Obstacle in my Med School Path. Need help

[Doc2Future]

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Hello all. I have been stressed for the past couple of days, weeks you could say. I want to make my story short and to the point without cutting out the important things.

Basically, I have been studying for the MCAT for about 5 months now. This is my 2nd time; first was back in summer of 14 and I must say, that time I did not know what I was in for. I had just recently graduated back then and I treated the MCAT like any test I had taken in my undergrad career. Anyway, I ended up doing horribly (21) and was devastated. Fast forward to 2015, I had decided study for the new MCAT and have been using extensive resources to study for it better this time.

My problem is this - I have a step parent, that, let's just say, they are crazy. The step parent has been with us for some time and has always caused problems in the house. Last time I took the MCAT, the step parent basically wanted me to do bad and would fight, yell, prevent me from studying well by wrecking the house, taking the keyboard to the house computer, taking away my books, etc. I don't want to say I did bad on the MCAT solely due to her, but she played a major role. This time around, I am improving, and soon, I will be taking the MCAT again. I really want to be a doctor but again, this step parent is doing their best to prevent that. If their is a problem in the house, they will target me. And by target, I mean say things like, "You guys want to play games, let's play then. Let's see how any one lives in peace while I am here." Then the chaos begins. I can't even use the house computer to do my studying and have to end up locking the door to my room and studying with the books I have. Sometimes, that isn't enough. This person threatens to stop me from studying well and says they don't care what happens, they are going to get their way. I am so terrified that I ended up going outside my house to access the computer to do my work. There are days when I feel like my life could be at stake because of the things this person does.

So anyways, I was wondering, how can I combat this and what should I do. I am so scarred because my test is in a few months and I don't want to jeopardize my chances of going to med school due to a person wanting me to fail in life. Please, any help is great help.

 

[Eccesignum]

You're probably not going to want to hear this, but it sounds like you really need to get your life stable before you think about something like medical school. The process is much longer than just the MCAT; soon there will be weeks of needing to concentrate on writing, interview stress, etc.

How old are you? Are you working? If I were you I would strongly suggest delaying your application and doing everything in your power to get out of this household you're in. Get your own place, get financially stable, take the MCAT later in the fall or winter, and apply in 2017. Is that feasible for you?

 

[Labrat07]

I agree with @Eccesignum . You need to set up for success: stable life, good financial, no baggages..... Medicine is a long journey with a lot of stress. It'll take a big tolls on you.

 

[arturo09]

Not sure if I caught on, but why not just go study at a public library or some mcds are open 24hrs. I go sometimes after work for 1-2hrs to do some review and free wifi! But best of luck OP I agree with the other members as well.

 

[Sardinia]

@Doc2Future McDonald's is open 24 hours. If you're looking for something classier there is Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks which are open around 5:30 AM until 10:00 PM. The only reason your step parent gets inside your head is because you allow them inside. There's going to be a lot of stressors in medical school that won't give you five months to cope with them, the fact that you have been studying this exam for five months with several months to go means that you haven't been studying actively and should be taken into consideration that you might be at fault for not being able to perform when you are under stress.

 

[DrMidlife]

Get out of there. You're 23: get a job, get an apartment, get a counselor.

Identify resources your <dad> can use to get free and sneak <him> the info. It's <his> choice to stay with this <sociopath>, but if that's what <he> chooses, don't let <him> take you down with <him>.

Cancel your MCAT. This isn't your year. The MCAT will be there in the future when you're ready for it. Assume you have PTSD and it's going to take a while.

Best of luck to you.

Edit: Oh my bad - it's a stepmom not a stepdad. Doesn't change anything in my advice.

 

[QofQuimica]

Get out of there. You're 23: get a job, get an apartment, get a counselor.

Identify resources your mom can use to get free and sneak her the info. It's her choice to stay with this dickhead, but if that's what she chooses, don't let her take you down with her.

Cancel your MCAT. This isn't your year. The MCAT will be there in the future when you're ready for it. Assume you have PTSD and it's going to take a while.

Best of luck to you.

This.

OP, you're an adult now. The good news about being an adult is that you don't have to live with crazy people who are sabotaging your life. The bad news is that you are now responsible for arranging your own finances and living situation. First things first, as DrM said, is that you need to get a job so you can afford to get your own place. Once you have control over your living situation, then you can come back to the MCAT and med school. But right now, focus your time and energy on getting yourself out of that house ASAP.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Pack your stuff and get out of there now.

