Personal Statement Advice

[fldoctorgirl]

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I recently sent my personal statement to a family friend who has experience working on admissions committees (not in medicine, though). I really wanted constructive criticism from someone who wasn't me, since we tend to have a different perspective on our own writing than others do. I value this person's opinion and am not offended by her criticism, but I just wanted to get an opinion from people in the medical community....I'll tag a few of people I see around these forums in case you guys want to jump in and give your opinion.

@LizzyM @Goro

To keep it brief, I wrote my personal statement about the experiences that led me to medicine and the reasons why I am sure this is the career for me. I am a really good writer, and even the person who read my PS complimented my writing, so I am not worried as far as that goes.

While most of my PS focuses on my experiences leading me to medicine, I also wove in how I feel that often today doctors are not compassionate enough, don't spend enough time with patients, etc. I wrote a sentence along the lines of calling many physicians today robots, with the desire to see a bigger quantity of patients affecting the quality of patient interactions. I also briefly touched on the lack of available quality healthcare.

I then said how all of these experiences have led to me aspiring to be a compassionate physician, etc. This is in no way a focal point of my PS, just something I briefly touched on in a few sentences.

The person who read my PS said these few things about those points, and I'm looking to see if people who are actually in medicine agree with this feedback:

1) She said I shouldn't be so negative about medicine, considering people reading my PS will most likely be physicians. I'm not sure how I feel about this advice; I did point out some shortcomings I have witnessed in medicine, but I didn't say that all of medicine is terrible, and I said how these experiences simply inspired me to be better. Should I cut this part out of my PS?
2) She also said I should just stick to focusing on one topic, the one I'm most passionate about (so my experiences, rather than my thoughts about the quality of healthcare). Does this seem like good advice?

Sorry for the long post, I just wasn't sure about this feedback and don't want to make any mistakes (or at least, not any stupid ones haha)

 

[7331poas]

You absolutely should not imply that doctors are "robots" and "don't care about patients". Not only is this blatantly wrong, but totally ignorant of the expectations placed on a physician in modern healthcare.

Sent from my Pixel using SDN mobile

 

[fldoctorgirl]

You absolutely should not imply that doctors are "robots" and "don't care about patients". Not only is this blatantly wrong, but totally ignorant of the expectations placed on a physician in modern healthcare.

Sent from my Pixel using SDN mobile

Well, that's not really what I said. It was more along the lines that I have had experiences personally with physicians who have treated me and my family members that way, and that unfortunately in today's world often doctors are forced to focus on quantity instead of quality. I didn't say that they didn't care about patients. But, I understand how it can come off as ignorant and harsh, so I think I'm leaning towards removing it (or at least changing the wording).

 

[7331poas]

You should absolutely avoid criticisms of doctors. The response from attending physicians reading it will be "what the hell does this premed know about patient care"?

 

[SpoiledMilk]

1) She said I shouldn't be so negative about medicine, considering people reading my PS will most likely be physicians. I'm not sure how I feel about this advice; I did point out some shortcomings I have witnessed in medicine, but I didn't say that all of medicine is terrible, and I said how these experiences simply inspired me to be better. Should I cut this part out of my PS?
2) She also said I should just stick to focusing on one topic, the one I'm most passionate about (so my experiences, rather than my thoughts about the quality of healthcare). Does this seem like good advice?

TAKE HER ADVICE! (All Caps intentional)

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Thank you both for giving extra feedback. I'll be tweaking things for sure. The last thing I want to come off as is arrogant and/or ignorant, and I don't at all mean to put down medicine (obviously, since I want to be a doctor). I had some bad experiences, and I hope to be better than those experiences, but I see that including these things in my PS can come off the wrong way. Thanks guys

 

[Shirafune]

1) She said I shouldn't be so negative about medicine, considering people reading my PS will most likely be physicians. I'm not sure how I feel about this advice; I did point out some shortcomings I have witnessed in medicine, but I didn't say that all of medicine is terrible, and I said how these experiences simply inspired me to be better. Should I cut this part out of my PS?
2) She also said I should just stick to focusing on one topic, the one I'm most passionate about (so my experiences, rather than my thoughts about the quality of healthcare). Does this seem like good advice?

1) Never bad mouth the profession, even if you think it's balanced with optimism and inspiration. Always talk about things in a positive light. Do you think the healthcare system fails underserved populations? You don't blame the system; you point out the physicians who are serving these populations and how they inspire you.

2) Your personal statement should answer two things: (1) Why medicine and (2) Who are you as a person (what do you value, what background do you come from, what are your hobbies, etc). If someone wants to know your thoughts on the healthcare system, they'll most likely ask you during the interview.