Personal losses - What should I do?

[MEA]

Hey everyone. I am currently still in the application process and sitting on 2 waitlists with no acceptances. So, the past few months have been the most trying and disheartening of my life. First, my girlfriend of 4 years, who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, broke it off. Of course this really sucked. But, shortly after this, I lost a sibling in a car accident. For the past few months, my whole personality and outlook on life has changed.

Up until this point in my life, I have always been very sure that I wanted to be a doctor. However, I have second guessed everything. I really don’t know if I want to do it anymore. Obviously, I am having a really hard time with everything, so I don’t know if this feeling will pass. I guess I’m just looking for some advice or outside perspective on my situation. If I do end up getting off one of my 2 waitlists, what should I do? Should I go even if I’m not sure anymore? I know none of you can really answer this question, but what would you do? Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and for your advice.

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[Kiara08]

Hey everyone. I am currently still in the application process and sitting on 2 waitlists with no acceptances. So, the past few months have been the most trying and disheartening of my life. First, my girlfriend of 4 years, who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, broke it off. Of course this really sucked. But, shortly after this, I lost a sibling in a car accident. For the past few months, my whole personality and outlook on life has changed.

Up until this point in my life, I have always been very sure that I wanted to be a doctor. However, I have second guessed everything. I really don’t know if I want to do it anymore. Obviously, I am having a really hard time with everything, so I don’t know if this feeling will pass. I guess I’m just looking for some advice or outside perspective on my situation. If I do end up getting off one of my 2 waitlists, what should I do? Should I go even if I’m not sure anymore? I know none of you can really answer this question, but what would you do? Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and for your advice.

maybe defer...

 

[135892]

Sorry to hear about what happened, I couldn't imagine losing my bro

If you do get off a waitlist, you should consider asking for a deferral. It may do you some good to take a year off and figure everything out. Best of luck

 

[ChubbyChaser]

Sorry to hear that,

but I concur I would defer a year.

 

[mdgator]

I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your sibling. I agree that it may not be a bad idea for you to take a year off. Med school is hard enough if you go in with a clear head. If you’re having doubts, better to be sure.
I would not, however, spend the next year wasting time and allowing yourself to be miserable. Keep a goal-oriented attitude. Find something to better yourself as a person and/or future doctor. Work to save money. Do research. Travel. Keep moving. This is often the best way to get through things like this. Life will knock you down from time to time. Now. During med school. Further down the road. It happens. Seek the support of loved-ones to help you to go on, but whatever you do, go on.

 

[dArroway]

I would keep moving. But that is just my type, if you need some time off then you should take it. I'm sure the medical schools would be understanding.

 

[littlealex]

What does your personal problems have to do with whether or not you want to be a doctor?
If you think you're able to focus and work hard, go ahead and matriculate to med school. If you cannot, then defer for a year/reapply. If it somehow made you not want to be a doctor, then I don't get why you wanted to be one in the first place.

Separate your personal life from work. Don't put your life on hold just because terrible things happens. Shxt happens, all the time. Deal with it the best you can, but keep moving forward.

 

[tacrum43]

If it somehow made you not want to be a doctor, then I don't get why you wanted to be one in the first place.

It may just be that he is hurting right now, and taking on a big challenge like medical school doesn't sound so appealing at the moment.

MEA, I'm so sorry about your sibling. I agree with some of the other posters that asking for a deferral is a good idea if you get an acceptance, and I would think most schools would be very understanding. It sounds like you need time to get your priorities in order and figure some things out. Life continues to happen without regard to medical school, and it can really throw you for a loop. I've had my own serious personal issues this year (my Dad has cancer with a not good prognosis), and being medical school makes it difficult because it takes up so much time. I hope that are able to find peace and clarity as to the right thing to do for YOU at this time.

 

[radi0headfan]

What does your personal problems have to do with whether or not you want to be a doctor?
If you think you're able to focus and work hard, go ahead and matriculate to med school. If you cannot, then defer for a year/reapply. If it somehow made you not want to be a doctor, then I don't get why you wanted to be one in the first place.

Separate your personal life from work. Don't put your life on hold just because terrible things happens. Shxt happens, all the time. Deal with it the best you can, but keep moving forward.

