More inspiration for the single girl

[Smilemaker100]

This is another thread which has been inspired by my previous one entitled :
" For Snowwhite and all broken hearted women."

I am assuming that the women reading this thread are single or have recently had their hearts broken. I thought I would add some additional perspectives on the celebration of one's "singlehood". I am adding more "food for thought" because a few women on this forum found my writing to be inspirational...this is for them...some people will think that what I write is f**ked up for it is against the cultural norm...And my reply in defense?
"Women have been fed too many lies by society for far too long."

Life is too short to mourn over romances that never took full fruition. Personally speaking, there was someone I loved very very deeply and he died trajically two years ago. He was everything I ever wanted in a man- a genius with a heart of gold- linguist, philosopher, musician,spiritual seeker but above all he believed in the innate goodness of people. The fact that human beings could be so cruel to each other caused him great anguish. His efforts to confront and defeat the evil in the world lead him to work with children in promoting world peace. He was a beacon of light and hope for the world...I will always remember the last line in his obituary:" In his honor, we ask you to "pay it forward"-do a loving deed for a stranger with the only expectation that they too"pay it forward". In this way his work and hopes will live on."

When I went to his grave, I "woke up to my life". I was so glad that I had one last talk with him before he died...I thank God for that moment. When I went to his grave , I placed two white roses...which represented the pure and innocent love I felt for him . That same day, I made my own imaginary burial plot where I symbolically "emptied" my mind's romantic delusions or foolish girlish ideas of romantic love. I came to realize that desiring a man was a challenge I had to surpass and that once I was free of this desire I would become free of my fear of not having my heart's desire. Desire is a source of distraction -distraction from finding true peace and joy. The challenge is still there...it's ongoing but I know that with faith and will power that I will be released from this suffering of desire for there are other ways of finding fulfillment.

It is just torment to hope and hope! One must live! Hoping is not living! Doing something or working is living! Laughing is living! Society feeds girls with too many fairy tales. Women out there have to realize that one can have a life despite having no boyfriend/husband! The most important "significant other" is God- it is the primordial relationship we have from the moment we are born till death and after- it is superior to any love a man can give.

When boys in high school used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, for some reason I joked that I wanted to join a nunnery- just to see their reaction...I got a kick out of that ! But I think some jokes have some grain of truth...maybe it was a premonition. Now I realize that I am married to my "cause"..to be philanthropic, a healer and an artist. The challenge is to give and give without expecting to receive...for giving is an act in which one does actually receive indirectly though it isn't obvious- for the universe returns and distributes accordingly to those that have given- you mostly receive in the form of peace and love that fills your soul.

It's not good for women to complain when they don't have the man they desire. One should be satisfied for all the things one already has...friends,family, and one's health. It's not good to complain because you may be punished. Yearning badly for something can consume you. One must not depend on someone else for happiness. One must not search for peace and comfort in the arms of a man. One must never be weak before a man no matter how much you yearn him. For desire is a monster that will devour your soul. This monster will keep you awake at night and trick your mind into believing that you aren't a WHOLE woman because you are single.


You can't force people to love you. All you can do is breathe in and exhale out the spirit. The greatest challenge a woman faces is to summon the strength to overcome the weakest of human emotions-desire-the strength to let go of romantic delusions- strength to be oneself- strength to accept the inevitable human death and to love without expecting love. To die to each day because we are only given one day at a time...tomorrow is promised to no one.

So love through your work, love through your creativity , love through the relationships with your friends and family, love through your faith...and when you love in this way, you will find peace and joy...whether or not there is this so called "significant other"...don't look for it or expect it...just live passionately - breathe every second passionately in whatever you do.

"FAITH SEES THE INVISIBLE, BELIEVES THE INCREDIBLE AND RECEIVES THE IMPOSSIBLE"

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[a_student]

This is another thread which has been inspired by my previous one entitled :
" For Snowwhite and all broken hearted women."

I am assuming that the women reading this thread are single or have recently had their hearts broken. I thought I would add some additional perspectives on the celebration of one's "singlehood". I am adding more "food for thought" because a few women on this forum found my writing to be inspirational...this is for them...some people will think that what I write is f**ked up for it is against the cultural norm...And my reply in defense?
"Women have been fed too many lies by society for far too long."

