Pre-Med Loners?

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[LEUNIT]

Who feels like they are kind of a loner?

I do well in school, I have acquaintances in classes and in clubs, but I still feel like there is a major hole in my life because I don't have the same relationships with people that others appear to have.

For example, I have a few friends who I will talk to for a few minutes when I see them, but aside from that... like on a friday night when they are out with their "real friends"...I'm at my dorm room watching a movie.

The worst part of this is that my roommates are friendly/friends, but we don't get along like a real group of friends.

Tips?

BTW, I'm going to school half way across the country, so I got no family out here.

Tell them you want in. In my experience, we (my friends and I) didn't really care who came with us downtown as long as they wanted to.

The important thing is letting them know you want to tag along, and relationships can bud from that.

Edit: I moved to a new city for undergrad knowing only one other person. Four years later, I have met and befriended 500+ people (according to Facebook, lawl).

 

[th1nk]

The thing is, there have been instances when I have not been invited to certain events... a b-day party...after which one of my friends said to me "why didn't you come to ____b-day party?"

I replied, what b-day party?
He tells me to check my facebook, I do, and look at the events and see no invitations.

 

[th1nk]

Tell them you want in. In my experience, we (my friends and I) didn't really care who came with us downtown as long as they wanted to.

The important thing is letting them know you want to tag along, and relationships can bud from that.

Edit: I moved to a new city for undergrad knowing only one other person. Four years later, I have met and befriended 500+ people (according to Facebook, lawl).

being friends on facebook is different from being friends in real life...

 

[NeverSurrender]

Who feels like they are kind of a loner?

I do well in school, I have acquaintances in classes and in clubs, but I still feel like there is a major hole in my life because I don't have the same relationships with people that others appear to have.

For example, I have a few friends who I will talk to for a few minutes when I see them, but aside from that... like on a friday night when they are out with their "real friends"...I'm at my dorm room watching a movie. What makes this even harder for me to swallow is that I get along with many of those people that are hanging out, yet I am never invited.


The worst part of this is that my roommates are friendly/friends, but we don't get along like a real group of friends. (that is to say that some of my roommates don't get along too well.) also, my roommates have the same exact personalities as I do.

Tips?

BTW, I'm going to school half way across the country, so I got no family out here.

Hey OP, I know exactly what you mean since I have had that same problem. Try to find a small group of people that you really click well with. Its easier said than done, but I found some friends that I clicked real well with and met more friends through them. At parties I would always start with something mutual "How do you know X?" etc. Then try to find out more about them and relate to them. People like to talk about themselves.

Usually I just say "Hey X want to go to this place tonight with Y and Z?", college kids very rarely decline an invitation to hang out.

So be more assertive, connect more with people, and let them know that you want to hang out sometime. Good luck! 😀

 

[iusesharpies]

If worse comes to worse, start a study group and then slowly trail off to youtube videos and then trail off to nice conversation. Then strike and become their friend. 🙂

 

[LEUNIT]

The thing is, there have been instances when I have not been invited to certain events... a b-day party...after which one of my friends said to me "why didn't you come to ____b-day party?"

I replied, what b-day party?
He tells me to check my facebook, I do, and look at the events and see no invitations.

Check out your school's organizations, find one you like, and join it. It's a good way to meet a lot of people quickly; I've made a lot of good friends doing this. You're bound to find a group of people that you could hang out with outside of the organization.

being friends on facebook is different from being friends in real life...

Yeah, but I don't randomly add people I haven't met. I've lost touch with some of them, but I've talked to/hung out with all the people on my friends list at one point or another. I'm cool like that.

I can't help but feel like I'm being trolled. Time to GTFO of here.

 

[patel2]

 

[Barcu]

Don't sit around and wait for people to invite you to things.

 

[orthomyxo]

Dude just tuck it under your waistband. Ohhh nevermind, you said loners.

