My social life is dead from being a pre-med. Advice?

[lodo.owl]

Pre-med student w/ a lot of plates to balance like all pre-meds do, and as of recently I've noticed the plate that holds my friends/social life has been dropped. I go to school year round, scribe in an ER, volunteer, am organizing a pre-health panel w/ my school, etc. and have had some chronic health complications (not concerning for my academic performance just time consuming); ultimately I'm busy and my social life has practically died out. I have lost best friends over them thinking I've "abandoned them" or just from lack of contact. I live alone and my boyfriend is deployed w/ the AF in Africa, which is surprisingly convenient because we can schedule out FaceTime and phone calls to work with our schedules.

School is going great (3.8, no MCAT for another year), ECs are rewarding, romantic and family relationships are strong but distant, but at the end of the day I'm feeling bummed as I've lost two of my best friends because my schedule is demanding and I just feel alone. I know that losing people who can't understand the demands is expected, but it still majorly sucks.

Any advice from maybe some pre-meds/med students/anyone more seasoned or better at balancing than I am?

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[Means]

There is more to life than just academics, dedicate some time out of your week to do activities you actually enjoy outside of campus.

 

[lodo.owl]

There is more to life than just academics, dedicate some time out of your week to do activities you actually enjoy outside of campus.

Volunteering w/ the kids I tutor is what I actually enjoy. I also enjoy film and I schedule days to re-charge so I don't burn out. I don't "recharge" when I'm out with friends; they're fun but exhausting. I'm not neglecting self-care or personal interests, but I also don't have time/energy to go out every Friday or go to a show until 2am like I did in HS.

 

[lodo.owl]

Honestly, as I'm reading this over, maybe I just need to make some new friends w/ similar interests lmao.

 

[907914]

Honestly, as I'm reading this over, maybe I just need to make some new friends w/ similar interests lmao.

Never make friends for convenience.

If you want time with friends, preplan it. You need time in your life to actually have a life. Make the time.

Personal well being is strongly linked to social well being. If you have to choose between an A- every quarter and going out with friends once every week or two, to the friends.

 

[Phoebus Apollo]

While I agree with @MemeLord to some extent, I also think that making friends through your current interests can be a great thing. Some of my best friends from undergrad I made from my most challenging science classes — we studied together and really bonded through those classes. Even the ones I’m not as close with anymore are still important to me, and I remember them fondly.

Only you can know how important your old friends are, and I’d suggest putting in some baseline effort to keep contact, even if the full flair of your friendship goes a bit dormant for now. If your relationships have strong foundations, they’ll bounce back once you’ve got a bit more time (a less challenging semester, for instance, or a gap year). Personally, I have a small but very valuable number of HS friends, and I try to reach out now and then, even if it feels like it’s been forever.

I guess, to keep things simple:
- only you can know which relationships are fufilling to you and make you happy
- invest time in the ones that you suspect you’ll want 10 yrs from now— it doesn’t take much. A lunch, a beer, a movie, a letter
- get to know the people in your classes and ECs if you can; enjoy those relationships and see if you can find some social fulfillment there

 

[lodo.owl]

While I agree with @MemeLord to some extent, I also think that making friends through your current interests can be a great thing. Some of my best friends from undergrad I made from my most challenging science classes — we studied together and really bonded through those classes. Even the ones I’m not as close with anymore are still important to me, and I remember them fondly.

Only you can know how important your old friends are, and I’d suggest putting in some baseline effort to keep contact, even if the full flair of your friendship goes a bit dormant for now. If your relationships have strong foundations, they’ll bounce back once you’ve got a bit more time (a less challenging semester, for instance, or a gap year). Personally, I have a small but very valuable number of HS friends, and I try to reach out now and then, even if it feels like it’s been forever.

I guess, to keep things simple:
- only you can know which relationships are fufilling to you and make you happy
- invest time in the ones that you suspect you’ll want 10 yrs from now— it doesn’t take much. A lunch, a beer, a movie, a letter
- get to know the people in your classes and ECs if you can; enjoy those relationships and see if you can find some social fulfillment there

I love my old friends, and I definitely am not planning to replace them by any means, but I do need to find friends that can fulfill my social needs w/o giving me a hangover lol.

Thank you for the advice, it is v helpful 🙂

 

[Gilakend]

Your social life isn't dead from being a pre-med, it's dead cause being pre-med was more important to you. You've carved out time for many things, but not friends. I'm willing to bet a shiny penny there is still plenty of time in your schedule for friends IF you really wanted to fit them in.

