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- Dec 2, 2016
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Hello, I am a pre-med student at a top 40 university in the US. Recently, I have been struggling on whether medicine is right for me. I'm just going to go all in and lay my life out in this post. I know it is long, but please, try to bear with me if possible. My situation is quite complex, and am going to be brutally honest here since we are in a safe place. My entire life I was about 85 percent sure I wanted to become a doctor. To be honest, my reasons were: I want a somewhat goodlifestyle and income, I love biology and natural science, job stability (not much of a risk taker) and I love people (I get attached to people quite quickly, and do have a warm heart). However, I would not characterize myself as one of those people who wakes up in the morning, yearning to help society to an extreme, especially when I myself have many problems to deal with first, but of course, I would enjoy helping people.
I am very patient, disciplined, and understand delayed gratification very well. However, I only recently realized that my most preferred residency (dermatology) is so competitive. I am an average student. As of now, I have a 3.3 GPA (my school is notorious for grade deflation), probably getting a little higher though this year but am still worried I won't make it. In high school, I was doing a little worse. I have always been a hard worker, but been stuck being a B+ student on average although I do pull some As. In college, as hard as I try, it is impossible for me to get an A in a science class (other than biology, probably because it is easier and I had a very difficult AP biology class in high school). I like derm because I have had acne for years and know what it can do to a person. I like thinking about how the medicine I use works on a cellular level, and seeing what happens to the skin. Also, I want to have a nice lifestyle, and don't think there is anything wrong with wanting this, although this is not my main motive for wanting dermatology. If the competitiveness in this field wasn't the case, I wouldn't question going into medicine nearly as much. Lastly, there are problems in my personal life that, if not resolved in college, make me worry that I am not going to have a chance to work on in medical school/residency (since I will probably be away from home even after doing so during undergrad), and in combination with the heavy workload, will greaten my mostly on/sometimes off depression and feelings of inadequacy. These problems include not being close with my brothers at all (we barely talk), I never had a girlfriend (I am worried that I will be so busy with school that I won't be able to address this, also heard not much dating goes on in med school since there is not much of a social life), and on top of all that I am still trying to figure out if I am gay/bisexual or not (took a lot for me to say this, no one else knows about it), which really just makes things worse especially since my parents are middle eastern ( and who also really want me to be a doctor/dentist/lawer) and this is taboo. I am worried that I will be in my 30's, not having any of these issues resolved, seeing all my friends being married, successful, having jobs, and regretting wasting my 20's.
I am worried that if I go into the business world, I will either end up being someone's employee for 50 K a year and be unhappy in a cubicle. Dentistry doesn't interest me, and neither does being a lawyer. I would love to design/ flip/develop houses on the side, but that requires significant initial income, like that of a successful professional (I could do this on the side like some do). Lastly, I have somewhat old parents (late 60's), and if I do not get into medical school/residency in my hometown, I will only have a few years left with them once out of medical school. Will I survive medical school and residency? Will I be a happy doctor who can look past the annoying bureaucracy that has so many doctors in dismay and just help my patients? I am so unsure if this path is right for me. I simply do not know what to do, and would love any input you guys could give me.
I am very patient, disciplined, and understand delayed gratification very well. However, I only recently realized that my most preferred residency (dermatology) is so competitive. I am an average student. As of now, I have a 3.3 GPA (my school is notorious for grade deflation), probably getting a little higher though this year but am still worried I won't make it. In high school, I was doing a little worse. I have always been a hard worker, but been stuck being a B+ student on average although I do pull some As. In college, as hard as I try, it is impossible for me to get an A in a science class (other than biology, probably because it is easier and I had a very difficult AP biology class in high school). I like derm because I have had acne for years and know what it can do to a person. I like thinking about how the medicine I use works on a cellular level, and seeing what happens to the skin. Also, I want to have a nice lifestyle, and don't think there is anything wrong with wanting this, although this is not my main motive for wanting dermatology. If the competitiveness in this field wasn't the case, I wouldn't question going into medicine nearly as much. Lastly, there are problems in my personal life that, if not resolved in college, make me worry that I am not going to have a chance to work on in medical school/residency (since I will probably be away from home even after doing so during undergrad), and in combination with the heavy workload, will greaten my mostly on/sometimes off depression and feelings of inadequacy. These problems include not being close with my brothers at all (we barely talk), I never had a girlfriend (I am worried that I will be so busy with school that I won't be able to address this, also heard not much dating goes on in med school since there is not much of a social life), and on top of all that I am still trying to figure out if I am gay/bisexual or not (took a lot for me to say this, no one else knows about it), which really just makes things worse especially since my parents are middle eastern ( and who also really want me to be a doctor/dentist/lawer) and this is taboo. I am worried that I will be in my 30's, not having any of these issues resolved, seeing all my friends being married, successful, having jobs, and regretting wasting my 20's.
I am worried that if I go into the business world, I will either end up being someone's employee for 50 K a year and be unhappy in a cubicle. Dentistry doesn't interest me, and neither does being a lawyer. I would love to design/ flip/develop houses on the side, but that requires significant initial income, like that of a successful professional (I could do this on the side like some do). Lastly, I have somewhat old parents (late 60's), and if I do not get into medical school/residency in my hometown, I will only have a few years left with them once out of medical school. Will I survive medical school and residency? Will I be a happy doctor who can look past the annoying bureaucracy that has so many doctors in dismay and just help my patients? I am so unsure if this path is right for me. I simply do not know what to do, and would love any input you guys could give me.
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