Please help, I need some advice. I made a huge mistake.

[gvku]

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[Chrisebril1]

I came to a PhD program, and quickly realized it is not for me.

I am performing well, I just don't want to do research for the rest of my life.

I was forced to serve as a GTA. In the masters program, I am no longer required to serve as a GTA. However, I became close with the two professors I taught labs for, and will definitely be TAing (for free... essentially volunteer) for the Anatomy professor and want to TA for the Biochemistry professor as well.

Would it be wise for me to TA for the Biochemistry professor as well? It really doesn't take up too much time. 3-4 hours a week for each class.

By TA I am essentially an independent lab teacher where I give lecture, run lab and give tests. The students evaluate me. Was an amazing experience my first semester but, at my undergrad school, I tutored for some 2.75 years straight (about 2 hours a week). Is doing the extra Biochemistry class just overkill and a waste of time?

My BCPM GPA is 3.36 (104 Credit Hours No Retakes)
oGPA – 3.45

I am going to take a 4 credit hours undergrad upper division Biology/Premed class each semester till I finish this masters.
That leaves me with 12 credit hours by the time I complete the masters requirements (December 2011). Max it could bump my BCPM GPA is 3.42 and oGPA could jump to 3.48 which from what the premed adviser here has told me, the adcoms would see with a "December update".

Is it even worth it to take those classes?

The four hour class I am going to take next semester is actually taught by the Anatomy professor I am TAing for so I am hoping I can get a LOR. He's a senior professor (MD/PhD). Does that justify taking the class and continuing to TA?

Is it a good idea to volunteer TA both of those classes and take the extra 4 credit hours of undergrad classes (they in no way contribute to my graduate school work) to up my GPA slightly.

Side note,

My clinical experience includes
-70 hours of ER room volunteering
-40 hours surgeon shadowing

My volunteer experience includes
-ER room 3 months
-tutoring 2.75 years
- Few short term things

Research
-2.5 semesters of translational research in Bio medicine at the University of Florida as an undergrad
-2 semesters of cognitive psychology research at the University of Florida as an undergrad
-3 months of intense (60 hours a week) research here in this graduate program
Because of how lacking my ECs are (research is fine right?)

I got together with a lady here, and she and I started a youth outreach organization.
I am currently co-director of that organization.

I also signed up to volunteer in a hospice hospital, and I do that for 2-3 hours a week, with direct patient interaction.

I am actively looking for a DO to shadow, and want to shadow a MD after that. (I want to shadow the DO for 40 hours, and the MD for 20). That has been the hardest thing to do.

It is nice because without the demands from the lab, even with all the things I just mentioned, and the fact that I am pretty much on cruise control in the classes and still earning A's, I have been able to contribute ~ 5-6 hours a day to studying for the MCAT.

When I took the MCAT the first time, I didn't study and was lazy. I am now on Adderall after a ADHD diagnosis. Adderall has had such a profound impact on how I am able to perform. I have always had ambition and motivation, but just couldn’t focus for more than 20-30 minutes. I avoided doing anything that extended for more than an hour at any given time.

I am also currently seeing a psychologist (and a psychiatrist but less often) to help me with my stress and anxiety. Several people mentioned in my other post that I had to get that under control before I even attempted to apply to medical school.

I am going to forgo trying to find a job over this next semester and focus on studying for the MCAT and just try and get the As on the classes and get a great LOR.

In addition to everything I mentioned, I would assume I am well rounded. Bachelors degree in Biology, and one in Psychology. I have worked as a sales associate at an automotive repair shop and a laboratory manager in a research lab while in college.

Anybody have any suggestions?

I am taking the MCAT April 2011 and applying 2011-2012 cycle.

I am worried a good portion of my application will be clustered around these next 5 months and last 3 months then anything up to Fall update… I did the ER volunteering my Sophomore year of college, and shadowed the physician my Senior year. I just didn’t do much because of the inability to focus from my illness.

 

[denco88]

I came to a PhD program, and quickly realized it is not for me.

I am performing well, I just don't want to do research for the rest of my life.

I was forced to serve as a GTA. In the masters program, I am no longer required to serve as a GTA. However, I became close with the two professors I taught labs for, and will definitely be TAing (for free... essentially volunteer) for the Anatomy professor and want to TA for the Biochemistry professor as well.

Would it be wise for me to TA for the Biochemistry professor as well? It really doesn't take up too much time. 3-4 hours a week for each class.

By TA I am essentially an independent lab teacher where I give lecture, run lab and give tests. The students evaluate me. Was an amazing experience my first semester but, at my undergrad school, I tutored for some 2.75 years straight (about 2 hours a week). Is doing the extra Biochemistry class just overkill and a waste of time?

My BCPM GPA is 3.36 (104 Credit Hours No Retakes)
oGPA – 3.45

I am going to take a 4 credit hours undergrad upper division Biology/Premed class each semester till I finish this masters.
That leaves me with 12 credit hours by the time I complete the masters requirements (December 2011). Max it could bump my BCPM GPA is 3.42 and oGPA could jump to 3.48 which from what the premed adviser here has told me, the adcoms would see with a "December update".