Life is too short to mourn over romances that never took full fruition. Personally speaking, there was someone I loved very very deeply and he died trajically two years ago. He was everything I ever wanted in a man- a genius with a heart of gold- linguist, philosopher, musician,spiritual seeker but above all he believed in the innate goodness of people. The fact that human beings could be so cruel to each other caused him great anguish. His efforts to confront and defeat the evil in the world lead him to work with children in promoting world peace. He was a beacon of light and hope for the world...I will always remember the last line in his obituary:" In his honor, we ask you to "pay it forward"-do a loving deed for a stranger with the only expectation that they too"pay it forward". In this way his work and hopes will live on."

When I went to his grave, I "woke up to my life". I was so glad that I had one last talk with him before he died...I thank God for that moment. When I went to his grave , I placed two white roses...which represented the pure and innocent love I felt for him . That same day, I made my own imaginary burial plot where I symbolically "emptied" my mind's romantic delusions or foolish girlish ideas of romantic love. I came to realize that desiring a man was a challenge I had to surpass and that once I was free of this desire I would become free of my fear of not having my heart's desire. Desire is a source of distraction -distraction from finding true peace and joy. The challenge is still there...it's ongoing but I know that with faith and will power that I will be released from this suffering of desire for there are other ways of finding fulfillment.

It is just torment to hope and hope! One must live! Hoping is not living! Doing something or working is living! Laughing is living! Society feeds girls with too many fairy tales. Women out there have to realize that one can have a life despite having no boyfriend/husband! The most important "significant other" is God- it is the primordial relationship we have from the moment we are born till death and after- it is superior to any love a man can give.

When boys in high school used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, for some reason I joked that I wanted to join a nunnery- just to see their reaction...I got a kick out of that ! But I think some jokes have some grain of truth...maybe it was a premonition. Now I realize that I am married to my "cause"..to be philanthropic, a healer and an artist. The challenge is to give and give without expecting to receive...for giving is an act in which one does actually receive indirectly though it isn't obvious- for the universe returns and distributes accordingly to those that have given- you mostly receive in the form of peace and love that fills your soul.

It's not good for women to complain when they don't have the man they desire. One should be satisfied for all the things one already has...friends,family, and one's health. It's not good to complain because you may be punished. Yearning badly for something can consume you. One must not depend on someone else for happiness. One must not search for peace and comfort in the arms of a man. One must never be weak before a man no matter how much you yearn him. For desire is a monster that will devour your soul. This monster will keep you awake at night and trick your mind into believing that you aren't a WHOLE woman because you are single.


You can't force people to love you. All you can do is breathe in and exhale out the spirit. The greatest challenge a woman faces is to summon the strength to overcome the weakest of human emotions-desire-the strength to let go of romantic delusions- strength to be oneself- strength to accept the inevitable human death and to love without expecting love. To die to each day because we are only given one day at a time...tomorrow is promised to no one.

So love through your work, love through your creativity , love through the relationships with your friends and family, love through your faith...and when you love in this way, you will find peace and joy...whether or not there is this so called "significant other"...don't look for it or expect it...just live passionately - breathe every second passionately in whatever you do.

"FAITH SEES THE INVISIBLE, BELIEVES THE INCREDIBLE AND RECEIVES THE IMPOSSIBLE"

-sounds like you need some romance =)
-sucks about the guy you liked, ever think thats partially why your so bitter
-hey single guys in medschool don't have it all that good either, most of them are the shy type that don't have the guts to go up to girls, and they spend their 20's studying instead of going to the bars
-on another note, i'm curious why us guys are so superficial and what we could do to be less so?

 

[Smilemaker100]

-sounds like you need some romance =)
-sucks about the guy you liked, ever think thats partially why your so bitter
-hey single guys in medschool don't have it all that good either, most of them are the shy type that don't have the guts to go up to girls, and they spend their 20's studying instead of going to the bars
-on another note, i'm curious why us guys are so superficial and what we could do to be less so?

