personal statement thought

[FroYoOreo]

Hi everyone,

I am now drafting some ideas for my PS and would appreciate any comment/advice/thought.
I applied for MD programs in 2015 but did not get in When I look back at my application, I notice that the weakest link is my PS. For my previous pS, I wrote about how I felt vulnerable when I was a patient, and how I want to help people who are at their most vulnerable moments by becoming a physician. I also talked about how my scientific curiosity drove me into physiology yada yada yada. I guess it was too much cliche for the admission people.

For my new PS, I am thinking about emphasizing more on the curiosity part. Talk about practicing medicine and giving diagnosis is like solving puzzles. As you can tell by now, I am not a native English speaker. When actually writing the PS, I will have someone polish it much further and do tons of revision myself Anyway, the point I want to make is that tracing symptoms back to the cause is fascinating to me. Every single seemingly unrelated symptoms are connected somehow, and I love learning about the logic behind such connection and tracing back to the cause. When I was working on a secondary data analysis for an MD on his research, I noticed that almost every depression patients had bradycardia (slowed heart rate). I did some literature search and consulted with the MD. It turned out that there was a theory about how slowed sympathetic firing lead to depression. These kinds of puzzle solving excite me.
Will this be a good topic for my PS? Or should I ditch this and go back to talking about compassion and curiosity for science? Any comment or thought is appreciated.

Thanks a lot! Happy new year to everyone!


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UPDATES:
Thanks everyone for helping. I get more inspirations and did some digging in my long term memory for things I want to write about. If you are available to help (I truly appreciate it), please leave a comment, and I can PM you some draft paragraph I wrote about my personal experience and how it ties to medicine. And I am grateful for feedback in which to choose from. Thanks!

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[gyngyn]

Or should I ditch this and go back to talking about compassion and curiosity for science?

Ditch this.

 

[Microbug]

Yeah... ditch it

 

[FroYoOreo]

Ditch this.

Thanks for your reply. Do you mind being more specific about the advice? Is the part about the story that is not good or the idea of solving puzzle that is a big no go.
Thanks!

 

[FroYoOreo]

Yeah... ditch it

Thanks for your advice! Do you mind being more specific about it? Is it the entire thing about scientific curiosity or about giving a diagnosis? Thanks

 

[gyngyn]

Thanks for your reply. Do you mind being more specific about the advice? Is the part about the story that is not good or the idea of solving puzzle that is a big no go.
Thanks!

Stories featuring donkeys in Italy are to be discouraged.

 

[FroYoOreo]

Stories featuring donkeys in Italy are to be discouraged.

Thanks! Can I replace it with another story (something personal) but keep the same topic about connecting dots and making logical deduction? I am really lost at what is appropriate to include and what is not. I appreciate your help.

 

[FroYoOreo]

There is a pun here somewhere but I am not gonna make myself an A$$ about it. Then of course, I am as stubborn as a mule but I say Whoa!

On a real note, PS on intellectual curiosity fails on two fronts. First, all applicants are expected to be intellectually and academically curious so you are not at "special snowflake" in that regard. Second, solving puzzles in this regard can easily been seen as your own intellectual fulfillment with caring about the patient as secondary. Most applicants who attempt this dont successfully execute it. With English as at least your second language, this would be a risky move. Dont do it

Thanks for your detailed explanation! Points well taken. Especially the part about not being "special". I guess I am just really lost about what I should put in my PS. I kind of struggled with coming up with an idea the first time I applied, and now after two years of clinical research work, I am still having a hard time...Is it better if I talk about my experience working full time in a addiction psychiatry and interviewing depressed adolescents?

 

[Microbug]

I think your PS should showcase two things: (1) why you want to be a physician and (2) what makes you qualified to be a physician. A simple format could be starting off with how you got interested in medicine, two stories that shows characteristics that would make you an unique addition to their class and a good future physician, conclusion

Thanks for your detailed explanation! Points well taken. Especially the part about not being "special". I guess I am just really lost about what I should put in my PS. I kind of struggled with coming up with an idea the first time I applied, and now after two years of clinical research work, I am still having a hard time...Is it better if I talk about my experience working full time in a addiction psychiatry and interviewing depressed adolescents?[/QUOTE

 

[FroYoOreo]

Tell me in one sentence why you eant to be a doctor

Because every patient is a special someone (to their family, to their friends), and to live without pain without being bothered by illness is the most fundamental needs for that special someone to live a happy life and do meaningful things with their happy long life. Also being a physician fulfill my needs to teach (my patient), my needs for intellectual curiosity (lifelong learning), and my needs for being a leader (with my med team).

 

[Microbug]

Because every patient is a special someone (to their family, to their friends), and to live without pain without being bothered by illness is the most fundamental needs for that special someone to live a happy life and do meaningful things with their happy long life. Also being a physician fulfill my needs to teach (my patient), my needs for intellectual curiosity (lifelong learning), and my needs for being a leader (with my med team).

