My parents DON'T want me to become a doctor

[ice-cube]

Hello SDN,

My parents don't believe that I have the "calling" or even the level of maturity, work discipline, and emotional stamina to succeed in this career path. I am surprised because they have always urged me to work in healthcare as a technician or practitioner with a master's degree and fought me to the bone when I told them I wanted to study humanities.

My close friends did not discourage me outright, but they responded reluctantly when I told them I wanted to pursue medicine. In the end, my parents told me that it was ultimately "my decision" and that they would support me no matter what, but I am now concerned that there's something I'm not seeing.

(edited to omit info)

I don't have any specific questions. I just want honest advice and some validation if you can offer it in good conscience. I know I'm a grown adult and it shouldn't matter what my parents & friends think, but it's a difficult journey to embark on especially without a strong support system. Thank you.

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[eljefemdfuturo]

Have you shadowed any physicians besides your mom? I think shadowing/clinical volunteering is the best way to offer some clarity to your dilemma, since there's no ONE reason to enter medicine-it has to be personal.

 

[all things possible]

At the end of the day all of your decisions should be based on what you want to do and what you think will make you happy. Having a support system is very important but also very inclusive, as it expands beyond family members and friends (though those are huge contributors).

I will ask though, are your reasons for wanting to go into medicine limited to what you listed? What I got is that you want something intellectually stimulating, you think what your parents are doing is "cool", and the prestige of being a doctor is a big deal. Then, the whole second half of your post you talked about your grades and weaknesses. You mention wanting to help low income individuals; have you worked or volunteered with peooke within these populations? Or are you just gazing with starry eyes upon the poor pepole you see being taken care by your parents in their white coats with an MD/DO behind their name?

Or you could ask yourself this, if your parents weren't doctors would you even still considered medicine.

I'm not taking the side of your parents but I will mention that I can definitely empathesize with them.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

It sounds like you were a late bloomer of sorts. You're finally maturing. You've long had the smarts, but now you're really determined to use them.

As for the calling...you say you "really want to do it." Well, if you really can't imagine yourself doing anything else, then what's the difference. Not every doctor has wanted to be a doctor since they were 3 years old, which may be what your parents are referring to. As for the God part, that's another vocation. 😉

Shadow some other doctors.

 

[stickgirl390]

if your parents weren't doctors would you even still considered medicine.

A very good question for you to reflect on, OP.

 

[ice-cube]

At the end of the day all of your decisions should be based on what you want to do and what you think will make you happy. Having a support system is very important but also very inclusive, as it expands beyond family members and friends (though those are huge contributors).

I will ask though, are your reasons for wanting to go into medicine limited to what you listed? What I got is that you want something intellectually stimulating, you think what your parents are doing is "cool", and the prestige of being a doctor is a big deal. Then, the whole second half of your post you talked about your grades and weaknesses. You mention wanting to help low income individuals; have you worked or volunteered with peooke within these populations? Or are you just gazing with starry eyes upon the poor pepole you see being taken care by your parents in their white coats with an MD/DO behind their name?

Or you could ask yourself this, if your parents weren't doctors would you even still considered medicine.

I'm not taking the side of your parents but I will mention that I can definitely empathesize with them.

Thank you for your thoughtful response! Yes, my reasons for wanting to go into medicine are the reasons listed, primarily the opportunity to serve people directly and the reward of challenging oneself intellectually. Maybe this isn’t enough.

On the question of prestige – I know for sure that I don’t care about what others think of me, i.e. the perceived status of being a doctor in society. But I do care a lot about what I think of myself, which may be a problem. However, the last thing I want to do with my privilege is putting on an inflated savior complex and romanticizing the idea of helping people in need.

I do regularly volunteer with individuals from low-income and individuals from homeless populations. I originally wanted to become a social worker. I also believe that I was once part of the low-income group. When my family immigrated, my parents had lost everything and had to work their way up again. We were on food stamps and lived in a relative’s basement.

Your final question of whether I’d consider medicine if it weren’t for my parents has given me a lot to think about. My parents’ influence is so deeply ingrained in my development that I honestly don’t know. Will need to give this issue more thought.

 

[ice-cube]

Have you shadowed any physicians besides your mom? I think shadowing/clinical volunteering is the best way to offer some clarity to your dilemma, since there's no ONE reason to enter medicine-it has to be personal.

You're right. I don't know if it's a red flag, but I have volunteered in the burn unit for 2 years and am still not sure (though I did NOT imagine that I would consider becoming a doctor during those 2 years). I guess the next step for me would be to shadow more and acquire more clinical experience with this idea in mind.

 

[Goro]

Based upon your reasons, I agree with your parents.