 

[NeverSurrender]

Oh yea definitely join clubs since that makes obvious sense. Join a frat if you want, but beware of the time commitment you would have to make. I just befriended guys in frats and they invite me whenever they party, but thats up to you.

 

[mtbtx]

I get along with many of those people that are hanging out, yet I am never invited.

Do you shower regularly?

 

[Mazdave]

Who feels like they are kind of a loner?

I do well in school, I have acquaintances in classes and in clubs, but I still feel like there is a major hole in my life because I don't have the same relationships with people that others appear to have.

For example, I have a few friends who I will talk to for a few minutes when I see them, but aside from that... like on a friday night when they are out with their "real friends"...I'm at my dorm room watching a movie. What makes this even harder for me to swallow is that I get along with many of those people that are hanging out, yet I am never invited.


The worst part of this is that my roommates are friendly/friends, but we don't get along like a real group of friends. (that is to say that some of my roommates don't get along too well.) also, my roommates have the same exact personalities as I do.

Tips?

BTW, I'm going to school half way across the country, so I got no family out here.

I can understand getting caught up in the mentality. When I got back from my semester abroad I definitely felt lost amongst even people that had been my friends before. But that's when you redouble your efforts to get involved, meet people, and show them just how much fun you can be.

At least personally, I would also say that some of it comes with the territory of being pre-med...it'll involve some Friday nights studying orgo or writing secondaries while others are out having fun. Just remember that in twenty years you'll be earning more than any of them.

 

[patel2]

Who feels like they are kind of a loner?

I do well in school, I have acquaintances in classes and in clubs, but I still feel like there is a major hole in my life because I don't have the same relationships with people that others appear to have.

For example, I have a few friends who I will talk to for a few minutes when I see them, but aside from that... like on a friday night when they are out with their "real friends"...I'm at my dorm room watching a movie. What makes this even harder for me to swallow is that I get along with many of those people that are hanging out, yet I am never invited.


The worst part of this is that my roommates are friendly/friends, but we don't get along like a real group of friends. (that is to say that some of my roommates don't get along too well.) also, my roommates have the same exact personalities as I do.

Tips?

BTW, I'm going to school half way across the country, so I got no family out here.

do you like daggers?

 

[Doubtnichts]

If worse comes to worse, start a study group and then slowly trail off to youtube videos and then trail off to nice conversation. Then strike and become their friend. 🙂

👍

Haha, main reason I don't study well in groups 😛

 

[ILikeDrugs]

Invite yourself in a casual 😎 type of way. Just don't be like that TA who invited himself to hang out with someone on here and end up being the creepy guy who stares really hard at people having fun. I'd post a link to the page but I'm to lazy to go diggin for it.

 

[LEUNIT]

Invite yourself in a casual 😎 type of way. Just don't be like that TA who invited himself to hang out with someone on here and end up being the creepy guy who stares really hard at people having fun. I'd post a link to the page but I'm to lazy to go diggin for it.

I remember this. Hilarious, it was.

 

[em3761]

I know the feeling....sometimes it's hard to get to know people, esp. if your classes are hard and you spend a lot of time studying. Try to get to know people in your classes--sometimes just talking before class or studying together can lead to actually becoming friends.
I was kind of a loner my first semester, now I'm starting to spend more time with friends--it's definitely worth it. If you just work all the time, you'll get burned out really fast.

 

[livedie]

Being lonely can disturb your studying. Try to find social groups at your school that you can join. That is my plan.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=784593

Please don't let this turn into that thread. Ok, that said, try these things...

1. social/academic groups that interest you, chem club, bio club, pre-med club, whatever, ski club, scuba, whatever... Common interests unite people

2. www.meetup.com You are currently in NYC? Yes? Ok, there are 2500 social meetup groups in the NYC area... search your term and zip code, start attending events...

3. Don't wait for invitations, make them yourself, start making plans and inviting the others to them, "hey, I was thinking about going to do XYZ thing tomorrow/Saturday/ABC day, would you want to come with" assuming THEY should invite YOU is presumptuous, it's like if you want to talk to someone, you should call them, not wait for them to get a random feeling to call you.

