Poll: Ladies, which last name will you use?

[Geekchick921]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Assuming you get married, of course, which last name will you use as a doctor? If it's not too personal, why are you making that choice?

Since I'm getting married prior to starting medical school, and I'm really not that attached to my last name (strained relationship with dad, let's leave it at that), I'll be using my fiance's last name. If I had my mother's last name, I'd have a harder decision on my hands, and might hyphenate it.

There are fewer ways to mispronounce his last name, anyway. My maiden name isn't difficult to pronounce, but people are always determined to make it more complicated than it is.

 

[nonesuchgirl]

I'm planning to change my name this summer.

If I get married, I'll probably hyphenate.

 

[alwaysaangel]

I'll use my husbands last name - I'm a traditionalist.

 

[ucsdhibiscus]

Just started talking about this with my boyfriend.
Definitely not against taking his, I just like my last name - I've grown up with it and it's a part of me.
He, on the other hand, feels hurt that I am rejecting his last name even though in my head its not rejecting his but wanting to keep mine.
Probably aren't getting married for a while so I might be practicing with my maiden name before the time comes... then have to figure out what to do.

 

[TexanGirl]

I, too, love my last name. It's a rare one.

I'm probably going to hyphenate it, because hyphenated names sound awesome. 😍

 

[sharmei17]

Definitely not against taking his, I just like my last name - I've grown up with it and it's a part of me.

👍
i'm using mine because it sounds like a high ranking officer..

Coronel M.D ( Colonel - rank in army)

😎

 

[skyeblue0610]

Hyphen.....better for everyone. I'm going into this as "me" and hopefully I come out as a "we" but I still don't want to lose me. My maiden name is a part of me and I'm an only child.

 

[alwaysaangel]

I, too, love my last name. It's a rare one.

I'm probably going to hyphenate it, because hyphenated names sound awesome. 😍

Out of curiosity (honestly not trying to be rude or insulting, but its something I've always wondered about hyponated names)...what are your kids supposed to do when they grow up and get married? They have to choose to either forgo their mothers name, their fathers name, or have a triplicate hyphenated name...so honestly, what do you expect your kids to do when they get married?

 

[TexanGirl]

Out of curiosity (honestly not trying to be rude or insulting, but its something I've always wondered about hyponated names)...what are your kids supposed to do when they grow up and get married? They have to choose to either forgo their mothers name, their fathers name, or have a triplicate hyphenated name...so honestly, what do you expect your kids to do when they get married?

I dunno, I'd let them deal with it for themselves. 😀

But hey, at least they have more options, ya know?

 

[skyeblue0610]

Out of curiosity (honestly not trying to be rude or insulting, but its something I've always wondered about hyponated names)...what are your kids supposed to do when they grow up and get married? They have to choose to either forgo their mothers name, their fathers name, or have a triplicate hyphenated name...so honestly, what do you expect your kids to do when they get married?

Take their father's name. Hyphenated names are First Maiden-Married (the kids take the married) Mom has the same ending last name as dad.

I know with most hyphenated names the maiden becomes the middle name. But I like my middle name so mine will be First Middle Maiden-Married😀

 

[Jolie South]

i got married over a year ago and haven't gotten around to changing it yet. I only want to hyphenate, but the more time that passes the less i think it even matters.

My kids will take my husband's last name even if I never change mine though.

 

[taponthecloud]

Just curious... how much does this service (legally changing ones name) cost?

 

[Kiara08]

if you hyphenate, is that more name and initial you have to sign when signing orders as a physician? will this be a big hassle?

 

[Jolie South]

Just curious... how much does this service (legally changing ones name) cost?

I don't think it's too much. Couldn't be in excess of a couple hundred dollars.

my husband legally changed his (it's a long story) and had to go to court and actually talk to a judge. there were fingerprints and fbi background checks involved too.

however, for married women, the procedure is much less involved and i think more or less you just turn in a copy of your marriage license and some forms with how you want it changed.

the time consuming part is getting credit cards, drivers license, social security, etc changed over as well.

 

[Jolie South]

if you hyphenate, is that more name and initial you have to sign when signing orders as a physician? will this be a big hassle?

ha, didn't even think about that, but i guess it would be a hassle.

 

[taponthecloud]

I don't think it's too much. Couldn't be in excess of a couple hundred dollars.

my husband legally changed his (it's a long story) and had to go to court and actually talk to a judge. there were fingerprints and fbi background checks involved too.

however, for married women, the procedure is much less involved and i think more or less you just turn in a copy of your marriage license and some forms with how you want it changed.

the time consuming part is getting credit cards, drivers license, social security, etc changed over as well.

