Pharmacist wife works and husband doesn't work

[BMBiology]

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The bottom line is to marry up, whether you are a male or female! Marry someone who's more ambitious and educated than you so you don't have to be the breadwinner. You don't have to be bring home a loaf of bread, just a slice is good enough. I am just kidding....of course!

 

[mustang sally]

My hubby is currently a stay-at-home dad due to temporary child care issues. He does cook me dinner and everything, but I will also be excited when he gets a job.

I don't think it should really matter which parent stays at home, as long as said parent is at home for legitimate reasons (and not just because they don't feel like working). It seems rare to me in a couple with a female pharmacist for the guy to make more, especially since a lot of people go back to pharmacy school later in life when you're already married and/or committed to someone...there aren't so many professions out there that will make more than a pharmacist.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

This thread really needed more male whining... 👍

Most of the stereotypes you mentioned are ones that men impose on each other. You really think that women complain about men doing housework? No, it's other men who rag on each other about it. Just like the dudes in this thread are falling all over each other to rag on SAH dads and tell them to "man up."

Men in this country are programmed to think that women are more important than them and should be "provided for." And back in the 60s, women thought women that worked weren't being ladylike, too. The base American opinion changed since then. Feminism isn't synonymous with "women." Feminism is a political movement revolving around women being slighted from access to certain resources and opportunities. Feminism was a movement made of men and women that made some quality positive changes in American society, but at the same time, did not address the resultant change in the role of men on a level that it became acceptable in American society to be a house husband or lower income worker that resulted from the shift in general breadwinning.

This isn't men vs women like you want it to be. Stop thinking in such disgustingly sexist terms. This is one human vs another human.

I also notice that you conveniently ignored the statistics and polls I presented that polled women...who, again, just in case you are illiterate or unable to read, think that unemployed men make a poor choice as a potential mate. Men do not share this opinion and have no problem with it. This is, again, a result of America very s l o w l y emerging into a post-Victorian society. Whether you accept it or not, its still acceptable for women to not work and not acceptable for men to not work. Whether or not lack of employment is acceptable in either gender is beyond the point...its that gender guides how acceptable it is. That's what is so wrong about it.

And, again, this leads me to the conclusion that I'm one of the few people that are for absolute equality while feminists were just out for the rights of women...and accomplished just that...an era where women have more rights and the same lower level of expected responsibility.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

What I have the problem is the laziness and the unwillingness to work. While intellectually men and women are equal, physically men have the advantage. Now if a man is ok with letting the women work her butt off while sitting on his ass, he should feel ashamed.

Though this is an interesting thought if you think it through as far as the military is concerned.

Women have the higher threshold for pain. While men would obviously be a better option in close quarters, hand to hand combat, perhaps women should be on the front lines in armed ballistic combat. If they get shot, it would affect them less. If they become POWs, they would be able to take the pain better and would thus be less likely to crack. Being physically stronger, men should theoretically be expected to lift things more, I guess. Perhaps an elite unit of female ninja warriors with really light asaault rifles. Hell yeah...someone call the army or some ****.

 

[xiphoid2010]

But bro, as Patton said, war isn never won dying for your country, but making the other bastards die for theirs.

Sure enemy's may be awed by how mentally tough our female POWs are, but wouldn't inflict pain and make enemies our bitches be more goal directed?

But I like your idea of female ninja warriors. Hmm, I bet they would be very fit and quite limbeeeer...ummmmmm

 

[Pharmacy Kid]

I have more experience with Vietnamese, but even within that group, there is diversity. My female Vietnamese students seem to have very little in common with the Vietnamese women who work at my salon.

That's more of a generational thing.

 

[AlPacino]

I personally could never be a house husband. Ive been working since I was 15 and cannot stop til retired. I just need to be active doing something.

 

[rxlea]

I'm sad I didn't read this thread earlier because it brought the lulz, male whining included.

Why do you guys limit yourselves with this gender role crap so much? Who cares if a dude cleans the house...what about gay male couples? Are they less man than you trolls? I know some gay dudes that would beat the **** out of some whiny "modern men".

It's not feminism keeping you boys back, though. It's you. Women would probably love it if their boyfriend/husband cleans the house and plays with the kids. Personally, I think that's pretty badass to have more equality in the home.

 

[pharmasaur]

I think everyone kinda got side tracked and missed the original point of this thread which was the unemployed husband was staying home and not doing ANYTHING. By the sound of it, watching movies and eating bon bons. So that's not cool. BUT if the husband is pre-occupied at home with childcare, making dinner, cleaning, chores, and what not, then I think there is consensus that that's ok since he is still *working*.