Is it even worth it to take those classes?

The four hour class I am going to take next semester is actually taught by the Anatomy professor I am TAing for so I am hoping I can get a LOR. He's a senior professor (MD/PhD). Does that justify taking the class and continuing to TA?

Is it a good idea to volunteer TA both of those classes and take the extra 4 credit hours of undergrad classes (they in no way contribute to my graduate school work) to up my GPA slightly.

Side note,

My clinical experience includes
-70 hours of ER room volunteering
-40 hours surgeon shadowing

My volunteer experience includes
-ER room 3 months
-tutoring 2.75 years
- Few short term things

Research
-2.5 semesters of translational research in Bio medicine at the University of Florida as an undergrad
-2 semesters of cognitive psychology research at the University of Florida as an undergrad
-3 months of intense (60 hours a week) research here in this graduate program
Because of how lacking my ECs are (research is fine right?)

I got together with a lady here, and she and I started a youth outreach organization.
I am currently co-director of that organization.

I also signed up to volunteer in a hospice hospital, and I do that for 2-3 hours a week, with direct patient interaction.

I am actively looking for a DO to shadow, and want to shadow a MD after that. (I want to shadow the DO for 40 hours, and the MD for 20). That has been the hardest thing to do.

It is nice because without the demands from the lab, even with all the things I just mentioned, and the fact that I am pretty much on cruise control in the classes and still earning A's, I have been able to contribute ~ 5-6 hours a day to studying for the MCAT.

When I took the MCAT the first time, I didn't study and was lazy. I am now on Adderall after a ADHD diagnosis. Adderall has had such a profound impact on how I am able to perform. I have always had ambition and motivation, but just couldn’t focus for more than 20-30 minutes. I avoided doing anything that extended for more than an hour at any given time.

I am also currently seeing a psychologist (and a psychiatrist but less often) to help me with my stress and anxiety. Several people mentioned in my other post that I had to get that under control before I even attempted to apply to medical school.

I am going to forgo trying to find a job over this next semester and focus on studying for the MCAT and just try and get the As on the classes and get a great LOR.

In addition to everything I mentioned, I would assume I am well rounded. Bachelors degree in Biology, and one in Psychology. I have worked as a sales associate at an automotive repair shop and a laboratory manager in a research lab while in college.

Anybody have any suggestions?

I am taking the MCAT April 2011 and applying 2011-2012 cycle.

I am worried a good portion of my application will be clustered around these next 5 months and last 3 months then anything up to Fall update… I did the ER volunteering my Sophomore year of college, and shadowed the physician my Senior year. I just didn’t do much because of the inability to focus from my illness.

Okay I didn't read all of this because it is super long... But TA a class if you can... School's like teaching experience. DO what you can to get your GPA up a bit. Study a lot and get a great MCAT score...

 

[HW51Revisited]

I would definitely take the TA position and start back up with extracurriculars like volunteering and shadowing to show some intiative. Oh and study hard for the MCAT

 

[Chrisebril1]

Consensus edit/update to facilitate contribution.


-Graduated from state university with two bachelors degrees (Biology and Psychology).
-171 undergraduate credit hours at graduation.
-104 undergraduate BCPM classes.
-oGPA = 3.45
-BCPM GPA = 3.36
-Volunteered in ER 70 hours
-Volunteer tutored for 2.75 years in undergrad
-Shadowed surgeon 40 hours
-Biological honors society is my only organization
-Served as member of undergraduate academic dishonesty (Biology department) student committee... (I didn't perform well on tests, but the programs teachers/administrators knew me well).
-2.5 semesters of undergrad biomed research (no pubs)
-2 semesters of undergrad cog. psych research (no pubs, significant participant interaction)
-2 semesters working as lab manager
-Currently in PhD program
-Switching to Masters (not failing, just don't want to do research and the school is not a program fit).

Things I did first semester in graduate school.
Now on Adderall now capable of studying for a respectable amount of time for the MCAT, so medical school seems like an option now.
* Served as GTA (taught) in a Anatomy lab and Biochemistry lab
* Started as co-director of a youth outreach organization
* Began volunteering at a local hospice organization
* Three months of translational bio medicine research


Things I am planning on doing over the next 3 semesters in attempts to apply April 2011 (and update January 2012)

- Study for MCAT over Spring 2011 semester and take it April 2011.

- GTA (volunteer not paid) Anatomy and Biochemistry lab

- Youth outreach volunteering (4 hours a week)

- Hospice volunteering (director patient interaction (sometimes one on one and sometimes with me and a nurse)) (1-4 hours a week)

- Take an additional 4 credit hour upper-division (3000-4000 level) undergraduate Biology/premed class on top of the full time graduate course load each of the next three semesters.

