pjv2410 said:
Have you considered that you might have social anxiety disorder?
I can completely relate to spending a lot of time by yourself, as I am kind of reclusive too. But it sounds like your issues go beyond this and that you can't even force yourself to be in social situations and that it's causing you a lot of distress.
See a psychiatrist. Maybe a bit of an SSRI is just the thing you need.
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cdc2004:
You have to honestly ask yourself why socializing is hard work for you. I imagine you've probably become pretty insecure about your social skills over the years through HS and college. So are you just insecure and afraid of looking bad? Or is there more to it? Even most people who have terrible social skills have some close friends! You might fall into one of the social phobia categories or something of that nature. You're not crazy, but don't be afraid of talking to a therapist or psychiatrist. Who knows, these things are often related to childhood, especially how your were brought up by your parents. You might benefit from some temporay SSRI's or something just to get you started on developing your social skills.
Now on to getting chicks. Most people have already touched on a lot of this stuff. However, for right now you NEED TO FORGET all the touchy feel stuff about finding true love. First work on the superficial stuff and then get used to talking to and dating girls. Once you get the basics down you can worry about finding mrs perfect. If some PA or nurse likes you, consider yourself super lucky and get to know her. Don't start worrying about her motives, marriage, or any of that stuff until you've had more experience!
The main thing that will attract women to you right now is looks. It's the honest to god truth. Humans are all genetically programmed to like good looking people of the opposite sex much more then non-good looking people. Unfortunately genetics can play a big part. But you can do a lot to turn the hand you've been dealt into a winning one. I'd say at least 30% of looks are things you can control: clothes, hair style, fitness, etc.
Now keep in mind, when trying to look good, don't let some complete and total idiot tell you to buy clothes that you personally like. You're trying to impress other people with your clothes, hair, etc. So unless you plan to stare at yourself in the mirror all night, try and tailor your looks to what girls like. Do you think guys would be gelling their hair and dressing in shiny shirts if they weren't trying to attract women? NO! It's not for you! So just keep that in mind when shopping
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Clothes: You probably need to get some new threads. This is easier said then done. Try and get to know a gay guy b/c they often have great taste and like shopping (sorry to stereotype, but it's pretty common). You could also try and watch what people wear on TV, or look at what well dressed people are wearing. Also, you can't go too far wrong if you just buy brand name stuff like Kenneth Cole, cK, banana, structure, etc. These clothes aren't cheap, so try and hit the sales if possible. Late august and semptember are awesome times to find deals on summer stock or left over fall stuff. For example, on saturday I got an awesome hilfiger light weight sweater for just 15 bucks (orginally 75) and a nice bathing suit for 6 bucks (originally 38). So look around and try and get some nice stuff.
Hair: Just go to some nice salon and have a gay dude cut your hair someway fashionable. For some reason some people have some big issue with changing their hair. Just do it, nobody is going to care unless they're interested in you.
Fitness: This will be the hardest part. Are you fat or skinng? In general, gaining ten pounds of muscle and cutting your body weight will go far with the chicks. Just look at how much better treatment girls with good bodies get versus over-weight women. It's not quite as dramatic of a difference with men, but it's still important. And furthermore, getting in shape increases your confidence, self image, and sex-drive. So just join a gym and go three times a week! On really hard weeks you can go just twice and still gain ground.
Now on to socializing. Don't wait until you've made yourself "hotter," or until you've seen a therapist, or until anything. You should try to start meeting girls and making friends asap. Maybe join some clubs at school that have regular activities. Do you have any hobbies that could be used socially? For example, if you play computer games, you could try and join in some network games with other people in your school; computer nerds are usually pretty accepting (I know b/c I am one).
When it comes to meeting girls you have to accept that you'll be rejected about 10x more often then you'll score. But the one date you get will far out-weight the rejections. So don't be afraid, and don't always try to be friends first. If you see a girl who looks like she may be your type anywhere, go talk to her. She'll probably think you're weird, but it's okay b/c you have little to lose and everything to gain. So after she disses you, shrug it off and try again. Eventually, you'll get better at talking to girls and your "game" will improve. Just make it a priority. And don't try and get out of hitting on girls by making little excuses. Suck it up and just go talk to them. I don't want to hear any lame excuses like "you don't like the game." Tough, if you want to meet girls it takes work! Also, although you don't have to go to clubs, the girls in clubs are much more likely to "want" to be hit on. Thats often the reason they go. So your odds there are better then in random places.
Also, are you really up-tight about having a drink to loosen up? If you're going out on the weekends, a couple drinks (not too many) helps many people socialize without worring about how they look, etc.