I hope you don't feel insulted when I tell you this but I think what you are really upset about and what most men can't stand about me is the fact that I am happy despite being single...men want a woman who worship the ground the walk on...I can't stand men like that. Men can't stand seeing a woman leading a full life -being satisfied with her career, having hobbies and having an absolute splendid time! They want to have a woman who is miserable without their company- whose whole universe revolves around them...I have been there and done that...and never will again...for I have grown past that stage- I have matured. That type of behavior is too adolescent like.

I am not bitter...I am just realistic. I have found happiness in my career and all those other "little things" in my life...my artistic career which I am resuming ...the thrill of performing music , the thrill of producing a painting, the thrill of reading poetry and feeling elated, the thrill of meeting new people from all walks of life, the thrill I had when I used to go for walks with my now deceased dog, the thrill of spending time laughing and reminscing with old friends and family, the thrill of picking up apples from the apple trees in the fall, the thrill of tobagonning in the winter, the thrill of ice skating over a frozen lake, the thrill of behaving like a kid- and not giving a s**t what people think- making sand castles and other sculptures on the beach, making angels in the snow and going on the swings in the parks,the thrill of making snowmen, the thrill of driving in the countryside with the windows rolled down and singing aloud to my favorite tunes, the thrill I feel after a good swim, the thrill of rollerbladding by the watershore, the thrill of going out dancing with friends and many other things.

That boy who died was exceptional and his type are very rare to come by these days-a genius with a heart of gold-...most men are so superficial-he wasn't. I am not desparate like most women- I am not going to date any loser off the street...once I analyze someone closely and realize they have some sort of decency/humanity besides feeling physically attracted to them, I may be interested. And I am not necessarily interested in someone because they are also in the health professions. The guys I have dated were never in the health fields. No way in hell will I ask a guy for a date! There is no such a thing as a shy guy, if a man is madly in love with a woman he'll find his way of approaching the girl. I am pretty traditional in that sense. You have to read my other thread ,"For snow white and the broken hearted women" to understand the traditional "Rules" I go by. I know I am difficult but if one isn't , one gets entangled with too many problematic men.

I think men are mostly superficial when they are young. Don't worry there is hope for you. I think men do grow up at some point and realize that there is more to a woman then long blond hair, large heavily lashed blue eyes,a pair of large hooteers, an hourglass figure and long shapely legs. There is nothing wrong with feeling attracted to a good looking girl...what is wrong is not loving a woman for her other qualities...knowing her mind and soul. It is wrong when a man doesn't take the time to get to know a woman before sleeping with her. It is wrong when a man doesn't let a woman be an independent human being.

 

[relatively prime]

-on another note, i'm curious why us guys are so superficial and what we could do to be less so?

Maybe try adopting a different (more broad) standard of beauty. Sometimes I think guys define "attractive" as only what's show on TV and in the media as attractive... or you just have your own very narrow definitions. I think you guys should broaden your ideas of what is beautiful. The more women you can see as beautiful, the more likely you'll end up with one.

 

[relatively prime]

I hope you don't feel insulted when I tell you this but I think what you are really upset about and what most men can't stand about me is the fact that I am happy despite being single...men want a woman who worship the ground the walk on...I can't stand men like that. Men can't stand seeing a woman leading a full life -being satisfied with her career, having hobbies and having an absolute splendid time! They want to have a woman who is miserable without their company- whose whole universe revolves around them...I have been there and done that...and never will again...for I have grown past that stage- I have matured. That type of behavior is too adolescent like.

.

I don't know about that... I think it's the nature of guys to want to feel needed. But there's a big difference between a woman who needs her man and a needy woman. Most guys I know don't like needy woman, but they still want a woman who needs them... not neccessarily to be happy or fulfilled... but to need him as her man (as a need by itself).

 

[relatively prime]

That boy who died was exceptional and his type are very rare to come by these days-a genius with a heart of gold-...most men are so superficial-he wasn't. .

You know what's funny? I know a guy who sounds so much like this guy (into philosophy, music, really kind, not superficial, etc...). He turned out to be gay actually. It was pretty funny because when I finally confessed I liked him he was like "why didn't you ever tell me?" and I was like "I thought you wouldn't like me because I was chubbly back then." He started laughing and was like "what?! no way!!" lol

 

[Smilemaker100]

I don't know about that... I think it's the nature of guys to want to feel needed. But there's a big difference between a woman who needs her man and a needy woman. Most guys I know don't like needy woman, but they still want a woman who needs them... not neccessarily to be happy or fulfilled... but to need him as her man (as a need by itself).

