Narrative Fatigue

[Nasrudin]

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WTF am I talking about?

Right.

I'm not exactly sure myself. But what I mean is for those of you who got your spot on the flight out. Do you now stumble a bit on where we're headed exactly. Could it be just another lay over in Cleveland.

There is the fundamental tension between what it takes to boot strap yourself up, and then finding out that slippers are more comfortable.

Here's what i mean. Steadily backed into the corner of my mind over my seven year stint in premed pelican bay is the shadowy elephant of a thought. One that is now puffing on cuban cigars with his feet up in my reading space. He's the Babar of all things dark and cynical. Brash as burnt ball hair. F'n with my mentals. Causing me to read Shem and PandabearMd's blog with secretive pleasure. Like a hot affair. On the DL. With a cynical elephant. Who I hope as a vagina at least.

What has detonated in my dome is the notion that patient care is cool. Cause I'm just not all that sure that it is anymore. For those of you still dorking to change your first adult diaper. This may not register. But please feel free to berate me. I understand it's the script.

which is what i mean by narrative fatigue. most physicians have danced with their own darkly humorous elephants to know just exactly how far off our premed notions are. maybe my existential crisis is happening earlier. the work of ten years in patient care grunt work.

Has anyone else ventured into a strange place where words that have escaped your mouth in the admissions process now bounce around an empty room making echos of absurdity and desolation.

Does: "...I think I want to go into primary care.." suddenly change into. f@ck that. I should go for radiology. In the span of months. For anyone else?

 

[J ROD]

W...T....F !!!! 😕

 

[Nasrudin]

W...T....F !!!! 😕

To put it another way. I am the extension of my supervising physician's work. Therefore aside from the occasional coll diagnoses I am involved with the same work on the front and back ends of her appt.'s.

Here's what I've come to realize.

Roughly 1/3 of the patients I connect with and enjoy serving by filling out all of their tedious paperwork and doing the same vital signs over and over and.....zzzz. The cool people I like negate this tedium with themselves basically.

Another 1/3 I am indifferent to. Not their circumstances mind you. Just them as people.

And then maybe another 1/3 or so just plain annoy me.

So that's 2/3 indifference and distaste. For what will eventually be tedious algorithms repeated again and again with the occasional interesting case.

Is that sustainable for the sadomasochism ahead. I ask myself. Out loud. On the internets.

Or should I run for the most secluded perch from which to watch the whole tedious disaster.

 

[sindadel]

I often have those thoughts. Hang in there - the ride is ABSOLUTELY awesome. 🙂 And I see a LOT of satisfied physicians.

 

[QofQuimica]

Does: "...I think I want to go into primary care.." suddenly change into. f@ck that. I should go for radiology. In the span of months. For anyone else?

Sometimes. The problem with med school and medicine in general is that no amount of premed clinical experience can prepare you for what it's going to be like when you get here. Some people adapt to the reality that is our system of health care better than others, and some people have more realistic expectations in general than others. Some people plain burn out, and those are the most miserable physicians of all.

Of course, you will always like some patients better than others, just as you always like some people better than others in any social situation. That's going to be true no matter what kind of service profession you enter. But I never went to med school wanting to save the world. So if anything, it was a pleasant surprise to find that I enjoy working with patients enough to go into a medicine specialty. I'm used to delayed gratification, and I can appreciate the small successes enough to make it worth my while. Now on the cusp of getting ready to apply for residency, I'm actually a heck of a lot more cognizant about the importance of ending up in a work environment where my future colleagues and I don't fall into one of your last two groups concerning *each other*.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

trippy broooo

 

[CremasterFlash]

Nasrudin is now officially one of my favorite writers in the English language. Up there with DFW, for rizzle. At least in sprints.

 

[J ROD]

All jobs suck!! I like medicine because of the "hope"!

Today might be the day I can make a difference.....when I was working in business, shoveling paper, I knew that was never gonna happen.....

 

[EdLongshanks]

...Here's what i mean. Steadily backed into the corner of my mind over my seven year stint in premed pelican bay is the shadowy elephant of a thought. One that is now puffing on cuban cigars with his feet up in my reading space. He's the Babar of all things dark and cynical. Brash as burnt ball hair. ...

Nasrudin, you definitely need to lay off the Carlos Castenada books for awhile.