- Publish a review article on bio medicine research relating to some specific disease (Diabetes or Parkinson's) (Something tells me this is like a joke and no ad com will even care).

-Maximum my "undergraduate" GPA will be bumped at the time of January update

oGPA - 3.48
BCPM GPA - 3.42
​

-If I pull off A's in those 12 semester hours (three 4-hour classes).

My BCPM GPA over the last 55 credit hours will be 3.60.
My oGPA over the last 89 credit hours (same duration of time) is a 3.71. (That would be my "Senior GPA" + "Post Bacc GPA").
​

I have discrepancies in my undergrad grades, but I would like to mention that most of the 'red flags' are kind of remedied (pre med adviser here said this when he and I were talking)
IE:
**-** I got a C+ in Spanish I, but I got a A- in Spanish II and a B+ in Spanish III
**-** I got an A in pre-Calc, A in Bio Stats, and a A in Statistics, but I got a C+ in Calc I.
**-** I have two withdrawals (Both over the summers of my Freshmen--> Sophomore and Sophomore--> Junior Year. Semester following both withdrawals I retook both classes and earned As.
Any input on how things like that will be taken by adcoms?

Most of my undergrad grades were B's and B+'s.

Just couldn't get over the threshold hump for B --> A. Usually because I made careless mistakes on tests.
The ADHD explained this (I was recently diagnosed). I am now on Adderall, and have no doubt I can handle anything my classmates who made it into medical school can handle.

Suggestions?


Does having a background in Biology and Psychology signify being well rounded or is that a phrase to describe something students achieve while outside of school

 

[Chrisebril1]

Please.... anybody else?

 

[serundipiy]

My advice. Ignore the discouraging advice others ar giving you. I think you have what it takes to succeed in medicine. Just for it. Life is short and you want to live your life to the fullest with no regrets. Sure, you might fail, but at least you will have tried.

I am in the same situation as you. Briefly, i majored in bio and pscyh as an undergrad. Did poorly on the MCAts and went to grad school instead but my true passion is in medicine and although i am currently a phd student i still aspire to attend med school one day...

Have you considered SMP programs such as BU, TUfts, Georgetown? or ACMS programs such as Temple? These prorams are for people with lower GPAs and MCAT scores

Good luck!

 

[IlDestriero]

"Most of us are up at 6:30 in the morning and in class at 7:00 till 10:00. Then we shoot straight to our rotation lab, and stay there till 5pm or later. Then we come home and study for / setup for the classes we have to take or teach. In addition to that, we have seminar classes, that requires in depth reading of ~ 6 journal articles a week. In addition to that, there is journal club, that usually involves every member of the lab presenting a journal once a week. So not only do we have to prepare a presentation and develop a level of understanding of these complicated journals every week, we also have to read another 5 for the journal club."

This IS medical school. When you have free time, you exercise and/or try to go out, and those pesky USMLE tests are always lurking, and shelf exams, and oral exams, and incessant daily pimping on rounds.
Residency is worse, much worse. Don't learn the material, overlook a seemingly unimportant detail, etc. and your hurting people. Sound stressful? I don't think you've got the right stuff chief. There's nothing wrong with that. Go be a dentist and make more than the stressed out physicians. Seriously. You overanalyze everything and seem to shift blame. Not good traits for an MD. Take an honest look at your habits, history, stats, personality, etc.

 

[FSUchess99]

good luck chris

 

[Chrisebril1]

good luck chris

Thanks, but where did that come from? A genuine "good luck" or a "you are so screwed you are going to need luck"?

"Most of us are up at 6:30 in the morning and in class at 7:00 till 10:00. Then we shoot straight to our rotation lab, and stay there till 5pm or later. Then we come home and study for / setup for the classes we have to take or teach. In addition to that, we have seminar classes, that requires in depth reading of ~ 6 journal articles a week. In addition to that, there is journal club, that usually involves every member of the lab presenting a journal once a week. So not only do we have to prepare a presentation and develop a level of understanding of these complicated journals every week, we also have to read another 5 for the journal club."

This IS medical school. When you have free time, you exercise and/or try to go out, and those pesky USMLE tests are always lurking, and shelf exams, and oral exams, and incessant daily pimping on rounds.
Residency is worse, much worse. Don't learn the material, overlook a seemingly unimportant detail, etc. and your hurting people. Sound stressful? I don't think you've got the right stuff chief. There's nothing wrong with that. Go be a dentist and make more than the stressed out physicians. Seriously. You overanalyze everything and seem to shift blame. Not good traits for an MD. Take an honest look at your habits, history, stats, personality, etc.

I appreciate your input, respect your opinion and understand how you came to that conclusion. It seems like that is the general consensus.

However I truly feel it's not a fair assessment. I do have a rocky past, but I never failed to perform at a level almost always on par with my classmates who did make it into medical school.

