Yellowman

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So while I was daydreaming in the middle of internal medicine rounds, I was thinking of all the funny things I saw during my clerkship experience. I thought it would be fun sharing some of these funny stories amongst the omfs folks....i'll start

The story takes place at a free clinic while I was finishing up my 1 week rotation. This particular clinic caters to to the homeless and the recently freed inmates in the great city of Cleveland. :thumbdown: So this 20 somewhat year old white male walks in, no PMH, presenting with allergic rhinitis wanting to get loratadine. I figured, 'great, should take 5 minutes and i can attempt my escape and go home:D ' but no....the nurse practitioner insisted that we do a GU exam to r/o inguinal hernia....and I was thinking WHAT!!!:scared: Worse yet, she was hinting at the fact that I should do the exam....hell no. I just sat there, looked as uninterested as I can possibly be, so she decided she should do the exam herself. Mind u, this guy came into get his claritin....so she makes the guy drop his pants, checks for the hernia, and then proceeds to exam his penis for lesions...and yes you guessed it, this guy started popping a boner right in front of her....:laugh: And this lady is in her 50's, weighing in at approx 250+ lbs! Not the most attractive NP i've seen. She immediately stopped the exam and told him to put on his pants, but the story doesn't end there....this guy had teh hardest time passing his jeans over his boner and was struggling so bad!!:laugh: I was trying so hard not to laugh!! I dunno...maybe some of u guys will think it's not so funny, but u should have been there....med school is boring but sure has it's funny moments
 

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So while I was daydreaming in the middle of internal medicine rounds, I was thinking of all the funny things I saw during my clerkship experience. I thought it would be fun sharing some of these funny stories amongst the omfs folks....i'll start

The story takes place at a free clinic while I was finishing up my 1 week rotation. This particular clinic caters to to the homeless and the recently freed inmates in the great city of Cleveland. :thumbdown: So this 20 somewhat year old white male walks in, no PMH, presenting with allergic rhinitis wanting to get loratadine. I figured, 'great, should take 5 minutes and i can attempt my escape and go home:D ' but no....the nurse practitioner insisted that we do a GU exam to r/o inguinal hernia....and I was thinking WHAT!!!:scared: Worse yet, she was hinting at the fact that I should do the exam....hell no. I just sat there, looked as uninterested as I can possibly be, so she decided she should do the exam herself. Mind u, this guy came into get his claritin....so she makes the guy drop his pants, checks for the hernia, and then proceeds to exam his penis for lesions...and yes you guessed it, this guy started popping a boner right in front of her....:laugh: And this lady is in her 50's, weighing in at approx 250+ lbs! Not the most attractive NP i've seen. She immediately stopped the exam and told him to put on his pants, but the story doesn't end there....this guy had teh hardest time passing his jeans over his boner and was struggling so bad!!:laugh: I was trying so hard not to laugh!! I dunno...maybe some of u guys will think it's not so funny, but u should have been there....med school is boring but sure has it's funny moments

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 

OMFSCardsFan

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Geez, give N2S a break...since he's been married, he no longer gets any at home...a man has needs!
 
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toofache32

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Good thread. Oh jeez where do I begin.

My first rotation of 3rd year med school was internal medicine. We were 3 weeks into the rotation before somebody told my fellow med student to use lube when doing rectals. No wonder all his patients were heme positive.
 

Yellowman

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here's another one....

second yr of med school...practicing DRE on a male patient....I was trying to palpate this guy's prostate when suddenly he grabs my hand from the front, mind u this guy's bent over on an exam table with my finger up his ass, and shoves it deeper into his rectum saying 'u aren't doing it hard enuf!' :scared:
Then after he tells me to cut my nails cuz I was hurting him :laugh: :thumbdown: Haven't done a DRE since.....

Resident: Did you do the DRE on Mr. X?

Me: yeah dude, feels pretty normal to me!! (thinking yeah right....) You should probably double check tho to be safe man....