Thanks. I was asking since I've heard there are lawyers out there who will do it pro bono (i know... can you believe lawyers doing anything pro bono? jk... actually not really.)

 

[Jolie South]

Thanks. I was asking since I've heard there are lawyers out there who will do it pro bono (i know... can you believe lawyers doing anything pro bono? jk)

we did it without a lawyer and all you really have to do is file some forms.

doing that costs $200 dollars, for the court time/processing with the county office.

Again, my husband did it, so I'm not sure. I know it's a million times easier (read no lawyer needed) for married women, though. You don't have to go to court or anything. Just file the forms.

 

[Phoenix.]

I'm probably going to hyphenate it, because hyphenated names sound awesome. 😍

Hmmm. I have no idea. I guess it would depend on what the guy's last name is if I ever get married. I grew up with one name, which rhymed with "Ross." I remember being called "Ross" the Boss in third grade by some boys. I kind of liked it. Then in fourth grade, when my mother remarried I had a hyphenated name. The funny thing was, no one ever explained that you didn't have to SAY the hyphen. So, every time I said my name for a year I said the word "dash" in between saying the two names. I didn't realize until several years later that it was unnecessary and probably pretty funny to hear a little girl saying that all the time. You know, like "Hi, I'm Phoenix Ross-Dash-Smith." But by the end of the year, that mouthful somehow was rolling off my tongue. A year later, it took a lot of coercion on my mother's side to get me to part with my birth name, which I liked and really identified with. The new name unfortunately ended with the sound "its" and I recall some boy teasing me as Phoenix "Puny-Tits" in summer camp. I remember laughing to his bewilderment - if only he had met some of the women in my family he wouldn't have said that. Granted, I hadn't hit puberty yet, so I definitely had the last laugh, but I can tell you that I did miss the "Ross" name that summer. 😉

So, the moral of the story is that given my previous name change, I don't feel as much allegiance to my last name now as others probably do. But if it's a more painful trade-in than my current last name, I'll stick with what I've got. I wouldn't want to be Dr. Buttowsky, ya know (no insult to any Buttowsky's on SDN of course). Always admired a cousin of mine that garnered the last name "Starr." Dr. Starr would be classy. I can just see it, "No, honey, of course I'm not just marrying you for your name!" 😉

Sorry for the long silly story. Wine goes right to my head. Never SDN on wine. I'm sure I've appropriately mortified myself in this thread, and my SDN e-crushes will be retracted forthwith. Carry on.

 

[sunnyskies]

If I get married before I graduate medical school, I will take his name. If I graduate after I officially have an MD, I will keep mine. I want nothing more to be a doctor, and I want to keep whatever name I have when I obtain that degree.

 

[SBBunny]

My last name is an four-syllable, twelve-letter, superbly ethnic tongue twister. That chaotic jumble of far too many consonants is a ridiculous challenge to pronounce. Spelling it? Most people don't even try... My suitemate, who I've roomed with for four years now, still doesn't always get it right). It's a perfect representation of who I am- a harsh, strange, impossible mess. There's no way I'd take on my husband's name IF (that's a really big "IF") I get married. I feel like one's last name becomes much more important as a doctor (when you become Dr. ____). Using a husband's last name just feels really wrong to me, like he would suddenly consume my identity after marrying me. Also, my first name sounds absolutely hideous when combined with any last name but my own. The verbal assault of my last name takes away from the stodgy old lady feel of my first name. I'm not trying to impose my views on anyone else, nor do I judge women who want to take on their husband's last names (really! I bet there are lots of great reasons to change one's name and I'm sure it feels really romantic for some people!)... it's just not for me.

...yeah... see why I'm so skeptical about my chances of getting married? I'm way too headstrong and opinionated to be anyone's wife.

 

[Phoenix.]