Unfortunately, I had a problem with attention and focus that I didn't get try and resolve until recently, and the damage has been done. Because of it, I made careless mistakes on tests (1) and even though I knew the material, there was a threshold that I couldn't get over in most classes, resulting in an almost steady B+ average GPA.

Maybe it was for the best that I didn't get treated right away. I learned a lot about myself, and what I am capable of, but more importantly, I learned a lot of techniques (unfortunately mostly through trial and error) that still work now that I am on Adderall, but have a much stronger effect now that I can spend 4+ hours sitting in one spot studying without going crazy.

I avoided things that involved me having to focus for extended periods of time... I never went to the library to study (2), I avoided getting a job in college (3), and I failed to volunteer as much as I wanted to.




I have not crashed because of the amount of work here or the pressure. I am miserable here but it is not because of the amount of work alone.

I am miserable because the program sucks, and because I still want to go to medical school. In fact, my plan when coming here after doing poorly on the MCAT was "get a PhD then go to medical school by using the time between the two to study for the MCAT".

That was a silly plan to make, and I realized that shortly after coming here.

I mention the work load, because of the simple fact that, I do not want to put in this much work for a PhD when I truly have no interest in doing research for a career.

I am not copping out of "hard work", I am just trying to find a way to get to my goal. Switching from PhD to masters is for all intents and purposes for me, going to actually increase my work load, but in a way that might actually be meaningful to my career goal. I drop the research aspect of it and lose my tuition assistance and stipend but those are the only things I lose. I am still going to teach the same classes I did with the GTA, just now I am going to do it for free. I am going to add an additional undergraduate 4 hour upper division bio course to each of my remaining semesters (on top of the full load masters course schedule (which is actually heavier than that for PhD). I started volunteering at a youth outreach organization which I am a co director of and a hospice office with direct patient contact. I am planning on adding an additional four hours a week clinical volunteering starting in the Spring and I want to shadow at least 2 more physicians (at least 20 hours each) before I apply in June.

I am not cracking under work load, I am miserable doing this amount of work for something I don't want (career in research) when it has little to no benefit on getting me into a career I do want (medicine), especially since I was diagnosed with ADHD (4) and don't think I need to spend 5 years earning a PhD. Right now I am just trying to find the best option to get out of this mistake (graduate school) and maximize my chances at getting into medical school. Whether or not that will be an option is to be seen. Learned behavior of avoiding things that require me to commit to doing one thing for long periods of time and careless mistakes (even though I knew the material) on tests might be too much to overcome, even though I am not being treated for the issue that caused it.



1. trust me, I realize full well that I will have to overcome that if I was to make it into medical school, as a careless mistake with a patient could mean death
2. always had short solo study sessions no ore than 20 minutes at a time
3. I had 3 in high school and only one that stuck was the one that allowed me to do several different things over short periods of time... no surprise the job where I was a cashier, I was miserable.
4. not just behavioral observation but IQ test showed my working memory was unbelievably low (70 range), and shortly after the adderall, it was above average (120 range) like all of my other scores).

My advice. Ignore the discouraging advice others ar giving you. I think you have what it takes to succeed in medicine. Just for it. Life is short and you want to live your life to the fullest with no regrets. Sure, you might fail, but at least you will have tried.

I am in the same situation as you. Briefly, i majored in bio and pscyh as an undergrad. Did poorly on the MCAts and went to grad school instead but my true passion is in medicine and although i am currently a phd student i still aspire to attend med school one day...

Have you considered SMP programs such as BU, TUfts, Georgetown? or ACMS programs such as Temple? These prorams are for people with lower GPAs and MCAT scores

Good luck!

That's what I am hoping for. I am finally being treated for the problem that caused me to avoid things that forced me to do one thing for extended periods of time and I hope I can over come the mistake of coming to graduate school and just do what I want. Either I stay here and go ahead and get a degree doing the thing I hate because in all honesty just getting this PhD would be the safest option or I shift into full reverse and try and get to where I want to be. I looked at SMP programs but quitting this program entirely without at least getting a masters seems like a very bad idea. However the pre-med adviser here did tell me it isn't that big of an issue, so long as I just illustrate that I decided that research was not what I wanted to do and medicine was, I would still have to be here until August of 2011 (my lease). The masters program I am switching into ends December 2011... So one semester after I would be able to leave this place.

If I don't make it in, I am not sure what I will do. Going to focus on volunteering (both clinical and non clinical), teaching, studying for the MCAT and taking 4 hours of undergraduate upper division biology courses here a semester, and just push through the graduate school requirements.

Going to be hard, as I am taking my already hectic workload and adding more to it, but I truly think this is the best option.

Plus I am seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist now, which is really helping me with techniques and mechanisms to not only get over the learned behaviors that have been pulling me into the dirt but also build positive behaviors.

 

[Chrisebril1]

It's just irritating.

Had i been diagnosed with ADHD, maybe I wouldn't have had problems with the MCAT grades and ecs...

I have been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and they are both starting to break me down and the negative cognition I have.