Nice
 

IcedOMFS

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here's another one....

second yr of med school...practicing DRE on a male patient....I was trying to palpate this guy's prostate when suddenly he grabs my hand from the front, mind u this guy's bent over on an exam table with my finger up his ass, and shoves it deeper into his rectum saying 'u aren't doing it hard enuf!' :scared:
Then after he tells me to cut my nails cuz I was hurting him :laugh: :thumbdown: Haven't done a DRE since.....

Resident: Did you do the DRE on Mr. X?

Me: yeah dude, feels pretty normal to me!! (thinking yeah right....) You should probably double check tho to be safe man....

Nice


Ha. I remember that same male genital/DRE session - I've got this dude's cajones in my hand, looking for some loose scrotal skin so I can move my finger higher to check his inguinal ring, and he tells me, "You can be as rough as you need to here, because you've literally got me by the balls."

Sheesh. Everybody's a frickin comedian.
 

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Here's another one:

I just passed USMLE Step 3 w/ all steps above 200. Recognize.

ULTIMATE CHIEF.
 

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Funny story of one of my former (hilarious) chief in omfs.....

So during conference, we were discussing a case where a pregnant lady was involved in an MVC. Full body CT scan was obtained to rule out any emergent traumas. We were looking through the body CT's and a slide of the pelvic CT popped up.

An attending pimps one of our chiefs, "Why did they take a CT of the pelvis?"

"Uh.......to check for a mandible fracture." :laugh: :laugh:
 

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I was on ob rotation, was about to do a pelvic exam, and the patients sees my lab coat and sees DDS next to my name. Then she goes on to say, "what kind of kinky dentist are you?" we both had a good laugh.
 

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I was on ob rotation, was about to do a pelvic exam, and the patients sees my lab coat and sees DDS next to my name. Then she goes on to say, "what kind of kinky dentist are you?" we both had a good laugh.

you have dds on your med school coat?
 
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3rdswizard

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While on my Ob/Gyn rotation, I was explaining to a group of staff for the millionith time about why I had DDS next to my name and why I was rotating through Ob/Gyn when the attending blurted out, "I don't understand how you can spend your career working in others mouth's. It's so disgusting." I quickly answered the same could be said of her career choice. She realized what she had said, and sheepishly slipped away...
 

scalpel2008

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speaking of rectals, some of the medicine residents told me of a medical student who was performing a rectal on a female patient and unknowingly was probing the wrong orifice until the patient brought to his attention.
 

esclavo

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I am not in med school but from rotating on off service rotations and having med students on those rotations I have some funny stories.... on general surgery the med student was checking a post op hernia I did and the guy was a littled chaffed so he had used a little excess baby powder/talcum powder all over his lower extremity. As he dropped his droors, the poor med student started having a sneezing fit. It sounded like she she was going to die so I went in and she was sneezing to death, eyes watering, sitting on a chair with her head in her hands/lap and this old man just standing their with his unit just about on top of her head with this white cloud of dust which each of her sneezes was kicking up and making worse....

Just as above when the poor little med student was palpating a guys prostate he did the reach around and shoved her hand in deeper, she started screaming and crying but his strength was over riding her withdrawl.... he looked like the type of guy who felt comfortable physically overpowering little women against their will....like he had done it before....

We took a trach to the OR and he had a big halo on. I told the med student rotating on anesthesia to hold his head while I undid the large sheep skin velcrow shoulder straps on the halo so that I could wrap them in plastic so they wouldn't get betadiene all over them. For emphasis I told the med student that his stabalization of the head was imperative while the strap was undone. He held the patient's head with zeal as I undid the straps. As one of the straps fell down the velcrow grabbed the tie on his scrubs and untied them and proceeded to send his scrub bottoms down to his ankles. There he was holding the head in all his glory with his face turning red and his underwear showing for all to see. The eruption in laughter from the entire crew in the OR is one of my all time memorable moments of residency.....he was so embarressed that for the next two years when I would see him in the cafeteria or in the hospital, he would turn red and walk the other way..... by the way, I had no idea they made sponge Bob square pants underwear in adult size!
 
