Need advice on possible transfer from TCOM to NOVA

[FutureDOfromthe210]

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Please delete thread. Thank you to everyone that took the time to reply.

 

[MakeLifeHappen13]

It sounds like your family and girlfriend are delaying and possibly ruining your medical education and placing unneeded obstacles on your road to becoming a physician. You need to do what is best for your future at this moment. Stop trying to appease those around you and focus on the task at hand, and that is finishing medical school and residency and securing a stable life for yourself and future family.

TCOM is the better and cheaper school. You should stay and finish strong. Your girlfriend and family don't understand the emotional, financial, and physical burden that medical school entails because if they did, they would not be putting you through so much extra psychological stress. If your girlfriend is unwilling to understand and sacrifice for you during this difficult time, then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. There will be other women in your future believe me. Your parents might be mad at you temporarily but at the end of the day, they are your parents, they will love and support you.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Don't ruin your life over an uncertain future with a woman. If this thing is serious, propose to her and she has to agree to move. It's that simple. If you think chasing down a girl that you're not married to and isn't willing to put in some sacrifice to be with you is a good idea, you need to start reevaluating this now. Deep down she'll not see this as an "expression of love" to be with her but rather a sign of weakness that you abandon your dreams and goals. I've seen too many good men ruin their lives over women with nothing in return. Don't be like them.

 

[Scrubs101]

Thats a tough situation OP and im sorry to hear you’re having to deal with all these frustrations. If i were in your situation, I would stick it out. Youre a year and a half in, and the biggest bummer i foresee is NOVA not accepting all your credits and you essentially having to repeat classes you’ve already taken.

I may have missed it in your post, but have you tried talking to TCOM about setting up all off site rotations for 3rd year? Ive seen other students from other schools do this for family reasons and while its a lot of work to get all your base rotations done at non TCOM affiliated hospitals its certainly possible. If you could set this up all you’d need to do is finished up preclinicals at TCOM and then spend 3rd/4th year in FL.

You are right, your family and her most likely do not understand the magnitude of what they are asking you. Most non-medical people dont. Try and sit them down and tell them how huge this is for you, it is nothing like transferring undergrads, and that it would be in your futures best interest financially and stress-wise for her to come move out with you. I cannot pretend to understand the value system of your small religous community is like, and so i dont know how hard this would be to do. But its definitely something to try.

Best of luck OP

 

[nlax30]

Don't ruin your life over an uncertain future with a woman. If this thing is serious, propose to her and she has to agree to move. It's that simple. If you think chasing down a girl that you're not married to and isn't willing to put in some sacrifice to be with you is a good idea, you need to start reevaluating this now. Deep down she'll not see this as an "expression of love" to be with her but rather a sign of weakness that you abandon your dreams and goals. I've seen too many good men ruin their lives over women with nothing in return. Don't be like them.

What?? I seriously doubt jumping to a proposal will simplify this whole thing and suddenly make his girlfriend ok with moving back to Texas with him. Do this and In afraid you’ll just find yourself in the same situation but now engaged with a whole other set of obligations and pressures.

Unfortunately this is just a crappy situation all around. I do to some degree respect that you have, or at least feel like you have, a certain duty to your family and religious group to maintain your association with them and whatever lifestyles choices they deem appropriate for you as to where you live and who you ultimately marry. Unfortunately those expectations (valid or not which is subjective depending your viewpoint) are now in conflict with your current education and professional goals.

Options in my mind are:

1. Stay and start back at TCOM in Jan as planned, understanding that this could potentially mean the end of the relationship with that girl and even place a strain on your relationship with your family. Obviously this would likely have the least impact on schooling and your future career.

2. Stay in Florida and try to transfer to NOVA/LECOM. Fortunately both are established schools and while academically don’t have quite the ‘clout’ as TCOM will prepare you to become a great phyician. Obviously IF you are able to transfer you have lost some time and more money.

Why did you take a LOA in the first place? Was it to move back to Florida to help with a family issue or specifically to develop a relationship with this girl?

If you and her are seriously considering a future together have y’all have a had truly honest sit down everything-on-the-table type discussion about your options and what this means for your career and y’alls relationship?

I was married going into med school so we had to make the decision or where to go and ultimately residency/fellowship together as my spouse is not in medicine but I had a responsibility to her and we both had to be comfortable with the decision. Once your married and/or have kids these decisions get much more complicated. Fortunately I found someone who was willing to compromise with me though we made the decision so together. This is something you need to sort it before getting engaged or married. That won’t make it easier.