When I first wrote this post I would have blamed everybody around me for the ADHD. Now I am starting to realize... and accept that there is nothing I can do about the past and I have to move on. Worrying about what could have been (IE if I was diagnosed with ADHD maybe I would have graduated with a 4.0 and 35 MCAT and had the behavioral patterns that didn't keep me from avoiding things that required several hours of dedication (volunteering) is not going to help me.

Then again, maybe if I was diagnosed, maybe I would have gotten really lazy and wouldn't have built the work habits and personality that people around me like.

This school has been great. Unfortunately, this program on the other hand, because it's new I assume, has been absolute trash. They treat us students like crap. We have been used as guinea pigs, ignored and mislead since right after orientation.

I am just trying to make it though this terrible situation, but I am getting so many different suggestions.

The premed adviser here (also on the adcom) told me to just drop out, and take undergrad courses as a non degree granting graduate student. That I shouldn't drop out of school completely because adcoms don't like to see students out of school for what would be > 1.5 years.

My father, buddies in the military and the PI (a MD practitioner and lab director) are trying to tell me just spend 6 years and get a PhD. They all have given me different reasons from, father - "there is nothing else out there for you just stick it out and you will be set for life", buddies - "4-5 more years of doing something you don't enjoy for a PhD really isn't that big of a deal, and chances are you will end up working the rest of your life doing something you don't enjoy" then they try to use military as an example of doing something they didn't enjoy for a long time for the end goal. My PI (who I told I was going to try and go to medical school) is trying to tell me, just get a PhD because it's 3 years more than the masters (not that big of a deal) and it opens so many doors.. Another, just stick it out, it opens so many doors even if you don't want/use it directly.

People on here are telling me I am too stupid, and lazy and what ever else to ever make it in medicine that I need to give up.

The whole "cracking" thing is bull**** because I am doing quite well here. Not top of my class but clear top 5 out of ~ 40 PhD & MS students and top 3 PhD students. I was having panic attacks, but those came with doubts about finishing the PhD program and quitting it 2 months after starting it.

 

[IlDestriero]

The whole "cracking" thing is bull**** because ...

You yourself said you were starting to ""crack" in your epic whine. See number 9. Your words. Go back and read what you wrote. All of it paints a not so healthy and balanced picture.
Most successful applicants don't complain about working hard. Ever. Why, because 36 hour stretches in the ICU during residency are on the horizon. That's hard work, that's stressful. Good luck reading for rounds when you've been up all night keeping 10-20 critically ill patients going for another day and admitted 2-3 more overnight.
Here's another concerning comment. "I was having panic attacks,..." You CAN'T handle the stress. Period. You've said it yourself, more than once. You gained 50 pounds. NOT a normal or healthy response to stress.
Just drop out, go to a post bacc program where you can do some research and get your grades up. Try to get a research job in an MD's lab. A masters degree or PhD in something you have little interest in, and no interest in pursuing as a physician is a huge waste of time. Is that your back up plan if you don't get into medical school? No. Get out.
During your year or 2 off, stay in therapy and get healthy. Than you can reconsider your future.
BTW, you can probably get out of your lease. Place an ad in the paper for the apartment, line up a replacement, and pay whatever fee is in your lease. It should be laid out clearly. I did it once. It was $1000 + lost rent. But there was no lost rent as I had lined up a replacement.

 

[Goro]

Please.... anybody else?

After looking over most of your posts, as an AdCom member, I'd say that while your stats look OK, but your history is troubling. How do I know that you wouldn't crack under the pressure of medical school. The proverbial "drinking from the fire hose" isn't a cliche, it's real. what you need to show now is some committment.

However, you do have some issues that need to get fixed. Have you seen a therapist? Take time to heal, then re-think everything. Med school is an oven.

 

[AutumnChild]

There is some good advice from those who took the time to read your posts, from what I managed to skim through. Unfortunately, as much as I like to try and give advice to people, it's hard when you have a whole "my life story in 5,000 words" up. If you want some more advice from others and not just the 3 brave souls who sat and read everything, try harder to be thorough, yet concise at the same time. Condensing will be your friend - not just for forum posting but for interviews, essays and many other things in life.

Good luck

 

[Chrisebril1]

After looking over most of your posts, as an AdCom member, I'd say that while your stats look OK, but your history is troubling. How do I know that you wouldn't crack under the pressure of medical school. The proverbial "drinking from the fire hose" isn't a cliche, it's real. what you need to show now is some committment.

However, you do have some issues that need to get fixed. Have you seen a therapist? Take time to heal, then re-think everything. Med school is an oven.

Specific aspects of my history that are troubling?

I know I had issues with laziness and lack of ECs. Truly believe that was a mechanism to deal with the ADHD. Just avoided doing things that required a lot of attention...

I have been working diligently to remedy that. Was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall recently. It is working wonders.