Yes, sure a man wants to feel needed...so do women. At the beginning you shouldn't give too much importance to a man though- not until you are sure how he feels about you. I do like the idea of a paternalistic type of relationship which is also sort of fiery like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara. I do like feeling kind of babied and kind of fathered by a guy...taken care of...but that's only when it is a long term relationship. Time reveals the true nature of things.

Despite being an independent woman, it is still nice to have a man who will watch over you...but like I said, you can't desire it or yearn for it...it happens or it doesn't...so one must go living and being happy with whatever life gives on one's plate.

"All truths wait in all things,
They neither hasten their own delivery nor resist it,
They do not need the obstetric forceps of the surgeon,
The insignificant is as big as to me as any,
Logic and sermons never convince,
The damp of the night drives deeper into my soul.

I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.

One world is aware and by far the largest to me, and that is myself,
And whether I come to my own to-day or in ten thousand or ten million years,
I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness I can wait.

I am the poet of the Body and I am the poet of the Soul,
The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me,
The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue.

I am he that walks with the tender and growing night.
I call to the earth and sea half-held by the night.

I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least,
Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself.

Why should I wish to see God better than this day?
I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass,
I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign'd by God's name,
And I leave them where they are , for I know that where-soe'er I go,
Others will punctually come for ever and ever.

Smile O voluptuous cool-breath'd earth!
Earth of the slumbering and liquid trees!
Earth of the departed sunset-earth of the mountains misty-topt!
Earth of the vitreous pour of the full moon just tinged with blue!
Earth of shine and dark mottling the tide of the river!
Earth of the limpid gray of clouds brighter and clearer for my sake!
Far-swooping elbow'd earth-rich apple-blossom'd earth!
Smile for your lover comes.

Prodigal, you have given me love-therefore I to you give love!
O unspeakable passionate love."
- excerpts of "Song of Myself" from Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass"

 

[relatively prime]

What's wrong with desiring it? Don't take this the wrong way... but I think you're trying too hard to convince yourself you shouldn't want or long for a man. I think what you want is to not obsess about it. But it's perfectly ok and healthy to want (and even long) for an intimate life partner.

You're right that wanting and longing won't make it so... but it's still ok to want and long. (just not obsess)

 

[Smilemaker100]

What's wrong with desiring it? Don't take this the wrong way... but I think you're trying too hard to convince yourself you shouldn't want or long for a man. I think what you want is to not obsess about it. But it's perfectly ok and healthy to want (and even long) for an intimate life partner.

You're right that wanting and longing won't make it so... but it's still ok to want and long. (just not obsess)

No, it's better to let it go! For you suffer when you long for something which you can't control and don't know you'll get. It's not like longing to lose weight or longing to have a career or longing to see a Broadway play or longing to travel etc...those are the type of things you can control. You can't control if you'll meet someone you'll be hopelessly in love with and who will desparately want you too. God has other plans for other people. Not everyone was meant to be married with children. No use in feeling frustrated or unhappy about those type of things because if you waste too much energy worrying about it, life will fly by and when it will be too late you will realize that you missed out on all the other things you could have enjoyed.

Like I said before, one musn't complain if one doesn't meet some person of the opposite sex who is as mad about them as they are- for if you ask for too much you may be punished. One must be satisfied with the status quo. Things can always be worse.

 

[relatively prime]

Like I said before, one musn't complain if one doesn't meet some person of the opposite sex who is as mad about them as they are- for if you ask for too much you may be punished. One must be satisfied with the status quo. Things can always be worse.

Hmm... well, I have major philosophical issues with this view of life. I say ask for it all, want it all, long for it all... but just don't be bitter if you don't get it all. And if you do get it all, share it. And I'm very much against the thought of "things could always be worse." That's not how we get progress. While it's true you can't entirely control whether or not you find your dream guy/girl, you can't entirely control much of anything. Even in your career, you can only try your best... but that might not take you were you want to go. In some ways, nothing is entirely in our control and nothing is entirely out of it either. You can improve your chances of finding your dream guy by keeping an open mind and seeking out new people.

