Please read the essay and critique..

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

BeatMCAT

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Mar 3, 2011
Messages
58
Reaction score
0
so, i just wrote two essays. Lets begin by saying, I despise writing essays on topics i am not interested in, and that I am not the best writer. My main goal is get the O or whatever the average score is on Writing. So, please let me know if the following two essays make sense. I think the second one is whatever. I cant really tell lol. Thanks a lot !!! I really appreciate it.


Primary goal of every business should be to maximize profits.

One of the reasons why business news has been so popular lately is due to the current economic crisis that the nation is going through. Some businesses have declared bankruptcy while others have been assisted by government funds. However, there are companies that are still thriving in the present market conditions. The main objective for these companies is to minimize production costs and increase market prices: the best way to make profits. Profit, by definition, is making as much money as possible through free commerce. One such company is Apple. Apple Inc. recently announced that it had the best quarter profits this year. The main goal of Apple, since its operation began, has been to endorse products that seem exclusive to the audience and it charges pretty heftily for such products. For example, Macbook Pro costs around 1000 dollars; one can definitely have the same configuration for the hardware and can obtain a laptop for fraction of its costs. However, the main difference is that, these laptops will not have the signature Apple logo. The company has created an opus craze among its audience for the products by making sophisticated yet stylish advertisements. The main goal of Apple to create such a "God-like" image among electronic industry has assisted in making copious amounts of profits. Even though Apple has been able to maximize profits by selling its products for almost 3 to 4 times the production costs has helped it in maintaining consistent stock rates. People trust in Apple because they know that Apple makes profits, and therefore, they are willing to invest in Apple. Therefore, it is necessary for Apple to maintain its profits, as the company is public and therefore, it needs people to invest in it so it can grow. However, not every business runs on earning profits.

Businesses that operate for non-profit organizations have their primary goal set to help people. For instance, Food Banks operate on peoples' donations; they do not operate to make as much profit as possible. Their main goal is to provide food for people who cannot afford it. If the Food bank decides to employ a new rule and start charging people even for a fraction of a cost for food, lots of people would starve to death. Additionally, lots of times, at Food Shelters, the canned foods have expired, however the canned food is still good for some time after the expiration date. If they began charging people to buy expired food, even if the selling price is fractional to the original, people would not be able to afford it. Furthermore, it would be difficult for the food bank to sell its food back to the consumers who donated it because usually, people donate food from their pantries, that they do not eat anymore or do not like. Therefore, if food bank begins to operate on making profits, they business would lead to losses, and countless people would suffer due to starvation.

So, what exactly determines when a business should try to earn profits and when they should not? The main criteria that should help determine that is if the company is public, such as case with Apple and others in stock exchange, their primary goal should be to attain as much profit as possible. The main reason for this because people have invested their hard-earned money in these companies in hope for a better return; so the main goal of these companies is to maximize their profits. However, if the business stands for non-profits, such as case with food banks, their main goal is to assist other fellow society members by providing basic necessities. If they decide to earn profits instead, not only would the food bank lead to losses but countless others would be detrimentally affected. Therefore, it is crucial that businesses have a clear goal in mind before they begin operations so they know whether their goal is to make money or to help people.



A politician's lifestyle should reflect his or her political views.

Lifestyle can be defined in several ways. It can include dress style, opinions off stage, family, etc. However, for the purpose of this essay, lifestyle is defined as the actions one takes in his or her day-to-day lives. Politicians have to face with this situation every day. Due to the advances in media, every politician's moves are closely watched by countless of people around the world. So, lots of times, politicians use the media to display their actions to reflect their views on certain critical issues. For instance, when President Barack Obama was elected as the President of United States, one of the first actions he took was to pass the Matthew Shepnard Act in 2009. Under this act, crimes against homosexuality and crimes against race were punishable to the highest degree. By proposing and passing such a law, Obama displayed his pro-homosexual views to the general public. If Obama had not reacted so promptly in passing the law, then his pro-homosexual views might have been buried and some people who elected him for this very reason would not be able to trust him. So, President Obama acted quickly to display his actions to the entire general population in America. However, not every action that a politician takes defines his or her views.

In the recently leaked Wikileaks data regarding government talks, there is a direct mention of an Indian politician named Mayawati. In the papers, it is said that Mayawati sent a private jet to Mumbai on her visit to a foreign country obtain her favorite flip-flops. This leaked information tells a lot about the lifestyle that Mayawati lives in; her actions to send a private jet to fetch a pair of sandals shows that she puts forth an incorrect public persona to achieve political success. Even though politically, Mayawati believes in helping the poor of India and helping the lower-caste people under India's prevalent caste system, she personally believes in spending jet fuel from a foreign country to India to just obtain her favorite sandals. Also, it is leaked that she is personally worth around 1000 crores, an extremely high amount in Indian currency. Her political views do not match up with her personal actions.

So, the question is when exactly are politician's actions determined by his or her political views. When a politician needs to make a public statement to take charge of or to display to his or her citizens that he or she is capable of making things happen, then the politican should use his political views. Such was the case with Barack Obama and passage of the Matthew Shepnard Act of 2009. However, when a politician is corrupted and only cares about personal wealth and no about his or her people, then he or she should live the lifestyle and take actions that he or she pleases. This is in accordance with Mayawati, who is a corrupted Indian politician who definitely only uses her political views during election season, and in other times is busy obtaining sandals.
 
About an L~M.
Sentence structure was clear and does fulfill the tasks specified by the test.
But there were too many uses of colloquial expressions (instead of starting a sentence with "So," try using other words like "therefore" or "however"), and the examples were either not well developed or unconvincing.
The first essay was ok, but you were basically repeating the same thing in different ways throughout the whole paragraph without touching on more deeper underlying issues.
The second essay seems like you were not able to find a convincing enough example for the anti-thesis and were not able to come to a reasonable conclusion.
 
The good news is that nobody cares about your ability to essay on the fly. Seriously. I think I got an M when I sat for the MCAT and did fine.
 
Yeah, I agree.. As long as it's not something like J~K I think it wouldn't really matter a whole lot as long as your MCAT and personal essay is good.
 
Top