..not as easy as you're making it sound...someone's personal life is not normally subject to losing a loved one...its hard enough separating one's personal life from their work when everything is normal

to the OP-- gluck on getting of the waitlists, and if you get accepted and are not ready to go this fall, just blindly defer...the feelings of wanting to be a doctor were once familiar to you, and maybe taking time off will allow those feelings to come back...if they don't, you can either request more time off at the end of one year of deferral, or choose to do something else with your life ...im very sorry to hear about your loss and hope everything works out for you

 

[HopesDefender]

I think a deferral will give you the time you need to clear your head

 

[Orbo]

It's pretty easy to point out those in this thread who have never suffered the loss of a loved one.

 

[Ella Shepherd]

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened. I know that I'd also feel the same way if I lost my mom or sis, any loved-one for that matter. But I also know that you shouldn't give up. It is hard to keep moving on when you lose someone important to you, but the thing is, you need to move on or you'll end up losing yourself and feeling even more miserable and more lost than before. I'm sure your sibling would want the best for you, and I'm sure he/she wouldn't want you to stop reaching for you dreams. Whether your sibling is a child or an adult, I'm sure he/she wants you to be happy.

I don't think you lost your desire to be a doctor, but I do think it would be quite difficult to concentrate with medical school right now, so if you get an acceptance, I think you should ask for a deferral. Spend a year off, and make sure you spend the year in a good way. I agree with mdgator:

...I agree that it may not be a bad idea for you to take a year off. Med school is hard enough if you go in with a clear head. If you’re having doubts, better to be sure.
I would not, however, spend the next year wasting time and allowing yourself to be miserable. Keep a goal-oriented attitude. Find something to better yourself as a person and/or future doctor. Work to save money. Do research. Travel. Keep moving. This is often the best way to get through things like this. Life will knock you down from time to time. Now. During med school. Further down the road. It happens. Seek the support of loved-ones to help you to go on, but whatever you do, go on.

Good luck and please don't hesitate to send me a PM (or to the helpful people on here) if you need anything.

 

[Luxian]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Right now, don't worry about whether or not you want to be a doctor or what you'll do if you get off a waitlist. It's out of your hands. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your loved ones. Now is the perfect time to focus on grieving in whatever way works best for you.

If and when you get off a waitlist, you can think about what to do then. I'll warrant by that time (since most waitlists won't move significantly for another month) you'll have a little more balance. Listen to yourself. If you open an acceptance letter and feel a wave of relief, then maybe going to med school now is exactly what you need to refocus. If you open that letter and feel overwhelmed, then definitely defer.

But above all, don't worry now. You already have enough to handle!

 

[Mets86]

Hi. Sorry to hear all of this terrible news. I had somewhat of a similar experience, although probably not as severe. I started med school this past August as an older student. I wasn't happy to have to move out of my home state and leave my life there, but I did. That made things difficult. On top of that my fiancee's father and grandfather were diagnosed with cancer within my first month of school and one of my cousins became very ill. This made it very hard to be excited about studying all of the time. I decided to take a leave of absence from school and now that I have had 6 mos to think about things, I will probably be returning to school in the right mind set. I would push the process forward as much as you can and get an acceptance. If you aren't ready for school, defer and take the time to think about things. You want to be mentally prepared for this journey. And you also want to give yourself the chance to start ASAP if you decide you still want this path.

 

[riceman04]

Hey everyone. I am currently still in the application process and sitting on 2 waitlists with no acceptances. So, the past few months have been the most trying and disheartening of my life. First, my girlfriend of 4 years, who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, broke it off. Of course this really sucked. But, shortly after this, I lost a sibling in a car accident. For the past few months, my whole personality and outlook on life has changed.

Up until this point in my life, I have always been very sure that I wanted to be a doctor. However, I have second guessed everything. I really don't know if I want to do it anymore. Obviously, I am having a really hard time with everything, so I don't know if this feeling will pass. I guess I'm just looking for some advice or outside perspective on my situation. If I do end up getting off one of my 2 waitlists, what should I do? Should I go even if I'm not sure anymore? I know none of you can really answer this question, but what would you do? Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and for your advice.

oh wow!!! I am truly sorry that you have suffered such a loss! You see it is things like this that really put alot of our personal frustrations into perspective (not refering to you but to people in general). Everything that so many us like to whine about cannot compare to losing a loved one (losing a life in general). I truly do you wish you the best of luck! These are going to be really hard times. However, just always remember that joy will ALWAYS follow.