My last name is an four-syllable, twelve-letter, superbly ethnic tongue twister. That chaotic jumble of far too many consonants is a ridiculous challenge to pronounce. Spelling it? Most people don't even try... My suitemate, who I've roomed with for four years now, still doesn't always get it right). It's a perfect representation of who I am- a harsh, strange, impossible mess. There's no way I'd take on my husband's name IF (that's a really big "IF") I get married. I feel like one's last name becomes much more important as a doctor (when you become Dr. ____). Using a husband's last name just feels really wrong to me, like he would suddenly consume my identity after marrying me. Also, my first name sounds absolutely hideous when combined with any last name but my own. The verbal assault of my last name takes away from the stodgy old lady feel of my first name. I'm not trying to impose my views on anyone else, nor do I judge women who want to take on their husband's last names (really! I bet there are lots of great reasons to change one's name and I'm sure it feels really romantic for some people!)... it's just not for me.

...yeah... see why I'm so skeptical about my chances of getting married? I'm way too headstrong and opinionated to be anyone's wife.

Hey, I think there's someone for everyone. Maybe you'll find a guy that thinks it would be romantic to share your name! 😛

 

[jochi1543]

I don't plan on changing my name. Most women in my family never did, even my greathgrandmother, who got married in like 1938.

 

[Foghorn]

Hey, I think there's someone for everyone. Maybe you'll find a guy that thinks it would be romantic to share your name! 😛

I knew a female grad student who's husband took on her last name after marriage. They eventually got divorced though 🙁

 

[skyeblue0610]

I knew a female grad student who's husband took on her last name after marriage. They eventually got divorced though 🙁

That's always something to think about.

But I don't see what the big deal is with hyphenating the names. My last name is "common" but not really common. I don't think there are many Dr. (Last Name) I like hearing it and it goes really good with my first name

 

[Salsa45]

I've always associated hyphenated names with feminists.

 

[skyeblue0610]

I've always associated hyphenated names with feminists.

I think the term has gotten a pretty bad rap. I think those of us who want to be doctors are a bit feministic at heart, the whole "I can wear a white coat too" ideal. I know I don't want to be told "no you can't be a surgeon, future mommies shouldn't have those hours." Doesn't mean were about to stage a third wave march or anything

 

[Salsa45]

I think the term has gotten a pretty bad rap. I think those of us who want to be doctors are a bit feministic at heart, the whole "I can wear a white coat too" ideal. I know I don't want to be told "no you can't be a surgeon, future mommies shouldn't have those hours." Doesn't mean were about to stage a third wave march or anything

On an ideal plane, the term itself by definition is fine in that there should not be unjust discrimination on the sole basis of sex. On a practical level, most feminists I've met are unpleasant people with a definite chip on their shoulder.

 

[AIF]

I took my husband's last name when we got married. I didn't want to part with either my middle or last name though, so I hyphenated my middle name. A bit odd.

I also wondered about the 'my identity' question, but in the end I'm going to be "me" regardless of my name- there are much more important factors about defining my identity than my last name. Furthermore, your last name indicates your family and now that my husband and I are creating our own family it seems right we have the same last name. Plus, it's nice; it feels nice to share a name and a life with the person you love. Corny, maybe, but true.

My husband pointed out it's even more of a crucial issue if you plan on doing research. Unless someone is aware you were recently married they will only search you by the name they know and might miss several of your publications. I've heard of people keeping their maiden name for publications/professionally but being known personally by their married name. It's a valid and interesting point.

Just my two cents.

 

[SBBunny]

Hey, I think there's someone for everyone. Maybe you'll find a guy that thinks it would be romantic to share your name! 😛

Aw, thanks Phoenix! 🙂

I also wondered about the 'my identity' question, but in the end I'm going to be "me" regardless of my name- there are much more important factors about defining my identity than my last name. Furthermore, your last name indicates your family and now that my husband and I are creating our own family it seems right we have the same last name. Plus, it's nice; it feels nice to share a name and a life with the person you love. Corny, maybe, but true.

My husband pointed out it's even more of a crucial issue if you plan on doing research. Unless someone is aware you were recently married they will only search you by the name they know and might miss several of your publications. I've heard of people keeping their maiden name for publications/professionally but being known personally by their married name. It's a valid and interesting point.

Just my two cents.

AIF, you make some some very good points

On an ideal plane, the term itself by definition is fine in that there should not be unjust discrimination on the sole basis of sex. On a practical level, most feminists I've met are unpleasant people with a definite chip on their shoulder.