I wanted to volunteer a lot in undergrad, very ambitious, just didn't go out and do it. Not enough motivation and focus to do what needed to be done to actually do it. I now have the focus to do what needs to be done to start volunteering and I really enjoy it.
Co-director of a youth outreach organization (homeless youth) in a chapter that I co-founded.
Volunteer in hospice now.

I am just trying to make the best out of this mistake of coming to graduate school.

Having a hard time with finding a doctor to let me shadow. Been forced to cold call in the area. Might ask my pops doctor in my home town to let me shadow her over my Xmas break.

I never had problems with anxiety or panic until I got here. Never was nervous on a test. The anxiety and panic attacks came when I started a ~5 year long PhD program and a month in decided it wasn't for me and that with the help of adderall I might be able to make it into medical school.

I am actually seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist (for the ADHD and the brief anxiety).

The weight gain wasn't a result of stress. That was a result of me being lazy and unhealthy. Eating fast food and cookies for all meals and never going to the gym.

230lbs, I realized it was a problem and set to lose the weight. 9 months later, I was down to 170 lbs. Right now I am 160 lbs.

I have never been refereed to as a dumb kid, just the ADHD (and the behaviors that I adapted to deal with it after 20 year without medication) were debilitating my progress at making it into medical school. Careless mistakes on tests, that I should have otherwise aced. Teachers and I would discuss every test, and every time it was the same thing, "you clearly knew the material, just focus on reading the questions and all the answers", or some variation.

I am just trying to find a way to prove myself now.

 

[wendiehime]

well, I don't know much compared to the experts in this forum, but if I were you.. I would definitely take the TA. I think the TA-ship not only help you with your ECs but also would help you to dominate the subject(especially the subject being biochem and anatomy).

I mean, you're a PhD student... you would definitely have a good grasp of it but I think it's better in many aspects as long as it doesn't take too much of your time.

Also... If I were you, I would take those classes that you mentioned to boost up the GPA(as it seems like easy As for you), and I think getting to know the professor well would definitely be a plus for you to get LORs and other helps if you need.

I actually have read your past posts too and I do wish you good luck on all the choices that you are facing now. 🙂 Also, good luck on the MCAT too! I'm retaking it too. lol

 

[milkycow]

After reading this thread and skimming your last thread, I think you seriously need a can of man. Man up to your problems. If I were seriously next to you, I would probably choke you before you started talking.

 

[happyparty]

Too long, didn't read. Ridiculous thread.

 

[iniquus]

I skimmed this thread but couldn't finish because of your epic entries. All I can tell you is that you are asking for psychological/life advice from people who are not qualified to give you it.

Those that are qualified speak, speak only from their experience and their opinion. The same reason-- some medical schools can reject you and some medical schools can accept you in the same cycle. In this WAMC section, people are frequently filled with false hopes and demoralized.

I had terrible habits too my freshman year, but I turned it around after playing basketball. I believe if I really did go see a psychiatrist, I would have been prescribed something and diagnosed for ADHD-- just like my cousin who had the same exact symptoms as me. And believe me, adderall did wonders for her and I now more than ever believe that ADHD is a legitimate disorder, rather than some societal or lifestyle-induced behavior. Her transformation was astonishing. But I have also heard stories of people becoming a lot worse on the stuff. So if you do feel the medicine is not returning you to normalcy, you should probably talk to your psychiatrist. Hell, talk to him/her if medical school is something you should consider at this point in your life.

In my opinion, you do fit the profile of a quitter and someone who cannot handle medical school. What makes you think that this won't turn out as another one of your panic episodes? Really, ask yourself that. If you really, really want to be a physician. I don't think anyone can stop you. I believe that the process is not perfect, but sooner or later, if you are talented and worthy enough you will become one regardless of what anyone thinks.

I don't think I'd want you as my doctor though.

 

[Chrisebril1]

I skimmed this thread but couldn't finish because of your epic entries. All I can tell you is that you are asking for psychological/life advice from people who are not qualified to give you it.

Those that are qualified speak, speak only from their experience and their opinion. The same reason-- some medical schools can reject you and some medical schools can accept you in the same cycle. In this WAMC section, people are frequently filled with false hopes and demoralized.

I had terrible habits too my freshman year, but I turned it around after playing basketball. I believe if I really did go see a psychiatrist, I would have been prescribed something and diagnosed for ADHD-- just like my cousin who had the same exact symptoms as me. And believe me, adderall did wonders for her and I now more than ever believe that ADHD is a legitimate disorder, rather than some societal or lifestyle-induced behavior. Her transformation was astonishing. But I have also heard stories of people becoming a lot worse on the stuff. So if you do feel the medicine is not returning you to normalcy, you should probably talk to your psychiatrist. Hell, talk to him/her if medical school is something you should consider at this point in your life.

In my opinion, you do fit the profile of a quitter and someone who cannot handle medical school. What makes you think that this won't turn out as another one of your panic episodes? Really, ask yourself that. If you really, really want to be a physician. I don't think anyone can stop you. I believe that the process is not perfect, but sooner or later, if you are talented and worthy enough you will become one regardless of what anyone thinks.