Hello SDN,

My parents, who are children of surgeons and were practicing doctors for 10+ years in my native country before we immigrated to the US, don't believe that I have the "calling" or even the level of maturity, work discipline, and emotional stamina to succeed in this career path. I am surprised because they have always urged me to work in healthcare as a technician or practitioner with a master's degree and fought me to the bone when I told them I wanted to study humanities. (I'm an English Literature major.)

My close friends did not discourage me outright, but they responded reluctantly when I told them I wanted to pursue medicine. In the end, my parents told me that it was ultimately "my decision" and that they would support me no matter what, but I am now concerned that there's something I'm not seeing.

Why I want to pursue medicine:
1. I want to provide healthcare with direct patient contact.
2. I want to study the human body. I've also been comfortable in the hospital environment from as early as I can remember, visiting my mom during her on-call shifts in the ICU, to the present day, completing my practicum hours in the burn unit of my local hospital.
3. I want to help people with not as much access to resources. My mom's patients were primarily low-income, or homeless, and my grandpa opened a clinic for his rural hometown. I want to do something like that.
4. I want to attain the highest possible level of education, and as much as I would love to study under a Literature Ph.D program, I don't think I can personally do as meaningful work for as many people as I could if I were a licensed physician.
5. I think to some degree I enjoy the pain that accompanies a very intense personal or intellectual challenge.

Why I shouldn't pursue medicine (?):
1. I don't have a "calling." Isn't it enough to just really want to do it? I haven't received any visits from God and I don't believe that I am particularly destined to do anything.
2. I have a mental health history (from a traumatic past/childhood abuse) that necessitates me taking medication and seeing a psychologist on the reg. However, as long as I'm taking care of myself, my problems will not affect my judgment or the quality of my future work. If anything, they amplify my desire to work with the underserved, especially immigrant refugee populations.
3. I've been irresponsible in the past. I was regularly in detention during HS for being a brat (I had a 4.0+ GPA and was National Merit Scholar and thought I was the ****). In college, I committed all the usual vices of young adults with their first taste of freedom and whose frontal lobes haven't fully developed. I've overslept past a midterm and simply laughed it off and dropped the class. I deeply regret this behavior, and I was never truly happy being this way. Over the past year, I've worked really hard to improve my grades and gotten a part-time job to teach myself time management and responsibility. My family and friends still have the old impression of me, which will take time to unravel.
4. I was a chemistry major my freshman year and I got a couple C's in general chemistry and B's in almost everything else. Since I began working hard, I've earned a consistent 4.0 with relative ease, including when I took organic chemistry and genetics along with two upper-division literature courses to see if I could double major without compromising my GPA. I understand that medical school will be much harder. (I'm planning on staying an extra year to raise my GPA to at least a 3.8 for MD/DO programs.)

I don't have any specific questions. I just want honest advice and some validation if you can offer it in good conscience. I know I'm a grown adult and it shouldn't matter what my parents & friends think, but it's a difficult journey to embark on especially without a strong support system. Thank you.

 

[ice-cube]

Based upon your reasons, I agree with your parents.

Why? Are my reasons for pursuing medicine lacking, or is it my weaknesses?

 

[all things possible]

Why? Are my reasons for pursuing medicine lacking, or is it my weaknesses?

It certainly does favor immaturity.

Edit: Not in a bad way necessarily though. Give yourself a few years and revisit the idea later.

 

[AnonPanda1]

I agree with @PreMedMissteps. You seem to be a late bloomer of sorts and I still detect hints of immaturity but on the positive side, the fact that you're asking yourself, if you can handle medicine, shows a higher level of introspection than many premeds have. You know yourself best and so while listening to others is great, also listen to yourself.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

One sign of the maturation process is being self-aware and making corrections. You seem to be getting there.

 

[Goro]

Why? Are my reasons for pursuing medicine lacking, or is it my weaknesses?

Yes.

 

[ice-cube]

Ouch. Okay, it looks like the general consensus is that my reasons (as of now) are too shallow and immature. I see that now. Thank you, everyone, for your honest input.

For the upcoming school year, I'll continue taking pre-med courses and doing medically related activities - with an open mind. I'll be doing a hospital internship that focuses on direct patient contact, and I'll try to find a physician to shadow. I think that these activities will allow me to decide if medicine is the right track for me. If not, I'll listen to my parents.

 

[ice-cube]

In your experience, do people like me ever succeed in a straight path? I've shaped up my work productivity and trying to grow up as fast as I can, but I realize I'm still immature and shortsighted about the future.

Obviously I have to believe in myself - and I do. But I've exhausted the people around me, who had given me so many second chances that they don't believe in me anymore.

If my fatal weakness in my pursuit of medicine boils down to aspects of my character, am I capable of any other long-term, challenging career? Or will my 20s likely consist of me roaming from entry level job to entry level job until I finally decide I am ready for medicine?

