Not being a doctor after residency?

[zeppelinpage4]

Sorry this will be a rant, I just needed some honest advice and I'm not comfortable bringing this up with anyone in my program without having really thought it through.

I just met with my PD for our 3 month eval, and it was clear that I'm doing worse than the other interns and struggling behind, despite much effort on my part over these last two months. Now, everyone has been very supportive, and they're trying to arrange for me to get extra help so I can catch up to everyone else, but it's made me wonder if that extra effort is even worth it, as I've had doubts about wanting to practice medicine for some time now.

First and foremost. I don't enjoy seeing patients...at least not in the way we see them today. Each day, my time with patients feels rushed, and I rarely sit down or even get to know them. I'm already inefficient and struggling to stay organized and the days are busy...so I do what I need to do, get the exam in, and get the hell out as soon as possible so I can put in orders and write notes/make phone calls. The reality that most of being a doctor is just 8-15 minute patient visits, with hours of documenting/arranging care/being a secretary has really worn down on me. None of it feels meaningful. I know this aspect won't change once I'm an attending, and it might even get worse, it's just a reality of being a doctor today that I was too foolish to not realize or see when I started this process five years ago. On the worst days, I've found myself getting frustrated with difficult patients and I see them less and less like people and more like an MRN numbers on a computer screen with basic check box tasks to complete.

Second, I'm not type A and I don't want to be. Attendings I work with and fellow residents read up on their patients in their spare time, and go the extra mile to make sure they are the best physician they can possibly be and do right by the patient. I value and respect my colleagues so much for it. But, while I try my best to do the same, I know that it's not sustainable for me. I don't want to have to stay late and go the extra mile for something I don't feel passionate about. Unless it's something I really feel passionate about, I just want a 9-5 job, that's it. Something that puts food on the table, pays the bills and lets me enjoy my personal life when I'm off the clock, because my personal life and family matters far more to me. I don't want medicine to be my life, I don't want to have to read and call insurance companies in my spare time. At this point, I feel that all the sacrifices I make/will make for this career are a waste because I don't feel a passion for it anymore. All the while, I'm not even good at it...it's something I struggle to succeed in while others around me get by just fine (I had trouble passing boards in med school, I'm continually doing poorly in staying organized and up to date on the floors). I feel like there's something out there that I'm actually better suited to do and would allow me to have regular hours...I don't know what, but I know it's not this.

Are there realistic ways out? Are my reasons legitimate or is this just intern year blues? Does it actually get better? So many articles and books state that it doesn't get better after residency and a lot of the BS you have to deal with in terms of long hours and paperwork continue for attendings. I'm sure most jobs have their share of problems, but I'd like to have some semblance of a true work/life balance.

From what I gathered, leaving residency is a bad idea, and I genuinely like my program and I don't want to leave them one intern down, so for the time being I intend to stick it out and do my absolute best for the patients/my co-reidents...but after residency I don't want to keep doing this and I'd like to know if there's realistic avenues to get out and how I would do so. The huge debt is also a big factor. Sorry if it looks like I'm complaining, I'm happy with my program and specialty and wouldn't change anything about that, but I'm wondering if there's a place for folks like me or if I'd be doing future patients a favor by leaving patient care behind for a more regular manageable job (if such jobs exist for residency grads).

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[NotanotherHPI]

Sorry this will be a rant, I just needed some honest advice and I'm not comfortable bringing this up with anyone in my program without having really thought it through.

I just met with my PD for our 3 month eval, and it was clear that I'm doing worse than the other interns and struggling behind, despite much effort on my part over these last two months. Now, everyone has been very supportive, and they're trying to arrange for me to get extra help so I can catch up to everyone else, but it's made me wonder if that extra effort is even worth it, as I've had doubts about wanting to practice medicine for some time now.