4. keep conversations light, not sure how you are with that, but you may feel some resentment, and it may come through...

5. Start to believe in yourself. I can see a lack of confidence ooozing from your post. "I'm this/that" "others are better at this/that" Ok, being insecure is obvious, maybe you're trying too hard, maybe you just show you're insecure, not sure, but it seems to me that you're not feeling your own self worth. That HAS to change. Others pick up on it, especially women (as men pick up on women who are insecure)... Don't let this stuff get you down...

Remember your value, remember your assets, and don't forget "be the change you want to see in the world" "manifest your destiny"... Ok 😀 OK

 

[WingedOx]

"hey, mind if I come along?"

...it'll take you a long way.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

"hey, mind if I come along?"

...it'll take you a long way.

👍👍👍 This too 😀 Like the phone call, don't expect an invite, make it yourself 😉

 

[mauberley]

This type of technique should work for med school matriculation.

 

[th1nk]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=784593

Please don't let this turn into that thread. Ok, that said, try these things...

1. social/academic groups that interest you, chem club, bio club, pre-med club, whatever, ski club, scuba, whatever... Common interests unite people

2. www.meetup.com You are currently in NYC? Yes? Ok, there are 2500 social meetup groups in the NYC area... search your term and zip code, start attending events...

3. Don't wait for invitations, make them yourself, start making plans and inviting the others to them, "hey, I was thinking about going to do XYZ thing tomorrow/Saturday/ABC day, would you want to come with" assuming THEY should invite YOU is presumptuous, it's like if you want to talk to someone, you should call them, not wait for them to get a random feeling to call you.

4. keep conversations light, not sure how you are with that, but you may feel some resentment, and it may come through...

5. Start to believe in yourself. I can see a lack of confidence ooozing from your post. "I'm this/that" "others are better at this/that" Ok, being insecure is obvious, maybe you're trying too hard, maybe you just show you're insecure, not sure, but it seems to me that you're not feeling your own self worth. That HAS to change. Others pick up on it, especially women (as men pick up on women who are insecure)... Don't let this stuff get you down...

Remember your value, remember your assets, and don't forget "be the change you want to see in the world" "manifest your destiny"... Ok 😀 OK

Thank you...

 

[bullsfan1986]

Well, if you can't find friends, there's always this:

http://www.fleshlight.com/fleshlight-toys/

(you are a guy, right? If you're not, sorry.)

 

[Political]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=784593

Yeah i remember that thread,
ugh the only reason why that thread went array was because of that one f***'d up douche.

back on topic; best way to make new friends is to do something extremely noticeable and let people come to you. i.e be the biggest attention you can possible be.
jk jk

honestly make a small conversation with someone during lecture. and keep following up on it everyday until you can go out for drinks or something.

 

[Overmjnd]

first, don't beat yourself up over it. As someone said earlier, a lot of it comes with the pre-med territory. Some find it easy to maintain a good social life because their major is really easy or they are very talented/efficient, while others have trouble juggling so many other things that a social life comes last. Don't use this as an excuse, as everyone's situation is difficult, but don't beat yourself up over it as you're only human and being pre-med is damn hard.

If I can give you some useful advice that you can use right away, try to imagine yourself from an outsider's perspective and see the way you interact with other people. People at this age just want to have fun and be around other people that are easy-going; is this you?

 

[Adaggiote]

Tell them you want in. In my experience, we (my friends and I) didn't really care who came with us downtown as long as they wanted to.

The important thing is letting them know you want to tag along, and relationships can bud from that.

Edit: I moved to a new city for undergrad knowing only one other person. Four years later, I have met and befriended 500+ people (according to Facebook, lawl).

Uhhh...The problem actually stems from this. Sometimes people do not WANT you to 'tag along' because they feel that you will 'mess them up'. It is the way of life. I call it dual personality.....and besides..I am too tired to type anymore.

