Partner smokes (a lot) of weed in the apartment/in bed. Will it show up on my drug screening?

[Red_matahari]

I don't smoke weed, but my partner smokes A LOT of weed--especially at night while we are going to bed. I've never gotten a "contact high" but I am just a little paranoid it might show up in trace amounts in my drug screening that is required before matriculation. And even though I live in a state where marijuana is legal, there is a no tolerance policy for any medical professionals and medical students.

Am I just being paranoid, or should I tell her to refrain from smoking in bed near me?

Thanks!

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[manofsteel9]

Extremely unlikely that anything will show up. Even if traces are in your bloodstream, it's going to be too low for lab results to detect. That being said, it's better to be safe than sorry so I recommend you telling your SO to smoke outside or at least in a different room a couple weeks leading up to your drug screen.

 

[ThrowawayShmoaway]

Your bedroom must REEK

 

[ciestar]

Your bedroom must REEK

Makes me wonder about clothing. Don’t show up smelling like weed (or a cig). No go.

 

[kb1900]

I don't smoke weed, but my partner smokes A LOT of weed--especially at night while we are going to bed. I've never gotten a "contact high" but I am just a little paranoid it might show up in trace amounts in my drug screening that is required before matriculation. And even though I live in a state where marijuana is legal, there is a no tolerance policy for any medical professionals and medical students.

Am I just being paranoid, or should I tell her to refrain from smoking in bed near me?

Thanks!

maybe the paranoia is from second hand smoke 😉

kidding. go spend $25 on a kit at cvs instead of not knowing your status

 

[jmetaller]

maybe the paranoia is from second hand smoke 😉

kidding. go spend $25 on a kit at cvs instead of not knowing your status

Don't know how useful that would be since there are several tests that can be used. My understanding is that you won't test positive from second hand smoke but I'm not an expert on this either. My partner also smokes a lot and I honestly wasn't even concerned about this one. Granted smoking in the room where your wardrobe is might be an issue.

 

[deleted480308]

Tell your chick/dude to stop effing with a million dollar career and keep that crap out of the house

 

[kb1900]

Don't know how useful that would be since there are several tests that can be used. My understanding is that you won't test positive from second hand smoke but I'm not an expert on this either. My partner also smokes a lot and I honestly wasn't even concerned about this one. Granted smoking in the room where your wardrobe is might be an issue.

its expensive to test people. typically a pee test using a 25 or 50 ng/ml cutoff is used for screening and then following a positive screen, a high specificity test using GC-MS is for confirmation.

then 25/50ng/ml tests are available at CVS. some of them you can pay extra and even send them in for gas chromatography. the stakes are pretty high here and i made sure that second hand smoke wouldnt be the reason i didn't matriculate to school

 

[Stagg737]

Though it may not be likely, it can definitely show up. Systemic review article on the effects of secondhand marijuana smoke: Health effects of exposure to second- and third-hand marijuana smoke: a systematic review

From interpretation section of the article:

"Second-hand exposure to marijuana smoke can lead to cannabinoid metabolites in bodily fluids sufficient for positive results on testing of oral fluids, blood and urine, and can lead to psychoactive effects. There is evidence of a weak dose-response relation between THC content of cannabis and effects on those exposed to second-hand smoke, including metabolites found in blood and urine, and psychoactive effects. There is evidence that the relation is mediated by environmental factors, including whether the air space is ventilated, volume of air, number of marijuana cigarettes lit at 1 time, potency of the marijuana and number of smokers."

Like @sb247 said, tell your partner to stop being an idiot and smoke somewhere else until you're through the phase of possible testing. If they give you crap ask them where they're going to get the $200k+/yr you'll be losing out on if you test positive and get dismissed.

 

[jmetaller]

Tell your chick/dude to stop effing with a million dollar career and keep that crap out of the house

Lol I try and treat my partners adult choices as no more or less important than my own.

its expensive to test people. typically a pee test using a 25 or 50 ng/ml cutoff is used for screening and then following a positive screen, a high specificity test using GC-MS is for confirmation.

then 25/50ng/ml tests are available at CVS. some of them you can pay extra and even send them in for gas chromatography. the stakes are pretty high here and i made sure that second hand smoke wouldnt be the reason i didn't matriculate to school

Fair enough. That's good to know. I figured as much but wasn't sure to what lengths med schools would go.