First and foremost. I don't enjoy seeing patients...at least not in the way we see them today. Each day, my time with patients feels rushed, and I rarely sit down or even get to know them. I'm already inefficient and struggling to stay organized and the days are busy...so I do what I need to do, get the exam in, and get the hell out as soon as possible so I can put in orders and write notes/make phone calls. The reality that most of being a doctor is just 8-15 minute patient visits, with hours of documenting/arranging care/being a secretary has really worn down on me. None of it feels meaningful. I know this aspect won't change once I'm an attending, and it might even get worse, it's just a reality of being a doctor today that I was too foolish to not realize or see when I started this process five years ago. On the worst days, I've found myself getting frustrated with difficult patients and I see them less and less like people and more like an MRN numbers on a computer screen with basic check box tasks to complete.

Second, I'm not type A and I don't want to be. Attendings I work with and fellow residents read up on their patients in their spare time, and go the extra mile to make sure they are the best physician they can possibly be and do right by the patient. I value and respect my colleagues so much for it. But, while I try my best to do the same, I know that it's not sustainable for me. I don't want to have to stay late and go the extra mile for something I don't feel passionate about. Unless it's something I really feel passionate about, I just want a 9-5 job, that's it. Something that puts food on the table, pays the bills and lets me enjoy my personal life when I'm off the clock, because my personal life and family matters far more to me. I don't want medicine to be my life, I don't want to have to read and call insurance companies in my spare time. At this point, I feel that all the sacrifices I make/will make for this career are a waste because I don't feel a passion for it anymore. All the while, I'm not even good at it...it's something I struggle to succeed in while others around me get by just fine (I had trouble passing boards in med school, I'm continually doing poorly in staying organized and up to date on the floors). I feel like there's something out there that I'm actually better suited to do and would allow me to have regular hours...I don't know what, but I know it's not this.

Are there realistic ways out? Are my reasons legitimate or is this just intern year blues? Does it actually get better? So many articles and books state that it doesn't get better after residency and a lot of the BS you have to deal with in terms of long hours and paperwork continue for attendings. I'm sure most jobs have their share of problems, but I'd like to have some semblance of a true work/life balance.

From what I gathered, leaving residency is a bad idea, and I genuinely like my program and I don't want to leave them one intern down, so for the time being I intend to stick it out and do my absolute best for the patients/my co-reidents...but after residency I don't want to keep doing this and I'd like to know if there's realistic avenues to get out and how I would do so. The huge debt is also a big factor. Sorry if it looks like I'm complaining, I'm happy with my program and specialty and wouldn't change anything about that, but I'm wondering if there's a place for folks like me or if I'd be doing future patients a favor by leaving the clinic for a 9-5 desk job somewhere.

It is so hard to answer that question. You have real concerns and bring up many valid criticisms and difficulties of a career in medicine. But the good news is I don't think you need to worry about this right now. Wait until later and make your decision with a clear mind. It shouldn't come out of frustration and exasperation for having been criticized for your performance which, by the way, I'm sure it was extremely demoralizing. But chin up because if you're going to decide to leave Medicine, it should be when you are not in the depths of intern year. If you make that decision, wait until you hit your stride and can make it with a clear mind and have no regrets.

 

[Step Up]

1. Complaining about not enjoying being a physician during the middle of PGY1 year is like feeling you failed step 2 CK walking out of the test. Everyone does it. But c'mon. You're completely biased, in that intern year is supposed to be challenging, and typically not enjoyable for many people.
2. You don't need to work in a clinic where you have only 15mins to patients and need to do all those things you listed that you don't enjoy. There are countless other options within pediatrics.
3. Consider being a hospitalist (nicu, gen peds, nursery, you name it). Working 2-3 shifts per week. Making $100/hr. Truly enjoying life outside of work.
4. There are lots of attractive/lucrative jobs in pharma/industry out there that would love someone with pediatrics/MD training.
5. Don't quit residency.
6. Find a mentor ASAP to discuss this with in person.
7. Plan a legit vacation.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

It is so hard to answer that question. You have real concerns and bring up many valid criticisms and difficulties of a career in medicine. But the good news is I don't think you need to worry about this right now. Wait until later and make your decision with a clear mind. It shouldn't come out of frustration and exasperation for having been criticized for your performance which, by the way, I'm sure it was extremely demoralizing. But chin up because if you're going to decide to leave Medicine, it should be when you are not in the depths of intern year. If you make that decision, wait until you hit your stride and can make it with a clear mind and have no regrets.