That’s not one sentence

 

[FroYoOreo]

I think your PS should showcase two things: (1) why you want to be a physician and (2) what makes you qualified to be a physician. A simple format could be starting off with how you got interested in medicine, two stories that shows characteristics that would make you an unique addition to their class and a good future physician, conclusion

Thanks for your help. I guess I am trying too hard not to fall into the cliche pitiful, till the point that I kind of deviate from the main purpose of PS. Also I have been told too many times that the topic about "save people" "being compassionate" "help others" are exploited way too much (like everyone says it) that it is a big no no now. Is it true? Thanks!

 

[SterlingMaloryArcher]

Tell me in one sentence why you eant to be a doctor

Is it discouraged to mention real-world observations about the job market or the way training is set up as being in support of why being a physician is something you would like to do.

For example:

"In addition for (cliche/obvious reasons for wanting to be a doctor) I am also drawn to medicine because I like that within medicine there are many specialties and practice models that I can find my best fit during medical school and residency ... "

 

[FroYoOreo]

Is it discouraged to mention real-world observations about the job market or the way training is set up as being in support of why being a physician is something you would like to do.

For example:

"In addition for (cliche/obvious reasons for wanting to be a doctor) I am also drawn to medicine because I like that within medicine there are many specialties and practice models that I can find my best fit during medical school and residency ... "

Okay, just to clarify, that means no talking about physician lifestyle and future specialties? Will that be okay if I mention that I think I qualify for physicians' job because the qualities that I have, such as that I like to teach people about what is causing their illness/pain?

 

[FroYoOreo]

It sounds like fluff and BS

Sorry for giving bad answers. If you don't mind could you share some of your thoughts on this question? I know everyone has different answer to the why question. I just want to find some inspiration... I am motivated and I want to help people, but I am just kind of lost.. Can you please help? Thanks!

 

[FroYoOreo]

Dont tell what qualifies you to be a doctor or even what you can and cant mention; just tell me in simple short declarative sentence WHY you want to be a doctor. If you cant do that, you shouldnt be applying to medical school

I think I replied to you with the sentence before...
Just to repeat myself, I want to be a physician because I want to be there to help in the most vulnerable moments of people's lives, and guide patients at the life-changing points of their lives.

 

[FroYoOreo]

Dont tell what qualifies you to be a doctor or even what you can and cant mention; just tell me in simple short declarative sentence WHY you want to be a doctor. If you cant do that, you shouldnt be applying to medical school

I want to make a significant impact on someone else's life, be it delivering his/her first child into this world, or helping him/her cope with cancer diagnosis.

 

[698344]

Stories featuring donkeys in Italy are to be discouraged.

Imagining someone saying that to me with a straight face was too much.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

OP, Gonnif and others are trying to get you to think this---->Action Speaks Louder Than Words...

What have you done volunteer-wise to prove/show that you want to do what you say?

I want to be a physician because I want to be there to help in the most vulnerable moments of people's lives, and guide patients at the life-changing points of their lives.

Have you worked in a hospice care facility and kept a dying patient company and given them companionship til they passed away or worked with a patient who lost a leg in order to help them walk again?

I want to make a significant impact on someone else's life, be it delivering his/her first child into this world, or helping him/her cope with cancer diagnosis.

Have you volunteered to provide comfort to a patient and their family when they first found out about a cancer diagnosis or observed a physician speaking to a wife and husband after a miscarriage?

 

[JonathanHusky]

OP, Gonnif and others are trying to get you to think this---->Action Speaks Louder Than Words...

What have you done volunteer-wise to prove/show that you want to do what you say?



Have you worked in a hospice care facility and kept a dying patient company and given them companionship til they passed away or worked with a patient who lost a leg in order to help them walk again?



Have you volunteered to provide comfort to a patient and their family when they first found out about a cancer diagnosis or observed a physician speaking to a wife and husband after a miscarriage?

agreed... stick to your personal experiences and things you have done to demonstrate why you want to help people... you being a patient shouldn't be the only experience you draw from to demonstrate your desire to help others... and I would lose the "helping people in their most vulnerable times" b/c I learned the hard way that that is an overused cringe-worthy phrase lol there are many excellent personal statements you can google to give you an idea as to how people use their experiences to show their desire to help others

 

[FroYoOreo]

OP, Gonnif and others are trying to get you to think this---->Action Speaks Louder Than Words...

What have you done volunteer-wise to prove/show that you want to do what you say?



Have you worked in a hospice care facility and kept a dying patient company and given them companionship til they passed away or worked with a patient who lost a leg in order to help them walk again?



Have you volunteered to provide comfort to a patient and their family when they first found out about a cancer diagnosis or observed a physician speaking to a wife and husband after a miscarriage?

I had experience working with hospice patients and volunteering for hospitals. I can write about these experiences, but I am just confused if PS should be about what we truly feel about the medical profession. I mean helping people of course is one of my biggest reason for becoming a doctor, otherwise I will seek opportunity in wall street or something else. My concern is that if everyone is writing about how they want to help people then is that a problem? My passion for medicine is very multidimensional, and I don't want to concentrate it to simply saying helping people...
I guess my initial idea of becoming a doctor was when I was a kid, and a severe infectious disease took over my city, and school was suspended and all kinds of things. But doctors stayed at their jobs and helped people, I respect them so much that I want to be a doctor. Later I get involved in life science and developed a intellectual curiosity towards physiology. Learning about human physiology intrigues me, and I found helping people a rewarding experience. I don't know how to summarize my path and my passion into one sentence, and I am afraid of being too cliche. Could you help please? Thanks.