 

[eljefemdfuturo]

Ouch. Okay, it looks like the general consensus is that my reasons (as of now) are too shallow and immature. I see that now. Thank you, everyone, for your honest input.

For the upcoming school year, I'll continue taking pre-med courses and doing medically related activities - with an open mind. I'll be doing a hospital internship that focuses on direct patient contact, and I'll try to find a physician to shadow. I think that these activities will allow me to decide if medicine is the right track for me. If not, I'll listen to my parents.

Don't take this too hard though. I'm glad you asked, too many people apply and get into medical school only to drop out because they didn't really want it. You're thinking a lot about your future, which is a huge step. If you can confidently say that you want to go into medicine after some real introspection, then you'll be golden

 

[dcmorgan96]

I personally don't see what's wrong with your reasons, though I'm just an undergraduate myself. Everyone's motivation is personal, regardless of whether they can articulate it to others, and you're the only one that can judge your passion for medicine. Also, personal reasons such as wanting prestige and a challenge are completely valid, provided they aren't the primary motivators.

 

[DBC03]

In your experience, do people like me ever succeed in a straight path? I've shaped up my work productivity and trying to grow up as fast as I can, but I realize I'm still immature and shortsighted about the future.

Obviously I have to believe in myself - and I do. But I've exhausted the people around me, who had given me so many second chances that they don't believe in me anymore.

If my fatal weakness in my pursuit of medicine boils down to aspects of my character, am I capable of any other long-term, challenging career? Or will my 20s likely consist of me roaming from entry level job to entry level job until I finally decide I am ready for medicine?

Based on how you're taking the advice everyone is giving, I think after a few years of introspection and discovery you should be able to find your calling. Many people come asking for advice and dismiss it. If you willingly accept it and put it into practice, you will be a wiser person and I am sure will contribute much in the near future.

 

[bannie22]

They are right.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

Why I shouldn't pursue medicine (?):
3. I've been irresponsible in the past. I was regularly in detention during HS for being a brat (I had a 4.0+ GPA and was National Merit Scholar and thought I was the ****). In college, I committed all the usual vices of young adults with their first taste of freedom and whose frontal lobes haven't fully developed. I've overslept past a midterm and simply laughed it off and dropped the class. I deeply regret this behavior, and I was never truly happy being this way.

In your experience, do people like me ever succeed in a straight path? I've shaped up my work productivity and trying to grow up as fast as I can, but I realize I'm still immature and shortsighted about the future.

If my fatal weakness in my pursuit of medicine boils down to aspects of my character, am I capable of any other long-term, challenging career? Or will my 20s likely consist of me roaming from entry level job to entry level job until I finally decide I am ready for medicine?

You seem to be under the impression that you have to be a perfect little keener to get in/succeed in medicine. If I posted anything that I've done in the past decade you'd know that true degenerates can get in just fine.

Also don't blindly follow advice you get from random people on the internet. You shouldn't let your parents tell you what the right career path for you is, and you definitely shouldn't let people on SDN tell you either. Go shadow, talk to physicians, talk to med students and figure out if it's right for you. SDN can be useful for information on many topics, but from what I've seen getting people to assess your character or evaluate your motivations is something best left to real life connections and people you know and trust.

 

[ice-cube]

You seem to be under the impression that you have to be a perfect little keener to get in/succeed in medicine. If I posted anything that I've done in the past decade you'd know that true degenerates can get in just fine.

Also don't blindly follow advice you get from random people on the internet. You shouldn't let your parents tell you what the right career path for you is, and you definitely shouldn't let people on SDN tell you either. Go shadow, talk to physicians, talk to med students and figure out if it's right for you. SDN can be useful for information on many topics, but from what I've seen getting people to assess your character or evaluate your motivations is something best left to real life connections and people you know and trust.

Thank you.

 

[Medic741]

Ouch. Okay, it looks like the general consensus is that my reasons (as of now) are too shallow and immature. I see that now. Thank you, everyone, for your honest input.

For the upcoming school year, I'll continue taking pre-med courses and doing medically related activities - with an open mind. I'll be doing a hospital internship that focuses on direct patient contact, and I'll try to find a physician to shadow. I think that these activities will allow me to decide if medicine is the right track for me. If not, I'll listen to my parents.

HIGHLY recommend seeing a mental health professional, sounds like a lot of baggage you're carrying around.

 

[WingedOx]

Your reasons are poorly articulated, but I don't think they're any worse than the ones I had when I was an undergrad.

 

[Mad Jack]

If I posted anything that I've done in the past decade you'd know that true degenerates can get in just fine.

I knew I liked this guy.

+1 to his comment by the way, I was a total **** up. I dropped out of high school, partied hard through college, and really came across as a guy who would be the last person you'd ever expect to want to be a doctor. But I eventually got my **** together and decided, you know what, this is what I want in life, and I'm taking it, even with all the hard work and sacrifice that entails.