 

[Tenk]

Find friends with similar goals/priorities. A true friend would support you, not shun you, for trying to make something with your life.

 

[Angus Avagadro]

Make time for your college friends. You are obviously very organized, just move friend time a little higher on the list of things to do. My dearest friends continue to be from college and med school. We just finished vacationing with my college roommate and his wife.

 

[Goro]

Pre-med student w/ a lot of plates to balance like all pre-meds do, and as of recently I've noticed the plate that holds my friends/social life has been dropped. I go to school year round, scribe in an ER, volunteer, am organizing a pre-health panel w/ my school, etc. and have had some chronic health complications (not concerning for my academic performance just time consuming); ultimately I'm busy and my social life has practically died out. I have lost best friends over them thinking I've "abandoned them" or just from lack of contact. I live alone and my boyfriend is deployed w/ the AF in Africa, which is surprisingly convenient because we can schedule out FaceTime and phone calls to work with our schedules.

School is going great (3.8, no MCAT for another year), ECs are rewarding, romantic and family relationships are strong but distant, but at the end of the day I'm feeling bummed as I've lost two of my best friends because my schedule is demanding and I just feel alone. I know that losing people who can't understand the demands is expected, but it still majorly sucks.

Any advice from maybe some pre-meds/med students/anyone more seasoned or better at balancing than I am?

Time mgt skills are crucial for a successful medical student.

If you don't' have a social life, or time for hobbies, etc, you're doing something wrong, or you're overextended. Drop some of your ECs, like the health panel

 

[LizzyM]

Coffee. Suggest meeting a friend for coffee (or tea, or a smoothie). Or a walk in the neighborhood or through a park or around a pond. At most it takes an hour and there is time to catch up and you won't have a hangover in the morning.

 

[Hi_I'mPaul]

There should be non-negotiables as a premed and even as a med student. You should have the time management skills at this point to be able to have a social life if that is something that is important to you. I'd learn this now as I'm sure the responsibilities will only increase in medical school.

Also, as someone that doesn't drink, it still is pretty easy to hang out with people in ways that don't lead to hangovers lol.

Good luck!! 🙂

 

[lodo.owl]

Time mgt skills are crucial for a successful medical student.

If you don't' have a social life, or time for hobbies, etc, you're doing something wrong, or you're overextended. Drop some of your ECs, like the health panel

I agree, although I could argue that I think I'm busy but not overextended. My schedule isn't causing anxiety or stress, I definitely just need to put face-to-face time w/ my friends higher up on my list and manage it more efficiently.

Coffee. Suggest meeting a friend for coffee (or tea, or a smoothie). Or a walk in the neighborhood or through a park or around a pond. At most it takes an hour and there is time to catch up and you won't have a hangover in the morning.

Noted, I like these ideas and its a change of pace from what I considered "hanging out" as when in HS. Thank you.

There should be non-negotiables as a premed and even as a med student. You should have the time management skills at this point to be able to have a social life if that is something that is important to you. I'd learn this now as I'm sure the responsibilities will only increase in medical school.

Also, as someone that doesn't drink, it still is pretty easy to hang out with people in ways that don't lead to hangovers lol.

Good luck!! 🙂

I've considered honestly just dropping drinking unless it's w/ meals. Issue seems to be not really the lack of time I have for friends and more the time/energy consuming activities that I'm used to participating in since HS. Just seems like its time to grow up and do different things with the same people (ie LizzyM's suggestions).

Thank you all for the advice! x

 

[deleted804295]

Have a social life but don't bend over backwards and kill your academic life for friends. Some people I considered my best friends my freshman year of college I rarely hang out with now and not by my own doing. People besides family come and go. Your dreams don't.

But still hang out with people. If you're anything like me you'll burn out from the lack of socializing.

 

[deleted804295]

Getting plastered and drinking is not the only way to hang out. I go over to friend's from religious institutions' places at least once a week. I like cooking so sometimes we cook together or we sit on the porch and talk about life.

Haven't had any alcohol in my entire life and I'm not missing out. You can also still have alcohol and still be responsible. I like going to bars with live music and having NA drinks. Most of the people at the bars I go to don't get drunk. You can be responsible and still have a lot of fun.