For me personally it's not cool when one of the sexes is home and literally not doing anything....and the other sex comes home and still does everything. This usually happens with women who work, because it is expected of them to cook dinner and to change diapers and stuff so they end up working and doing the chores still.

 

[Omnipotent]

I think ingesting a lot of bisphenol-a has to do with this...hahaha go pharmacy 👍

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I'm sad I didn't read this thread earlier because it brought the lulz, male whining included.

Why do you guys limit yourselves with this gender role crap so much? Who cares if a dude cleans the house...what about gay male couples? Are they less man than you trolls? I know some gay dudes that would beat the **** out of some whiny "modern men".

It's not feminism keeping you boys back, though. It's you. Women would probably love it if their boyfriend/husband cleans the house and plays with the kids. Personally, I think that's pretty badass to have more equality in the home.

Well, I'm the only one saying this in the entire thread. So by "boys", you mean "Mike." And I don't limit myself in any way. I have a Lady Gaga CD in my car's CD changer and I like to make experimental ice cream flavors. I drive a sky blue Mercury Sable that an 80 year old should be driving. I do whatever the hell I want, no matter how unorthodox or weird. But this isn't about me. If men=1=me, then men are clearly the superior sex. Unfortunately, I'm not all men. And I *actually* believe in absolute gender equality, so I see men as the same as women...thus when there are statistical anomalies, it would naturally interest me as to what societal or physiological differences between the sexes causes these anomalies.

That said, my fellow males have not been liberated from their Victorian ways of thought. They have been told their entire lives that being dumb is ok, you're a guy. Homer Simpson and every other stupid dad in the media is their role model. What do you expect? It's why women under the age of 35 have obtained more education and make more money than men under 35. Feminism has beaten men into nothing. Men, to be very general, continue old fashioned ways of thinking and try to exert their idiotic "manliness" by focusing on blue collar jobs, driving a pickup truck or a stupid ass sports car, and limiting household work to the lawn, the car, and fixing crap. The world that feminism has created has given women all the tools to succeed in the modern world. It's a post-male world. And its not like I'm making this up, there are tons of literature out there pretty much saying exactly what I'm saying.

And you're lame "it's mens' own fault" thoughts are bull****. If its one guy, fine, his fault, if droves of men are less successful than women, its a societal problem, because some mechanism in our society is failing them. That's like blaming women for only getting to be housewives in the 60s. They didn't HAVE TO be back then, either. It was just socially awkward for them to be. And men that make less than their female partners or are unemployed with a female breadwinner are proven to be seen as socially unacceptable nothings not worthy of an intimate relationship. (And, again, women in the same situation aren't)

Yet nobody wants to state the obvious. What can we do to help men overcome what they perceive as their "place"? That's the problem. People just throw out vapid nonsense like, "Oh, its their own fault, nobody is holding them back." That is an intellectually lazy and vacuous position. Clearly SOMETHING is holding them back. The problem is that there isn't a cultural movement like the feminist movement of the mid 20th century to get to the bottom of it and work towards tilting the scales a little bit towards males who are falling behind.

 

[rxlea]

I didn't read your whole thing yet. But I was more making a comment about the "grow a pair" and similar comments.

Edit ok I read it. I totally agree with most of what you said. But I think it IS partially the fault of each individual guy who perpetuates the stereotypes and the notion that guys can be stupid/dumb and that's it ok that they're chauvinistic pigs or what have you.

Men and women should be equal but they are not. Not yet. Maybe this next generation coming up will change things. Women still make less, are oftentimes relegated to house work and the like, and have to look "hot" to get the best males (see evidence SHC).

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Well take your time, I'ma go hang out with a bunch of Scottish dudes and take in a Soccer match in Chester, PA right about here soon. I'm sitting here wearing a shirt that says BIMBO.

Philly UNION!

 

[rxlea]

Well take your time, I'ma go hang out with a bunch of Scottish dudes and take in a Soccer match in Chester, PA right about here soon. I'm sitting here wearing a shirt that says BIMBO.

Philly UNION!

I'm jealous. I'm stuck at work for another hour and then I have a long ass drive back home.

 

[naseuy]

It's a shame that I hate children. Otherwise being a stay-at home husband would be a great career for me :|

 

[usechopstix]

This is an interesting topic. Usually stay-at-home spouses (men or women) are expected to raise the children or at least do the chores; the fact that they sit on their hands all day means they're crappy husbands. If they were women, I'd call them crappy wives.

I don't necessarily believe anyone should really stay-at-home, women or men. I mean, what can you really do all day, don't you get bored?! A special case being if one spouse is a CEO or earns a ridiculous amount that's enough to support the family with excess then maybe the other being at home to care for the children would make sense. If only spouse is bringing home $700,000+, what is really another $60,000 going to do? That's just my opinion. I was raised by two very hardworking parents so I do generally expect two people to work in an household.