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IcedOMFS

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speaking of rectals, some of the medicine residents told me of a medical student who was performing a rectal on a female patient and unknowingly was probing the wrong orifice until the patient brought to his attention.

I could actually see how that could happen, on some extremely obese patients... You're never totally sure where your finger is. Rectum, Vag... In those cases they're really just sub-cavities from the big "gunt" fold... Though I am sure you're an expert on figuring out which orifice to stick your equipment in, when it comes to those bigger girls...

Almost as bad as the time we found bits of old toilet paper in between the cheeks of this one morbidly obese dude. F-ing nasty!

Or worse, the medical student who had to go remove the in-grown bra from this one crazy lady - It hadn't been taken off or washed in like 25 years or something. Glad that wasn't me.
 

scalpel2008

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... Though I am sure you're an expert on figuring out which orifice to stick your equipment in, when it comes to those bigger girls....

when i find myself in that situation, i use the time honored surgical principle of finding a known anatomic landmark (such as the ginormous pannus or a butt cheek that weighs more than me) and working my way from there. If i still encounter difficulty, i just pretend to pass out.
 

unlvdmd

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when i find myself in that situation, i use the time honored surgical principle of finding a known anatomic landmark (such as the ginormous pannus or a butt cheek that weighs more than me) and working my way from there. If i still encounter difficulty, i just pretend to pass out.

That deserves 4/5 LMAO's
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
F'in hilarious!
 

flat4

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speaking of rectals, some of the medicine residents told me of a medical student who was performing a rectal on a female patient and unknowingly was probing the wrong orifice until the patient brought to his attention.

Are you sure Doggie was doing that "unknowingly"? I bet he was just trying to cop a cheap feel and got caught:horns:
 

Yellowman

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speaking of rectals, some of the medicine residents told me of a medical student who was performing a rectal on a female patient and unknowingly was probing the wrong orifice until the patient brought to his attention.

Haven't seen anyone so fat that I can't make out the two holes yet....maybe i've been lucky. the only thing on my mind is finishing my internal medicine clerkship tomorrow....i am bored out of my mind... and i am running out of good stories to ditch early. If you guys have good stories/alibi that are creative, let me know cuz i am running out of ideas.
 

MAXFAC

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Haven't seen anyone so fat that I can't make out the two holes yet....maybe i've been lucky. the only thing on my mind is finishing my internal medicine clerkship tomorrow....i am bored out of my mind... and i am running out of good stories to ditch early. If you guys have good stories/alibi that are creative, let me know cuz i am running out of ideas.

Meeting with research adviser to discuss abstract before submission, deadline is today. You can show them the website too.
 
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scalpel2008

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Are you sure Doggie was doing that "unknowingly"? I bet he was just trying to cop a cheap feel and got caught:horns:

it could have been him. does he like to do all his rectals with the shocker? :horns:
 

scalpel2008

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Haven't seen anyone so fat that I can't make out the two holes yet....maybe i've been lucky. the only thing on my mind is finishing my internal medicine clerkship tomorrow....i am bored out of my mind... and i am running out of good stories to ditch early. If you guys have good stories/alibi that are creative, let me know cuz i am running out of ideas.

the biggest gomer i've seen on medicine weighed 650lbs. fortunately, he didn't require a rectal. a good alibi that i've used in the past is chairman's evaluations. you can't miss those. anyhow, speaking of fat gomers, just curious what everyone's hospital does to CT these people? I know my hospital has to transfer them ( > 350 lbs) to the zoo because they surpass the CT bed weight limit! Not kidding, they get CT'd at the zoo.
 

IcedOMFS

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Haven't seen anyone so fat that I can't make out the two holes yet....maybe i've been lucky. the only thing on my mind is finishing my internal medicine clerkship tomorrow....i am bored out of my mind... and i am running out of good stories to ditch early. If you guys have good stories/alibi that are creative, let me know cuz i am running out of ideas.