 

[ndafife]

As others have mentioned there is a cutoff level that is used to prevent false positives from second hand exposure.

That being said, more fat + more exposure = longer in your system

So go buy yourself a couple drug tests and tell your partner to stop smoking in the house, and go from there

 

[jmetaller]

Though it may not be likely, it can definitely show up. Systemic review article on the effects of secondhand marijuana smoke: Health effects of exposure to second- and third-hand marijuana smoke: a systematic review

From interpretation section of the article:

"Second-hand exposure to marijuana smoke can lead to cannabinoid metabolites in bodily fluids sufficient for positive results on testing of oral fluids, blood and urine, and can lead to psychoactive effects. There is evidence of a weak dose-response relation between THC content of cannabis and effects on those exposed to second-hand smoke, including metabolites found in blood and urine, and psychoactive effects. There is evidence that the relation is mediated by environmental factors, including whether the air space is ventilated, volume of air, number of marijuana cigarettes lit at 1 time, potency of the marijuana and number of smokers."

Like @sb247 said, tell your partner to stop being an idiot and smoke somewhere else until you're through the phase of possible testing. If they give you crap ask them where they're going to get the $200k+/yr you'll be losing out on if you test positive and get dismissed.

This just in: Anyone who has attended a concert or had friends in college is no longer eligible to be a doctor 😱

Okay I'm not trying to down play the issue but sheesh... that's concerning lol

 

[deleted480308]

Lol I try and treat my partners adult choices as no more or less important than my own.

If you stay with a partner either stupid or selfish enough to risk your >$200k job, neither of you gets much credit for adult decision making

 

[jmetaller]

If you stay with a partner either stupid or selfish enough to risk your >$200k job, neither of you gets much credit for adult decision making

Maybe it's my privilege speaking but decisions in our marriage aren't based purely on financial return. Also my partner has PTSD

 

[deleted480308]

Maybe it's my privilege speaking but decisions in our marriage aren't based purely on financial return. Also my partner has PTSD

Even if you can afford to lose $200k/yr it’s a bad idea. And nothing about ptsd requires smoking in the house....but you do you

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

If you stay with a partner either stupid or selfish enough to risk your >$200k job, neither of you gets much credit for adult decision making

Boom

 

[965978]

.

 

[jmetaller]

Even if you can afford to lose $200k/yr it’s a bad idea. And nothing about ptsd requires smoking in the house....but you do you

I'm sorry, you probably know more about what helps with her PTSD than she does. I'll relay that message to her.

Anyways, who here's cost of living is >200k/year? I'll wager nearly anyone can afford to lose this job. The only bad idea is thinking your marriage is a purely financial equation. You're not getting a 200k job because you need it. Not unless you have 17 kids. You're getting it because you have set the work or pay lifestyle as a personal goal. This is a lifestyle decision and nothing more. It is perfectly acceptable to divorce to pursue your own dreams, but compromising with your partner on their right to bodily autonomy and relief from rape flashbacks is far from "stupid". There are plenty of ways to navigate issues like this without issuing ultimatums and expressing self-importance in a relationship.

Boom

No not "boom". Not unless this is a demolition project for faulty relationship foundations.

 

[ndafife]

I'm sorry, you probably know more about what helps with her PTSD than she does. I'll relay that message to her.

Nobody is saying she needs to stop smoking pot.

Everything in this has stemmed from some variation of tell her to stop smoking it in the house:

keep that crap out of the house

That being said, it's better to be safe than sorry so I recommend you telling your SO to smoke outside or at least in a different room a couple weeks leading up to your drug screen.

So just to reiterate, there are more way to smoke pot than in a shared bedroom/around a partner with a drug test coming up who works in a 0 tolerance profession.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

I'm sorry, you probably know more about what helps with her PTSD than she does. I'll relay that message to her.

Anyways, who here's cost of living is >200k/year? I'll wager nearly anyone can afford to lose this job. The only bad idea is thinking your marriage is a purely financial equation. You're not getting a 200k job because you need it. Not unless you have 17 kids. You're getting it because you have set the work or pay lifestyle as a personal goal. This is a lifestyle decision and nothing more. It is perfectly acceptable to divorce to pursue your own dreams, but compromising with your partner on their right to bodily autonomy and relief from rape flashbacks is far from "stupid". There are plenty of ways to navigate issues like this without issuing ultimatums and expressing self-importance in a relationship.



