Personal statement help

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HappyPerson

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Hello everyone! Ive been a long time lurker on SDN and am finally applying this cycle, going to apply very broadly and to many schools. I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read my posts over the years and help provide such amazing advice and help! Anyways I had a question regarding my personal statement. So basically long story short, as a kid I spent a lot of time with my female best friend who had a very weak immune system and would require constant care taking. She had no father, and no relatives, mother always working, and coming from a economically disadvantaged background you would see the health disparities we faced. I spent a majority of my childhood looking up ways to help ease her pain, and would often spend time with a local doctor and ask for advice (which he would provide free of charge). Not going to go into details but this really inspired me from a young age to pursue medicine, not just the humanitarian aspect of being a physician, but the scientific inquisition that came along with the role. I loved asking questions about her condition and whenever I found something that would help her I would be thrilled. Fastforward 15 years and the girl in question is my wife and I enjoy every moment with her. She has a proper diagnosis now, and our financial situation is much better so she gets the care she needs, and the medications she needs. Im on the path to medicine as a student of science and as a human that genuinely enjoys seeing myself contribute to alleviating the pain of the people around me, especially for those from disadvantaged backgrounds such as the one I grew up in.

Sorry for the long post, but this is the information I want to write my personal statement about. My pre-health advisor never wants to help me and won't asnwer my questions, so I'm wondering if its ok to write about this in my personal statement?

I appreciate any and all feedback, no matter how harsh the criticism may be. Im a low stat applicant, 3.47 cgpa, 3.21 sgpa (AACOMAS), 3.13 sgpa (AMCAS), 494 MCAT (retaking in 5 weeks, and scoring high on practice now), Have tons of EC's, Shadowing for DO and MD, LOR from MD and DO, and I was a high school science teacher at a Title III school (school in economically disadvantaged area). Also I was a medical scribe for 1.5 years, and medical assistant for 2 years. My gpa is ruined from two C+ I got freshman year in Calc 2 and orgo 2. Otherwise I only have A's~B's. I took really heavy course loads, minimum of 18 credits a semester and graduated in 2.5 years, with 0 credits taken before university started.

I mentioned this in previous posts but my pre-med advisor at my university won't even give me a chance to talk to her, so I'm posting on SDN whenever I get anxious. Should I continue with applying this cycle?

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That is a touching story, at least to me, and is something worth mentioning for how you got interested in medicine earlier in your life. But do not write your entire personal statement about this. Your summarized version of it took up nearly 25% of a personal statement’s character limit and that was without going into more detail and structuring it properly.

Being a “student of science” who “genuinely enjoys seeing myself contribute to alleviating the pain of the people around me” could mean a lot of careers that aren’t a physician or even medicine. You have a lot of other experiences you’ve gathered through being a scribe and an MA that should have given you insight into why you want to be a physician. They also involve people who are strangers to you instead of someone close.
 
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That is a touching story, at least to me, and is something worth mentioning for how you got interested in medicine earlier in your life. But do not write your entire personal statement about this. Your summarized version of it took up nearly 25% of a personal statement’s character limit and that was without going into more detail and structuring it properly.

Being a “student of science” who “genuinely enjoys seeing myself contribute to alleviating the pain of the people around me” could mean a lot of careers that aren’t a physician or even medicine. You have a lot of other experiences you’ve gathered through being a scribe and an MA that should have given you insight into why you want to be a physician. They also involve people who are strangers to you instead of someone close.
Thank you so much for the feedback! What you are saying makes complete sense. So I should also focus my personal statement as to why specifically medicine and not other health care fields. Thank you!
 
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Thank you so much for the feedback! What you are saying makes complete sense. So I should also focus my personal statement as to why specifically medicine and not other health care fields. Thank you!
Yes. My first thought was why not nursing?

I am always a little concerned when focusing an entire PS on one family member. There are times when that would be interesting on a doctor narrative POV, but that is not the goal of the PS.
 
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PS: 1st paragraph: hook, why you want to study medicine, what qualities will make your a good doctor
2nd: ^ that story summarized, what you learned (qualities strengthened, knowledge gained) and how you think it will make you a better doctor in the future
3rd: touch on the humanitarian bit you mentioned. Explain that further and why you think focusing on the entire person (especially for DO) contributes to the best practice of medicine… convince them here that your passionate about incorporating this into you med philosophy.
4th: your clinical experience and the tangible things you have learned from working in the field, shadowing, volunteering etc that have convinced you that medicine is the path for you
5th: sum it all up briefly.

This is a wonderful story and if you get a higher MCAT score you should definitely apply. I structured my PS as above. I was taught to go hook—-a profound experience that was the “moment” you knew that you had to practice medicine—- what qualities/philosophy that will contribute to you being a great doctor—- your clinical experiences and what you learned—quick summary. Hope this helped and good luck
 
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My ps was what got me interested in becoming a physician. Basically I talked about my childhood and then my jobs and other things that let me know the being a physician is what I want to do.
 
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PS: 1st paragraph: hook, why you want to study medicine, what qualities will make your a good doctor
2nd: ^ that story summarized, what you learned (qualities strengthened, knowledge gained) and how you think it will make you a better doctor in the future
3rd: touch on the humanitarian bit you mentioned. Explain that further and why you think focusing on the entire person (especially for DO) contributes to the best practice of medicine… convince them here that your passionate about incorporating this into you med philosophy.
4th: your clinical experience and the tangible things you have learned from working in the field, shadowing, volunteering etc that have convinced you that medicine is the path for you
5th: sum it all up briefly.

This is a wonderful story and if you get a higher MCAT score you should definitely apply. I structured my PS as above. I was taught to go hook—-a profound experience that was the “moment” you knew that you had to practice medicine—- what qualities/philosophy that will contribute to you being a great doctor—- your clinical experiences and what you learned—quick summary. Hope this helped and good luck
I love this PS structure, really thank you so much, this really helped me visualize how to better write my PS.
 
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