 

[rxlea]

This is an interesting topic. Usually stay-at-home spouses (men or women) are expected to raise the children or at least do the chores; the fact that they sit on their hands all day means they're crappy husbands. If they were women, I'd call them crappy wives.

I don't necessarily believe anyone should really stay-at-home, women or men. I mean, what can you really do all day, don't you get bored?! A special case being if one spouse is a CEO or earns a ridiculous amount that's enough to support the family with excess then maybe the other being at home to care for the children would make sense. If only spouse is bringing home $700,000+, what is really another $60,000 going to do? That's just my opinion. I was raised by two very hardworking parents so I do generally expect two people to work in an household.

According to SHC, you can go to the beach and go shopping

 

[hereticmnk]

On a side note I would like to also point out that its none of our damn business. Its between two consenting adults..

 

[BMBiology]

On a side note I would like to also point out that its none of our damn business. Its between two consenting adults..

I am not as tolerated as you. When an healthy and capable adult refuses to work and refuses to take care of his children, I am going to voice my opinion.

 

[croquemonsieur]

I am not as tolerated as you. When an healthy and capable adult refuses to work and refuses to take care of his children, I am going to voice my opinion.

try meddling less. that should help. 😉

 

[BMBiology]

try meddling less. that should help. 😉

try not to read posts if you don't like opinions.

 

[hereticmnk]

I am not as tolerated as you. When an healthy and capable adult refuses to work and refuses to take care of his children, I am going to voice my opinion.

But again as I said, its between two adults. Your cant impose your personal sense of morality on other people as long as there are no negative externalities.

 

[croquemonsieur]

try not to read posts if you don't like opinions.

my mistake - everyone should live their lives to your standards.

 

[BMBiology]

On a side note I would like to also point out that its none of our damn business. Its between two consenting adults..

grammar you say?

 

[hereticmnk]

grammar you say?

Touche

 

[BMBiology]

my mistake - everyone should live their lives to your standards.

It is better than being a lazy bum.

 

[rxlea]

Why would anyone WANT to marry a lazy bum in the first place? Ambition has always been part of my potential dating "filter". Other than having a hot trophy wife +/- good sex (although with all the damn cheating, I imagine good sex is less common than one would think), what is so attractive about someone who stays home out by the pool all day?

Can one of you straight males explain that please? I don't see that happen much in same sex relationships aside from some of the gay male "houseboy/cabana boy" type relationships.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Why would anyone WANT to marry a lazy bum in the first place? Ambition has always been part of my potential dating "filter". Other than having a hot trophy wife +/- good sex (although with all the damn cheating, I imagine good sex is less common than one would think), what is so attractive about someone who stays home out by the pool all day?

Can one of you straight males explain that please? I don't see that happen much in same sex relationships aside from some of the gay male "houseboy/cabana boy" type relationships.

Nobody wants to marry a lazy bum. the problem is that people misrepresent themselves and people change.

Misrepresentation, we all do it, try to put the best foot forward even if it's how we are everyday.

People change, some by choice, some naturally. It's easy to adopt a more comfortable living, but MUCH harder to go back to less. Also, major life events change a lot of people, eg getting married, losing a job...

 

[Tinkerbell22]

I'm a minority, but i suspect this sentiment isn't a minority sentiment in this country. Well, maybe in California. 😀

You're right, I don't think it is a minority thing either... I know plenty of 'white' American men & women who feel the same way, although the whole men mooching off women thing does seem to be slightly more popular with modern American young couples.

Technically my heritage is considered minority too, but I would say I'm def. Americanized... anyway, I completely agree with you.

There are only so many good paying jobs...if more women take those jobs, then by default more men will have either lower paying jobs or no jobs. Without a slow, steady movement into TRUE gender equality rather than what wound up happening with a focus ONLY on womens' roles, society has moved to a point where many men actually have no point to their lives unless they happen to become the breadwinner. It's not cool for men to do housework. Men are still expected to be the breadwinner. If not, the aren't "men." They are useless.

OMG THIS. So glad I am not the only person who sees this.

I don't think it is okay for either sex to stay at home and actually be useless though (I don't think you do either?). Just because someone puts up with it doesn't mean I would, or I that I have to think it's okay just because it's none of my business (which it's not, but I don't have to agree with it). I joke about the feminists ruining it for women, but I don't think those women actually sat home and did nothing all day... I do think we underestimate the amount of work true "housewives" did as far as chores, kids, cooking, etc.

Now though, I think there is growing number of men who are truly unmotivated, lazy, mooches who just don't want to work, but they don't want to truly work at home either. Kind of like their own protest to the feminist movement. That is stupid, and I would never put up with that.