NotanotherHPI thank you for those kind words. Just knowing that another person can understand what I'm feeling, that means a lot. And, that's actually a good point I hadn't thought of. I guess it's like when I used to battle with depression. Even though I wasn't aware of it, back when I'd have it, the depression definitely clouded my thinking and I was not in any place to make major life decisions when it would act up. Though I don't think I'm depressed like I used to be, the crap experiences of being a new intern are probably clouding my views too. I hope I do reach that point where I hit a stride and can have a clear mined, it seems almost impossible right now haha. But, I'll save the leaving medicine decision for that moment.

1. Complaining about not enjoying being a physician during the middle of PGY1 year is like feeling you failed step 2 CK walking out of the test. Everyone does it. But c'mon. You're completely biased, in that intern year is supposed to be challenging, and typically not enjoyable for many people.
2. You don't need to work in a clinic where you have only 15mins to patients and need to do all those things you listed that you don't enjoy. There are countless other options within pediatrics.
3. Consider being a hospitalist (nicu, gen peds, nursery, you name it). Working 2-3 shifts per week. Making $100/hr. Truly enjoying life outside of work.
4. There are lots of attractive/lucrative jobs in pharma/industry out there that would love someone with pediatrics/MD training.
5. Don't quit residency.
6. Find a mentor ASAP to discuss this with in person.
7. Plan a legit vacation.

That's honestly really reassuring to here. I keep hearing how interns have it easier than the seniors and the attendings all seem really stretched thin, so I figured these last few months were pretty much a picture of what my next decade would be until I paid my debt off. But, if even some of this is just my own biases and not the reality, than that gives me hope...something I need very much right now.
And points 2-4. give me some peace of mind too. I didn't know jobs like that were possible. Is it difficult for a fresh residency grad to get just 2-3 shift hospitalist jobs, do consulting, or find alternatives to the standard 15 minute high volume clinics? I've heard of these types of jobs and alternative careers, but I assumed they would be rare and quite competitive since everyone would want them. Also I figure most employers probably don't want a part time doc.

I've been quiet with other residents and attendings out of fear of what they would think of me, but I'll make an effort to find a mentor who would be understanding and one I trust. Definitely makes a big difference having someone to listen and give advice in the program.
And hell yes! I think some time away to reflect and recuperate might just be the key. Definitely think some burn out is affecting my sense of perspective here. My next vacation isn't for a while, but hopefully I can make the most of the golden weekends I get.


Thanks again for posting guys. Knowing this might all just be intern year blues, and not a real assessment of what this career is/will be is reassuring. Hopefully I can get to a better place mentally to reassess.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

Do people drop out of training? Yes, but it is not recommended. You've spent a lot of time and money getting a doctorate and without some post-graduate training, that degree becomes near worthless.

It seems like there is more to this than not liking clinic and not being type A. You seem like you are generally overwhelmed, which can happen for time to time for everyone, but it shouldn't become chronic. Many medical systems have an Physician Wellness program. Have you asked your PD about that or have they offered it? I would highly recommend utilizing it if you have one. While I can't speak to it's specific usefulness for residents, I've had colleagues who have gone and they felt it helped them when they felt overworked and overwhelmed.
Read this, see if this sounds familiar:
https://catalyst.nejm.org/physician-well-being-efficiency-wellness-resilience/

Alternatively, ask your PD specifically if they've ever had a resident or faculty be concerned about "burnout" and what they did in that situation? I'm sure they've encountered it and I'm sure they can offer suggestions.

