MS1 Check In

[coys784]

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Hey fellow MS1s! As we approach the halfway mark, I am reflecting a lot on my last calendar year and my transition from pre-med to MS1. Out of curiosity, since it's been roughly 6 months in...

1. How are we doing in 1st year, still okay?
2. Has your idea of what you want to do when you "grow up" changed?
3. Has your perception of yourself changed? (This can be good and bad- change is inevitable)
4. Why did you want to go into medicine? Has it changed? What keeps you going now?

Don't want to get too deep, but I think it is important from time to time to look back on what we accomplished and WHY we chose what we did. Especially now when it is easy for us to get into the thick of it.

Hang in there!

 

[Aurarice]

1. Academically yes. Keeping up with balancing relationships at home is a little harder due to distance and personal life events, but hanging in there.
2. Leaning more towards wanting to teach residents, but not particularly interested in hefty academics.
3. I'm not as extroverted as I thought I was, but I'm embracing it and loading up on games to play during summer break. Also going to see if I can drag my girlfriend into it.
4. I was in love with the "medicine" side of everything, but the more I think about my future, the more I want to prioritize family/lifestyle, so my specialty choice might change. TBD.

We're all gonna make it.

 

[Lucca]

1. an attending told me a few weeks ago: "it is illegal to kill you and time never stops moving. Therefore, all you have to do is survive." staying alive. Lots of enjoyable moments. Willpower is often scarce. Feelings of incompetence abound. I *could* be working harder, I just dont want to.

2. I feel more strongly, actually, about my career aspirations than I did coming in so I guess thats good.

3. I am frustrated by how long it takes me to learn things, how quickly I forget things, and feel far below average compared to everyone around me -- although on an intellectual lvl I understand this is probably true for almost everyone. That said, I'm more confident than before that I came to med school for the right reasons as opposed to doing something else.

4. To do science and see patients, hopefully in some way that eventually coheres into a sensible career. I am more excited about clinical medicine, actually, than I was coming in. I still am also excited about science but feel less confident that I'm good enough, committed enough, hardcore enough etc to realistically have a career in basic science. What keeps me going is a hope that I will actually get better at this balancing act and it wont just be a pipe dream. The transition from doing full-time research at something I was pretty good at for a couple of years to scrambling to find time to come into lab /finding a research home and feeling lost a lot of the time doing new things has been tough, but thats probably an ego thing. I rly like coming into the free clinic, seeing pts in the various but small capacities we do as M1s, I like talking to people about their issues and I think I'm pretty good at it.

 

[coys784]

Thanks guys for your replies, I guess in the spirit of openness I will mine as well.

1. I am doing okay. I keep going up and down and can't get a consistent grade. Midterms always look worse than finals, which is exhausting. I often feel like I drag others down and the things I think got me in no longer hold weight. I don't always have the answer, I am not the smartest in room, and I definitely don't work the hardest. That being said, I can't give more than I do without going insane so I have mostly reconciled that with myself. I know that I am putting my best foot forward and that's all I can really do. I feel like I watch doctors interact with SPs or my classmates talk and sometimes feel really far off the mark.

2. Everything has changed. I wanted to come in thinking I belonged in an OR. Then anatomy started, I hate the lab. Plus, the extra training, to my burn out, sounds awful.

3. Yes, a lot. Had to accept a lot.

4. I still want to go into medicine for the reasons I did before. I feel like sometimes we are so deep in the weeds it is easy to forget. Part of the reason why I wrote this was a reminder to me and others about why we are here. When we are learning biochemical pathways that eventually turn into "your body gets angry at you when you eat peanuts," it is hard to see why learning all of that makes us good doctors. But I am trying to trust the process. Hopefully the wards are different.

 

[Gilakend]

1. Doing good, same days are harder than others. I think it just feels non-stop. Like if someone was just constantly chucking a water balloon at my face. It's not super painful, but it just never stops.

2. Maybe a little bit. I feel like I I'm more drawn to the specialty I am most interested in (surgical), but don't know if it's worth sacrificing that much of my family time. Obviously, everyone in medicine sacrifices their time, but trying to weigh if a job you'll enjoy the most is worth having less time with your family is a pretty rough decision. I'm sure the clinical years will make this more obvious (I'm hoping). I think I'd enjoy teaching, but after my first semester decided I could never go into academic medicine.

3. I think it's pretty much stayed the same.

4. Obviously everyone signs up for this because they want to help patients, enjoy science, etc. But I would say beyond all that I think it's crazy how much potential we have to permanently alter our families lives. I'm low-SES and first-gen college so thinking about how much of an impact actually making it through all this could have on my family for generations is pretty insane.

2. Everything has changed. I wanted to come in thinking I belonged in an OR. Then anatomy started, I hate the lab. Plus, the extra training, to my burn .

FWIW, I used to work in an OR and anatomy lab is NOTHING like the OR. I loved being in the OR and I can't stand anatomy lab.

 

[slowthai]

I think I'd enjoy teaching, but after my first semester decided I could never go into academic medicine.

What makes you say this?

 

[Gilakend]

What makes you say this?

The politics of it. I guess maybe I could work at an academic center, but academic medicine seems like such a "game" to me. Like if you do everything they want, they'll promote you. If you want to be your own person, good luck. At least from what I've seen so far and taken away from the older med students and residents/attendings I've worked with.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

1. All good so far. Currently halfway through our school’s toughest module both material and schedule wise. Did well on midterms but didn’t work out or really hang out with my wife a lot for a solid week. But we hung out last night. I try to make sure I’m disappointing the right people (aka Dr. Ryan and not my wife and kids).

2. Yes and it was actually a surprise. Obviously I don’t start rotations until January, but I came into med school wanting to do maybe anesthesia or even family medicine. Now I’m really heavily leaning towards path.