On the other hand, I try not to judge when a guy is truly a stay at home dad who works his a** off at home, but the truth is that gender roles are still engrained into many people, especially people from certain cultures, and I am certain that there are undeniable differences between the 2 genders. Not that either is better or worse, just different, and wired for different things.

I truly believe that women in general are inherently wired to enjoy and/or excel at certain things more than men, and vice versa (with obviously many exceptions, but biology and evolution must have at least something to do with gender roles!). I don't think they completely appeared out of nowhere (or are solely political/societal/whatever). Not saying that we can never escape any of that, but I don't think it's as easy or even entirely possible to eliminate from existence as some people might hope.

To avoid making this any longer than it already is, that is all I'm going to say about this for now.

He is Asian. It is very unacceptable for Asian and Hispanic cultures for men to make less money than women and worst stay at home and do the chores. That is look down on very badly. If a guy makes less than a women, makes the women pay for dates, stays home and does chores, or anything else of that sort it is VERY unacceptable.

Asian and Hispanic cultures are very different than America.

That's why some American men will NOT pay for dates and some think it's okay...but if you live in Asia, people will be making fun of you for sure.

I think it's funny that all Asian cultures are lumped together like they are homogenous.

Same with Hispanic. I understand why the terms are used, and I even use them myself to avoid over complicating things in casual conversation, but it bothers me when extremely different cultures happen to be lumped together for good or bad just because they share a language, geographical locations, or ancient ruler/empire.

Inside I cringe when someone calls Mexicans, Cuban, or Spanish, Mexican, or Cubans, Puerto Rican, or any possible variations of confusing Spanish speaking or even Latin language speaking cultures (Brasil, Portugal, etc)... so I can completely relate to the same problem my Asian friends have.

Anyway... I could never imagine my dad, step-dad, or grandfather staying home and refusing to work, regardless of how much money my grandmother or mom made. Everyone in my family worked though, and I don't think there is anything wrong with personally refusing to be with someone who just doesn't want to work outside of the home. We all reserve the right to our preferences. Obviously there are exceptions, but those were already covered by Xiphoid, and I happen to agree with him.

 

[rph3664]

I am not as tolerated as you. When an healthy and capable adult refuses to work and refuses to take care of his children, I am going to voice my opinion.

I happen to agree with you. That's not what this thread is about.

And there are plenty of women who are not employed, whether by choice or circumstance, and also do not take care of their homes or children. Heck, I grew up in the 1970s with several families where the parents got divorced because the SAHM wife was having, shall we say, male visitors while the kids were in school. One of them was married to a pharmacist, too. My dad's a retired firefighter, and his colleagues were always nervous about going home sick because so many of them came home to find their wives in bed with some other man, passed out drunk, snorting cocaine off the coffee table, etc. I never heard of any of those men catching their wives with other women, but I'm sure that's happened somewhere.

p.s. Wanna know how many times I've heard a female pharmacist say that her husband had an issue with her making more money than he did? ZERO. Nada. Zip. Goose egg.

 

[Tinkerbell22]

Not only men, women also have expectations too.

In Asia it is a lot LESS acceptable for a woman to be over weight, not look good etc.

I remember I was in Taiwan when I was teenager once. I had like a few pimples at the time and a guy walked up to me and told me "You might want to get rid of your pimples, you look very ugly like that and no men will ever want you looking like that!"

A stranger told me that!!! And it was acceptable.

You hear women get make fun of b/c of looks MORE in Asia. Just like a man living off a woman will be made fun of more too.

America is a lot more tolerant of many things outside the norm.

This reminds me of an article I once read about foreign brides, and also a link that it included to a blog titled something like "It's hard being a white girl in Miami" (I guess because it is the top city in the world for most foreign born residents- second is Toronto in case anyone was curious)...

Anyway, there's a sort-of joke about how girls & women walk around Miami at the gas station, mall, grocery, etc dressed up like they are going to the club... Most of them are not American (or they are, but family is not, etc)... the article basically talks about the differences between women in other cultures and how there is less pressure in the US to stay thin, make an attempt to look nice at all times, etc. It sounds shallow, but I feel like it's kind of true, and nobody's fault really. I know it's not a complete excuse, but it is kind of hard to eat well, exercise, sleep enough, do your hair/nails/make-up, wear uncomfortable clothes/shoes, etc when you're working a lot, and cooking, cleaning, doing daily activities of American life, AND it is more socially acceptable/easier to work less on certain other areas.

I know that I can remember both my grandmother & mother complaining if they even had to go to the grocery store with their hair messy or looking like crap because that's just how they were. Even in the hospital fresh off a ventilator and probably in great pain, my grandmother did not want anyone to see her with un-brushed hair, etc. She's just old school I guess. lol

 

[Tinkerbell22]

I happen to agree with you. That's not what this thread is about.