As far as career paths past residency, there are a lot of paths that don't require clinic. Most inpatient-only specialties as well as ER and urgent care (the latter which typically doesn't require training beyond residency). Alternatively, I have known people to work for insurance companies, private hospital organizations, pharmaceuticals, etc. But before you start worrying about that, I would suggest seeing what your institution has to support to currently.

 

[Perrotfish]

So many articles and books state that it doesn't get better after residency and a lot of the BS you have to deal with in terms of long hours and paperwork continue for attendings..

I had so many attendings tell me this during residency. It's a flat out lie. The average private practice Pediatric attending works 40 hours per week (per the most recent survey in Pediatrics) and the average academic attending works 50 hours per week. Also the secretarial work is mostly handled by... wait for it... secretarial staff. I remember my first week as an attending when I needed to track down a medical record and the clerk just did it for me. It absolutely blew my mind.

I'm not saying it's the easiest job in the world but it's not even close to the workload you have residency. Also it pays really well, it's personally rewarding, and if 40 hours is too much it has lots of opportunities for part time work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't quit.

 

[mvenus929]

I'm not saying it's the easiest job in the world but it's not even close to the workload you have residency. Also it pays really well, it's personally rewarding, and if 40 hours is too much it has lots of opportunities for part time work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't quit.

While I'm not quite out in the real world yet, I agree. My paperwork for my clinical activities is done no later than 1 hour after the end of my scheduled end time, and nurses go out of their way to help me, often finding all the information I need before I even ask. I'm still in the residency mindset, so I still look up and verify everything, but it is much nicer than it was during residency.

That said, I do work 24 hour shifts as an attending, so I do think the experience in residency is a good one, but I also typically get plenty of time to sleep on those shifts...

 

[NurWollen]

I also typically get plenty of time to sleep on those shifts...

Beautiful words



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[BigRedBeta]

It's true, once you're out, things get taken care for you...

I'm in a private practice PICU, techs get my stuff for lines, the nurses call my consults, and consultants put in their own orders after we've discussed the patient. It's little stuff that is so counter to what fellowship is like, and it still freaks me out. But it's real and I keep getting told to let it happen.

 

[hmockingbird]

Just a second year but some of this does get better. I was extremely overwhelmed by clinic the first few months of intern year. It doesn’t help that a lot of resident clinics aren’t the most organised/efficient, mine included. As a second year I’ve realised I’m getting through well visits much more quickly and sick visits often more quickly. So then I don’t feel so stressed when a family just wants to chat! Also, we have to do a private practice rotation and everything said above is true - a lot of the looking up stuff and gathering supplies is already done for you. So I would definitely join the chorus of sticking it out.

 

[DeadCactus]

Intern year isn’t medicine. You’re burnt out. Do what you need to do to survive the year and don’t compare yourself to others. The good news is you’re honest with yourself about what you want, now tailor the rest of your career to that goal. It will be easier to have care and empathy for patients when the rest of your life is in place.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Wow, thank you so much for all the positive comments and advice. Sorry for taking so long to respond, I just finished my NICU block and have some time to breathe and reflect on all this now that I'm on an easier elective. I still have some doubts for what I will do post-residency, but your posts have motivated me to grit my teeth and stick it out these few more years and complete residency…then I can figure out where I can go.

Do people drop out of training? Yes, but it is not recommended. You've spent a lot of time and money getting a doctorate and without some post-graduate training, that degree becomes near worthless.


It seems like there is more to this than not liking clinic and not being type A. You seem like you are generally overwhelmed, which can happen for time to time for everyone, but it shouldn't become chronic. Many medical systems have an Physician Wellness program. Have you asked your PD about that or have they offered it? I would highly recommend utilizing it if you have one. While I can't speak to it's specific usefulness for residents, I've had colleagues who have gone and they felt it helped them when they felt overworked and overwhelmed.

