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MS3 and MS1

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by Broomdy, Jun 2, 2008.

  1. Broomdy

    Broomdy 2+ Year Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Longtime lurker here and I finally need some advice. I'm going to start my third year in a month. My boyfriend is going to be an MS1; however he is going to a school OOS in August. I'm really sad about this because we've been in a relationship and lived together for a few years. It's going to be a difficult adjustment for the both of us but at the same time I don't want to stop him from pursuing his career.

    Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences? Most people I've talked to said that if it's meant to be, then it will work out. That's fine and dandy but that's not what I'm looking to hear. I really want advice on how to survive in a happy state of mind for these next couple of years.

    We're not married so I can't transfer to his school or vice versa. I guess I could do some away electives during my fourth year where he's going to school and hope that I match for residency at that teaching hospital.

    Thanks for any advice!! :)
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  3. happygirl3

    happygirl3 2+ Year Member

    Dec 7, 2007
    We're not married so I can't transfer to his school or vice versa. I guess I could do some away electives during my fourth year where he's going to school and hope that I match for residency at that teaching hospital.

    Maybe you should get married! You say you've been together for so long and I assume you're very happy together, then if getting married will allow you to transfer and be together, why not?
  4. Smiley2012

    Smiley2012 One month...omg! 2+ Year Member

    Oct 30, 2007
    Since you've already been living together for a while, you've already passed the most difficult time in a marriage- so you might as well get married already! :love: I think that you won't be able to perform well unless you're emotionally well...and if that includes your S.O...then you need to do whatever it takes to be together. Good luck!
  5. xanthines

    xanthines decaying organic matter Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

    Feb 22, 2002
    I'd say get married only if the both of you are ready. Don't get married just because you'll be living apart, because I'm not sure if that really helps or not. My SO and I were together for awhile, lived together, then went to different medical schools and it was tough at first. However, we've come accept the situation and found silver linings in the clouds. We're both pretty independant people (or we'd like to think so!) so we enjoy not having to wait for the shower or nag each other about cleaning, cooking, etc. We've also realized that it's kind of nice to be apart for school so we can study. If we were living together, it's hard to imagine we'd pass any tests! :)

    So, just try to keep in constant contact via phone, email, mail, and txt msgs. Make sure to make time for each other to listen about what's going on, and what's important in your respective lives apart. I know it's expensive, but also try to arrange trips to see each other, because while absence does make the heart grow fonder, you don't want to be out of sight and especially out of mind.

    Good luck! It's a tough situation, but you made through most of med school so you can do this too. :luck:

  6. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse Administrator Physician SDN Advisor 10+ Year Member

    Jan 9, 2006
    Please don't do something foolish and run off and get married because of this!

    The biggest threat facing your relationship is NOT the distance. The biggest threat is the fact that you're starting third year, in my opinion.

    Third year is stressful. A lot of people (particular couples where one person is in MS3, and the other is an MS2 or MS1) have had relationships fall apart because of this. You're constantly on edge, especially for the first half of the year. During OB and surgery, I was home for, maybe, 8 hours a day (and 2 of those hours were spent studying, and the rest of those hours were spent sleeping). During IM, I was coming home at 10 PM every 4th night...and I was cranky, because I hated internal medicine.

    A lot of people have said that about parts of third year - the stress and the workload just turned them into not-nice people.

    And it's VERY frustrating to talk to MS1s and MS2s at those moments because, honestly, they don't really get it. And they don't understand why you're so cranky when "you get to be in the hospital all day." It just makes for a very difficult, tense situation sometimes.

    Be supportive of each other, and stay in frequent contact with each other...but take advantage of the distance - i.e. be glad that you won't be tempted to take out all your frustrations on your boyfriend!

    (And, of course, with third year - on your easier rotations, you have some more flexibility, and will probably have chances to go and visit him. So there ARE ways of making it work. Good luck! :luck:)
  7. Broomdy

    Broomdy 2+ Year Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Yeah, aside from people telling me that "if it's meant to be" phrase, they also tell me that we should get married.

    I'm also really worried about traveling because I don't have a lot of money as it is. Additionally, I come from a really poor family so I can't ask them to help me out. I just don't want to be out of sight, out of mind. :(
  8. mshheaddoc

    mshheaddoc Howdy Moderator Emeritus 15+ Year Member

    Apr 24, 2002
    Wild west of Mistytown
    You have to learn to trust at some point. Voicing your concerns are natural but you can find ways to make it work. Maybe you can meet halfway, webcams, etc. You're going to be very busy and miss your SO much but if you can last 2 years, you can make it through everything. :luck:
  9. Broomdy

    Broomdy 2+ Year Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    I hope so. :)

    I think what's making me sad is seeing him so happy. I know, that sounds very selfish. I'm happy that he's happy but it just seems like he's not sad about leaving me. It seems like in all of his excitement, he's forgotten about me. :(

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