Personal Statement Feedback Needed

[lotus824]

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I'm applying to the Masters in Public Health programs at Florida International University and the University of Miami. Any feedback for my personal statement would be appreciated! Thanks!

 

[EpiGirl14]

It's crazy how similar your writing style is to mine! With that, I'm a bit biased, but I think it's a good essay. You hit all the points I would have, especially explaining how you became interested in public health. the one thing I would be concerned with is why do you want to concentrate in epi, but your interests seem to lean towards social and behavioral health. Epi methods are essential tools in all of public health, but I would write just a bit more about that to show that you have an idea of how you may use epi in your particular areas of research interest.

Also, others have warned in the past not to post you entire statement for everyone to see because there may be some individuals who will steal it and you may become embroiled in a plagiarism thing (unlikely, but possible), so I would be careful about doing this again.

 

[lotus824]

It's crazy how similar your writing style is to mine! With that, I'm a bit biased, but I think it's a good essay. You hit all the points I would have, especially explaining how you became interested in public health. the one thing I would be concerned with is why do you want to concentrate in epi, but your interests seem to lean towards social and behavioral health. Epi methods are essential tools in all of public health, but I would write just a bit more about that to show that you have an idea of how you may use epi in your particular areas of research interest.

Also, others have warned in the past not to post you entire statement for everyone to see because there may be some individuals who will steal it and you may become embroiled in a plagiarism thing (unlikely, but possible), so I would be careful about doing this again.

Thanks so much for your help! I'll be sure to elaborate more about epi and how it fits into my career goals. And thanks for the warning. I wouldn't want that to happen. I'll just take down the statement after today.

 

[364462]

You need to make a case for why FIU. It is clear why you want to pursue a MPH but less clear why you want to do it at FIU. What is unique about FIU? What do they offer that (perhaps) other programs do not? Remember, admissions is bi-directional: you want them as much as they want you. But you need to build a case for it. What I am seeing thus far is all about you and less about FIU. As such, if I plug in any other school names there, it would look like I could use the essay with other programs.