And there are plenty of women who are not employed, whether by choice or circumstance, and also do not take care of their homes or children. Heck, I grew up in the 1970s with several families where the parents got divorced because the SAHM wife was having, shall we say, male visitors while the kids were in school. One of them was married to a pharmacist, too. My dad's a retired firefighter, and his colleagues were always nervous about going home sick because so many of them came home to find their wives in bed with some other man, passed out drunk, snorting cocaine off the coffee table, etc. I never heard of any of those men catching their wives with other women, but I'm sure that's happened somewhere.

p.s. Wanna know how many times I've heard a female pharmacist say that her husband had an issue with her making more money than he did? ZERO. Nada. Zip. Goose egg.

It's sad but I've heard many of the same exact stories, and personally know a few of them too. I don't think women are any less guilty, but I do think people tend to be more surprised/horrified at cheating women or women who refuse to take care of their families.

I also don't really think a lot of people would openly talk about the husband having issues with the wife making more money. I'm sure some would, especially if they're confiding in someone close to them, but not all... so I think the number may be more than we might guess. Even some men may not be willing to admit they have a slight problem with it, so the wife may never truly know (even if she suspects it).

 

[SHC1984]

Lol I am not going to touch that issue right now..
You cant have it both ways. Equality and chivalry 😛
Most men (including myself) end up following what "we are supposed to do" anyway 🙂

P.S. I come from an Asian culture as well (South Asian tho), so I can see where he is coming from

I do NOT want it both ways. I just want people (men and women both) to strive for their best!

However a man's role is different than a woman's. I am not a man so I won't try to do his role.

However with that said, I think a woman's role is just as hard as a man's.

A man's role is to make as much money as possible and have the best career.

A woman's role is to also be smart, have the potential to make money if needed, look beautiful (ALWAYS), be a good housewife, a good mother and cook.

A woman's role therefore isn't "easier" than a man's.

Do you know how hard it is to go to the gym everyday to stay fit? To go on a diet? To wear make up and 5 inch heels etc? Beauty is painful and it ain't "easy". Do you know how much I have to spend on clothes and make up everytime I start dating a new guy?

So a woman's role isn't easier at all....staying at home and taking care of children is hard too!

All I am saying is everyone should strive their best to be the best that they can be.

A broke ass men is just as bad as an ugly ass women...and we don't value that in society.

Applies to women to. I'll certainly object if my wife suddenly want to become a housewife, give up a six figure income and jeopardize our family future.

What you are saying is simple. You prefer to hire a full-time nanny and you want your wife to work full-time too.

Some people prefer their wife to stay at home and some prefer to hire a full-time nanny. Either way it's going to COST YOU.

A full-time nanny can cost you what? 50K or 60K a year?

That's a salary for some people's wives....so I can see why someone would want their wives to stay home if their wives make less than 60K a year.

If you want yours to work than you must hire a nanny. If you don't want yours to work then you don't have to. Either way it's gonna cost you.

From reading your post, I knew you are Taiwanese!

Thanks, I take that as a compliment. 😍

This is an interesting topic. Usually stay-at-home spouses (men or women) are expected to raise the children or at least do the chores; the fact that they sit on their hands all day means they're crappy husbands. If they were women, I'd call them crappy wives.

I don't necessarily believe anyone should really stay-at-home, women or men. I mean, what can you really do all day, don't you get bored?! A special case being if one spouse is a CEO or earns a ridiculous amount that's enough to support the family with excess then maybe the other being at home to care for the children would make sense. If only spouse is bringing home $700,000+, what is really another $60,000 going to do? That's just my opinion. I was raised by two very hardworking parents so I do generally expect two people to work in an household.

I agree with this.

Unless your spouse makes an insane amount of money, then you most likely will have to work.

The standard of living is too high. Most people can't afford to live on one salary.

A pharmacist's salary is good for ONE person or TWO...but for a family with children? That's not enough.

Private school tuition ALONE can be 15K to 20K a year...if you have 2 or 3 kids....then I am sure you can do the math...and this is just TUITION....you gotta live and pay your bills too.

So if you have children, you better 1) marry a CEO or surgeon or 2) get ready to WORK WORK WORK!

 

[Rx MPLS]

Unless your spouse makes an insane amount of money, then you most likely will have to work.

The standard of living is too high. Most people can't afford to live on one salary.

A pharmacist's salary is good for ONE person or TWO...but for a family with children? That's not enough.

Private school tuition ALONE can be 15K to 20K a year...if you have 2 or 3 kids....then I am sure you can do the math...and this is just TUITION....you gotta live and pay your bills too.

