Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 89
I have taken exam three times and failed three times. Each time I had tremendous stress in my life and all kinds of family issues. These have changed! Thank God but I am so afraid that I didn't take he exam this year. My standardized scores have remained about the same 341, 348 and 341 for 2010, 2011& 2012 respectively. I don't even really know how many questions that equates to in terms of me getting a passing score. The passing score is 370. I need to start studying. It I have been so disappointed with myself.
I have MKSAP 15, Medstudy, BB2. Some Medstudy videos, I also have some audio lectures I just acquired, they are Medstudy. I'm going to devise my study plan. I know I can do this, just bummed! Time to get over it and conquer this beast.
I'm in the same boat as you. Failed for the second time and honestly, I'm completely shocked. I thought I nailed it this time. I feel deflated and beat up. The thought of having to deal with this for another year is draining. My employers are waiting for me to tell them the results. I'm so embarrassed to have to tell them I failed it again. I'm also paranoid and feel that they probably already know just by looking it up on the abim website. Obviously I have to tell them.
The next step is figuring out what to do next. I'm retaking it next year but thinking about leaving my job before my contract is up so I can focus solely on this. And to be quite honest, it's embarrassing for me to have to be around my partners now a days with this weighing so heavily on my mind. Any advice on what to do next?
I thought I would be beside myself, but at this point I don't have it in me.
My story: went to an okay residency and got into a top-notch fellowship program for my field. A few months before I finished residency, got named as a co-defendant in a malpractice lawsuit. In short: case was from my intern year, I did everything appropriately, worked up the patient, consulted the appropriate service, documented everything (you can never document enough, though). The patient was discharged, saw his PCP, and a few days after that had a bad incident.
The case took nearly the entirety of my fellowship to finally settle. During that time I spiraled into severe depression - usual symptoms started to manifest themselves including lack of energy, poor concentration, weight gain (I'm a stress eater), and eventually, persistent unrelenting suicidal ideation (not suicidality though, I eventually sought out help before it got to that point). My work suffered - I was inefficient; my presentations were not up to snuff; my head was never in the game regarding my research; my preparation for ABIM was clearly inadequate.
The case finally settled a few months before completion of my fellowship (nearly 3 years after being served), and my name was dropped from the suit; but to be honest, I still felt/feel broken by the process. This is somewhat worsened by my social situation - moving far away from family to an unfamiliar part of the country (few friends), single never married no kids, and generally lacking in social support.
I've now failed to pass three times. The first two, I only missed by 2 points and 1 point respectively. Somehow, I managed to do shockingly worse the third time. Not that I felt great walking out of the test center, but to go from nearly passing to outright not coming close just floors me. Maybe I should have recognized that I was never in any shape to take the ABIM these last few years, but I thought I could do it. I really did. Now I suppose I have to sit out a year. What in the world do people do for these two years? Besides study their asses off, obviously.
I've already tried interviewing for a brief moonlighting position, and of course my ABIM situation came up. I was honest, and the group was sympathetic, but it's been over a month and they didn't even feel the need to send a "no thank you" letter, much less an email. I can only imagine that it gets worse from here. I'm clearly damaged, and I can't hide it.
I don't know what is out there for someone like me who can't get past the boards. I used to think I was an okay doctor, but obviously my confidence is non-existent at this point. I admit that I even feel scared to be a doctor anymore. I've tried looking up options for non-board certified physicians, but I'm not finding anything.
I have no hope. I'm alone. I feel that I have no way out of this situation, and I've been permanently branded a loser.