Post your corny, stupid, tired, or lame joke about pathologists here

[yaah]

Maybe we should start making a list of all the things people say about pathologists. That way we can refer people to it when they think they are being clever by saying things like,

"You see dead people!"
"You must be able to sympathize with that 'I see dead people' kid."
"I bet your patients don't talk back to you!"
"I wouldn't want to be your patient!"
"Obviously you don't like talking to people!"
"Pathologists are all old and boring!" (I don't know why someone thought this was funny. Even if it was true it's just stupid.)
"What, you don't like working with the living?"

Ha ha ha. So very funny.
Can't think of anymore right now. I tend to ignore a lot of them...

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[tkim]

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Maybe we should start making a list of all the things people say about pathologists. That way we can refer people to it when they think they are being clever by saying things like,

"You see dead people!"
"You must be able to sympathize with that 'I see dead people' kid."
"I bet your patients don't talk back to you!"
"I wouldn't want to be your patient!"
"Obviously you don't like talking to people!"
"Pathologists are all old and boring!" (I don't know why someone thought this was funny. Even if it was true it's just stupid.)
"What, you don't like working with the living?"

Ha ha ha. So very funny.
Can't think of anymore right now. I tend to ignore a lot of them...

I've also heard the response, "Oh so you're lazy and don't wanna work."

If taking Q4 call is work, then my answer is no

 

[flighterdoc]

IM knows more and more about less and less, until they know everything about nothing

Surgeons know less and less about more and more, until they know nothing about everything.

Pathologists know everything about everything but it's too late for the patient.

 

[Fermata]

During a murder trail a pathologist was cross examined by the defense attorney.

Attorney: Did you take the pulse before you gave the death certificate?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: This means that you were not sure that the patient was dead when you signed the death certificate?
Pathologist: Let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

 

[Fermata]

Haha. Here's one I found(although not path-related):

"Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality...
"You're a veterinarian."

 

[b&ierstiefel]

During a murder trail a pathologist was cross examined by the defense attorney.

Attorney: Did you take the pulse before you gave the death certificate?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Pathologist: No.
Attorney: This means that you were not sure that the patient was dead when you signed the death certificate?
Pathologist: Let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Brilliant! I'll drink a Guinness to that one!

 

[Fermata]

Brilliant! I'll drink a Guinness to that one!

"I just got served."
- AndyMilonakis during clinical clerkships


Hehe.

 

[quant]

A sign outside a Pathologist's office.....

"OUR DAY BEGINS WHEN YOURS ENDS..."





Quant

 

[augmel]

I like another version of tkim's joke above..

Internist-" notice the interesting plummage on the blah blah blah..." and the duck flies away.

ER doc- "it's a duck! no it's a goose! no it's a beaver!" blasts several shots into the air and misses with all of them.

Joke ends with the surgeon and pathologist.

 

[yaah]

Haha. Here's one I found(although not path-related):

"Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality...
"You're a veterinarian."

...Waiting for someone to make this joke about a pathologist.

That joke CAN be path-related, can't it. Perhaps we don't wish to think about it? It's spelled N-E-C-R-O-P-H-..........

Ah, screw it.

Aren't there some jokes about pathology "patients" waking up? I seem to remember some. Oh well.

"A bad day for you is when your patient DOES wake up, huh? HA HA HA I'm so funny!"

 

[Croatalus_atrox]

Aren't there some jokes about pathology "patients" waking up? I seem to remember some. Oh well.

"A bad day for you is when your patient DOES wake up, huh? HA HA HA I'm so funny!"

Dennis Miller used to do a joke about pathologists (he said coroner, but oh well)...

"I think the easiest job in the world has to be pathologist. Even if everything goes wrong...maybe you get a pulse. Mimicking exhausted person 'Oh Christ, honey, I gained one on the table today'."

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Random thought...

Do pathologists have to learn ACLS? Usually those patients will come to us if ACLS failed right?

 

[quant]

Hey Andy
I wouldnt mind learning ACLS if i became a path....But i shudder at the thought of the day i might have to use it on one of my clientele...did someone say something about N-E-C-R-O-...?....darn....forget it!

Quant.

PS - The jokes ARE progressively getting stupid and lame here.....

 

[b&ierstiefel]

OK Quant, what's wrong with us? We're both up at 3 in the morning.

I shouldn't have drank all those vodka/redbull drinks tonight. I'm wired and can't sleep.

Oh BTW Quant, I took your advice and wrote my personal statement when I was in a good mood

 

[quant]

Andy.....
There is a reason why we are doing PhD s and LOVE path.....
cause we like being awake at 3 in the night!(darn it... its 4 now!!!)
Im not a red bull vodka person......my favourites are drinking Bacardi/Captain Morgan and lotssss of it!!! (Dark smelling rum is my fave!!!!) and the ALSO the reason why im up so late....
Har Har
To wine,women and pathology!(Not necessarily in that order...)
Quant

Hail Bloody Mary and salutations to Captain Morgan!!...Id better stop before i make a complete ass of meself!!!...

 

[yaah]

Random thought...

Do pathologists have to learn ACLS? Usually those patients will come to us if ACLS failed right?

I guess it depends on the program, but in most cases yes. I for one had to pass it as a med school graduation requirement. But if I didn't, I would have had to take it this year.

The most important thing about ACLS is calling for help. I can do CPR, rescue breathing, all that, but all that's important for OUTSIDE the hospital. If I am in the hospital and someone's life depends on whether I know to give Atropine or not, well, that hospital has some problems.

 

[SLUsagar]

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the
group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon
and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to
react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I
will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that
time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the
pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure
if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might
have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he
muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist.
Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended
prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know
it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the
fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's
weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his
smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist
beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

 

[cytoborg]

IM knows more and more about less and less, until they know everything about nothing

Surgeons know less and less about more and more, until they know nothing about everything.

Pathologists know everything about everything but it's too late for the patient.

A variation:

Psychiatrists know nothing and do nothing.
Internists know everything and do nothing.
Surgeons know nothing and do everything.
Pathologists know everything and do everything, but it's too late.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist.

Here's what happened:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

 

[deschutes]

During one of many C-sections....

"Pathology... That's like surgery on dead people eh?"

(I shot back, "Well yeah, maybe 5% of the time" - so at least this one had a positive ending. The extender actually asked quite interestedly, "Really? What do you do the rest of the time?")

My current dilemma is the perpetual lifestyle remark.

When someone says "Yeah that's a good choice, Path works banker's hours" - I never know whether to hotly correct them by saying path attendings and residents work as late as in any other field, or to simply snigger and say "Thank the stars!"

 

[rennairda]

What's the leading cause of death among radiologists?

Getting run over at 3pm in the parking lot by the pathologists.

Rennairda

 

[deschutes]

Rennairda, in which field of medicine do doctors have the longest life span?

 

[bananaface]

I hear that pathologists always get the "favorite physician" awards, by having the fewest patient complaints.

Did you know that pathologists discriminate against their patients? They won't take one who isn't mute.

Pathology is the best, because their patients are the coolest.