The stereotype of the "angry, man-hating feminist" is a little too persistent in our culture. Yeah, there are women who identify as feminists who fit that category, but please don't judge everyone who identifies as a feminist based on a particularly outspoken minority opinion. The spirit of feminism (in my opinion) is that women and men are entitled to the same rights and should have the same opportunities in life. I think that there should be no reason for inequality based on sex- a lot of people (many feminists) would disagree, saying that there are differences between men and women that can't be overcome (i.e. saying maternity leave is much more important than paternity leave). Feminism was historically associated with combating not only sex discrimination, but discrimination based on race, religion, gender (different from sex, but that's a whoooole different conversation), culture, socioeconomic status, etc... Thank feminists for your ability to go to medical school, your ability to choose to have a family and a career (almost all feminists think that women should be able to have both), pursue an education, vote, read, speak loudly in a crowded room, and everything else. I think that feminism is a very, very good thing. Then again, I'm not exactly far away from being a bitter, angry woman with a chip on her shoulder 😛.

 

[Geekchick921]

Out of curiosity (honestly not trying to be rude or insulting, but its something I've always wondered about hyponated names)...what are your kids supposed to do when they grow up and get married? They have to choose to either forgo their mothers name, their fathers name, or have a triplicate hyphenated name...so honestly, what do you expect your kids to do when they get married?

I've always wondered that, too! I suppose it's something the couple decides on, if the kid's last names will be hyphenated or just the father's name.

 

[armybound]

My fiancee and I were debating this for a while. She really likes her last name and always grew up wanting to be called "Dr X". Now that we're getting married, she'd obviously be called "Dr Y" if she changed her last name, and she wasn't too thrilled about that.

As a guy, I can tell you it's a little weird or even hurtful to think your wife doesn't want to take your last name. It's traditional, and it makes you wonder why she doesn't want your name. I also thought about what the kids would think if their mom didn't want my last name.

Ultimately she decided that she'd change her name to First Maiden Married and use her maiden name on publications and professional uses. She knows of other women who publish and professionally use their maiden name. So she'll still get to be Dr X in the professional world but Dr Y everywhere else. Maybe that's more confusing, but I think she's willing to live with it.

 

[Phoenix.]

armybound: I can understand why you feel the way you do, but try not to think of it that way - hurtful. She loves you right? A rose by any other name....

 

[0Complications]

I'm a man, so I just wanted to read this for kicks. 🙂

But I am curious, do the children take the fathers/mothers name or the hyphenated name?

 

[FootballFan14]

1) It makes professional sense. What if you get married after you establish yourself as Dr. Whatever and then change it? Won't patients get confused? What if you've already published under your madien name?

2) Even if you weren't a doctor, why change your last name? Should we ever do anything just because that's what's always been done? Names are so intertwined with identity, why must you change your identity when you get married?

 

[u2doc]

Definitely keeping my maiden name. It is easy to spell and pronounce. It's a good doctor name!

 

[dazlindz]

i'm a traditional gal who would love to take my husband's name, but unfortunately, i think practically speaking i should keep my maiden name (at least professionally). thing is, i'm asian, and most likely my husband will not be. so it'll be really weird for people to make an appointment w/ dr. white last name, and then be surprised when they have an asian doctor.

i know, i know, it shouldn't matter that much/it would be racist of anyone to choose their doctor by last name. but being asian and having a non-asian last name would just feel weird to me.

 

[armybound]

1) It makes professional sense. What if you get married after you establish yourself as Dr. Whatever and then change it? Won't patients get confused? What if you've already published under your madien name?

2) Even if you weren't a doctor, why change your last name? Should we ever do anything just because that's what's always been done? Names are so intertwined with identity, why must you change your identity when you get married?

why would patients get confused? most of them will meet you for the first time and won't know you changed your name. if you see one often enough that they'll notice a name change, it won't be that hard to explain to them that you got married.

yeah and while we're doing away with old traditions, how about ditching the stupid idea that a guy should buy a woman an engagement ring? that's pretty dumb. who cares about rings. they don't define who you are. I mean if I saw a girl with a wedding ring on I'd be like pfft, your name is what's important, not your decision to devote your life to another person.

 

[katieo]

My mom hyphenated her last name and says she wishes she hasn't because it's a hassle. Having an apostrophe in my last name causes enough problems, I don't want to make things even more difficult for myself.

Undecided on whether I'll change my name. I'm not sure how attached I am to my last name or how much it's really part of my identity, but maybe my opinion on that will change later on. It also depends a little on what the last name is... my roomate Becky jokes if she married her boyfriend, she'd never take his last name because she doesn't want to be Becky Best.

 

[Abilene85]

As a guy, I can tell you it's a little weird or even hurtful to think your wife doesn't want to take your last name. It's traditional, and it makes you wonder why she doesn't want your name. I also thought about what the kids would think if their mom didn't want my last name.