Don't get me wrong, we should always be thankful for what we have... but there's nothing wrong in wanting or longing for something else or something more.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Hmm... well, I have major philosophical issues with this view of life. I say ask for it all, want it all, long for it all... but just don't be bitter if you don't get it all. And if you do get it all, share it. And I'm very much against the thought of "things could always be worse." That's not how we get progress. While it's true you can't entirely control whether or not you find your dream guy/girl, you can't entirely control much of anything. Even in your career, you can only try your best... but that might not take you were you want to go. In some ways, nothing is entirely in our control and nothing is entirely out of it either. You can improve your chances of finding your dream guy by keeping an open mind and seeking out new people.

Don't get me wrong, we should always be thankful for what we have... but there's nothing wrong in wanting or longing for something else or something more.

I already have nearly everything I want. But I am afraid of desiring a man because of previous experience...I completely lost control the last time (5 years ago) and couldn't stop thinking about him- he was everything to me- I did anything to please him except for the "ultimate act" of giving oneself. I think I completely engulfed him. I cooked for him, I wrote him all these love letters and love poems (and he did too) , I was always there for him when he needed someone to listen. I was too intense and he couldn't take it. He told me I was "too much to handle"- too much of a challenge for him, I suppose. But it was always about him- I always had to listen to him, I always had to console him and when I had a crisis and needed a sympathetic ear he broke off the relationship and it took me a good 5 months or so before I recovered.

Ironically, he lived away for a few months and when he returned he called but I had regained my pride and didn't answer his calls. I crossed paths with him in the city one day and could see in his eyes that he wanted me back- I gave him the cold shoulder. He had too many problems. He played too many cruel mind games with me...a real playboy. I wasted too many tears for a fool. Let's not go there...the story is beyond the scope of this thread and it's too private. I know he'll always regret it...tough luck! He lost his chance. Some people don't deserve second chances. I don't need another papa or mama's boy who doesn't have his own mind- who is not a pillar of strength for me, who is not a MAN! I want a man who knows he wants me like he's never wanted a woman before and isn't afraid to tell me so...otherwise just go to hell!

As for that earthly angel that died...he was the first boy I ever loved in high school...for 4 years...we were both shy. I never stopped loving him even after many years of not seeing him...at least I had that last chance to talk to him. A part of me died with him- my innocense and naivety of life died with him...as well as with the trajic deaths of a few of my other friends...one lost to suicide and another shot in the head by an obsessed boyfriend...one by one they left me and now I know how fragile life is...and that is why I don't waste time with idiotic men who don't know what they want. Life is too short to waste time.

 

[a_student]

lol you think guys play mind games, try being a guy whose interested in a girl, girls are really messed up when it comes to establishing relationships

atleast most guys i know don't tease girls into believing their interested in them just to have the girl become more interested and then not be interested,

i hate how girls find satisfaction in having guys desire them, tease the guy, and let him wonder

i have had girls in the past who were interested in me but i made it clear from the beginning that the feelings weren't mutual, why can't girls be similiarly simple?

 

[relatively prime]

lol you think guys play mind games, try being a guy whose interested in a girl, girls are really messed up when it comes to establishing relationships

atleast most guys i know don't tease girls into believing their interested in them just to have the girl become more interested and then not be interested,

i hate how girls find satisfaction in having guys desire them, tease the guy, and let him wonder

i have had girls in the past who were interested in me but i made it clear from the beginning that the feelings weren't mutual, why can't girls be similiarly simple?

Oh come on... both sexes do that! I had guys do that to me all the time in high school. Guys are also notorious for letting a girl think they really like her (even love her) just to get in her pants. It goes both ways.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Oh come on... both sexes do that! I had guys do that to me all the time in high school. Guys are also notorious for letting a girl think they really like her (even love her) just to get in her pants. It goes both ways.