 

[Doc2Future]

You're probably not going to want to hear this, but it sounds like you really need to get your life stable before you think about something like medical school. The process is much longer than just the MCAT; soon there will be weeks of needing to concentrate on writing, interview stress, etc.

How old are you? Are you working? If I were you I would strongly suggest delaying your application and doing everything in your power to get out of this household you're in. Get your own place, get financially stable, take the MCAT later in the fall or winter, and apply in 2017. Is that feasible for you?

23. Not working, have never really worked, since I focused on my education before anything else. After I graduated, I applied to some places related to my degree but to no avail, nothing. I should mention that it's not simple as getting and job and moving out. I come from a traditional family where you live with your parents, even if you do work; there is no shame in that. In my house, it's more like you ask permission before you do anything, like go out or do some errands, etc.

I don't think I could afford to wait another year or so to take the MCAT or think of med school. There are resources I have that will go to waste if I don't take advantage of them. This is the best time. Nobody wants to waste their money on things and not use it. I can't think of anything I'd be besides a doctor. Tomorrow never comes, they say. So yeah, its cliche and all but it's doesn't ring any clearer than that.

 

[Doc2Future]

Thanks everyone else who responded. I honestly appreciate all of them.

The reason I can't just go out whenever is that, again, its a respect thing. You ask before you do anything. Since we have access to computer here, the family would obviously think to just use the resources we have here. But again, I stated the problem. The stepparent. I took it upon myself to study out of the house, in the library, so that I could study better and not feel threatened, asking my real parent first and them granting it. But even here, the step parent has an issue. They stated they will still continue to disrupt my studying, and the people's lives in the house, if they don't get their way (the step parents way). It's kind of like, "well you already have a solution - you asked your parent and they said it was okay to go out to study, so what do you want us to tell you?" Well, honestly, that's what I came here for. Cause I know everyone has problems. And I felt I can get some good advise and answers from the SDN community. It's like where you can give others advise to their problems, but when it comes down to our own problems, you get stuck. So yeah, thoughts?

 

[futuremdforme]

If you refuse to leave, you're choosing the obstacle of your step parent over the obstacle of financial self-support. That's fine, just acknowledge it to yourself.

Can you buy yourself a laptop if lack of computer is an issue? I would keep it locked up and hidden if possible... But otherwise staying out of the house is your best bet.

If you are scared for your life though, you should leave 100%, and try to help your parent seek help as well. I know it's not easy and I don't pretend to know the cultural aspects at play, but putting yourself in physical jeopardy out of fear of upsetting a cultural norm is a bad idea.

 

[DrMikeP]

Thanks everyone else who responded. I honestly appreciate all of them.

The reason I can't just go out whenever is that, again, its a respect thing. You ask before you do anything. Since we have access to computer here, the family would obviously think to just use the resources we have here. But again, I stated the problem. The stepparent. I took it upon myself to study out of the house, in the library, so that I could study better and not feel threatened, asking my real parent first and them granting it. But even here, the step parent has an issue. They stated they will still continue to disrupt my studying, and the people's lives in the house, if they don't get their way (the step parents way). It's kind of like, "well you already have a solution - you asked your parent and they said it was okay to go out to study, so what do you want us to tell you?" Well, honestly, that's what I came here for. Cause I know everyone has problems. And I felt I can get some good advise and answers from the SDN community. It's like where you can give others advise to their problems, but when it comes down to our own problems, you get stuck. So yeah, thoughts?

Get help and as so many others put it above, get out! Only you have the power to keep yourself in the situation you are in and if you choose to not make a change then own up to it and say I want to live where I am at. Don't make excuses or blame anyone else, as it is your decision. Are you planning on living at home until you are 40 just because a "stepparent" has a fit?

Delay med school for now, as you are not in a place to do what is needed to get there and beyond successfully. Med school is not an escape either as the stress won't go away just because you move for med school. There's always the military, peacecorp, etc if you need an out with a roof over your head.

If you sincerely want to go to med school you must do some work on yourself first, so make a plan and do it. Med school will be there in 2-3yrs when you are ready and you'll be happy that you took the time to prepare.

Best of Luck

 

[Sardinia]

23. Not working, have never really worked, since I focused on my education before anything else. After I graduated, I applied to some places related to my degree but to no avail, nothing. I should mention that it's not simple as getting and job and moving out. I come from a traditional family where you live with your parents, even if you do work; there is no shame in that. In my house, it's more like you ask permission before you do anything, like go out or do some errands, etc.

