my life is caving in

[fallenangel]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

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[DropkickMurphy]

I believe a lot of us feel somewhat this way from time to time, due to the pressures we put upon ourselves to succeed. However given the degree to which this is apparently bothering you I would recommend talking to someone better positioned to help you than we SDN'ers. Good luck with everything...

 

[DNAroolez]

I know how you feel, but you have to remember that all your hard work will pay off in the end. Some people would kill for even one interview right now, so you should be pleased with your two! I know that this is a stressfull time, but just know that you are not alone. Don't let your classes get you down, they are only a temporary evil. What I like to do is take a deep breath and try to make enough time for myself everyday. The whole key to this process is to remain confident and positive- any medical school will be lucky to have you! Good luck, and I hope the sky stops falling on you!

 

[zurned]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

Yea, once u get interviewed, it all boils down to that 30 min to one hour. So, whether you have a shot at those two schools is yet to be determined. Just prepare for them and do your best!

 

[zurned]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

Yea, once u get interviewed, it all boils down to that 30 min to one hour. So, whether you have a shot at those two schools is yet to be determined. Just prepare for them and do your best!

 

[zurned]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

Yea, once u get interviewed, it all boils down to that 30 min to one hour. So, whether you have a shot at those two schools is yet to be determined. Just prepare for them and do your best!

 

[zurned]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

Yea, once u get interviewed, it all boils down to that 30 min to one hour. So, whether you have a shot at those two schools is yet to be determined. Just prepare for them and do your best!

 

[Daichi Katase]

quadruple post?

 

[tigress]

fallenangel, does your school have a campus counseling center? I'd recommend you check it out. You may find that just talking to somebody who understands mental health helps, or perhaps you may be referred to a psychiatrist. It sounds like you may actually be depressed. It's not normal to be as miserable as you are. Making some concrete plans for the future, taking into consideration that you may not get accepted this year, might help you deal with the feelings you're having. But I really do recommend trying to find somebody to discuss it with. Good luck with the application process, and with helping yourself get through this.

 

[red dot]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

i think most if not all of us have been there at some point. this is exactly what pre-meds tend to go through or is exactly what many premeds are talking about that sucks.
i agree with tigress -- definitely go and see a counselor. it is not that much more out of your way than taking the long route to getting your morning coffee and you don't have to tell anyone about it if you want to if you're worried about stigma.
and do something completely not pre-med related or something that won't boost your resume. maybe even consider taking a year off between undergrad and med school. you're not a machine!

 

[happydays]

baby steps, baby steps. Don't think too much about the future, just do what you need to do right now. Do your homework, prepare for your interview. Everything else will fall into place.

 

[reddyjs]

chill, there's always the carribean (med school) as a last resort

 

[Pretty POHA]

Wow, and I thought I was the only one!
Meds are great!
But just keep putting on that happy face-- and perhaps you should start an online journal, just so you can get out all of those negative emotions.
www.livejournal.com is a good one!

 

[MDCali]

Take some time each day to relax and unwind a bit. I have been in the blues over this whole thing many times but I always managed to find my way back. It wasn't too long ago that I was wishing I hadn't spent the last four years preparing to apply for medical school. Talk to people and get fresh perspectives. The stress of classes and anxiety over this whole application process can sometimes make us forget why we're going through all this. I think talking to different people can help you take a step back from everything and look at the bigger picture. The fact that you're getting interviews means you're doing great! Prepare for your interviews and it'll all work out!

 

[CoffeeCat]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

I definitely agree with talking to someone, seems the stress is getting to you, which most of us completely understand.

Something that helps me also is to make a backup plan that you are interested in and focus on that for awhile - for instance, if I don't get in this year, I'll pursue my dream of becoming a photographer/writer for a year and apply again or spend a year doing research or Teach for America or I can travel abroad, etc. Tell people you've decided to take a year off and maybe they'll get off your back about it. Most people don't understand the med school process and can increase the stress.

Can you talk to your mom about how you feel when she says these things??

 

[Nikki2002]

hey....everything is gonna be OK. I've been where you are.....holiday break is fast approaching.......you only have a little longer...just push yourself through these classes and prepare for your interviews. I know you feel like your future is uncertain, but you have two interviews which is a great accomplishment. You must push these thoughts of inevitable rejection out of your head--you must walk into those interviews projecting confidence. Feel proud of all you have done. Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor....it will probably make you feel so much better to sort out your thoughts and feelings.

 

[coral]

Hi fallenangel--I think all of us can relate to the times we have thought that failure was inevitable and thought about quitting--for me it was the constant criticizing and lack of support from my family in choosing to go to college, and even worst in pursuing med school. Sometimes when I was so overwhelmed by this, horrible classes and work, it really helped to go and talk to someone that wasn't mixed up in the craziness of the pre-med world and just unleash all of my frustrations and get a perspective on who I am as a person, not as a med school applicant, and what I was going through.
Two interview invites is a great accomplishment within itself, don't doubt yourself! There are so many qualified applicants that don't even get one. Please try and realize that even though you are going through a tough time, and I know its hard to even contemplate going through this again, you have the opportunity to present yourself and all of your years of hard work. I really wish you the best of luck with your interviews!!!