There’s no easy answer here. If she is already giving you black and white answers that she just won’t move to Texas or not willing to go there temporarily while you finish training then at some point you will have to decide which path you want to pursue. And there’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer as none of us are you.

 

[nlax30]

Obviously I’m not in the situation and there’s a somewhat unique family dynamic here with y’all being in the same small religious circle.... but to me her family has no say here.

If this was me I would be having discussions with just her and explaining that this was for me and her to sort out and at this stage her family has no say, especially when they have no idea about the potential consequences of trying to transfer med schools.

 

[nlax30]

And not to harp too much on this, but.... this also makes me think long and hard about if this is someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. While I wouldn’t allow her family to have a say in this particular decision, I would take into account how the in-laws interact and treat me.

Not saying that this is how they are, but if they are ignorantly stubborn and flippantly demand certain things of you then that’s not going to change down the road once y’all are married and have kids and making other important life decisions such as where to live/work, when to have kids, where to spend holidays, etc...

 

[Meekor]

Never do anything for a woman. For all you know you could end up hating her and end up in an unhappy marriage resulting in it affecting your coursework, application, might end up having an unaffair, are you allowed to divorce? There are so many questions. I’ve seen too many people ruin their futures and careers over “true love” to tell you it’s all a bunch of BS. TCOM over NOVA any day. The benefits in cost, clinical support and education, ability to match anywhere quite well for a DO school. The benefits go on since you’re a texas resident. Do you really want to set yourself behind more with the merger coming up? Or increase your chances of matching. If you’re still serious about her just do your best to match in Florida. If that doesn’t happen c’est la vie.

I had one friend take an undesirable job far away from home for his GF, only for her to break up with him when he moved. Another person I know stayed in the US for a woman instead of signing a professional soccer contract in Europe, they also split less than six months after that decision.

Finally, my parents got married for “true love” and religion. My mother throughout the 16years was miserable. Attempted suicide god knows how many times, two of which I stopped. It took her 16 years to divorce because religion and members within her religious community told her divorce was evil despite her everyday abuse. Never do things rashly for “true love”.

 

[DokterMom]

What is pretty clearly best for you personally and for your future family is to resume studying at TCOM then (maybe) spend as much of your 4th year in florida as possible and seek to move there for residency. The price of transferring to NOVA -- best case -- is around $200,000 extra in debt, an one or two extra years before you finish, delayed graduation and the red flags that raises, and inferior prospects for residency. And that's best case. Worst case you are not accepted or have to repeat one or even 1.5 years and take on considerably more than $200 K in extra debt.

Based on what you've written, I'll assume you're a man and that your culture's beliefs are fairly traditional. That generally leans toward patriarchy. And if that's the case, wouldn't placing a high importance on your career and future earning prospects make sense? Don't her parents want her to marry a doctor of her same religion? (Unless there's an extreme gender imbalance in your religion, isn't a high-status man as rare as a highly desirable woman?)

Also, let's look at the power dynamics in your relationship. It sounds like you would be willing to sacrifice quite a lot for her, but that she is unwilling to sacrifice much of anything for you... If she is as committed to you and your relationship as you are to her, she would be willing to wait for you, to marry you and move, or to 'wait and see' while genuinely wanting you to not 'tank' your career for her sake. She should want the best for you, and I've seen no indication that she does. I hope I'm wrong, but honestly, the people around you sound pretty selfish. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go for a while --

