Need some help.

[LeGOAT James]

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I just finished my undergrad and did very well. I plan on studying for my MCAT's throughout the year and applying next summer. I am confident in myself, and I feel like I will eventually get into medical schools when the time comes. Off course not overly confident, but I don't feel like my chances of getting into medical school will require a miracle.

However, I am having a difficult time dealing with family pressure. My family makes very little money, thus there is a large amount of pressure that my father puts on me to make money immediately. It's summer break and he constantly feels the need to remind me. I am working next year as a research technician for a pharma company and will be making approximately 42 K. I plan on giving as much as I can to him but he still continues to say things like "that's too little", "your comp sci friends are making triple", etc. It's honestly getting to a point where making a decision to become a doctor, and not making any "good" money for the next 8 years seems like a burden. My father isn't educated and although admits becoming a doctor has great amounts of prestige and respect, constantly continues to question me. My mother who is educated has been my support and my strength. At times where I began to question my decision to go into medicine she reminds me of why I chose to go down this path.

I definitely want to be a doctor, and can't see myself doing anything else. Does anyone have any experience on how to deal with issues like this? I can't continue to just force myself to take a nap when he goes on these outbursts and money hungry rants.

 

[Goro]

I suggest some counseling to help you build up some coping skills.

As medical student, you're going to have to be somewhat selfish.

 

[gyngyn]

Your father is correct. You will have about a decade of delayed financial gratification if you choose this path.
If the argument is framed this way he will always "win."

 

[LeGOAT James]

Your father is correct. You will have about a decade of delayed financial gratification if you choose this path.
If the argument is framed this way he will always "win."

How should I go about showing him my decision to go into medicine is more than just to make some money?

 

[gyngyn]

How should I go about showing him my decision to go into medicine is more than just to make some money?

Tell him why you believe it to be true for you.
In other words, re-frame the question.

You are dealing with a difference in world view.

 

[Kpw101]

@Goro is right. You have to be selfish. You're the only one with the right to dictate how your life plans out.

Do you live your life mainly for your saitisfaction or your father's?

 

[RNtoMD87]

Why does your dad need YOU to give him money?

 

[Oso]

I plan on giving as much as I can to him but he still continues to say things like "that's too little", "your comp sci friends are making triple",

Is your father counting on you for money? This does not seem like a healthy relationship if he's basically saying "why can't you make more money for me like your comp sci friends". Something needs to change here. You're about to make a big investment that will require making no money/going into serious debt for a good while. Sit down with him and tell him what your goals are and what it will take you to get there. He can either understand/accept that or he cannot, but he should not continue to regularly pester you about it. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's what I think.

 

[RNtoMD87]

I would honestly cut them off. I cut my mother off for about 4 years. If people bring you down, cut them off, and find positive ones that lift you up.

You also say he's uneducated and unsuccessful. I would tell him, if I took your advice I would follow your path. And that's NOT what I want to do.

 

[LeGOAT James]

I would honestly cut them off. I cut my mother off for about 4 years. If people bring you down, cut them off, and find positive ones that lift you up.

You also say he's uneducated and unsuccessful. I would tell him, if I took your advice I would follow your path. And that's NOT what I want to do.

I agree but it’s the money concern that he keeps mentioning that gets to me. Growing up , although he had very little money, he always gave me what I needed (payed for SAT courses although it was a lot for him , etc.). It’s not just easy to push him away.

And he’s uneducated, but he moved here and brought us along for a better life and access to education. It’s tough because he sacrificed soo much to give us a better life, and like most parents that immigrated here, he does expect financial help from his kids

 

[RNtoMD87]

Does he work for a living?

Does he understand that by taking from you, he is holding you back from being able to accomplish your goals? It sounds like he is manipulating you. My girlfriends parents both do this to her. They are divorced, one is an addict that refuses to work, and the other is an egotist that refuses to work jobs that he doesn't feel like a bigshot at. She's slowly come to the realization that she can only afford to take care of herself and her son.

I was raised differently. My dad did everything he could to help me out on an xray tech salary, at the time making less than 40,000 per year. He had retirement so until his death he never needed my help. I believe in helping your parents when they become dependent, but as long as they are still able to work, they should do so. Everything they take from you, they are taking from your children/future children. My grandma worked until she was 90 years old. 9 months ago she stopped working and we had to put her in a nursing home. I try to visit at least once a week, and she insists I don't stay too long and "burn the candle at both ends" because I need my rest in order to achieve my medschool dreams. And she insists I accept money from her, but I explain that although the day may come that I need help, I am doing quite fine on my own for now.

I never want to put myself in a position to take from my children. Even if that means I must be extremely selfish now.