Personal Statement - Honest applicant vs. Cookie-cutter

[propadex]

Hey guys,

I have written two personal statements. One is very cookie-cutter. It lists the holy trifecta that most med students have of research, community service, and clinical service, and how each have influenced me in my decision to go to medical school. It feels almost as if I've rehashed my W/A but with anecdotes and analysis. Very boring, meets all the requirements, and won't stand out at all. I imagine it to be neutral - won't help, won't hurt(hopefully).

The other one is much more real and personal. I originally wrote it more as a diary entry type thing, and I was completely honest and I wrote it in my own voice. However, it is much more risky. I am unsure if I've even answered the prompt with it. I am not sure which would be better. Does anybody have any thoughts on this dilemma?

I was hoping that somebody could take a look at both of them, and tell me their thoughts. I understand that there is a Personal Statement readers thread, but I am not looking for an edit - just a very quick read through to form an opinion of which of the two would be better.

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[mauberley]

Hey guys,

I have written two personal statements. One is very cookie-cutter. It lists the holy trifecta that most med students have of research, community service, and clinical service, and how each have influenced me in my decision to go to medical school. It feels almost as if I've rehashed my W/A but with anecdotes and analysis. Very boring, meets all the requirements, and won't stand out at all. I imagine it to be neutral - won't help, won't hurt(hopefully).

The other one is much more real and personal. I originally wrote it more as a diary entry type thing, and I was completely honest and I wrote it in my own voice. However, it is much more risky. I am unsure if I've even answered the prompt with it. I am not sure which would be better. Does anybody have any thoughts on this dilemma?

I was hoping that somebody could take a look at both of them, and tell me their thoughts. I understand that there is a Personal Statement readers thread, but I am not looking for an edit - just a very quick read through to form an opinion of which of the two would be better.

You could still ask one of them to do just that.

 

[intothedark]

I can take a look. Shoot me a PM. Generally though, it's better not to rehash your resume in essay form. They want to know what makes YOU tick.

 

[Long Way to Go]

I can take a look. Shoot me a PM.

Same.

 

[FattySlug]

If you are not asking for edit then I can read it.

 

[blizzah]

It is also dependent on the rest of your application. If you have very strong stats, ECs and interview skills, it may be almost strategic to use the more "safe" statement.

 

[PlatypusMD]

I know exactly how you feel. I, too, have two very different essays. One speaks from the mind, but the other speaks from the heart. I spent countless hours on the former and ended up scrapping it because it couldn't possibly do justice to explain my calling. If you want, I'd love to read you personal statement and for you to read my own.

 

[Morzh]

Would it be possible to somehow merge the two?

Here is how I prepared my essay:

• I went through my entire life from birth till now in my mind and wrote down every experience that was life-changing or prompted great reflection. These did not have to be medically related or have anything to do with medical school directly.
• I then thought about what traits or insights I had gained from each of those experiences.
• Next I thought for a long time about what character strength(s) I most wanted an admissions committee know about me--beyond my academic experience.
• I selected the experience from my list that was best aligned with the picture I wanted to present to ADCOMs.
• For the first half of my essay I focused on this story and how it had influenced me and led to an interest in medicine.
• For the second half of my essay I focused on how I explored that interest in medicine and developed a mature, informed understanding of the field and came to know that it was absolutely right for me.
• I ended by tying it all together. I referred back to my original story. I expressed one last time how profoundly changing it was and how it made me more prepared and more passionate about becoming a physician.

I was very pleased with the end-result: An essay that clearly and thoroughly addresses "why medicine" but was also deeply personal and from the heart.

Obviously I couldn't write about every meaningful experience, so I just picked one major one and a couple of bullet-point ones and developed those well.

I understand why the "diary entry" approach is so appealing--it is so refreshingly you--but part of having a good PS is being able to integrate that originality into a focused, theme-based essay that stays on point.

Just keep playing with it and you will figure out what's best for you. Don't just think about it when you are sitting at the keyboard. Reflect often on experiences, ideas, and messages that you could possibly put in. Try to "feel" each talking point and identify things that make you feel an emotion. Make an outline and map out some of these talking points. See what fits well together and what does not. Once you have built a frame for your essay and really feels right to you, then start to work on the verbiage, etc.

The more time you spend with your essay, the better it will become and the more natural it will be for you to write. I think you've hit both of the important things between your two different essays, but for a stellar essay you should find a way to combine the cohesiveness of the first with the passion of the second.

 

[Tapepsi]

Feel free to PM me both and I'll read them and give you feedback.

 

[Lunasly]

There is usually a team of members on this forum who give really great advice on how to improve your PS and I would personally go to them first. However, my father has a masters in English and has been willing to read a couple of PS's for some members on this forum. If you need a hand just send me a PM and let me know.

Good luck.