Just curious how you would feel if tradition went the other way. If you were expected to drop your last name and take your wife's name when you married, would you be willing and excited to do that? Other men, feel free to chime in.

Maybe it wasn't such a big deal in the older days when people married right out of high school and most women just stayed at home to take care of the kids and the cooking and cleaning. Women today are doing more. We are going to college, publishing research papers, becoming doctors and lawyers. We are just as busy as our significant others in the professional world. We are getting married and having kids later in life. Some even choose not to get married. Women have so much more independence now. I think the name change becomes an issue because so many of us are proud of our accomplishments. We want to think of ourselves as women who can stand strong on our own, and taking the husband's name feels a bit like we are giving up that person we worked so hard to become.

Despite that long last paragraph, I wouldn't say this is particularly a feminist issue. I have started to think about changing my maiden name before I get to the clinical years because people will laugh at my current name. I am just as sad to think about losing my name to a voluntary change as I am to think about losing it through marriage.

 

[taponthecloud]

No matter how ridiculous or horrible your name may sound, as long as it starts with Dr. and ends with MD or MD,PhD...no one will make fun of you.

 

[skyeblue0610]

My husband pointed out it's even more of a crucial issue if you plan on doing research. Unless someone is aware you were recently married they will only search you by the name they know and might miss several of your publications. I've heard of people keeping their maiden name for publications/professionally but being known personally by their married name. It's a valid and interesting point.

Just my two cents.

I thought about that too. If you get married after medical school professionally you will be Dr. Maiden name but outside of the medical world....at PTA meetings, etc you'll be Mrs. Married

My fiancee and I were debating this for a while. She really likes her last name and always grew up wanting to be called "Dr X". Now that we're getting married, she'd obviously be called "Dr Y" if she changed her last name, and she wasn't too thrilled about that.

As a guy, I can tell you it's a little weird or even hurtful to think your wife doesn't want to take your last name. It's traditional, and it makes you wonder why she doesn't want your name. I also thought about what the kids would think if their mom didn't want my last name.

Ultimately she decided that she'd change her name to First Maiden Married and use her maiden name on publications and professional uses. She knows of other women who publish and professionally use their maiden name. So she'll still get to be Dr X in the professional world but Dr Y everywhere else. Maybe that's more confusing, but I think she's willing to live with it.

I think it's kinda funny how not taking the husbands name would be offensive. A name is just a name, just lage is just a number....right......if she married you then she obviously loves you and would walk through fire for you. The name is irrelevant. It doesn't mean that she wants to hurt you or your father's family in any way by not taking that name. (Unless she came out and said that, which I don't think anyone would)

But I do want to have the same last name as my husband and kids for like I said before hyphen is the way to go. Dr. First Middle Maiden-Married, Mr. Married, Child Married, Child Married, etc (everyone has the same ending last name)🙂

 

[Abilene85]

No matter how ridiculous or horrible your name may sound, as long as it starts with Dr. and ends with MD or MD,PhD...no one will make fun of you.

Um...you are aware of body part last names that are just made funnier when placed between Dr. and MD...yes? 😀

 

[armybound]

Just curious how you would feel if tradition went the other way. If you were expected to drop your last name and take your wife's name when you married, would you be willing and excited to do that? Other men, feel free to chime in.

Maybe it wasn't such a big deal in the older days when people married right out of high school and most women just stayed at home to take care of the kids and the cooking and cleaning. Women today are doing more. We are going to college, publishing research papers, becoming doctors and lawyers. We are just as busy as our significant others in the professional world. We are getting married and having kids later in life. Some even choose not to get married. Women have so much more independence now. I think the name change becomes an issue because so many of us are proud of our accomplishments. We want to think of ourselves as women who can stand strong on our own, and taking the husband's name feels a bit like we are giving up that person we worked so hard to become.

Despite that long last paragraph, I wouldn't say this is particularly a feminist issue. I have started to think about changing my maiden name before I get to the clinical years because people will laugh at my current name. I am just as sad to think about losing my name to a voluntary change as I am to think about losing it through marriage.

I'm already excitedly engaging in traditions I think are stupid or pointless for the sake of the marriage. Do you think I wanted to spend money on an engagement ring, if I had the choice? Does the wedding ceremony, complete with cake and flowers really matter to the guy?