Read this, see if this sounds familiar:

https://catalyst.nejm.org/physician-well-being-efficiency-wellness-resilience/


Alternatively, ask your PD specifically if they've ever had a resident or faculty be concerned about "burnout" and what they did in that situation? I'm sure they've encountered it and I'm sure they can offer suggestions.


As far as career paths past residency, there are a lot of paths that don't require clinic. Most inpatient-only specialties as well as ER and urgent care (the latter which typically doesn't require training beyond residency). Alternatively, I have known people to work for insurance companies, private hospital organizations, pharmaceuticals, etc. But before you start worrying about that, I would suggest seeing what your institution has to support to currently.

Thank you SurfingDoctor. I had heard the term burnout before, but never fully understood what it was until now. Truth be told, I never thought I’d have it. The definition in the link sounds very familiar...I didn't think physician burnout could affect people this early in training or occur over such a short period of time, but it’s nice to have name for what I’m feeling.

It’s tough telling this to my PD, but I like the idea of asking if someone else has brought up this issue and getting more info. from there.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we have a Physician Wellness Program, but I know the senior residents have a Wellness committee…so they might be worth asking. Just curious, what do Physician Wellness Programs do? The resident and student wellness clubs I’ve been to in the past have mostly focused on organizing fun activities once a month or teaching mindfulness or yoga…but those activities didn’t directly address the issues mentioned in the article or make me feel much better about things. I’m guessing a Physician Wellness Program is different and more pertinent to issues of burnout?

I had so many attendings tell me this during residency. It's a flat out lie. The average private practice Pediatric attending works 40 hours per week (per the most recent survey in Pediatrics) and the average academic attending works 50 hours per week. Also the secretarial work is mostly handled by... wait for it... secretarial staff. I remember my first week as an attending when I needed to track down a medical record and the clerk just did it for me. It absolutely blew my mind.


I'm not saying it's the easiest job in the world but it's not even close to the workload you have residency. Also it pays really well, it's personally rewarding, and if 40 hours is too much it has lots of opportunities for part time work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't quit.

This is such a relief, THANK YOU. I can put up with the demands if I know there’s a light at the end, but I was convinced there wasn’t..and it just seemed like an endless tunnel. Again, many older attendings and articles online made it seem otherwise. More positive examples like yours are probably what I needed to be hearing. I’m sure it’s not perfect, nothing is, but I’m glad it was better for you.

And I’m relieved to know 40 hours is a REALISTIC expectation. From watching my attendings, I had previously assumed that with paperwork and everything else included, 50-60 hours was the norm and almost expected of me after residency. What you described (good pay, good hours, and personally rewarding) definitely sounds like something worth sticking it out for and what I had hoped for when starting this journey.

While I'm not quite out in the real world yet, I agree. My paperwork for my clinical activities is done no later than 1 hour after the end of my scheduled end time, and nurses go out of their way to help me, often finding all the information I need before I even ask. I'm still in the residency mindset, so I still look up and verify everything, but it is much nicer than it was during residency.


That said, I do work 24 hour shifts as an attending, so I do think the experience in residency is a good one, but I also typically get plenty of time to sleep on those shifts...

That sounds amazing regarding the paperwork. More than the long hours doing patient care, it’s the extra hours doing paperwork that wear me down even more I think. I’m glad that paperwork aspect can be minimized.

It's true, once you're out, things get taken care for you...

I'm in a private practice PICU, techs get my stuff for lines, the nurses call my consults, and consultants put in their own orders after we've discussed the patient. It's little stuff that is so counter to what fellowship is like, and it still freaks me out. But it's real and I keep getting told to let it happen.

Wow, your example and all of the others of the paperwork and secretarial aspect being minimized is a relief to hear and a surprise. I saw a poor attending staying late working on one discharge note that took her an hour and I figured that was what I should expect. Glad that at least that paperwork aspect of working in medicine gets better…it’s one of the most draining for me right now.

