Plagued With Doubts

[BoubtingThomas]

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been a reader of these threads for a few weeks now, and I’m forever grateful for all the support and information that all of you have provided me. Let me just begin by saying that I’m Canadian, and that I applied to a number of PhD programs in Clinical psychology across the country. I’ve recently received an acceptance from a fairly reputable program and I’m expecting another offer (although its too early to be sure).

For those of you who are familiar with the Canadian system, most prospective applicants to clinical psych also apply to some sort of governmental scholarship. I applied to SSHRC. To my utter astonishment, I recently found out that I wasn’t even A-Listed for this scholarship, and my application never even made it past the graduate department of the school that I’m currently enrolled in.

Of course, the acceptance I’ve received from this program isn’t conditional in anyway. But I’ve recently found out that all (or 99%) of the students currently enrolled in that program have received this very scholarship that I was so readily denied.

As you can imagine, this realization made me sick to my stomach. It has cast some serious doubt regarding my “readiness” to take on an intensive endeavor like grad school in clinical psych. I am seriously considering declining the offer(s) I received and reapplying next year.

I would appreciate some feedback from current graduate students, as well as perspective Canadian students.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Comparison is a natural tendency, but it probably isn't that constructive for you to do (for any great length/depth), as the question of ability was answered by the program offering your admittance, and any rumination isn't going to be beneficial.

 

[notherngirl]

I agree with T4C, I think the fact that you've received acceptances already says more about your preparedness for grad school than the fact that you didn't secure any external funding this year. Congratulations on hearing back already!

I'm a Canadian applicant as well, who also hasn't managed to secure any external scholarships this year. From my understanding, securing a SSHRC grant before beginning grad school would primarily serve to increase your chances of acceptance (as schools have to worry less about your funding situation). Most of the applicants I know (as well as several friends who were accepted last year) don't/didn't have a grant going in. Did the program you applied for specify whether the current students entered with their funding? I think its ok, and you'll probably have a better chance of obtaining one when you're secured in a program. That's my understanding anyways, and what I am hoping for!

 

[RayneeDeigh]

I'm a current grad student at USask, and I'm the only one from my cohort who isn't externally funded. It means I get slammed with TA hours and I make less money than they do, but that's about it. Nobody treats me like I'm not supposed to be there 'cause I'm internally funded.

SSHRC is an extremely competitive process and it's very political. If your research is "in" at the time and you have tons of publications, you'll get one. It's subjective, it's selective, and I wouldn't feel badly that you didn't get one. I've been rejected twice now. Everyone hates SSHRC, it's okay!

 

[BoubtingThomas]

Thanks to all of you for your reply. You've collectively managed to appease some of my worries.
Its quite possible that I'm just being neurotic. As much as I'm excited to embark upon this journey, I'm also quite terrified about not being able to handle it. This whole application process has left me feeling inadequate. I was coming to this whole process quite confident in my abilities and with an ego the size Northwest Territories (to make a Canadian reference). This process has been truly sobering, to say the least.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Don't worry, that'll happen many more times once you're actually in grad school. Impostor syndrome never goes away, it just gets worse the higher you go. I remember on my SSHRC paper it came back to me with the words "You Fail" written across the top of it and a note saying it hadn't been selected to leave the department.

Congrats on the acceptance to a program.

 

[BoubtingThomas]

Don't worry, that'll happen many more times once you're actually in grad school. Impostor syndrome never goes away, it just gets worse the higher you go. I remember on my SSHRC paper it came back to me with the words "You Fail" written across the top of it and a note saying it hadn't been selected to leave the department.

Congrats on the acceptance to a program.

Wow "You Fail"? Seems a little harsh. I guess they don't care about your mental well-being (ironically).