 

[right500]

Some (just about all?) colleges/universities have lots of non-drinking (more broadly non-guilt the next morning) social events. Invite your friends to those events. If they don't want to take part: you will make a different roster of friends who tend to frequent those events. The best social advice from undergrad was to consistently invite other people rather than waiting for them to ask me. I carved out time on Friday nights and Saturday afternoon/evening apart from school and work for friends. Friends change, you change, your emotional needs change; it is natural for some friendships to fade with time.

 

[lodo.owl]

Getting plastered and drinking is not the only way to hang out. I go over to friend's from religious institutions' places at least once a week. I like cooking so sometimes we cook together or we sit on the porch and talk about life.

Haven't had any alcohol in my entire life and I'm not missing out. You can also still have alcohol and still be responsible. I like going to bars with live music and having NA drinks. Most of the people at the bars I go to don't get drunk. You can be responsible and still have a lot of fun.

Not getting plastered, never have been (don't really like alcohol and just drink it socially), issue is more the late hours/concerts and drunk friend babysitting that usually go alone with it lol.

Have a social life but don't bend over backwards and kill your academic life for friends. Some people I considered my best friends my freshman year of college I rarely hang out with now and not by my own doing. People besides family come and go. Your dreams don't.

But still hang out with people. If you're anything like me you'll burn out from the lack of socializing.

Agreed.

 

[Calizboosted76]

I’ve met some of my closest friends (and my daughters god father) through premed activities. I go to the gym daily with friends BUT I will say I thoroughly enjoy having friends that are on the same mental capacity I am. I would suggest making friends with people who have the same goals as you but also trying to keep in touch with other friends as well as long as you’re not the one consistently contacting them.

 

[Select All That Apply]

@lodo.owl Be comfortable with being lonely.

Also, the act of drinking appears to be lost on a lot of people in this thread. It's not "getting plastered" that matters, it's the notion of consensual action and mutual trust. Alcohol dependency is not the emphasis in social drinking, it's to make yourself vulnerable so you can be reliant on one another and develop a sense of actual interdependency that wouldn't come about naturally.

 

[lodo.owl]

@lodo.owl Alcohol dependency is not the emphasis in social drinking, it's to make yourself vulnerable so you can be reliant on one another and develop a sense of actual interdependency that wouldn't come about naturally.

Honestly, the friends I'm discussing here are kids in their early 20s with invincibility complexes that think binge drinking is a normal Friday night, so it's more just the undergrad transition between being a teenager and a functioning adult lol.

 

[Robin-jay]

being a pre-med is actually what gave me a social life.

 

[Dr. Rafiki]

Much sage advice here already.

For what it's worth: I moved far away for medical school and talked to maybe 5 people from HS / College still. Probably not even that. Having fun is important, but as long as you're not burning out then don't stress over "burning bridges". You will meet some of the best friends of your life in medical school. Then you'll never see them again once 3rd year and / or residency hits. The world of medicine is the world of being a nomad. You've got your tribe (BF) and that's all you need to worry about for the long-run.

That said, you need to hit up some sort of happy hour every now and again with a social group cause you sound burned out already and trust me when I say you have a loooong way to go still haha

 

[CaptainWEMT]

I agree with most of what has already said but would also like to add that I ultimately lost most of my nonpremed college friends because they just did not understand the time commitment that it required and were not willing to work with my schedule. Sometimes these things are just not meant to work out and you need to move on from friends like that.

 

[deleted804295]

@lodo.owl Be comfortable with being lonely.

Also, the act of drinking appears to be lost on a lot of people in this thread. It's not "getting plastered" that matters, it's the notion of consensual action and mutual trust. Alcohol dependency is not the emphasis in social drinking, it's to make yourself vulnerable so you can be reliant on one another and develop a sense of actual interdependency that wouldn't come about naturally.

That sounds like a dumb idea tbh.

To clarify: I don't see the appeal of being vulnerable with a person who you wouldn't be vulnerable sober with

 

[Select All That Apply]

@Sunbodi Out of curiosity, why do you think people want to drink as a social factor?

 

[deleted804295]

@Sunbodi Out of curiosity, why do you think people want to drink as a social factor?

I think it's to become disinhibited and to stop nervousness. I didn't think it was to be more vulnerable.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I think it's to become disinhibited and to stop nervousness. I didn't think it was to be more vulnerable.

Yeah, I haven’t had a drink in 6 years but I used to drink a lot, and I never drank to feel vulnerable lol.