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ORTHO-should I lie and say I'm single???

Discussion in 'Surgery and Surgical Subspecialties' started by ribcrackindoc, Nov 7, 2002.

  1. ribcrackindoc

    ribcrackindoc Member
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    I want to go into ortho. I'm thinking that if the residency people know I have a serious girlfriend, they may think that surgery is #2 in my life and the girl is #1. Should I say I'm single so it's easier for them to believe that orthopedic surgery is the most important thing in life to me???? Maybe they're looking for young, cool bachelors who aren't tied down like a whipped bitch. Of course it's possible to get caught in a lie!!! What do you guys think, especially those of you in the ortho field????????
     
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  3. DarkChild

    DarkChild Senior Member
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    I'm not in the ortho field... but I have a serious g/f (3 years) and she KNOWS she's not #1 in my book. I think the fact that you're not married with kids already suggests that you know where your priorities lie (flame suit secured).
    also the fact that you have a serious g/f means that you have a certain emotional stability of having a long time confidant. someone who'll always be there for you to talk to.
    YMMV
     
  4. ljube_02

    ljube_02 Senior Member
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    Thanks for this thread. So you cant be married and be in the surgery at same time.:(
     
  5. Torus Tubarius

    Torus Tubarius New Member

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    If you are not married, you are single....
     
  6. surg

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    Look, you need to find a program that fits you. If "you" includes a spouse, significant other, b/f, g/f, large dog, whatever, and that whatever is important to your life, you shouldn't be afraid to discuss it. You do NOT want to end up at a program that frowns on those things, if those things are important to you. The question is: do you want to _not_ be with this person when you are done? If the answer is yes, then conceal it, otherwise I would disclose it if asked, and if it is really important, find a way to bring it up and see what the reaction is.
    Having someone is not generally seen as a downside at all but the most hardcore of programs and by and large, you probably don't want to end up at those anyway.
     
  7. Celiac Plexus

    Celiac Plexus Senior Member
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    First, asking you about your marital status is not permitted. And, most of the programs will probably not ask you directly whether you have a gf... They MIGHT ask in an indirect way to get this information though,... "Tell me about your family?" or, "Who is the most important person in your life right now?"...

    Second, it's not gonna matter at all. Maybe at a couple of super anal research programs (anyone ever heard of a 7 year ortho program?) it might be a sticking point. But I know 3 guys personally who are married and have matched at outstanding ortho programs. If I were a program director, I might consider a wife an ASSET instead of a liability. Granted, if your wife is a mouthy, unkind, local Democratic politician, who voted against the death penalty, and malpractice reform, you might be f***ed, but then you would be f***ed anyway for having married her.

    I think that the main things that ortho programs care about are grades, USMLE scores, research, and CONNXNS...(and maybe whether you are a former NFL quarterback) basically the same thing that all programs care about (except the quarterback qualification). The myth of the swingin', chauvinist, testosterone "ortho guy" is way overblown in my opinion.:cool:

    Besides, lieing is bad for your karma.

    Good luck.
     
  8. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic!
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    It is not illegal to ASK about your marital status, but rather to use that information "against" you in making residency decisions.

    First, as noted above, it is unlikely you will even be asked about a GF - if they do ask if you are married, and you respond in the negative, they don't usually ask further questions.

    Secondly, also as noted above, with the exception of the most hard-core, malignant, good-old-boy programs in which it was believed that surgery residents shouldn't be married (ie, such as when a friend of mine was going through a divorce, his program director told him that he was "better off, surgery residents, especially males, shouldn't be married." :eek: ), being married is seen as a GOOD thing. Residents with a happy homelife make happier residents. Plus you get more sleep than your single buddies out stalking the local bars trying to impress chix with their medical degree.

    Obviously, you have to have a supportive partner. Memorize this: you will always be home later than your first estimate. The sooner your GF realizes this, the happier she will be. Tell her that calling you every 45 minutes does not get you home any earlier.

    At any rate, I see no reason to conceal the fact that you have a partner.
     

  9. First, with all honesty, I do not think any programs will think your GF is #1 in your life because she is just that...a GF. You have made no legal long term commitments to her regardless of what you might have told her some romantic evening.

    Second, There is much positive to say about people with balanced committed relationships (i.e. marriages). Assuming the marriage is good. Single residents lack the support of having someone else run the household (this is not talking about two MD houses). Single residents will have to grocery shop, go to the bank, girlfriend shop, etc....

    Third, you do not need to talk about who you are or are not dating. If your GF is the center of your life, marry her. Otherwise, you keep her in the limbo world of GF-hood. And, yes, talking about your GF could be viewed as negative no matter where you interview for certain reasons...The program may wonder, unless you already have a date, about your ability to commit if you are "serious" but are not married. Also, some program attendings may be concerned how you will take it when your girlfriend finds another ortho resident to shack up with because he is closer to finishing then you. Remember, you have no formal binding commitment.

    Finally, do NOT lie!!! From a global point of view, it disgusts me to see people seeking high power residencies via outright lying an dishonesty. You don't have to mention your GF/SO. So, don't mention it. Keep things in perspective. You are there to interview for a "job". You are not there to discuss who keeps your bed warm!!!

    Chill out. Keep things in perspective and focus on the real issues.

    Later
     
  10. Oh, and by the way, YOU ARE SINGLE!!!

    Residencies will treat you as single. They are unlikely to give you time off for your GF's sister's wedding (i.e. she isn't your sister-in-law). They are likely to schedule holliday call with REAL families in mind not GFs...etc. Your GF will have all the stresses of being with a resident with none of the considerations or respect a spouse might expect.
     
  11. ribcrackindoc

    ribcrackindoc Member
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    thanks everyone for your thoughts. you've been very helpful and insightful. I really don't think I could bring myself to lie anyways. and Celiac Plexus, you rule for that democrat statement!
     
  12. dobonedoc

    dobonedoc Senior Member
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    I think that g/f or wife comes long after more tangible things, such as board scores, honors, your ability to do the work, your ethics, and your grades. Nobody seems to care about much - other than what I can do. Doesn't matter if I have a spouse or not.

    Good luck
     

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