Right on ,girl! I can smell those guys from a mile away. That's why men never last with me because they don't give a s**t about me but about my body. I am not as stupid as some men think I am. I'd rather be single till the day I die than be with a gigolo or playboy. Too many poor women equate sex with love- that is not love! I know it takes a lot guts to resist my sexual attraction to men but I am only trying to protect myself. A man has to really prove his love for me before I become intimate. Survival of the self should be the priority of all women everywhere.

When a guy courts me in Elizabethean days fashion then I will be impressed...I think I won't live to see that day but one can always hope. Yes, I know I am a crazy dreamer but that's what I love...the days of troubadours and Cyrano de Bergeracs when men wrote poems to their women, showered them with flowers and serenaded them beneath their windows...call me crazy but I am a hopeless romantic .

Even though I didn't necessarily like Reagan's politics, he had one really special thing...Nancy. I want a beautiful love story like Nancy Reagan and Ronald Reagan had for so many years even when Alzheimer's disease posed a challenge for the both of them...Nancy's love for her husband was admirable and beautiful. I watched the moving eulogy when he died...it was so beautiful to hear that he told his wife that he loved her everyday of their lives. It's either a beautiful love story like that and nothing less or nothing at all ! I know that there are also hopeless romantic men out there in the big world full of "fish in the sea"...in any case, "whatever will be shall be".

 

[relatively prime]

I don't know... I still think those Elizabethean guys were just trying to get in their pants (or up their skirts). They just did it with more class maybe...

But I don't think it's fair to put down one sex more than the other. I was just responding to that guys women-bashing. Guys want what they want and girls want what they want... hopefully there can be some fair exchange of goods and services without anyone getting hurt.

 

[Smilemaker100]

I don't know... I still think those Elizabethean guys were just trying to get in their pants (or up their skirts). They just did it with more class maybe...

But I don't think it's fair to put down one sex more than the other. I was just responding to that guys women-bashing. Guys want what they want and girls want what they want... hopefully there can be some fair exchange of goods and services without anyone getting hurt.

Yes, they did it not only with more class but they respected the women and married them!!!! (unlike these days!)

No, I am not putting down one sex - but come on- young men ( at least those under 30) usually only have ONE thing on their mind! Like they say...men are from Mars and women are from Venus...I should read that book by John Gray one day- maybe it will help clear a few things.

 

[relatively prime]

Yes, they did it not only with more class but they respected the women and married them!!!! (unlike these days!)

No, I am not putting down one sex - but come on- young men ( at least those under 30) usually only have ONE thing on their mind! Like they say...men are from Mars and women are from Venus...I should read that book by John Gray one day- maybe it will help clear a few things.

YOU SHOULD!! It's a GREAT book. People say he just describes stereotypes, but it's more than that. Obviously every guy and every woman is different, but there are few basic points he makes that I've found to be VERY true... even of people you think aren't "typical men" or "typical women."

 

[relatively prime]

Yes, they did it not only with more class but they respected the women
.

Oh, I'm not sure about that!! Remember that no fair reaching culture even attempted to acknowledge women as equals until the late 20th century...

 

[Smilemaker100]

Oh, I'm not sure about that!! Remember that no fair reaching culture even attempted to acknowledge women as equals until the late 20th century...

It's true that it is only in the last 50 years or so that women in North America and Europe have been increasingly seen as equal to men in terms of human rights (thanks to the suffragette movements in the early part of the 20th century). Sadly, it still isn't the case for the majority of women in the rest of the world. Wherever there is poverty and lack of education , humanity suffers...especially the women and children are victimized.

In the past, women were regarded as property ...which is part of the reason why women took on their husband's names when they got married...in the same way that slaves in the southern US took on their master's family names. However, at least "back then" , men respected a women's sexuality...holding hands and little innocent kisses where the only things a man expected before marriage . Even as recent as the second world war, couples thought that holding hands and little kisses were enough spice and romance they needed...what has happened???? This is the "respect" I am referring to. Everything is perverted now...it disgusts me!

Maybe there is something wrong with me ...maybe I was born in the wrong century...(at least in regards to the relationships between men & women). What happened to chivalry? I bet most men don't even know what the definition of "chivalry" is! I don't even want to think what the dating scene will look like in 100 years from now! Maybe by then, babies will be made invitro and women won't have a use for men anymore other than friendships as they do with other women. And maybe the government will strictly legislate who can have a baby and we will have "baby factories" where people have their lives planned out for them from the moment of conception just like in Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World"...the world is already a crazy place...God knows how much more crazier it will get!!!!