I don't think I'd want you as my doctor though.

Yes, quitting something I don't want to do to try and do something I do want to do does make me a quitter.

Then again, I started the PhD program with the plan of using a PhD to help me get into medical school and become a doctor (which has been my plan since I started college, since I applied to undergrad school and listed my major as Biology), because I had problems with standardized tests that I needed time to overcome. PhD offered that time and a pay check.

Is quitting this PhD program (which in addition to not really helping me all that much in doing what I want to do, is a terrible program in and of itself, and lured me here with the schools prestige and ranking), really warrant being called a quitter or might I be trying to expedite the process of trying to get to where I want(ed) to be, even when I applied to and started graduate school, by fixing the problems that held me back before.

Did I really quit what I started? Yes, I started a PhD program, but I didn't want the PhD in and of itself to begin with.

On paper I probably am quitter. But did I really ever quit trying to go to medical school? Not really... just came up with a bad plan and put myself in a bad situation that, which, when I thought about remedying, caused me so much stress that for the first time in my life, I had panic attacks.

Panic attack not something you would expect from somebody who is considering quitting a PhD program at a top school, to take another shot at medical school now (as opposed to waiting 4-5 years) just a year after scoring in the low 20's on the MCAT. Knowing full well, if I made the decision to quit PhD and go masters, I take the strong chance of losing the stipend and having to pay the tuition.

Yeah, I buy it... I am not worthy... I mean, how could I be, I quit the PhD program, I started for no reason but the fact that I needed a paycheck, time to fix the problems I have to give myself another shot at getting into medical school and a enjoyed research as an undergraduate.

Don't get me wrong through, I buy it now, I am a terrible person who doesn't deserve to even have a shot at doing what he wants, but it is a little hard to digest seeing as how I watched as students in my undergrad courses got away with cheating on exams, and scored ADHD medication from friends or foreign pharmacies make it into medical school when I was starting my fifth year to try and resolve the problem of a low GPA.

Why? They better people than me? Maybe. The guy who who didn't do well on tests and didn't spend 200+ hours in some volunteer setting, but would help anybody who asked it of him.

Where would I be if I wasn't limited to 20-30 minutes of studying before I was forced to stop because my mind constantly wandered and nothing stuck after that time point. If I didn't avoid doing many ecs because being stuck doing one thing for more than an hour put me in more pain than I could bare.

I get it. It all makes sense now.... I am such a bad person, I shouldn't even have another shot at doing what I planned on doing since day one but was plagued by something I finally have a handle on. Talk about being a quitter. ~ 6 years later, after he is finally getting control of the only thing that kept him separated from his classmates (who I refuse to accept were honestly "better" in ANY capacity than me. I promise you, regardless of how poorly I performed on tests and how little I actually did in the community) he is still trying to get into medical school. Even after both of his parents, and most of his family members (who make fun of him since he is still in school while his cousins are all working) are telling him to just get a job.

Might not mean anything, but I don't have a short list of volunteer experiences because I didn't want to do them. I constantly tried to set them up, but days or even hours after it, in attention and lack of focus always led what ever I was trying to do fell through. I probably called different churches and established programs 6 times over my sophomore and junior year trying to get in on a mission trip.

You might not buy it, but anything that is lacking and makes you think I am unfit to be a doctor, isn't the case because I just didn't want to do it. I didn't forgo practicing for the MCAT because I didn't care. I didn't score an almost steady B+ GPA and C's in classes like calculus and Spanish because respectively, they exposed my issue with making common mistakes and having to sit down in front of a computer for 3+ hours at a time doing assignments that pushed me in a place that was so debilitating that I just started Christmas treeing the answer choices. I didn't take up volunteering gigs because I just didn't want to.

It's kind of funny, because, I firmly believe had I been on Adderall since I started college or since high school, I wouldn't even be typing this right now, and I would be much closer (if not at) to my goal.


I don't blame you for not reading my posts in their entirety. A lot of it is repeated several times.

Just a behavior I picked up over the years. **** comes into my head while I am thinking and I write about it. That leads to other things, which leads to other things. Some times it takes me back to something I already said.

I wouldn't fault anybody for not reading what I wrote, and I would greatly appreciate it if somebody did, as I feel I explained the situation in great enough detail for anybody to give me a good suggestion.

But to say something like, you will never make it as a doctor because I type a lot and provide a lot of details and evidence for something I am trying to say is bs.

 

[IlDestriero]

Go into internal medicine, most of those guys also suffer from an inability to edit their thoughts and love to endlessly pontificate.

 

[startswithb]

Dude, the thing that is making you seem so unstable isn't you PhD issue, it's that you are continuing to post these ramblings, trying to get us strangers to validate your decisions (indecision), instead of just manning up and making a choice. Do what you have to do. Just do it. You are wasting time trying to get us to plan out your life. You are truly exasperating. I can't imagine what it would be like having to work with you. You are also very bitter about your ADHD. You have to stop looking at the past and what could have been and move on.