No not "boom". Not unless this is a demolition project for faulty relationship foundations.

A faulty relationship foundation is your partner putting you at risk without any reason to do so. There are other ways of handling one’s issues while taking the people around you into account. Not being selfish is, in fact, the foundation of a healthy relationship.

 

[deleted480308]

I'm sorry, you probably know more about what helps with her PTSD than she does. I'll relay that message to her.

Anyways, who here's cost of living is >200k/year? I'll wager nearly anyone can afford to lose this job. The only bad idea is thinking your marriage is a purely financial equation. You're not getting a 200k job because you need it. Not unless you have 17 kids. You're getting it because you have set the work or pay lifestyle as a personal goal. This is a lifestyle decision and nothing more. It is perfectly acceptable to divorce to pursue your own dreams, but compromising with your partner on their right to bodily autonomy and relief from rape flashbacks is far from "stupid". There are plenty of ways to navigate issues like this without issuing ultimatums and expressing self-importance in a relationship.



No not "boom". Not unless this is a demolition project for faulty relationship foundations.

We’re gonna disagree on this subject. I’m cool with that

 

[JustaDO]

I'm sorry, you probably know more about what helps with her PTSD than she does. I'll relay that message to her.

I'm sure anti-vaxxers know what helps their children too, and yet, here we are.

 

[jmetaller]

I'm sure anti-vaxxers know what helps their children too, and yet, here we are.

Terrible terrible analogy since PTSD symptoms are mostly subjective

Nobody is saying she needs to stop smoking pot.

Everything in this has stemmed from some variation of tell her to stop smoking it in the house:

If that's the case then I mistook it. There are plenty of tactful ways to find accommodations in these situations and outside the house may be an option under some scenarios but not all. But "tell that check to stop effing with your career and take that crap out of the house" is not the kind of rhetoric that would fly in most couples counseling sessions. It comes across as having a sense of self-importance whether that was intended or not.

A faulty relationship foundation is your partner putting you at risk without any reason to do so. There are other ways of handling one’s issues while taking the people around you into account. Not being selfish is, in fact, the foundation of a healthy relationship.

I never argued for anything one sided. I argued for two-way consideration. The issue I took was with the rhetoric which came of as sounding dismissive to one partners activities in favor of the other. If that was not the intention, then I generally agree with what others are saying. There are usually plenty of ways to accommodate both needs without ultimatums. The chances of being barred from being a doctor because of second-hand associations with weed are so infinitesimally small. With further precaution and compromise, practically non-existent. If someone is so dedicated to their career they wouldn't role with a .01% of getting in trouble for their partners sake, it is perfectly acceptable to accept you have incompatible needs and split. So long as you accept they are no more selfish for having their needs than you are

 

[500miles]

This is why you can't get help on sdn for things like this..

Bottom line, she needs to stop smoking around you mainly so you wont smell like pot and the minute possibility that you show up positive on a drug test. Everyone else needs to chill out with the whole catastrophic doom and gloom stuff.

 

[Red_matahari]

lol if our relationship would end because I ask her to smoke in the living room or balcony instead of in bed we're already in trouble...
I'll just ask her to smoke in a different room, she won't mind. I just didn't know if it was something I even needed to consider.
and juuuuuust in case I can buy one of those cheap drug tests to ease my mind,

I don't even want a fraction of a percent of a risk I would get dismissed due to a positive drug test--that would be a massive regret later on in life.

Thanks for all the feedback!

 

[jmetaller]

This is why you can't get help on sdn for things like this..

Bottom line, she needs to stop smoking around you mainly so you wont smell like pot and the minute possibility that you show up positive on a drug test. Everyone else needs to chill out with the whole catastrophic doom and gloom stuff.

There are so many ways to do this. My wife used to blow smoke into the garage. If you have a guest room you can offer to designate it as a smoking area. If you live in a legal state outside might be acceptable. Buy one of those smoke buddy carbon filter things. I don't know if a vape pen would show up less on a drug screen, but it certainly wouldn't smell on your clothes as much. Maybe she can stop all together just for the few weeks before you're screened. If you're in a legal state see if she will opt for edibles temporarily. I have never known first hand exposure to stand between a stoner and a job. You better believe it is much easier to avoid false positives from second hand exposure. But of course you must accept the most surefire solution would be to kick her to the curb. Short of that you can mitigate the risk to the point of being possibly negligible but not eliminate it unless she herself is willing to stop.