Just a second year but some of this does get better. I was extremely overwhelmed by clinic the first few months of intern year. It doesn’t help that a lot of resident clinics aren’t the most organised/efficient, mine included. As a second year I’ve realised I’m getting through well visits much more quickly and sick visits often more quickly. So then I don’t feel so stressed when a family just wants to chat! Also, we have to do a private practice rotation and everything said above is true - a lot of the looking up stuff and gathering supplies is already done for you. So I would definitely join the chorus of sticking it out.

Thank you hmockingbird, clinic day is always stressful for me…every Monday I panic a little bit internally. And every Monday I stay late working on notes (again the paperwork and trying to figure the best way to use the EMR/write is just excruciating for me). Everyone keeps saying how chill clinic is and it boggles me, so I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds it overwhelming right now. It’s nice to hear that clinic can get better too. I hope I can improve as much as you did!

Intern year isn’t medicine. You’re burnt out. Do what you need to do to survive the year and don’t compare yourself to others. The good news is you’re honest with yourself about what you want, now tailor the rest of your career to that goal. It will be easier to have care and empathy for patients when the rest of your life is in place.

I appreciate the kind words and encouragement DeadCactus. I spent many years blindly moving forward and it just lead to this…which I’m not really happy with. So you’re right, I guess realizing what I want (or don’t want) is a step in the right direction...even if I made a mistake, at least I'm noticing things now. The knowledge that I can have the control to tailor my career to my needs and desires is motivation enough. I just honestly didn’t think I had that control, but all of the posters here have shown me otherwise.

Thanks so much again for responding everyone. I’m sorry for the delay in replying. My NICU block was rough, and time was limited but your posts definitely gave me a second wind to get through that block. I still don’t know if this career is the right fit for me, but I will stick it out and try to figure out how best to tailor this career into something that is right for me.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

Thank you SurfingDoctor. I had heard the term burnout before, but never fully understood what it was until now. Truth be told, I never thought I’d have it. The definition in the link sounds very familiar...I didn't think physician burnout could affect people this early in training or occur over such a short period of time, but it’s nice to have name for what I’m feeling.

It’s tough telling this to my PD, but I like the idea of asking if someone else has brought up this issue and getting more info. from there.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we have a Physician Wellness Program, but I know the senior residents have a Wellness committee…so they might be worth asking. Just curious, what do Physician Wellness Programs do? The resident and student wellness clubs I’ve been to in the past have mostly focused on organizing fun activities once a month or teaching mindfulness or yoga…but those activities didn’t directly address the issues mentioned in the article or make me feel much better about things. I’m guessing a Physician Wellness Program is different and more pertinent to issues of burnout?

I haven't been to my university's wellness program, so I can't give you specifics, but my understanding is just a program for physicians to discuss what is contributing to their burnout, validation of burnout and coping strategies. Here is a description of the one at the Mayo Clinic.
Physician Well-Being Program - About the Program

Occasionally, programs will offer personal helpers, meal delivery and other task-oriented incentives to help free up personal time. Not all programs are like that though, but that is Stanford's model which they call a "Time Banking" program. They also have a "Balance in Life" program for residents.

One of the suggestions in many wellness programs, is to have a more experienced peer be someone who can act as a "buddy" for stressors. Not a mentor per se, but someone who has recent experience who can talk you through the stressors that they encountered when they were in your shoes in the not too distant past.

Again, people within your system will know what resources exist because I guarantee, you are not the first person at your program to go through this.

 

[Menander's Bust]

I think you’re in a great “lifestyle” specialty. A lot of women go into outpatient peds bc they can work 3, 3.5 days a week. It’s not like you’re going into surgery. I also rotated at a peds outpatient clinic and the way it worked out you see acute cases and it only takes about 5 min which lets you spend 20 min getting to know your patients during well child visits. My preceptor has patients he had known and cared for from childhood through graduating high school. So I think you are in a good specialty for what you want if you can get through residency.