 

[drmota]

i don't know if you want to jump right into med school in your state. if you hate school now wait til you're in anatomy. it sounds like you need some time off to travel or have an eskimo pie or something. take a break from school. thats my advice. best of luck.
-mota

 

[thegenius]

everyday i wake up and want to vomit because i am to the point of hating school so much i can't breathe. i have two interviews at my state medical schools, but deep down i feel as if rejection is inevitable. my classes SUCK, pchem and exp. biochemistry should be wiped off the face of the earth, and i cannot bring myself to do a bit of work to benefit my lifelong dream of being a physician. my mother is constantly on my back about this whole process, only because she knows i have wanted it for so long and so much, but she is part of the slew of individuals who i will have to face should i ultimately not make it to medical school. for the first time in my life, my future is uncertain and i do not know what to do. i am so fed up with school and responsiblility, i just want to drop out. is anyone else feeling this way, or am i in need of some medication?

FallenAngel, I was in your exact situation in 1997. I wanted nothing more than to become a physician and applied to medical school in 1997. I did not gain acceptance. It thought to myself "life is over, what am I going to do?"

The problem I had was I went from high-school, to college, with the idea that I'll just go straight to medical school like so many people. 8 years of high school and college tends to not offer you any perspective of what there is to do in this world. So logically I felt depressed and torn apart because what do you do if you can't pursue your dream?

I considered applying again but I retook the MCAT and didn't do any better (in fact, one point worse.) I ended up going to grad school and becoming a software engineer for the past 6 years.

Well, was I ever wrong. Life does go on. I had no clue. Looking back at everything, I have no regrets about how things turn out and was not mad at myself for feeling despondent. However, I was just unable to see how things could turn out. I'm now married, have a 10 month old son, worked for some great, cool companies, living in posh San Francisco, made a fairly sized amount of money.

And now I'm applying back to medical school. I've never my dream escape me and now I'm much better applicant than I was 8 years ago.

So I would recommend to you to please keep your chin up. Do not waste your forthcoming months and try to accomplish the tasks before you, whether it's school or work or whatever. You may or may not get in, you don't really know at this point. But you will go on and have a wonderful life despite what happens with medical school. Maybe you'll apply again the following year. Maybe you'll apply in 5 years. Maybe you'll never apply again. Whatever you do, there is so much to life that you probably can't see right now.

Lastly, the thing I hate most about applying to medical school is the fact that it makes you think that there is nothing more important in this world. We all contribute to that maniacial craze, all of us on SDN. I'm starting to feel that now and believe me, I've been through many more crazy, stressful, and ultimately more difficult tasks than getting into medical school. But when you read these boards and hear about people with a 3.8 and a 35 MCAT wondering if they are going to get into Yale...it just makes me sick because I question whether they think it's the most important thing to get into Yale? What happens if they end up at a lesser school? I've have on a few occasions abandoned SDN for about a week, but I do come back for specific reasons. I don't show anyone my MDApplicants file anymore because, in the grand scheme of things, I think it does more to hurt than to help.

Take a step back, don't read these boards for a few weeks, concentrate on school, try to take youself out of the medical school craze. Fortunately I've been able to do that because I have a family and son and other things to take care of. Hang out with your friends just take a step back. Things will come into better focus when you don't have the feeling of vomiting.

Good luck.

BTW, my entire personal statement is about my first and now second attempt at medical school. If you're interested in reading it to get some perspective of where I've come from, let me know and I'll send it to you. (private message me)

 

[Rendar5]

see a counselor, and if u're even drifting towards suicidal ideation, get some SSRI's in ur system. if those don't help make it bearable within a month, try something else, different SSRI or tricylics or something. They won't cure you or anything, but should make u better able to get through this to the point where you learn to better cope with all of this.

As for advice on how to deal with it, go read everyone else's posts, they offer good tips. But agian, if u're dealing w/ depression forget any pride or stigmas associated with anti-depressants and get some to help u through it. it's not like they're happy piills or anything. they'll just help you cope while u get through it.

 

[hannahx]

Dear OP, I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. I've felt a similar way. Dropping out, though? That's a bit extreme. I hope you find a happy medium. When I've been really down or especially depleted I read a little by zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. I highly recommend any of his books. Being Peace, Anger or No Fear No Death are all good ones by him.

Remember to breathe.

Feel free to pm me.

 

[Turkeyman]

Great to see everyone's really supportive here. Fallenangel, all I can say is best of luck and to take the advice and experiences of all the above posters to heart.

P.S. As DaMota said,

 

[PhotoMD]

I personally think it is absolutely vital that you see a psychologist with whom you can talk about everything. They will probably refer you to a psych to get some meds, at least for acute episodes. This doesn't make you weak, and the prevalence of medical students using this service approaches half.

Do not wait on this, and seek help immediately. Nobody but a professional can provide you with the mental care that you may need.

 

[Mutt]

These people are right.

Your school will have a psychological services department that is specifically aimed at helping students get through these things. You will probably feel ashamed because there is some level of stigma associated with it, but you have to realize that you are battling your own perceptions. Nobody will know, and they keep it entirely private. Their jobs are dependent on them doing so.

Just go in there and fill out the paperwork. That is the first step. They will call you to set-up a time to talk. It is absolutely helpful in every regard.

Go online and find out exactly where it is on campus, plan your approach and timing. I promise you will never regret it.