Tomorrow: switch to masters. Done.
Volunter, ace classes, retake MCAT, blah blah blah, apply. It's simple.
Do it.

And please do not reply to this post.

 

[AutumnChild]

Dude, the thing that is making you seem so unstable isn't you PhD issue, it's that you are continuing to post these ramblings, trying to get us strangers to validate your decisions (indecision), instead of just manning up and making a choice. Do what you have to do. Just do it. You are wasting time trying to get us to plan out your life. You are truly exasperating. I can't imagine what it would be like having to work with you. You are also very bitter about your ADHD. You have to stop looking at the past and what could have been and move on.

Tomorrow: switch to masters. Done.
Volunter, ace classes, retake MCAT, blah blah blah, apply. It's simple.
Do it.

And please do not reply to this post.

I agree with startswithb.

I don't mind if you respond. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT AN ESSAY. Op, people can't help you if you don't know how to be clear and concise. You need to learn to do this - if you can't then god help you with your PS and supplemental essays, you know most of those things have word and character limits.

 

[Ann1988]

Hi,

I just found this thread. I haven't read over everything, and I'm not sure that I can offer any helpful advice.

But I did want to say that getting a degree with ADHD is difficult, especially without medication. And I think you should be congratulated for that. I'm not sure when you began treatment for it. I tried to find if you mentioned it, but I may not have looked thoroughly enough. I have a friend who's 23. She's been a full-time undergrad for 4 years, with treatment for ADHD since junior high, but has only managed to get enough credits to be a Sophomore. Even if she ever does graduate, she's repeatedly failed so many classes that her GPA is trashed. So I think the fact that you managed to graduate with a double major is impressive.

About the PhD. I am in my fifth year of undergrad, and I have been doing research all five years. And let me tell you, when I left high school my goal was to be a PhD, and without that five years of research experience, I would probably have applied to a PhD program. But now I know that I hate it. Not the research itself. Research is pretty interesting, but coming up with a project, researching the background information, writing grants and getting funding, wasting an entire day doing something that doesn't work just to get up and do it the next day. The only reason I have stuck with it for five years was to put it on my med school application. We don't have a PhD program at my school, but we do have a master's program. Our master's program does require research, and they are expected to defend their thesis. In my five years, I have only seen one master's student (out of about 15), go on to a PhD program. After getting into the lab, almost everyone hates it. I've seen some students just drop out, others decide they'd rather go to medical, pharmacy, or dental school. So I don't find the fact that you got in a PhD program and realized you hated it to be surprising. And realizing you want to get out of it isn't bad. A PhD is a big investment and not hating your life is really important. (Also, the career path of a PhD is really difficult. Even if you find work at a University, most don't earn that much. I found out my Chemistry professor earns less than my father who's a mechanic without a high school diploma. And my research mentor specifically told me not to go into a PhD program.) I learned from being a CNA that I really enjoyed the patient interaction that being stuck in a lab all day can't give you. And when I went to my med school interviews, they asked me why I wanted to be a doctor when I had so much research experience, and saying I found out I really hated working in a lab was a good answer. (Or must have been, I have been accepted to 2 medical schools). However, I do not think that wanting to quit a PhD program shows that you can't stand the pressure, but merely some people don't realize how awful working full-time in a lab can be if you don't want to be there. Plus all the extra stuff that gets dumped on you.

Damage control is very important. Consider how things will look to a medical school committee. I would suggest contacting a medical school your interested in and discussing this with them. If I were in your situation, I would at least finish the semester classes. I, personally, would probably finish the master's. But finances are an important consideration. Have you considered doing a DO instead of an MD? You can get into a DO school with lower scores, and, in my experience, DO's and MD's are treated much the same and many non-medical people don't even know what the difference is. Especially if you study hard for the MCAT and get a good score, but I think they accept lower MCAT scores. Or there's the option of a physician's assistant. Several friends of mine who wanted to go to med school but found their GPA's a little too low went for PA instead. I think they require a GRE score instead of MCAT.

But as a side note, if and when you do apply to med school, I would definitely including the struggle of living with ADHD in my personal essay. In my essay, I wrote about growing up with a mother suffering from psychological problems who required a lot of care and attention, and all of my interviewers were very interested and impressed with my ability to overcome the situation. I, of course, also included why I wanted to be a doctor and such as well. But I figured lots of people wanted to be a doctor for very similar reasons. You know the applications isn't all about the grades.

By the way, I do not agree with people who believe lengthy posts show that you shouldn't go to med school. Good luck with your decision. Really though, contact someone who actually knows what they're talking about. Either a pre-med advisor at your school or an advisor at a school you want to go to. Don't just follow the advice of random strangers off the internet, and don't do anything rash until you've thought it all the way out.

Take care.