3. I’ve realized that I still really want to be involved in people’s care, but I don’t necessarily need to be giving them their treatment or really even ever meeting them to have a huge impact on their care and life. I also realized I’m much more academic than I thought.

I also really value my family time. Putting aside the lifestyles of different specialties, I’m in military medicine and after 7 years being enlisted and constantly being gone, I’m ready to be home. A specialty that doesn’t deploy or doesn’t deploy often but allows me to volunteer for humanitarian missions is very appealing.

4. I went into medicine because I felt called to, and that hasn’t changed.

 

[slowthai]

Hey fellow MS1s! As we approach the halfway mark, I am reflecting a lot on my last calendar year and my transition from pre-med to MS1. Out of curiosity, since it's been roughly 6 months in...

1. How are we doing in 1st year, still okay?
2. Has your idea of what you want to do when you "grow up" changed?
3. Has your perception of yourself changed? (This can be good and bad- change is inevitable)
4. Why did you want to go into medicine? Has it changed? What keeps you going now?

Don't want to get too deep, but I think it is important from time to time to look back on what we accomplished and WHY we chose what we did. Especially now when it is easy for us to get into the thick of it.

Hang in there!

1. Can you like, come back to me on this one?
2. It hasn't. Hope the bone breakers let me join the club one day*
3. I'm still the same old guy, just not as dumb as before.
4. In my youthful ignorance, I chose neurosurgery. In my ignorance, I've chosen ortho. What keeps me going? Picturing myself seeing the 10th patient in clinic for "back pain". Really gets my blood pumping.

*Contingent on scoring tree fiddy on step

 

[coys784]

1. All good so far. Currently halfway through our school’s toughest module both material and schedule wise. Did well on midterms but didn’t work out or really hang out with my wife a lot for a solid week. But we hung out last night. I try to make sure I’m disappointing the right people (aka Dr. Ryan and not my wife and kids).

2. Yes and it was actually a surprise. Obviously I don’t start rotations until January, but I came into med school wanting to do maybe anesthesia or even family medicine. Now I’m really heavily leaning towards path.

3. I’ve realized that I still really want to be involved in people’s care, but I don’t necessarily need to be giving them their treatment or really even ever meeting them to have a huge impact on their care and life. I also realized I’m much more academic than I thought.

I also really value my family time. Putting aside the lifestyles of different specialties, I’m in military medicine and after 7 years being enlisted and constantly being gone, I’m ready to be home. A specialty that doesn’t deploy or doesn’t deploy often but allows me to volunteer for humanitarian missions is very appealing.

4. I went into medicine because I felt called to, and that hasn’t changed.

I am glad that our branch does a lot of humanitarian aid. It is definitely something that attracted me to it. It's interesting to see your perspective (especially since we're classmates). As a prior, what made you stay in for 7 of school + 7 more? Btw, you can go ahead and take that path slot and while you're at it you should teach me all of it (lol). Congrats on doing well on the midterm, CPR is a kicker. 🙂 I like it more than MSK though.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I am glad that our branch does a lot of humanitarian aid. It is definitely something that attracted me to it. It's interesting to see your perspective (especially since we're classmates). As a prior, what made you stay in for 7 of school + 7 more? Btw, you can go ahead and take that path slot and while you're at it you should teach me all of it (lol). Congrats on doing well on the midterm, CPR is a kicker. 🙂 I like it more than MSK though.

I like the Navy. It’s a great fit for some, a good job for some, and not right for many. It happens to be a great fit for me. And yeah they weren’t kidding when they said CPR is a beast. I feel like we did a whole module in 3 weeks lol.

 

[catnip12]

Good thread!

1. Beginning was rough. I think the anxieties of being told that med school is going to be difficult + not really having good context for the things I was learning in the beginning made the experience nerve wrecking. I am in a systems curriculum and a lot of the language keeps coming back which only serves to strengthen my understanding so I think all the pieces are falling into place. That said I have an exam next week that I am currently studying for :/
   
   
2. Like some others above, I think I feel even more strongly about going into medicine. The stuff we learn is so fascinating that at times it feels like I am reading a good book, only to realise that this is real life. However, there are some very low lows and I enjoy just watching myself grow with each challenge that presents. Sounds corny I know.
   
   
3. I became a little calloused at first. I lost a friend before school started and then within the last week I lost a very close relative. Watching myself deal with the second death compared to the first showed me that I have developed some new coping mechanisms that I haven't fully articulated. Medical school brought about a certain acceptance ( but not complacency!!) of things as they are as opposed to my previous life where I met every change, particularly unpleasant change with fierce opposition.
   
   
4. I moved here from a place overseas where there is little hope for your average person. There is an underlying sense of responsibility toward those folks that keeps me going. At the same time, this is my life and I love what I am doing so far, so that too keeps me going.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Oh I also learned that med student syndrome is very real. For the last 3 weeks, I’ve been convinced that I am going to suddenly drop dead from a cardiovascular event. Now that we’re into pulmonary, I’m not thinking about it at all haha.

 

[Aurarice]

*Contingent on scoring tree fiddy on step

I upped my benching to twice a week just for that sweet 500 total

 

[coys784]

Oh I also learned that med student syndrome is very real. For the last 3 weeks, I’ve been convinced that I am going to suddenly drop dead from a cardiovascular event. Now that we’re into pulmonary, I’m not thinking about it at all haha.

For weeks, I was convinced of the same I was like "We're all dying slowly ahhh". On test day, my body decided it would be fun to test my clinical skills and recreate two different types of chest pain for me. So that was fun. At least we can tell the difference now between acid reflux and an MI, right?

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

At least we can tell the difference now between acid reflux and an MI, right?

Ostensibly, yes.