 

[precisiongraphic]

Nobody is saying she needs to stop smoking pot.

Everything in this has stemmed from some variation of tell her to stop smoking it in the house:





So just to reiterate, there are more way to smoke pot than in a shared bedroom/around a partner with a drug test coming up who works in a 0 tolerance profession.

There are also edibles and concentrates (not that I've ever been to a store in my state where it's legal). If she won't do that, is she helping you or hurting you?

If it was me, I'd suggest she do it in the garage, her car or in a spare bedroom or outside if she can't switch to edibles.

 

[cantankerous]

Well not for med school, but I was in the same situation and was able to pass a drug screen for a job. And no way in hell would a med school pay for a hair test either, so you'll be fine on urine testing unless your partner literally hotboxes your bedroom often. They have a definite and generous cut off because nobody wants to be paying for further testing of false positives from secondhand marijuana smoke and things like that.

 

[deleted804295]

I don't smoke weed, but my partner smokes A LOT of weed--especially at night while we are going to bed. I've never gotten a "contact high" but I am just a little paranoid it might show up in trace amounts in my drug screening that is required before matriculation. And even though I live in a state where marijuana is legal, there is a no tolerance policy for any medical professionals and medical students.

Am I just being paranoid, or should I tell her to refrain from smoking in bed near me?

Thanks!

Why are you even dating an individual who smokes a lot of weed in the bedroom/house?

 

[jmetaller]

Why are you even dating an individual who smokes a lot of weed in the bedroom/house?

Oh here we go again with the judgement. Is this how you anticipate talking to patients with diverse lifestyle choices?

 

[Tenk]

Oh here we go again with the judgement. Is this how you anticipate talking to patients?

It’s a valid question. Marijuana is a drug. It can also cause addiction and health problems although far less than some other drugs. The real question is: why would you not want the best for your significant other?

If your significant other was an alcoholic, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a heroin user, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a meth head, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a coke head, would you just say that’s ok?

Drugs aren’t all made equal but you can spot a pot head pretty far away. It definitely limits an individual’s true potential and can have multiple negative medical side effects such as hyperemesis syndrome and even lung cancer if smoked long term. If you actually cared about your significant other’s health you would try to get them to limit their exposure.

The best thing to do in this situation is to either dump this person or try to help them use less marijuana. Occasional marijuana is probably harmless long term. Daily marijuana, however, is not benign both psychologically and physically.

 

[ClimbsRox]

The people telling you to buy a home drug test are very poorly informed. Those tests are terribly inaccurate and are unlikely to give you any usable information on your status. Second-hand smoke will lead to low, but detectable, amounts of cannibinoid metabolites in your system. Depending on the cutoff used by the lab, you may or may not test positive. My high school specifically used a drug testing company with a cut-off that was ~10-fold lower than the standard (they specifically said this) and "caught" a lot of people who were only in the vicinity of people smoking. Do most labs use stupid low cutoffs? Probably not. Is it worth the risk? No. Get away from the weed smoke.

 

[jmetaller]

It’s a valid question. Marijuana is a drug. It can also cause addiction and health problems although far less than some other drugs. The real question is: why would you not want the best for your significant other?

If your significant other was an alcoholic, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a heroin user, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a meth head, would you just say that’s ok?
If your significant other was a coke head, would you just say that’s ok?

Drugs aren’t all made equal but you can spot a pot head pretty far away. It definitely limits an individuals true potential and can have multiple negative medical side effects such as hyperemesis syndrome and even lung cancer if smoked long term. If you actually cared about your significant other’s health you would try to get them to limit their exposure.

The best thing to do in this situation is to either dump this person or try to help them use less marijuana. Occasional marijuana is probably harmless long term. Daily marijuana, however, is not benign both psychologically and physically.