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

Hello,

I'm not really sure where to start but first of all, I would like to thank whoever takes the time to read this thread and lend me their 2 cents. I am currently on a leave of absence from TCOM. I am a second year (completed a year and half and am in good academic standing). I love the school and have enjoyed my time there thus far. Just as a side note, I am originally from Texas and am 24 years old. I took the leave in the first place due to personal and family reasons. My leave will end and I am set to return to school in January 2019. As it pertains to my situation, I find it important to state that I am of a very small religious community and one of the major tenets of our religion is to marry within our faith. I met and fell in love with a woman of the same religion last year and we hit it off but she resides in Florida. Both of our families have placed a lot of pressure on me to try to transfer to a school in Florida. As an osteopathic medical student, I have already looked into my options and found NOVA as well as LECOM as the only two osteopathic schools in the state. I already had a meeting with an admissions counselor at NOVA last week and she said that they do accept transfers and that I needed to write a letter outlining my reasons for transfer in addition to sending a transcript to get the ball rolling. I sent everything into them last week and am now awaiting a reply. During the meeting, the counselor told me that I was too late to apply to start with this year's entering class at the end of July. She also said that I would most likely need to wait to start with next year's entering class in July or August of 2019 due to discrepancies in the curriculums and my transferring credits, although there was a small chance that I could end up starting at NOVA in January of 2019. If I need to start next July, that would be a net loss of 2 years if you factor in my leave of absence and starting second year all over again at a new school. Bear in mind, this is even if they accept me into their program following an interview with the dean, letters of recommendation and submitting my MCAT score as well as transcripts amongst other things. To be honest, I am very apprehensive about the idea of transferring and starting somewhere new. Especially at such a crucial time for medical students. If I were still in school, I would have taken STEP1 and COMLEX in a couple of weeks but for the past 4 months, I haven't done anything school related and have since relocated from Texas to Florida. I've been in Florida since January of this year. My girlfriend is against the idea of moving to Texas because she would like to remain close to her family and not transferring here would most likely mean going back to resume my studies by myself. I have been very distraught and upset at having to leave school. As you all know, it is very difficult to even be admitted into medical school in the first place and now I am asked to transfer. I feel that my family and my girlfriend don't really understand the magnitude of what they are asking of me, especially at the stage that I am in my medical education. She always tells me that if I love her enough then I would do this for her. I suppose that to my parents, marrying a woman of my faith and having children one day is much more important than what kind of doctor I end up becoming or even if I end up becoming a doctor at all.

Furthermore, I have taken the liberty to research the statistics on NOVA and how they compare to TCOM. I apologize if I am offending anybody as that is not my aim. I would just like to point out some facts. First of all, the average debt amount of a graduate from NSU-COM (NOVA) is $274,947. In comparison, average debt of a TCOM graduate is only $121,970. In addition, the passing rate for COMLEX level 1 for NSU was lower than the national average 3 of the last 4 years from 2014-2017. With the passing rate only being 85% in 2017 (the national average was 96%). TCOM posted a 99% pass rate as well as a 594 class average in 2017 and has been consistently higher than the national average pass rate every year. Again, I do not mean to offend anybody with these numbers, I just want to place all of my cards on the table and take everything into consideration when making a decision with regards to my future. If you are wondering where these numbers are coming from, you can find them online at the respective school's websites. With all of this being said, I am fully aware that anyone can go anywhere and become a great doctor and that pass rates may not indicate all that much. However, I am strongly under the impression that one would want to go wherever they have the best possible chance of succeeding and I can't help but feel that TCOM gives me the best opportunity to do just that. I could definitely be wrong but doesn't the pass rate on COMLEX level 1 at least somewhat represent how good the curriculum is? I also understand that board scores are largely dependent on each individual student. However, doesn't having a strong curriculum help in that regard?

I have just felt overwhelmingly frustrated with my family and with myself regarding this matter. Just a year ago, I was studying for exams and happy where I was and now, I work at my uncle's company here in florida performing tasks that have nothing to do with medicine such as shredding paper. I have never seen myself above these tasks or anything of that nature but it's just not my passion or what I've spent a majority of my life studying. In the end, if I choose TCOM, I will most likely need to run away from florida and head back to Texas by myself because I feel that eventually, if it is possible to transfer to NOVA, my parents and my girlfriend will really want me to come here and they won't let me go back. I will be completely on my own financially as well if I choose to run away. I have some money left from my loans this year that were meant to be used for school, however I got to keep the loan even though I had a leave of absence and I've only held onto it just in case I needed to buy a plane ticket home. I also worry about the possibility of leaving from florida and eventually becoming the doctor I always hoped I would become but have no one that I love around me. I know that this is a lot and I may not find the answer I am looking for here on SDN but I don't think it would hurt to hear some of your opinions and I'm just running out of options, time and money. Thank you all again very much for your time and I look forward to reading your responses.

They most likely wont approve your transfer unless you are married or have children.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

Also if for whatever reason you need tobtake extra time to complete anything (for whatever reason) you will have used up 2 years and i believe you have 6 years total to complete medical school.