You should ask esclavo - By the looks of his kids, he's used the, "My wife is ovulating" excuse at least 5 times now... And that's assuming he slipped it past the goalie on the first shot each time...
 

esclavo

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the biggest gomer i've seen on medicine weighed 650lbs. fortunately, he didn't require a rectal. a good alibi that i've used in the past is chairman's evaluations. you can't miss those. anyhow, speaking of fat gomers, just curious what everyone's hospital does to CT these people? I know my hospital has to transfer them ( > 350 lbs) to the zoo because they surpass the CT bed weight limit! Not kidding, they get CT'd at the zoo.

:eek: :eek: :eek: How would that be?!?!
Dr: "Maam, we are going to have to take you to our "special xray" unit....."

Patient :"Dr. what is that smell?"
Dr. : "That must be the odor of the prior patient in this xray bay"
Patient: "That smell is worse than the rot underneath my 6th paniculus....I wonder what problem that patient had"
Dr. : "I believe it was an elephant with a partial bowel obstruction...."

all the while there are animal sounds in the back ground.... sweet.... I wonder how the patients feel.

As for skipping out of internal medicine, I recommend going through your internal medicine as a resident because I always had 1-2 medical students to do all the "smelly finger work" while my precious fingers just "flipped cards"......
 

scalpel2008

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:eek: :eek: :eek: How would that be?!?!
Dr: "Maam, we are going to have to take you to our "special xray" unit....."

Patient :"Dr. what is that smell?"
Dr. : "That must be the odor of the prior patient in this xray bay"
Patient: "That smell is worse than the rot underneath my 6th paniculus....I wonder what problem that patient had"
Dr. : "I believe it was an elephant with a partial bowel obstruction...."

all the while there are animal sounds in the back ground.... sweet.... I wonder how the patients feel.

As for skipping out of internal medicine, I recommend going through your internal medicine as a resident because I always had 1-2 medical students to do all the "smelly finger work" while my precious fingers just "flipped cards"......

with some of the malodorous panniculitis i've come across that never fails to hit me like a brick made of the worst smelling crap you can imagine, i have to wonder whether it's the elephant or the hippo that deserves to storm down to "patient" relations to file a complaint. seriously, sometimes i wonder about the new species of bacteria and yeast that probably evolved enough to survive the once inhabitable pannus.
 

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Worst smell of panniculitis ever, bed bound for 3 yrs. 700 pounder,BMI 85.
 

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jmjfb23

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better send perio in for some tissue management on that one
 

Yellowman

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thanks everyone for your support...thanks to everyone's delightful posts and wonderful pictures of obese patients with their panus, I was able to successfully finish my internal medicine clerkship with doing minimal number of admission h&P notes....now for the shelf exam:eek:
 
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OMFSCardsFan

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thanks everyone for your support...thanks to everyone's delightful posts and wonderful pictures of obese patients with their panus, I was able to successfully finish my internal medicine clerkship with doing minimal number of admission h&P notes....now for the shelf exam:eek:

Case Files is where it's at...I've passed all of them so far using just that. Only Psych to go...
 

OMFSCardsFan

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One of the in-patients that I was following was a 58 yo female with SAD, Bipolar type. She was both hypersexual and religious. She had a past history of being a music teacher. During one of our discussions, she was giving me the scoop on how several people have played her body as an instrument using her clitoris. All I could wonder is if any of my previous girlfriends will reminisce about me 30 years from now...

I'm getting close to the end of med school. I only have another 6 weeks of Psych, 4 weeks of subspecialties, and three months of fourth year rotations left. Can't come fast enough...
 

Yellowman

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One of the in-patients that I was following was a 58 yo female with SAD, Bipolar type. She was both hypersexual and religious. She had a past history of being a music teacher. During one of our discussions, she was giving me the scoop on how several people have played her body as an instrument using her clitoris. All I could wonder is if any of my previous girlfriends will reminisce about me 30 years from now...

I'm getting close to the end of med school. I only have another 6 weeks of Psych, 4 weeks of subspecialties, and three months of fourth year rotations left. Can't come fast enough...

what did the GU exam reveal?
 

esclavo

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. All I could wonder is if any of my previous girlfriends will reminisce about me 30 years from now...