There is a more tactful way to ask that question than "why are you with this person" implying that their level of marijuana consumption is automatically problematic and unmanageable without any knowledge of context. It's promoting a stigma and nothing productive. Yes I would be concerned if my partner is any of those users INCLUDING cannabis. However the mere use or abuse does not speak to the character of the partner as a whole or the validity of the relationship. There is far more to a person than their drug of choice. This is like saying "why are you with a fat person who doesn't take care of themselves". It would be unconscionable for a medical professional to body shame in such a case, so why not here? There is a fine line between health concern and promoting well being and stigmatizing

You can not always spot a pot head a mile away. My wife is a perfect example of a full time employed woman who looks by all means normal to the public eye. I couldn't even tell she was high if I didn't watch her do it. I have seen stereotypical stoners as well. Am I saying there is no potential for negative impact? Not by any means. Even with her I could raise questions about healthy limits. But again, fine line between concern and shaming.

How irritating would it be if I was to sit here and nitpick everyones unhealthy choices (we all have them) and suggest you all are worthy of dumping on those grounds? Hell I could care less for pot for the direct reasons mentioned about limiting potential, but I have a nutter butter addiction. Am I unworthy of love?

 

[Stagg737]

Oh here we go again with the judgement. Is this how you anticipate talking to patients with diverse lifestyle choices?

As a psychiatrist, I tell them point blank when they are making "diverse lifestyle choices" which can adversely effect their health and explain to them why it is a poor choice. If they want to continue to make those poor decisions, that is up to them. Just like whether I wish to continue seeing them (when outpt) is up to me.

 

[jmetaller]

As a psychiatrist, I tell them point blank when they are making "diverse lifestyle choices" which can adversely effect their health and explain to them why it is a poor choice. If they want to continue to make those poor decisions, that is up to them. Just like whether I wish to continue seeing them (when outpt) is up to me.

That's fine. As a doctor I would tell my patients point blank too if their diet was harming their heart. I wouldn't, however, turn to their partner and go "why are you with this person?"

 

[Shammyguy3]

If the answer to the title of the thread is YES, what would that cause you to do? Always better safe than sorry, so you never have to think about stuff like that

 

[deleted480308]

That's fine. As a doctor I would tell my patients point blank too if their diet was harming their heart. I wouldn't, however, turn to their partner and go "why are you with this person?"

Are you under the impression that this is somehow medical care?

This is peer discussion/ advice

 

[Tenk]

There is a more tactful way to ask that question than "why are you with this person" implying that their level of marijuana consumption is automatically problematic and unmanageable without any knowledge of context. It's promoting a stigma and nothing productive. Yes I would be concerned if my partner is any of those users INCLUDING cannabis. However the mere use or abuse does not speak to the character of the partner as a whole or the validity of the relationship. There is far more to a person than their drug of choice. This is like saying "why are you with a fat person who doesn't take care of themselves". It would be unconscionable for a medical professional to body shame in such a case, so why not here? There is a fine line between health concern and promoting well being and stigmatizing

You can not always spot a pot head a mile away. My wife is a perfect example of a full time employed woman who looks by all means normal to the public eye. I couldn't even tell she was high if I didn't watch her do it. I have seen stereotypical stoners as well. Am I saying there is no potential for negative impact? Not by any means. Even with her I could raise questions about healthy limits. But again, fine line between concern and shaming.

How irritating would it be if I was to sit here and nitpick everyones unhealthy choices (we all have them) and suggest you all are worthy of dumping on those grounds? Hell I could care less for pot for the direct reasons mentioned about limiting potential, but I have a nutter butter addiction. Am I unworthy of love?

Bro, this isn’t a doctors office. It’s an internet forum. How people post on here does not equate to how they perform their job or even how they would talk to you face to face. Also, there should not be a fine line with your spouse between concern and shaming and if you feel there is you should probably see a marriage counselor. Your spouse should know that you always have their back and best interest in mind until you die.

Also, also, op said partner, not spouse so I doubt they are married. Obviously you don’t want to dump your spouse without trying everything else first.

Also, also, also, psychiatrists WILL commonly tell their patients to remove themselves from bad influencers so you’re wrong in that regard as well.

 

[ndafife]

That's fine. As a doctor I would tell my patients point blank too if their diet was harming their heart. I wouldn't, however, turn to their partner and go "why are you with this person?"

But you're not a doctor.

And there is a pretty big difference between telling someone "your lifestyle choices with weed are putting your partner at risk for failed drug tests (and subsequent ramifications down the line in medical school, residency and practice)" and "your diet is harming your heart"

 

[jmetaller]

Are you under the impression that this is somehow medical care?