 

[Smilemaker100]

YOU SHOULD!! It's a GREAT book. People say he just describes stereotypes, but it's more than that. Obviously every guy and every woman is different, but there are few basic points he makes that I've found to be VERY true... even of people you think aren't "typical men" or "typical women."

Yes, as soon as I get some business done this week...that will be an additional book on my "reading list"...I already purchased 6 new books in the past month which I am dying to read through...it will have to wait.

 

[relatively prime]

Regarding "respecting women's sexuality"... that only means 1) not forcing unwanted advances and 2) being sincerely interested in her pleasure. That doesn't mean be can't want sex before marriage.

I totally agree that it's shame our culture has taken the anticipation and suspense out of sex, but I'm glad that in other ways it's given us all more sexual freedom. In the old days, it was considered sinfull to want to have sex, even if it was with your husband! So sure, you got men who would only hold your hand until you were married... but the trade off was that even after you were married, your desires and your pleasures were either condemned or ignored.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Regarding "respecting women's sexuality"... that only means 1) not forcing unwanted advances and 2) being sincerely interested in her pleasure. That doesn't mean be can't want sex before marriage.

I totally agree that it's shame our culture has taken the anticipation and suspense out of sex, but I'm glad that in other ways it's given us all more sexual freedom. In the old days, it was considered sinfull to want to have sex, even if it was with your husband! So sure, you got men who would only hold your hand until you were married... but the trade off was that even after you were married, your desires and your pleasures were either condemned or ignored.

You make some valid points. However, our society has become too "sexualized" and dare I say, perverted ? Sex is used in the media to sell just about everything. The innocense of our children has even been lost with youngsters participating in sexual acts at younger and younger ages. We don't let kids be kids anymore but push them earlier into their adolescense. Just look at the "tweenie phenomenon"- I am referring to preteens or girls in the 9-12 years of age bracket starting to use makeup and dressing way too provocatively for their age who idolize indecent entertainers like Britney Spears.

With girls being sexualized by culture at an earlier age, child pornography seems to have risen and sadly, a lot of young girls as young as 8 years old in third world countries such as Thailand are selling their bodies on the streets. I've even read of young boys (pre-teens) crossdressing as girls in Russia and selling their bodies to men too. What is even more disgusting is that there is evidently a market for this perversion otherwise these children wouldn't be doing it.

So much exposure puts ideas in mens' minds and leads them to expect sex from women earlier in the relationship than they should be. And women feel pressured to give in because they have been fed so much garbage by the media. When a woman won't submit, men think there is something wrong with the woman, whereas in olden days, men would think it is respectable to be celebate and would not think it odd.

Do you really think we really have "sexual freedom"? Sure, it is great that women can now speak openly about their sexual experiences with their husband but are we really more "free" when more and more preteenaged girls are becoming sexualized and the child sex industry seems to be booming? I believe that women are now facing a new type of "hidden victimization" and I am not blind to it. If anything, it worries me because little girls are not allowed to be children anymore and men are expecting far too much from women too early on. I don't think women have really found their sexual freedom but they have been deluded to believe so.

 

[relatively prime]

I agree that our culture has really screwed up teenage sexuality in several ways (1) being that the media far too often portrays sex and violence together and 2) being that the media has sent the message that to have sex is to be mature and sophisticated). It seems like sex has become almost a right of passage for teenagers today.

But the "sex industry" has always abused children. We're just more aware of it now... and people aren't as afraid to talk about it.

In the "old days," women who were raped had little chance of getting justice (unless of course they were raped by a black man). She would either be accused of lying or somehow blamed for the rape. And even if people did believe her, and she wasn't blamed, she'd still be viewed as "damaged goods."

 

[Smilemaker100]

I agree that our culture has really screwed up teenage sexuality in several ways (1) being that the media far too often portrays sex and violence together and 2) being that the media has sent the message that to have sex is to be mature and sophisticated). It seems like sex has become almost a right of passage for teenagers today.