...

Of course they will! No ex-girlfriend forgets the good listeners and cuddlers... they love that stuff! :D
 

UNLV OMS GUNNABE

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Before this tread gets any worse....
Not a med school story but had to tell it.

One of our attendings accepted a transfer the other night for a dento-alveolar fx. OUr resident gets the call from our ER and goes to evaluate the pt. It turns out he had a fractured maxillary FLIPPER! This guy went through 2 ERs and a transfer without anyone figuring out what was going on. Unbelievable.
 

scalpel2008

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You are one sick dude, Doggie.

at first i thought that was britney spears about to give birth. and then i was relieved that it was just some guy with projectile diarrhea. i was always taught in anesthesia to stay away from "the line of fire" when extubating a patient incase they cough and sputter all over you. i guess that goes for a$$ doctors too. not quite as bad but several years ago one of the urologists at our hospital was getting ready to manipulate a lithotomy patient's junk and anesthesia wasn't deep enough so the patients thighs slammed shut on his cheeks trapping him but he was able to yell "anesthesia, patient is moving". fortunately i wasn't the anesthetist
 

esclavo

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at first i thought that was britney spears about to give birth. and then i was relieved that it was just some guy with projectile diarrhea. i was always taught in anesthesia to stay away from "the line of fire" when extubating a patient incase they cough and sputter all over you. i guess that goes for a$$ doctors too. not quite as bad but several years ago one of the urologists at our hospital was getting ready to manipulate a lithotomy patient's junk and anesthesia wasn't deep enough so the patients thighs slammed shut on his cheeks trapping him but he was able to yell "anesthesia, patient is moving". fortunately i wasn't the anesthetist

:laugh: :laugh: reminds me of an anesthesia case I did on a big huge muscular 39 year old black guy that was about 250 lbs who was getting a circumcision. I had an LMA in him and the stupid urologist took 20 minutes to get to the room. Of course with no stimulation I had him so light to keep his pressure and HR up. Then in the blink of an eye the urologist walks in scrubs and I quickly tried to deepen him and give him some narcs. Thinking that they would give him some local first, they just tore into this ole boys sore glans. He essentially sat up on the table and ripped his arms out of the tuck job that the nurses did on him. He slowly came back down (as I quickly nailed him with 5 mgs more of versed) as the urologist was berating my anesthesia technique....I told the anesthesiologist after the case and he essentially took the head off of the urologist and I got a $50 dollar gift certificate from the urologists office with a written apology in the mail :p I checked on the guy in one day and he said he had the best sleep of his life!!!!!! Thank the heavens above for versed!
 
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esclavo

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Can you use it towards a vasectomy?

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: it was a $50 gift certificate to a restaurant in town... assuming that I took my wife, I would call it the anti-vasectomy certificate! :eek: Number six is probably just around the corner! It is a bad sign when your wife asks you to get everyone to the dinner table for supper and when she sits down, she says, "are all the kids here? I feel like we're missing one!"

Esclavo, "no honey, they are all here, one, two , three, four, five... yup this is all of them..."
Mrs. Esclavo, "hmmmm, it just feels like we're missing someone".... long silence............

Esclavo thinking to himself, :rolleyes: I better start that medical savings account for this next year, looks like a big expense is upon us..... looks like that airplane I wanted to buy in 2010 is going to be going to a college account for another esclavito..... at this rate I'll get that airplane when I'm sixty and then I won't be able to pass the flight physical!!!!! :rolleyes:

Mrs. Esclavo, "are you day dreaming about that Cessna 185 again? ...."

Esclavo, "no honey..... please pass the green beans..............................how was your day sweetie?"....
 

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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ........
Mrs. Esclavo, "are you day dreaming about that Cessna 185 again? ....QUOTE]

Why a 185? With the funds you should be banking and your charming personality, after all these years of hardwork and 7 kids, why not treat yourself to Beechcraft Baron G58....:cool:
 
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