This is peer discussion/ advice

Your attitude in real life is reflective of how you think and interact with the people around you. I'm sure everyone can put on a politically correct face when on the stage, but why does it have to be like that? Why not practice some of that empathy they're always asking about on med school applications. Look at others struggles and imperfections in light of your own? Or is all that just hot air?

Also, there should not be a fine line with your spouse between concern and shaming and if you feel there is you should probably see a marriage counselor. Your spouse should know that you always have their back and best interest in mind until you die.

Also, op said partner, not spouse so I doubt they are married. Obviously you don’t want to dump your spouse without trying everything else first.

Also, also, psychiatrists WILL commonly tell their patients to remove themselves from bad influencers so you’re wrong in that regard as well.

The problem is that this is all baseless. OP never alluded to being dissatisfied with his relationship or afraid of his partners influence. As far as this post is concerned her pot smoking is inconsequential to him aside from the concerns he rose about false positives to which other solutions existed. You can have your partners back without shaming. That doesn't even make sense to equate the two. This is so easy I'm not sure what the controversy is here. I would tell my wife any time her pot use was affecting me or if I was concerned about it's affects on her. I would talk to her like I too have imperfections and unhealthy habits and not like she's lesser for it.

If there was some other context here like... "my wife is stealing all my money to buy pot" or "she's so unambitious it's making my relationship boring" it would be an entirely different scenario to honestly ask "well why are you with her"? To ask that question purely on the basis that she smokes pot is indicative of an irrational stigma.

 

[jmetaller]

But you're not a doctor.

And there is a pretty big difference between telling someone "your lifestyle choices with weed are putting your partner at risk for failed drug tests (and subsequent ramifications down the line in medical school, residency and practice)" and "your diet is harming your heart"

Okay so when I am a doctor I will be sure to put everyone's relationships and character in light of their imperfect health concerns. I have never suggested anywhere that OP can not talk to his partner about how her weed use might be affecting him. But how have we jumped from solution oriented discussion to "why are you even with someone who smokes all that weed". I'm sure OP can give a million reasons why he's with this person and finds his relationship worthwhile. If not, then maybe there's a point. But that was never implied

 

[ciestar]

Your attitude in real life is reflective of how you think and interact with the people around you. I'm sure everyone can put on a politically correct face when on the stage, but why does it have to be like that? Why not practice some of that empathy they're always asking about on med school applications. Look at others struggles and imperfections in light of your own? Or is all that just hot air?



The problem is that this is all baseless. OP never alluded to being dissatisfied with his relationship or afraid of his partners influence. As far as this post is concerned her pot smoking is inconsequential to him aside from the concerns he rose about false positives to which other solutions existed. You can have your partners back without shaming. That doesn't even make sense to equate the two. This is so easy I'm not sure what the controversy is here. I would tell my wife any time her pot use was affecting me or if I was concerned about it's affects on her. I would talk to her like I too have imperfections and unhealthy habits and not like she's lesser for it.

If there was some other context here like... "my wife is stealing all my money to buy pot" or "she's so unambitious it's making my relationship boring" it would be an entirely different scenario to honestly ask "well why are you with her"? To ask that question purely on the basis that she smokes pot is indicative of an irrational stigma.

Check out some of their other posts...

 

[cantankerous]

Just get her a pen and tell her to buy a cartridge. That way she could easily smoke outside without people overtly knowing that she is using pot.

 

[Tenk]

Your attitude in real life is reflective of how you think and interact with the people around you. I'm sure everyone can put on a politically correct face when on the stage, but why does it have to be like that? Why not practice some of that empathy they're always asking about on med school applications. Look at others struggles and imperfections in light of your own? Or is all that just hot air?



The problem is that this is all baseless. OP never alluded to being dissatisfied with his relationship or afraid of his partners influence. As far as this post is concerned her pot smoking is inconsequential to him aside from the concerns he rose about false positives to which other solutions existed. You can have your partners back without shaming. That doesn't even make sense to equate the two. This is so easy I'm not sure what the controversy is here. I would tell my wife any time her pot use was affecting me or if I was concerned about it's affects on her. I would talk to her like I too have imperfections and unhealthy habits and not like she's lesser for it.