 

[OrganicChemist7]

Would it be possible to somehow merge the two?

Here is how I prepared my essay:

• I went through my entire life from birth till now in my mind and wrote down every experience that was life-changing or prompted great reflection. These did not have to be medically related or have anything to do with medical school directly.
• I then thought about what traits or insights I had gained from each of those experiences.
• Next I thought for a long time about what character strength(s) I most wanted an admissions committee know about me--beyond my academic experience.
• I selected the experience from my list that was best aligned with the picture I wanted to present to ADCOMs.
• For the first half of my essay I focused on this story and how it had influenced me and led to an interest in medicine.
• For the second half of my essay I focused on how I explored that interest in medicine and developed a mature, informed understanding of the field and came to know that it was absolutely right for me.
• I ended by tying it all together. I referred back to my original story. I expressed one last time how profoundly changing it was and how it made me more prepared and more passionate about becoming a physician.

I was very pleased with the end-result: An essay that clearly and thoroughly addresses "why medicine" but was also deeply personal and from the heart.

Obviously I couldn't write about every meaningful experience, so I just picked one major one and a couple of bullet-point ones and developed those well.

I understand why the "diary entry" approach is so appealing--it is so refreshingly you--but part of having a good PS is being able to integrate that originality into a focused, theme-based essay that stays on point.

Just keep playing with it and you will figure out what's best for you. Don't just think about it when you are sitting at the keyboard. Reflect often on experiences, ideas, and messages that you could possibly put in. Try to "feel" each talking point and identify things that make you feel an emotion. Make an outline and map out some of these talking points. See what fits well together and what does not. Once you have built a frame for your essay and really feels right to you, then start to work on the verbiage, etc.

The more time you spend with your essay, the better it will become and the more natural it will be for you to write. I think you've hit both of the important things between your two different essays, but for a stellar essay you should find a way to combine the cohesiveness of the first with the passion of the second.

Thank you for the help! Just reading that helped immensely! lol

 

[propadex]

Thanks for the advice and offers to help everyone! You guys are awesome.

I'm think going to try to follow Morzh advice first and see where it takes me. Thanks again!

 

[HopeDr24]

Thanks for the advice and offers to help everyone! You guys are awesome.

I'm think going to try to follow Morzh advice first and see where it takes me. Thanks again!

Hey like others have said, I was facing the exact same dilemma. I'd be happy to swap PS with you if you want, jus PM me.

 

[Donald Juan]

Your grades, volunteer experience, clinical experience, research, etc. are listed under work and activities, with a place to talk about them. I believe that the personal statement should be the place to truly talk from your heart and really answer the question, "why medicine?" in an honest, personal way.

Of course your statement can talk about those experiences, but it should be what personally affected you the most, not a summation of the rest of your application.

Just my opinion.

 

[bajastapler]

Would it be possible to somehow merge the two?

Here is how I prepared my essay:

• I went through my entire life from birth till now in my mind and wrote down every experience that was life-changing or prompted great reflection. These did not have to be medically related or have anything to do with medical school directly.
• I then thought about what traits or insights I had gained from each of those experiences.
• Next I thought for a long time about what character strength(s) I most wanted an admissions committee know about me--beyond my academic experience.
• I selected the experience from my list that was best aligned with the picture I wanted to present to ADCOMs.
• For the first half of my essay I focused on this story and how it had influenced me and led to an interest in medicine.
• For the second half of my essay I focused on how I explored that interest in medicine and developed a mature, informed understanding of the field and came to know that it was absolutely right for me.
• I ended by tying it all together. I referred back to my original story. I expressed one last time how profoundly changing it was and how it made me more prepared and more passionate about becoming a physician.

I was very pleased with the end-result: An essay that clearly and thoroughly addresses "why medicine" but was also deeply personal and from the heart.

Obviously I couldn't write about every meaningful experience, so I just picked one major one and a couple of bullet-point ones and developed those well.

I understand why the "diary entry" approach is so appealing--it is so refreshingly you--but part of having a good PS is being able to integrate that originality into a focused, theme-based essay that stays on point.

Just keep playing with it and you will figure out what's best for you. Don't just think about it when you are sitting at the keyboard. Reflect often on experiences, ideas, and messages that you could possibly put in. Try to "feel" each talking point and identify things that make you feel an emotion. Make an outline and map out some of these talking points. See what fits well together and what does not. Once you have built a frame for your essay and really feels right to you, then start to work on the verbiage, etc.

The more time you spend with your essay, the better it will become and the more natural it will be for you to write. I think you've hit both of the important things between your two different essays, but for a stellar essay you should find a way to combine the cohesiveness of the first with the passion of the second.

I really like this mini guide!

I'm studying for finals this weekend, but if you shoot me a pm i'll read it when i get a chance. gl!