So if you have children, you better 1) marry a CEO or surgeon or 2) get ready to WORK WORK WORK!

Not to sound like too much of a chauvinist (as I'm not), but could women joining the work force have caused some of these issues?

At one point, you could raise a family on just one salary. Since women began working outside the home on a full time basis, that has become very rarely true. Do you think women working caused inflation of prices perhaps, or just a lowering of all salaries (due to increased labor availability) to the point where two incomes are required?

 

[SeekerofTruth]

I'd be pretty upset if my wife did not want to work. I don't agree with staying at home and looking after kids..it's just not necessary imo unless one parent is gone for most of the time. Sending the kids to babysitting for interaction with others is important.

 

[xiphoid2010]

What you are saying is simple. You prefer to hire a full-time nanny and you want your wife to work full-time too.

Some people prefer their wife to stay at home and some prefer to hire a full-time nanny. Either way it's going to COST YOU.

A full-time nanny can cost you what? 50K or 60K a year?

That's a salary for some people's wives....so I can see why someone would want their wives to stay home if their wives make less than 60K a year.

If you want yours to work than you must hire a nanny. If you don't want yours to work then you don't have to. Either way it's gonna cost you.

Full time nanny?! What over privileged silver spoon filled caved did you grow up in? 😕

Day care, end of story for most working people. There are plenty of good and affordable one, my church as one for $850 a month.

Another popular option especially for minorities: have grandma live with them to take care of the kids. Then it's barely more than the cost of food, trade off is some freedom.

 

[SHC1984]

Not to sound like too much of a chauvinist (as I'm not), but could women joining the work force have caused some of these issues?

At one point, you could raise a family on just one salary. Since women began working outside the home on a full time basis, that has become very rarely true. Do you think women working caused inflation of prices perhaps, or just a lowering of all salaries (due to increased labor availability) to the point where two incomes are required?

It could be. I am not sure. 😕 I just feel that if you want children a pharmacist salary alone is not enough. If you want to be single forever than sure it will do...but a family with 2 kids. You need more money. Sorry to say.

I'd be pretty upset if my wife did not want to work. I don't agree with staying at home and looking after kids..it's just not necessary imo unless one parent is gone for most of the time. Sending the kids to babysitting for interaction with others is important.

Full time nanny?! What over privileged silver spoon filled caved did you grow up in? 😕

Day care, end of story for most working people. There are plenty of good and affordable one, my church as one for $850 a month.

Another popular option especially for minorities: have grandma live with them to take care of the kids. Then it's barely more than the cost of food, trade off is some freedom.

Okay. Now this is where I disagree!

So you men think that a woman therefores should 1) work full time 2) come home and take care of the baby 24/7 too. 3) cook and clean and DO all errands and housekeeping work 4) ALWAYS look hot or get dumped 5) Also be "sweet" too.



I don't think so. And what? The men just come home and then relax and expect dinner to be served, the baby asleep and NEVER bugging them, wife should also bring home a bigger paycheck and the wife to look super hot on top of that?

Again, I don't think so. Men of course want ALL that but it isn't fair if that is the case.

The wife should 1) work full time...but if she does than she will NEED a full time nanny or someone to take care of the baby. NO ONE has to energy to work full time and then come home and work NON stop at cleaning the house and taking care of the baby. Just taking care of the baby is a FULL TIME job. So if you think your wife can work full time, make more money than you and take care of the baby full time while at home than you are crazy!

If you want just day care (kids gone a few hours a day in the morning) then the wife needs to work PART TIME at most. Maybe 15 to 20hrs a week MAX. That way she can actually have the energy to do housework, look hot, and take care of the baby.

Men actually wants it BOTH WAYS..,.if they think a woman should do ALL of the above and MORE. WTF.

I don't agree with that at all. I don't think any woman can do that.

 

[xiphoid2010]

It could be. I am not sure. 😕 I just feel that if you want children a pharmacist salary alone is not enough. If you want to be single forever than sure it will do...but a family with 2 kids. You need more money. Sorry to say.





Okay. Now this is where I disagree!

So you men think that a woman therefores should 1) work full time 2) come home and take care of the baby 24/7 too. 3) cook and clean and DO all errands and housekeeping work 4) ALWAYS look hot or get dumped 5) Also be "sweet" too.



I don't think so. And what? The men just come home and then relax and expect dinner to be served, the baby asleep and NEVER bugging them, wife should also bring home a bigger paycheck and the wife to look super hot on top of that?

Again, I don't think so. Men of course want ALL that but it isn't fair if that is the case.