I think it's kinda funny how not taking the husbands name would be offensive. A name is just a name, just lage is just a number....right......if she married you then she obviously loves you and would walk through fire for you. The name is irrelevant. It doesn't mean that she wants to hurt you or your father's family in any way by not taking that name. (Unless she came out and said that, which I don't think anyone would)

But I do want to have the same last name as my husband and kids for like I said before hyphen is the way to go. Dr. First Middle Maiden-Married, Mr. Married, Child Married, Child Married, etc (everyone has the same ending last name)

If it's just a name, what's wrong with taking his?

 

[ucsdhibiscus]

I don't think I would want to hyphenate. Too much confusion and it would end up just being your husbands last name because you aren't realistically going to go by two last names, sign two last names...

I just feel weird giving up my last name because I'm getting married. I've grown up with it and dreamed of being Dr. (my last name not another random one). I guess I'm a bit of a modern feminist (not the one with the chip on the shoulder), but help pay for things, independent, working... The name giving up is one tradition I don't feel represents the love (although I want to continue the tradition of an engagement rule).
I don't think keeping my last name is anything against us starting a life together.
I think modern women with feminist ideals have an interesting mix of what traditions they want to keep and which ones they want to get rid of.

Maybe we should just make up one lol

 

[taponthecloud]

Um...you are aware of body part last names that are just made funnier when placed between Dr. and MD...yes? 😀

Well, if there was a Dr. Seymour Johnson-Pound, MD, then maybe...

 

[Abilene85]

I'm already excitedly engaging in traditions I think are stupid or pointless for the sake of the marriage. Do you think I wanted to spend money on an engagement ring, if I had the choice? Does the wedding ceremony, complete with cake and flowers really matter to the guy?

Based on guys I know, most don't care about the wedding or engagement ring. Definitely a girl thing - most dream about it from a very young age. But those things you mention are traditions that last for the months of planning and the day of the wedding. As long as she doesn't make you buy a ring you can't afford (doesn't the girl's family pay for the wedding?), it's not a lifelong change.

You still didn't answer my question though. Flip traditions - would you be excited to give up your name to take that of your wife?

(I don't want to come off as picking on you. I'm just sincerely interested because I've never had this talk with my male friends.)

 

[Abilene85]

Well, if there was a Dr. Seymour Johnson-Pound, MD, then maybe...

In my town, there is a practicing urologist, Dr. Richard (Dick) Tapper, MD.

 

[armybound]

Based on guys I know, most don't care about the wedding or engagement ring. Definitely a girl thing - most dream about it from a very young age. But those things you mention are traditions that last for the months of planning and the day of the wedding. As long as she doesn't make you buy a ring you can't afford (doesn't the girl's family pay for the wedding?), it's not a lifelong change.

You still didn't answer my question though. Flip traditions - would you be excited to give up your name to take that of your wife?

(I don't want to come off as picking on you. I'm just sincerely interested because I've never had this talk with my male friends.)

I've already said I would, though I guess I disguised in by going into a rant.

The point I was trying to make is what if a guy told you he loved you and wants to marry you, but he doesn't want to get you an engagement ring because he thinks the tradition is stupid. That decision only lasts a short while before the wedding, sure, but do you think it won't be on your mind the rest of your life?

I'm just trying to give you one guy's perspective. I'm getting married next month so this is a topic of debate with my fiancee and me. Ultimately it comes down to what you and your fiance are comfortable with.

 

[Geekchick921]

In my town, there is a practicing urologist, Dr. Richard (Dick) Tapper, MD.

BUAHAHAHAHAHA! 😆

 

[Abilene85]

I've already said I would, though I guess I disguised in by going into a rant.

The point I was trying to make is what if a guy told you he loved you and wants to marry you, but he doesn't want to get you an engagement ring because he thinks the tradition is stupid. That decision only lasts a short while before the wedding, sure, but do you think it won't be on your mind the rest of your life?

I'm just trying to give you one guy's perspective. I'm getting married next month so this is a topic of debate with my fiancee and me. Ultimately it comes down to what you and your fiance are comfortable with.

Thanks for the reply. As far as the ring goes, I guess I wouldn't mind that much if he respected my decision to keep my name. Women can't pick and choose the traditions we want to keep or throw out without a willingness to compromise. I would personally rather wear a simple wedding ring everyday than a honkin' piece of engagement jewelry. I definitely support wedding rings for both partners, though. You know, since the man doesn't take the woman's name, we gotta brand him somehow.