Potential Pre-Med, Options Wanted

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I’m sorry to hear about your suffering. Don’t commit any money to this process until you’ve gotten a look at what it’s like to actually be a doctor. You need to start by doing some shadowing and gaining clinical volunteering experience, see if the work is something you could see yourself doing before making any decisions.
 
I mean, if you can get free tuition and are doing it slowly, then sure, enroll in intro biology or chemistry or whatever. You need to earn As. But you honestly will have no idea about whether medicine is for you until you’ve done substantial shadowing and gained significant clinical volunteering/work experience (not optional, basically a requirement to gain admission to US medical school).
 
My thoughts:
- It doesn't seem like your depression / anxiety is currently well controlled, and usually mental health issues will only get worse during medical school and beyond. If this is true, then you need to be in a good place mentally before starting this process.
- It will realistically take 10+ years before you are an independent practitioner. Are you okay with potentially losing this time with family, friends, etc.
- Any chance that this is currently a mid-life crisis? Wanting to help others is great and all, but really, there are so many fields in medicine that will allow you to "help others".
- Have you explored these other paths to see if they are a better fit for you? PAs for example are given a great deal of autonomy and do not require anywhere near as much training as a MD/DO. Similarly, RNs, PT/OT, Social work / case management, etc all play a crucial -- and many times, greater -- role in a patient's health and recovery.

If you've thought this through and are ready to take a plunge, then 37 is not too late to start by any means. Good luck
 
Have you taken the MCAT or any pre-requisite classes such as orgo/biochem yet?
 
Oh ok cool. In my opinion, if you really want to become a physician, you need to focus your primary efforts on the science classes as these will prepare you for the MCAT. If you are too nervous to take the pre-requisites, you will not do well on the MCAT. Many physicians can speak multiple languages, so a having knowledge of a second language will not improve your chances of getting into school with a poor MCAT score. The MCAT is the great equalizer, everything else is a bonus. Like previously mentioned above, social work and nursing are wonderful options if you want to help people.
 
I don't always want to be at the mercy of others' agendas for research and would eventually like some autonomy of my own to conduct my own research.
In terms of MD/DO vs. PhD, you will experience the same thing. You will be at the mercy of others' agendas (whether that's a PI early in your career, or grant funders later on). But you can eventually develop autonomy with either degree provided you become an expert in your field and produce meaningful research.

If you want research to be your main goal with no desire to practice medicine, go PhD.
If you want to primarily practice medicine first and do research second (not necessarily your entire life, but definitely through your residency/fellowship years), go MD/DO.

PhD is no easy shot in the bucket, but if you are most passionate about research I would encourage that pathway.
 
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