If there was some other context here like... "my wife is stealing all my money to buy pot" or "she's so unambitious it's making my relationship boring" it would be an entirely different scenario to honestly ask "well why are you with her"? To ask that question purely on the basis that she smokes pot is indicative of an irrational stigma.

It’s not a stigma.

SMOKING IS OBJECTIVELY BAD.

Ever watch someone die of COPD/lung cancer? It’s not pretty. Good luck with your life bro, hope you never watch your wife die from COPD and lung cancer though.

 

[md_mph_applicant_EY19]

I feel like there's got to be more middle ground here. She can ask her partner to smoke in another location and encourage her to reduce her usage. Leaving her partner or forcing her to quit cold turkey are both extreme options.

 

[jmetaller]

It’s not a stigma.

SMOKING IS BAD.

Ever watch someone die of COPD/lung cancer? It’s not pretty. Good luck with your life bro, hope you never watch your wife die from COPD and lung cancer though.

I'm aware smoking is bad. So is drinking. So are nutter butters. So is city air pollution. So is sitting at a desk all day. So is being stressed out all the time and not sleeping during residency. All of that stuff cuts your life span and leads to poor general health. My concerns here are not with the black and white nature of negative influences. It is with a culture of healthcare workers and aspiring healthcare workers who ALL engage in poor decision making and poor health management to some extent like nearly every other human on this planet but will look down their noses at another like "why are you even with this person" when it was never implied that the person as a whole was undesirable to OP. That is called stigmatization. And somehow it's the defensible stance here.

 

[deleted480308]

Your attitude in real life is reflective of how you think and interact with the people around you. I'm sure everyone can put on a politically correct face when on the stage, but why does it have to be like that? Why not practice some of that empathy they're always asking about on med school applications. Look at others struggles and imperfections in light of your own? Or is all that just hot air?



The problem is that this is all baseless. OP never alluded to being dissatisfied with his relationship or afraid of his partners influence. As far as this post is concerned her pot smoking is inconsequential to him aside from the concerns he rose about false positives to which other solutions existed. You can have your partners back without shaming. That doesn't even make sense to equate the two. This is so easy I'm not sure what the controversy is here. I would tell my wife any time her pot use was affecting me or if I was concerned about it's affects on her. I would talk to her like I too have imperfections and unhealthy habits and not like she's lesser for it.

If there was some other context here like... "my wife is stealing all my money to buy pot" or "she's so unambitious it's making my relationship boring" it would be an entirely different scenario to honestly ask "well why are you with her"? To ask that question purely on the basis that she smokes pot is indicative of an irrational stigma.

My empathy is to the person posting who has a small and actual risk of career loss over this situation with zero necessity for existing

Save self righteous indignation

 

[jmetaller]

My empathy is to the person posting who has a small and actual risk of career loss over this situation with zero necessity for existing

Save self righteous indignation

I'm sorry, didn't realize it was limited to one person. I seem to be able to feel for them both.

 

[deleted480308]

I'm sorry, didn't realize it was limited to one person. I seem to be able to feel for them both.

Keep patting yourself on the back if you need to do so, it’s fine. But you are getting emotionally attached to the discussion and it’s changing your ability to be logical

 

[kb1900]

I'm aware smoking is bad. So is drinking. So are nutter butters. So is city air pollution. So is sitting at a desk all day. So is being stressed out all the time and not sleeping during residency. All of that stuff cuts your life span and leads to poor general health. My concerns here are not with the black and white nature of negative influences. It is with a culture of healthcare workers and aspiring healthcare workers who ALL engage in poor decision making and poor health management to some extent like nearly every other human on this planet but will look down their noses at another like "why are you even with this person" when it was never implied that the person as a whole was undesirable to OP. That is called stigmatization. And somehow it's the defensible stance here.

the poster(s) you are arguing with aren't going to change their mind and the proportion of those that share their view is higher on SDN than elsewhere. stick around SDN long enough and you notice a few patterns that are so boring:

1) opinion/remark that is relatively extreme or ignores nuances (some posters seem to take pride in doing this when they can - hence the unnecessary post that started all this)
2) someone who objects asks if thats how they would talk to a patient
3) person points out this is a internet forum
4) someone calls someone else a bad doctor or will become a bad doctor

/thread