Wow...I'm overwhelmed just thinking about that. I'm definitely going to send a prayer for you and your family.

In terms of your potential med school acceptance: I agree with the others who have suggested you apply to defer your matriculation. It will give you needed time to reflect, vent, and just generally relax and enjoy the company those around you who you love.

Best of luck to you!!!!

 

[MarathonsRcool]

the heart takes time to heal. defer maybe??

 

[riceman04]

What does your personal problems have to do with whether or not you want to be a doctor?
If you think you're able to focus and work hard, go ahead and matriculate to med school. If you cannot, then defer for a year/reapply. If it somehow made you not want to be a doctor, then I don't get why you wanted to be one in the first place.

Separate your personal life from work. Don't put your life on hold just because terrible things happens. Shxt happens, all the time. Deal with it the best you can, but keep moving forward.

dude...some crazy stuff must have forced you to build up a really tough exterior.


Why is it always the little dudes who seem to be so terse...Napoleonic, maybe! (j/k)...I mean, you are being real...but still...consider the situation and the recency (is that even a word...lol) of these occurrences.

 

[cpa2md]

I find it hard to believe that no one has suggested that you need professional help. You have been through a lot in a short period of time at a pivotal point in your life. You need to talk to a counselor, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. This is too much for you (or anyone) to handle on your own.

Deferring might give you more time, but it won't by itself give you answers. Good luck!!

 

[riceman04]

I find it hard to believe that no one has suggested that you need professional help. You have been through a lot in a short period of time at a pivotal point in your life. You need to talk to a counselor, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. This is too much for you (or anyone) to handle on your own.

Deferring might give you more time, but it won't by itself give you answers. Good luck!!

I don't b/c those people are often times overused. But regardless, different people utilize different means for dealing with hardships and mitigating the potential social/emotional/academic impact

 

[MEA]

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words. I obviously still don't know what I will do, partially because I don't even know what my options will be. The only problem I would have with defering is that I am already in a year off and am not sure if I want to do it again. I just have a lot of thinking to do.

Anyway, thanks again and I got just what I wanted here; some outside opinions from people other than my close friends and family.

 

[pride4jc727]

Well, this is a really dicey situation and I will tell you that I honestly would not know what to do if I were in your shoes. I would go with my gut here and say if I feel I am not up for it, then do ask for the year off due to unforseen circumstances and if they care for you to elaborate, do so. However, if you feel by the time you get accepted, you know that you can get over it, then go for med school. I think you will be able to develop a close knit and get some social support and coping. Hopefully you get over this and you can back to focusing how you want to approach life. Good luck with the decision that you will make!!!

 

[phomp]

hey there..from someone who is going through something similar (ended 8 year relationship mid application, my father passed away suddenly two days before my ucla interview..i've had four interviews following his death and i know that i was not myself..the jury is still out on most of my interviews)..i can relate.

it takes realizing that nothing will ever be the same to shake you to your core. i think that in dealing with loss it is natural that now you are reevaluating your life. i would say that at this point when many of us do not know our fate just yet that you just let it be. see what happens, take this time to reflect. if you get in, don't defer right away.

while you may not feel like yourself and have been undoubtedly changed by recent events, you got to this point for a reason. i would suggest pushing forward. if med school works out, focusing your energy in something that will enable you to do good may help you heal. i find that waiting in itself doesn't really help anything unless you are actively trying to get better. if it doesn't work out while you are there and you need to take some time off, i'm thinking most administrations would be willing to work with you in these circumstances.

good luck, mea! take good care.

 

[phomp]

duplicate post..oops.

 

[MossPoh]

It is a tough situation, but it is one that you should kind of think about if you get off the waitlist and not just for the sake of worrying about something else. It really depends on what kind of person you are. I can imagine you are emotionally beat down right now. For many people, getting back to work is the best way to return to normal life. A year of sulking in it may not be that beneficial. My personality would lend itself to making it worse by taking that year off. I'd have a year to think about it and then when I start that year later I'd be reminded that I delayed it because of those past events. While I have not lost a sibling, I have had some pretty crappy stuff happen this year (5 deaths..one I saw happen). Try to focus on coping before you worry about coping with a med school acceptance. If you have to, go see a grief counselor.....and screw the b!tch. You don't need her.