I don't think I could afford to wait another year or so to take the MCAT or think of med school. There are resources I have that will go to waste if I don't take advantage of them. This is the best time. Nobody wants to waste their money on things and not use it. I can't think of anything I'd be besides a doctor. Tomorrow never comes, they say. So yeah, its cliche and all but it's doesn't ring any clearer than that.

Peter Pan syndrome is not this delusional.

:troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll:

 

[Doc2Future]

No. I am not a troll. If you feel that way, I can understand since it's so easy to fool someone. But I don't think I would waste my time writing up lengthy posts and adding responses for nothing. Maybe you feel I am trolling since you don't understand what background I am coming from. This is coming from a different cultural background and you may or may not understand how things work in their homes. Totally understandable.

All things aside, I appreciate everyone's response and can understand not everyone can relate to someone else's problem. Will all things said, I will take in everyone's thoughts and think hard about what I have to do. Thanks everyone.

 

[Eccesignum]

Peter Pan syndrome is not this delusional.

:troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll::troll:

No. I am not a troll. If you feel that way, I can understand since it's so easy to fool someone. But I don't think I would waste my time writing up lengthy posts and adding responses for nothing. Maybe you feel I am trolling since you don't understand what background I am coming from. This is coming from a different cultural background and you may or may not understand how things work in their homes. Totally understandable.

All things aside, I appreciate everyone's response and can understand not everyone can relate to someone else's problem. Will all things said, I will take in everyone's thoughts and think hard about what I have to do. Thanks everyone.

Nah, having lived in countries where that was the norm I can believe the OP may indeed be in this situation. My original advice still stands, though. It has nothing to do with trying to shame, but rather that you're about to embark on something that's going to demand a lot from you, far far more than just the MCAT. You need to be in a stable environment that's conducive to your goals, and you're not in one right now.

And that said, in this country getting to that is something you can do. It may be very difficult coming from what you're used to. You don't have to get a job related to your degree; flip burgers if that's what it takes. You'll only be doing it for a short period. Medical schools will be there for the long future and you're on a board with people who've gone in their mid 20s, late 20s, 30s, 40s, and even 50s. We can all tell you a delay to get to the best place possible at application time is worth it.

 

[QofQuimica]

I can believe the OP's situation is real too; if my parents had their way, I'd still be living at home now in my 40s as a single woman even though I have been self-supporting since I was in college. I think this attitude is not uncommon in families that have recently immigrated from certain parts of the world (Eastern Europe in my case). Even though my parents were both born here in North America, they each still grew up in a household of immigrants and were heavily influenced by that culture.

I can also say from experience that it can be hard to be the "black sheep" in your family who breaks away from tradition and goes out and does your own thing. But OP, it may well be necessary. I'm a huge believer in the Alternative Golden Rule, which is this: he who has the gold, makes the rules. If you continue to allow your parents to support you financially and make all the decisions, you will likely never go to medical school unless THEY decide you should go to medical school. Maybe you're ok with that. If so, then no one has the right to tell you to attend medical school against your family's wishes. But if you're not ok with that, then you need to change your situation. In my case, my family didn't want me to marry my ex. (They turned out to be right about him, but not for the reasons they thought, and that's another story altogether!) We didn't speak much for a couple of years, and they didn't come to my college graduation. I think we all look back on that time with some regret now, but fortunately I've had several subsequent graduations (two MSes, a PhD and an MD later). And ultimately, I do believe it was necessary for us to go though that upheaval in order for us to have a truly adult-to-adult relationship later, even though it was pretty rough at the time for all of us.

I suggest you do some serious soul-searching regarding what matters to you most in life. Not that you should ever gratuitously go out of your way to hurt your parents. But they do not always know everything best just because they're your parents or they're older. Sometimes kids can still teach adults something important about how to live life too. And ultimately, the only person who can make sure you have the life you're hoping to have is you. The most beautiful thing about living in the US is that we have possibilities for our lives here that our ancestors in other places could never have fathomed.

 

[TallPreMed]

OP, I'm going to assume here that you and I have not had the same cultural experience growing up- but I have had a toxic parent.