The wife should 1) work full time...but if she does than she will NEED a full time nanny or someone to take care of the baby. NO ONE has to energy to work full time and then come home and work NON stop at cleaning the house and taking care of the baby. Just taking care of the baby is a FULL TIME job. So if you think your wife can work full time, make more money than you and take care of the baby full time while at home than you are crazy!

If you want just day care (kids gone a few hours a day in the morning) then the wife needs to work PART TIME at most. Maybe 15 to 20hrs a week MAX. That way she can actually have the energy to do housework, look hot, and take care of the baby.

Men actually wants it BOTH WAYS..,.if they think a woman should do ALL of the above and MORE. WTF.

I don't agree with that at all. I don't think any woman can do that.

My advice, don't marry a lazyass guy. My wife and I share household chore. Again, I don't know what kind of guys you have been dating, but you might want to look for one that doesn't just come home and sit on his as.

 

[rph3664]

A word of advice: If you're married to someone with addiction issues (and it seems that nowadays, the worst addiction is to various forms of video gaming and online pornography), do not have children with them.

That is all.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

A word of advice: If you're married to someone with addiction issues (and it seems that nowadays, the worst addiction is to various forms of video gaming and online pornography), do not have children with them.

That is all.

Or just don't have children at all. They tie you down and completely replace you and your spouse as the most important things in your lives. It's submission to biology. All it is. Self-induced slavery to instinct and hormones.

Though I encourage all of you to have a ton of children so that they can man service jobs for me in the future and pay my social secruty/medicare costs 40 years from now. Better you become a slave than me.

 

[SHC1984]

My advice, don't marry a lazyass guy. My wife and I share household chore. Again, I don't know what kind of guys you have been dating, but you might want to look for one that doesn't just come home and sit on his as.

I grew up in a traditional family and I have never seen any of the men in my family wash dishes or do the laundry before. They might cook once in a blue moon when they feel like it...but washing the dishes? I think hell will freeze over before I see any of them do that. LOL...

If a guy is willing to do HALF the household chores then it could work out. Then it would be fair...but usually guys either do NONE of the house chores or they might do maybe 5% max. Leaving most to women. I haven't met any guy that actually does HALF the household chores to be honest.

I don't mind doing all the housework, the cooking, cleaning, errands, and childcaring etc. etc. but I def do not want to work FULL time while doing everything too.

 

[SHC1984]

Or just don't have children at all. They tie you down and completely replace you and your spouse as the most important things in your lives. It's submission to biology. All it is. Self-induced slavery to instinct and hormones.

Though I encourage all of you to have a ton of children so that they can man service jobs for me in the future and pay my social secruty/medicare costs 40 years from now. Better you become a slave than me.

You said you have blonde hair and blue eyes right?

Your baby would be cute! You should have one! lol...

 

[Momus]

A word of advice: If you're married to someone with addiction issues (and it seems that nowadays, the worst addiction is to various forms of video gaming and online pornography), do not have children with them.

That is all.

I don't see anything wrong with video games, it's cheap entertainment. You tend to go out less and spend less if you play video game (bar/club/drinks/dinners). Real addictions are much worse than video gaming and pornography... Think alcoholics, and drug users, paying for hookers for men.

For me, I could not stand a women who does not budget... a spender. That really clashes with one of my top value (live below your mean). I probably end up fighting all the time lol

I agree with WVU in general, there is so much double standard. Women want to be treated like a princess/chivalry. They want men to always have jobs but it's ok for women to not have job and just be pretty. It's acceptable for a woman to be a stay at home mom but not a man? After all these, they want to be treated as an equal as men. If they change their perspective, then they can and will be treated as equal. As long as this gender role bull**** stays, society will view women < men. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

[Momus]

I grew up in a traditional family and I have never seen any of the men in my family wash dishes or do the laundry before. They might cook once in a blue moon when they feel like it...but washing the dishes? I think hell will freeze over before I see any of them do that. LOL...

I always do the dishes as long as the woman cooks ;o balance is key. I'd rather do that than waste my time trying to cook a single dish ~2 hours, and eat it in 10 mins anyway...

 

[WVUPharm2007]

You said you have blonde hair and blue eyes right?

Your baby would be cute! You should have one! lol...

Light brown hair and blue eyes. Look about 8 years younger than I am. 29 years old, still get carded for movies, and am flat out harassed at casinos. Successful career, decent brain function I'd like to think. All together, I figure my genes would make a decent human.

As such, as I've mentioned numerous times before, I have a standing offer to anyone...I'll sell you my baby making genes for $50. That's right. $50. Why pay $300 at the sperm bank for unfresh, frozen sperm. I can offer you fresh product and guaranteed decent genetics at slash rate prices. I'm reasonably sure I have no venereal diseases, to boot. Bring me a one of those sterile cup things and cash. Let's make a deal.