 

[nanpeariewsssdu]

If you can stick it out for the remaining two and a half years of your residency, there are definitely jobs in pediatrics that will afford you a work–life balance. One of my friends directs the health center at a private boarding school, and she couldn't be happier honestly. You can also work part-time in a private practice, of course. And as I'm sure you know, there are jobs outside of medicine that still utilize your training, e.g., in consulting.

 

[NeoN8L]

I sincerely hope you have decided to continue your training. My personal experience is that I entered medical school late in life (30 yrs old) and by that time, I had worked a lot of crummy jobs. Fortunately, these crummy jobs taught me time-management skills. Bartending for years was probably the best job I ever had for learning to perform under pressure.

My experience is that my intern year was the worst year of my life. We were limited at that time to 80 hour work weeks. My second and third year of residency were better because I felt more confident in what I was doing. However, the responsibility of a third-year resident was much greater.

As a resident, I believe it is important to recognize sick from well, be able to make decisions when sleep deprived, understand your limits and when to ask for help, and be comfortable feeling like you are leaning back in a chair, and just about to fall backward. It was also important to me to realize I hated working in clinics. I loved intensive care medicine.

After residency I completed fellowship training in Neonatology. Fellowship was MUCH easier than residency. I had more protected time for research, and I was training to do what I wanted to do. So even when I was on that 30th hour of no sleep, no meaningful nutrition, and I physically felt like my underwear might just be made from sandpaper, my attitude was MUCH better than the same situation in residency.

The first year out of fellowship was difficult because now everyone was looking to me to have the answers. However, I was able to ask questions of colleagues, and to be honest, I think they appreciated that I respected their opinions. Anyone who says that being an attending is more difficult than being a resident has made some poor life choices in my opinion.

One thing I realized was this: stress is indirectly proportional to the amount of control I have. As an attending, I have much more control over how I spend my time, and thus, I feel less stress, even though my responsibility is much greater. There have been many times, as an attending, when I have had a bad couple of days...sick babies, many admissions, no sleep, etc. However, when things calm down, I can just say to the staff, "I am going to the call room to sleep for 2 hours." Try that as a resident and they will crucify you.

I had a pediatric colleague who had grown tired of private practice. He had reached a point in his life where he was financially stable. He quit his private practice and went to work for a community health center. He made less money, but he had a 9-5 job and he loved it. His patients and staff really appreciated him being there. He was not under the burden to produce a certain amount of RVUs (relative value units). If he wanted to spend 45 minutes with a patient, he did so. He was providing a service to the community and being compensated pretty well for it. He said he had never been happier as a doctor. My point is, there are many community-based clinics who would love to have a committed pediatrician, not just someone looking to earn a few extra bucks or fulfill a J-1 Visa requirement.

 

[Stitch]

Agree with everyone above. It does get better, so stick it out and see what happens. I hated intern year, and I was a crappy intern. Once I got into a senior role (and now attending role) I was much better because much of the detail paperwork was done by someone else while I get to have the 10,000 feet view. You also begin to learn what details are important and which ones you less so, which allows you to hone in on the important stuff without trying to know everything at once.

To answer your question though, yes there are people who finish training and decide that clinical medicine isn't for them, and that's okay too. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with them either. I know a number of people who have gotten jobs with pharmaceutical companies or medical technology companies. They are paid well, but they are also quite busy, and their employers do expect a lot from them. These jobs may not be available to someone who hasn't made it through residency because they want someone with expertise and training to validate whatever product or service they are engaged in.

Either way, stick it out. Make sure you have someone to talk to. I went to see a shrink during (PICU) fellowship and it was a huge help just to have someone help me sort out what I was feeling and why. I suspect everyone in medicine would benefit from a year or two with a psychiatrist or a psychologist.