I cut off all contact with my father for a year and a half. After a close friend of mine died, I tried to reconnect with my father and get back in contact with him. That lasted a year until I got sick of the toxicity that he created in my life. I now no longer speak to him again, and it was the best decision for me. He will miss my wedding and many more important events in my life. But I can't say I didn't try to work on our relationship.

There are people out there who have less than you do who have made it to medical school on their own. Get out of that environment. If you truly fear for your life- leave.
Getting into medical school at 23/24 is not worth the risk to your life. It's just simply not.

 

[Doc2Future]

OP, I'm going to assume here that you and I have not had the same cultural experience growing up- but I have had a toxic parent.

I cut off all contact with my father for a year and a half. After a close friend of mine died, I tried to reconnect with my father and get back in contact with him. That lasted a year until I got sick of the toxicity that he created in my life. I now no longer speak to him again, and it was the best decision for me. He will miss my wedding and many more important events in my life. But I can't say I didn't try to work on our relationship.

There are people out there who have less than you do who have made it to medical school on their own. Get out of that environment. If you truly fear for your life- leave.
Getting into medical school at 23/24 is not worth the risk to your life. It's just simply not.

Sorry to hear that. I know with me, it's more of a cultural thing and it's kind of hard to break away from the norm. Your looked at as a deviant and it seems like its a one sided story when these things happen. "Must have been the kids and not the parents fault". It's like, I have tried to work things out with the step parent but I honestly believe that there is no fix for that. They will continue acting the way they do. Since my parent doesn't want to let them go, and I understand that (it's their marriage and I have no right to tell someone to divorce or kick someone out of their lives, even though that person might be okay with my parent and not with me), I can't continue living like this either. And since I am dependent on my family for the support, I guess I shouldn't complain either cuz there's not much I can do right now until I get this MCAT out of the way. Then I can worry about work and all.

Again, thanks everyone for the support.

 

[clausewitz2]

Sorry to hear that. I know with me, it's more of a cultural thing and it's kind of hard to break away from the norm. Your looked at as a deviant and it seems like its a one sided story when these things happen. "Must have been the kids and not the parents fault". It's like, I have tried to work things out with the step parent but I honestly believe that there is no fix for that. They will continue acting the way they do. Since my parent doesn't want to let them go, and I understand that (it's their marriage and I have no right to tell someone to divorce or kick someone out of their lives, even though that person might be okay with my parent and not with me), I can't continue living like this either. And since I am dependent on my family for the support, I guess I shouldn't complain either cuz there's not much I can do right now until I get this MCAT out of the way. Then I can worry about work and all.

Again, thanks everyone for the support.

Cultural norm or no, if your step-parent is having this much of a problem with you even -studying- for the MCAT, what do you think they are going to do when you start actually applying, or, god forbid, attending a medical school?

You need to work on strategies to cope with this person who will clearly be influential in your family life and is hell-bent on you not succeeding on this path.

 

[futuremdforme]

I'm curious about why the step-parent is so hellbent on keeping you from studying. I would have thought most obnoxious step-parents would want you to be a doctor to pay for them in their old age!

 

[Doc2Future]

I'm curious about why the step-parent is so hellbent on keeping you from studying. I would have thought most obnoxious step-parents would want you to be a doctor to pay for them in their old age!

It's a long story. But basically, this step parent does want us to earn money but does not accept that we (my siblings and I) send money over to my real parent - the who no longer lives with us (though I don't work, but this parent still expects this from me). This step parent wants us to accept them as their real parent and wants us to cut ties with our parent and the other side of the family and have no relations with them. That's one reason for the step parent's anger. Does that make any sense? This step parent wants total control of every aspect of my life.

 

[DrDarce]

It's a long story. But basically, this step parent does want us to earn money but does not accept that we (my siblings and I) send money over to my real parent - the who no longer lives with us (though I don't work, but this parent still expects this from me). This step parent wants us to accept them as their real parent and wants us to cut ties with our parent and the other side of the family and have no relations with them. That's one reason for the step parent's anger. Does that make any sense? This step parent wants total control of every aspect of my life.

I can empathize with your situation but it sounds like it's time to get out of there. No one should be in control of your life except for you. Your freedom to do what you want with your life trumps any benefit you may get from living there. I'd say first step is to find a job ASAP, move out and get yourself settled, then worry about applying to med school. I know it sucks saying you might have to delay your application but taking care of yourself should be your priority. From your posts, it sounds like you are still very young. It's not a race to get to med school, but you won't get there if you don't change what's going on at home.