 

[rph3664]

I don't see anything wrong with video games, it's cheap entertainment. You tend to go out less and spend less if you play video game (bar/club/drinks/dinners). Real addictions are much worse than video gaming and pornography... Think alcoholics, and drug users, paying for hookers for men.

You've never known anyone who was addicted to gaming to the point where they quit their job or school and completely neglected their self-care, on top of their spouse and children if they have them, have you? And they are so far gone, they honestly don't CARE that they have lost everything.

As for families living on one salary, not only does it depend on what that salary is and where people live and their standard of living (which is very much a subjective thing), but honestly, women have always contributed to the family's income, just usually in home-based businesses like child care, clothing alteration, market gardening, etc. And there were (and still are) some families where Mom doesn't work outside the home but Dad has two full time jobs. That's not always advantageous either.

(grabs flameproof suit) It's been my observation that the old-fashioned huge Catholic families were rarely happy homes. The fathers drank or gambled away their salaries, paid no attention to their families except to abuse them, and the wife and kids had to live on the money she made from that home-based business, and charity too, and this, not the size of the family, is why so many of them lived in poverty. Because the parents had grown up this way, they often knew no other life. When it became socially acceptable to get divorced in the 1960s and 1970s, the divorce rate for such families approached 100% once the kids all left home; in addition, the kids were very often all estranged from their father, who didn't care anyway.

At my old hospital job, there was a pharmacist who was in his mid 30s and while his wife was pregnant, he kept talking about how he wasn't going to change his life at all, because the baby would be entirely her responsibility. He wasn't even planning to support the baby financially, either; this would be her responsibility too. We all agreed that if he did not step up to the plate, the marriage would not last a year after the child's birth. After the baby was born, he did seem to take somewhat of an interest in his daughter, but always referred to her as "it", not "she". BTW, they are both lifelong Americans who were raised in middle-class families.

 

[gambit78]

remember I was in Taiwan when I was teenager once. I had like a few pimples
at the time and a guy walked up to me and told me "You might want to get rid of
your pimples, you look very ugly like that and no men will ever want you looking
like that!"

A stranger told me that!!! And it was acceptable.


You hear women get make fun of b/c of looks MORE in Asia. Just like a
man living off a woman will be made fun of more too

Is this why there are more unmarried women in South Korea, Japan, and Taiwan these days? (as covered by U.S.News World Report) No, not that women there are unattractive, but not wanting to deal with losers there.

There is a soap opera actress with a stay-at-home husband who raises their kids. He hasn't worked and been unable to find acting gigs, but she's been on her soap for 15yrs so its a steady gig for her at 250,000 a year.

 

[rph3664]

Full time nanny?! What over privileged silver spoon filled caved did you grow up in? 😕

Day care, end of story for most working people. There are plenty of good and affordable one, my church as one for $850 a month.

Another popular option especially for minorities: have grandma live with them to take care of the kids. Then it's barely more than the cost of food, trade off is some freedom.

I've known one person who had a live-in nanny. He was divorced, with sole custody of his children, one of them severely disabled, and had a job with very irregular hours and their mother was not in the picture at the time. He got the nanny when he found out that this was less expensive than handicapped day care.

As for having grandparents live with a family, do you know anyone who does this? It rarely worked out, trust me on that.

And as for the role of fathers in child-rearing, could you imagine what would happen in most families if a father took a child shopping for clothing or school supplies (necessities, too, not just the fun stuff), signed a child up for an activity, made a doctor's appointment, etc.? He would NEVER hear the end of it - "How dare you make a decision for our child without my permission!", that kind of thing. And if he were to suggest that a child might have a health, learning, or behavior problem, his wife's response would likely be along the lines of "And if she does, it will be your fault because you don't take proper care of her." At least, that's from what I've seen.

 

[gambit78]

As for having grandparents live with a family, do you know anyone who does
this? It rarely worked out, trust me on that

The Obamas?

I am thinking the classic family setting, in Asia, where multigenerationals live in one household. But more Asian countries are getting Westernized.

I'm often reminded of trips I make to Walmart where I see dads take their kids shopping with them on weekends. Either 1.single dad, 2. mom on a spa break, or 3.mom works weekend shift at pharmacy/hospital

 

[xiphoid2010]

As for having grandparents live with a family, do you know anyone who does this? It rarely worked out, trust me on that.

My mother in law is living with us right now. This has gone on over a year now. It's very normal, quite possibly the norm, in Asian culture for grand parents to come and do maternity and child care. It is has worked out fine for us.

Now being somewhat americanized, I do find it somewhere restrictive at times , but I knew this was how my wife wanted it before I married her, so I deal with it just as another part of marriage /parenting. It does save a lot of money.