or who have parents that pay a significant portion of their tuition.

If the OP and his wife go to a private school, they could be looking at $500,000 in debt ($250K each) at a lovely 6.8-8.5% interest rate...OUCH! So, the wife would not be making the intern salary ($45K is not great, but its better than nothing), but more importantly she will be one year further removed from making the salary of an attending physician. Anybody else have any thoughts?

Yes, finances were a big concern for us as well. For my year off, although my degree indicates that I graduated with my class, I remained technically enrolled until Dec. of the year after grad so I could deffer my loans and obtain more financial aid. I took out a residency relocation loan for the spring semester.

We've lived frugally over the past year..mainly on my husbands intern salary. The extra debt we took on was worth it for us as it allowed me to adjust to motherhood...and support my partner through his intern year. Moreover, no daycare, formula costs (BTW- organic formula will run ya $27/wk 😱) and cloth diapering (why not? I had the time) meant we could squeak by. We got a good tax return because of our low salary and, although I didn't use it, we're eligible for WIC and other assistance because of the low income.

Taking an extra year has set us back financially but for us, it was totally worth it...I was extremely skeptical at first and wanted to start internship immediately but I'm so happy (100 times over) that I took this year off. I will never regret it. I have the whole rest of my life to make money and work off my debt but I will never regain that year with baby. The first few months are very hard..people without kids have no clue. This year off has enabled me to get back into shape and adjust to a new life. Moreover, working as a stay-at-home mom for a year has made me realize how just how much I need to work outside of the home.. for my own sanity. That definitely wouldn't have been the case had I started internship with a newborn.