But the "sex industry" has always abused children. We're just more aware of it now... and people aren't as afraid to talk about it.

In the "old days," women who were raped had little chance of getting justice (unless of course they were raped by a black man). She would either be accused of lying or somehow blamed for the rape. And even if people did believe her, and she wasn't blamed, she'd still be viewed as "damaged goods."

I don't think it is only teenage sexuality which is screwed up but so is woman's sexuality. Men don't seem to understand that you must love a woman for her mind & soul before hopping into the sack together- they don't seem to bother loving a woman for her humanity...I think they do change as they get older though.

I am sorry, but the "old days" mentality in regards to rape of women is still very much the same in a lot of countries in the world- even to a certain extent in Western civilization...men tend to blame a woman for being provocative with her clothing. Have you ever heard of "honor killings"?

 

[relatively prime]

I don't think it is only teenage sexuality which is screwed up but so is woman's sexuality. Men don't seem to understand that you must love a woman for her mind & soul before hopping into the sack together- they don't seem to bother loving a woman for her humanity...I think they do change as they get older though.

I think that you're 1) sterotyping men unfairly and 2) assuming that the only acceptable way to have sex is with someone you really love.

Men aren't as sex crazed as you think they are. I've known more than a few guys my age who are still virgins (waiting for just the right woman) and I've known losts of men who have only had sex with serious girlfriends. Sure guys want sex a lot and usually asap, but I think that's just part of being a guy, not because of our culture.

Also, I think it's ok for two people to have sex just for the fun of it (provided they use protection). Women sometimes like to have casual sex too you know...

 

[Smilemaker100]

I think that you're 1) sterotyping men unfairly and 2) assuming that the only acceptable way to have sex is with someone you really love.

Men aren't as sex crazed as you think they are. I've known more than a few guys my age who are still virgins (waiting for just the right woman) and I've known losts of men who have only had sex with serious girlfriends. Sure guys want sex a lot and usually asap, but I think that's just part of being a guy, not because of our culture.

Also, I think it's ok for two people to have sex just for the fun of it (provided they use protection). Women sometimes like to have casual sex too you know...

Maybe the men you know are not sex crazed, but a lot of the ones I know are...maybe they just joke about it , in any case, hopefully they grow up someday in that respect. Casual sex? Well, if you don't worry about getting pregnant and getting STDs go ahead...play Russian Roulette! But it is too risky...

1) From what I understand, women get emotionally attached to a man when they have sex so if a man has sex with her casually, she may get hurt somewhere down the line if she doesn't want a casual relationship.

2) Protection is not enough...Lord, knows how many unwanted pregnancies there are in this world because of torn condoms or diaphrams! My mother's gynecologist once told her that many of the pregnant patients he has had were unplanned pregnancies caused by "accidents" such as torn condoms.

3) The number of STDs out there is alarming ...gonorrhea is still around and so is syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis B , C & D, herpes simplex type 2, papillomavirus ( which not only cause warts but increase the chances of having cervical cancer), and let's not forget the big "mother of them all"- HIV! As you can see, I know my microbial pathogens pretty well...thanks to my undergrad in microbiology. Sure, you'll say that protection can help prevent this but even protection is never 100%. Why gamble?

Are you sure you aren't a man? So many of your opinions sound like you are defending men.

 

[relatively prime]

lol, no I'm not a guy. I just happen to know a lot of good guys.


If you use the pill and a condom (and practice good sex hygene) you definitely won't get pregnant and it's unlikely you'll get an STD. People who do all these things and still get an STD are likely people who just have way too many partners.


You have understand that there's something that happens to guys when they're with other guys. They become more "man-ly" or "guy-ish." This of course, usually means talking about beer and sex. Some guys I know, if you saw them only with other guys you'd think they were sex-crazed alcoholics, but once you get them aside, they're different people. Of course, this phenomenon is true to varying degrees depending on the guy. For instance, I noticed that when my hubbie is with other guys he starts saying "dude" all the time. It really cracks me up.

And actually... the few guys I know who are truely players, rarely talk about sex. They know that if girls knew what they were up too they'd lose their edge.