 

[FroYoOreo]

agreed... stick to your personal experiences and things you have done to demonstrate why you want to help people... you being a patient shouldn't be the only experience you draw from to demonstrate your desire to help others... and I would lose the "helping people in their most vulnerable times" b/c I learned the hard way that that is an overused cringe-worthy phrase lol there are many excellent personal statements you can google to give you an idea as to how people use their experiences to show their desire to help others

Thanks for your help! I have been reading others' PS, and they really helped in reminding me what leads me to where I am today. Thanks!

 

[FroYoOreo]

If this is what you think in these broad, general ideas will be useful in a PS, then look for a new career. Give me one extremely specific observation you made either as a patient or outside observer and/or example-evidence of something that you have done that supports this ridiculously broad statements. Instead of TELLING me anything, SHOW ME. You shouldnt have to need to EXPLAIN WHY, it should be CLEARLY SHOWN FROM WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

well, i didn't know that you are looking for an example/evidence-based, therefore I wrote a summary statement since you asked for a one-sentence summary.

I interview depressed adolescents and rate their level of improvement based on our interaction, through my interview with them, I noticed how big a difference treatment can make for adolescents. For some of them, pre- and post-treatment are like two different individuals, and they have less family conflict, and some even get into their dream college, and that makes me feel how meaningful it is to treat people.

 

[FroYoOreo]

Thank you for the scientific observation notation. So now add motivation, commitment, passion and desire by taking this single sentence and turn it into a coherent, concise, and above all, compelling read, like the first line of a novel that will make me want to intently read the rest of the essay

thanks for guiding me through this.
Can I PM you my reply? I am such a bad writer, and I appreciate what you do to help.

 

[bioboy23]

If this is what you think in these broad, general ideas will be useful in a PS, then look for a new career. Give me one extremely specific observation you made either as a patient or outside observer and/or example-evidence of something that you have done that supports this ridiculously broad statements. Instead of TELLING me anything, SHOW ME. You shouldnt have to need to EXPLAIN WHY, it should be CLEARLY SHOWN FROM WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

If it should be shown and not told, why do adcoms even ask during interviews why you want to be a physician? (If, hypothetically, you have told a story with several instances that showed a deep interest and passion for medicine in your PS). When they ask this question, should the interviewee just start telling the story? I’m just slightly confused with what you’re trying to say *queue Goro’s line about things not traveling well across the electrons*

 

[JonathanHusky]

If it should be shown and not told, why do adcoms even ask during interviews why you want to be a physician? (If, hypothetically, you have told a story with several instances that showed a deep interest and passion for medicine in your PS). When they ask this question, should the interviewee just start telling the story? I’m just slightly confused with what you’re trying to say *queue Goro’s line about things not traveling well across the electrons*

in some instances, the person interviewing you may not even have read your PS so they genuinely have no idea why you want to go into medicine.. in other cases I guess they just want to see how you articulate it in person, and if you can give a genuine honest answer or if your answer sounds robotic and rehearsed

 

[SpoiledMilk]

I had experience working with hospice patients and volunteering for hospitals. I can write about these experiences, but I am just confused if PS should be about what we truly feel about the medical profession. I mean helping people of course is one of my biggest reason for becoming a doctor, otherwise I will seek opportunity in wall street or something else. My concern is that if everyone is writing about how they want to help people then is that a problem? My passion for medicine is very multidimensional, and I don't want to concentrate it to simply saying helping people...
I guess my initial idea of becoming a doctor was when I was a kid, and a severe infectious disease took over my city, and school was suspended and all kinds of things. But doctors stayed at their jobs and helped people, I respect them so much that I want to be a doctor. Later I get involved in life science and developed a intellectual curiosity towards physiology. Learning about human physiology intrigues me, and I found helping people a rewarding experience. I don't know how to summarize my path and my passion into one sentence, and I am afraid of being too cliche. Could you help please? Thanks.

Below is @LizzyM 's template for a personal statement and can be found here: kinda weird personal statement questions

Paragraph 1: Introduce the idea that you want to go into medicine and you've tested your interest through different activities such as A, B and C. (or you've tried A, B and C and came back to medicine )
Paragraph 2: activity a
Paragraph 3: activity b
Paragraph 4: activity c
Paragraph 5: sum up and close

Make sure the PS explains who you are and why you are going into medicine. DON'T concern yourself with what others are writing. Start writing now and make sure you have many many rough drafts before you are ready to turn it in when you apply.

Mine had drafts A through V before I was happy with it.

 

[Goro]

Stories featuring donkeys in Italy are to be discouraged.

In all my years of being on sdn, I never ever thought I would see this sentence written.

 

[Microbug]

In all my years of being on sdn, I never ever thought I would see this sentence written.

What’s the most donkey-like creative PS you’ve read?

 

[Goro]

What’s the most donkey-like creative PS you’ve read?

 

[Microbug]

That’s the face of good stories