Personal statement intro. Thoughts please

[Jonbrout]

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Thanks for the input. Delete thread.
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[Commando303]

First off let me tell you I am horrible at composing essays. This is my second attempt starting my personal statement from scratch, and that's exactly what I have done. Made it personal. No made up story about how such and such did this in fairytale land and is why i want to become an optometrist blah blah. I think this is sort of a unique intro. Tell me what you think. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Thanks for your time. 🙂

.I can only assume you have read hundreds of essays about individuals who knew they wanted to be optometrists since they were very young—I am not one of those people. Honestly, I have had the desire to work in medicine since I was in my teens, but I was never able to pinpoint just where I belonged until recently. Over the past several years I have had amazing opportunities to work alongside emergency room doctors, hospital nurses, and laboratory technicians, and even though the knowledge I acquired from these individuals will be cherished, I wasn’t certain their roles reflected what I desired for my future career. This all changed etc etc... (insert optometric experience I have had with the person i have been volunteering with for several months, I really do enjoy the work and the patient care. It's not helping children in Venezuela, but it's the truth) .

Sounds a lot like the essay I submitted — 🙂.

 

[319671]

that intro can either go really well or really poorly. they are definitely going to ask you more about it in your interview

 

[Visualizer]

Sounds a lot like the essay I submitted — 🙂.

Ditto. Just make sure the meat of your essay works well and backs it up.