 

[Barcu]

Uhhh...The problem actually stems from this. Sometimes people do not WANT you to 'tag along' because they feel that you will 'mess them up'. It is the way of life. I call it dual personality.....and besides..I am too tired to type anymore.

Those are the people you want to avoid because it possible that they just don't want to be your friend. It happens.

Move on to another person. Repeat process.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

OP, are you Once?

 

[LEUNIT]

Uhhh...The problem actually stems from this. Sometimes people do not WANT you to 'tag along' because they feel that you will 'mess them up'. It is the way of life. I call it dual personality.....and besides..I am too tired to type anymore.

Well, if I didn't want someone to tag along, I wouldn't say "Hey, how come you weren't at ____?" But that's just me. Some people can be fake, yeah.

 

[MediCynical]

"hey, mind if I come along?"

...it'll take you a long way.

👍👍👍 This too 😀 Like the phone call, don't expect an invite, make it yourself 😉

Although I agree to some extent, be careful with using this. Recognize social cues and go with them... make sure you only use this in situations where no one will feel awkward about bringing you along, and also only use this once, maybe twice, with a person/certain group of people. If they don't automatically ask you to come along after hanging out once or twice, they don't really want you there.

 

[0919mmk]

Dude just tuck it under your waistband. Ohhh nevermind, you said loners.

Wait, nobody gave you a thumbs up for this hilarious comment???

Well lets just fix that.👍

And one more for making me laugh 👍

 

[Grom]

"hey, mind if I come along?"

...it'll take you a long way.

Yeah, really, as long and the people you ask aren't arrogant douches I don't think most college students mind having an extra guy come hang out. Oh, and shower, that'll help a lot if you don't already.

 

[tttttc]

A friend (adult friend) of mine told me that all the weird kids (nerds, socially awkward people) she knew in high school are now the cool people. Just hang on and you will be fine.

 

[myPsychAlt]

while joining a frat may be good for your social life, joining a sorority will acquaint you with all the drama and backstabbing of formal recruitment, which is a perfect small scale simulation of what it's like to go through the match.

 

[orthomyxo]

Wait, nobody gave you a thumbs up for this hilarious comment???

Well lets just fix that.👍

And one more for making me laugh 👍

Finally.

I give you guys pure GOLD, and I get jack squat!

 

[skiing]

relationships are give-give 100%-100%. you get as much out of them as you put in. (not that anyone's counting). if you're not getting anything out, you probably aren't working hard enough. start taking initiative. don't expect THEM to ask you to join. why don't you ask them to join you in watching movies?

 

[Tsukiyo]

Has anyone considered the situation where the student just doesn't click with the population? Its one thing if you're not making yourself sociable but its another thing if you can't stand the student population because all they do are things that you were taught was wrong/immoral.

 

[wrestler445]

You need to fake being interesting and friendly just like everyone else. No exceptions!

 

[sc4s2cg]

Has anyone considered the situation where the student just doesn't click with the population? Its one thing if you're not making yourself sociable but its another thing if you can't stand the student population because all they do are things that you were taught was wrong/immoral.

This.

It's hard for a non-drinker to be "sociable" when the idea of friendliness at a university is to go to clubs at least once a week and drink.

 

[Tsukiyo]

This.

It's hard for a non-drinker to be "sociable" when the idea of friendliness at a university is to go to clubs at least once a week and drink.

Exactly my (and my husband's) problem. We're not into the main campus "ideals," (for moral or religious reasons) such as:

• drinking
• partying
• going to sports events (I rather get a crappy team together to jokingly play a sport than sit and watch one.)
• going out late night to do... whatever
• doing drugs
• taking ritalin/adderall (sp?)/meth to stay up if an emergency sets back the date to complete an assignment. (Use good-old willpower instead and nap later.)
• watch horror movies or chick flicks
• go shopping (too poor)

We'd rather:

• Watch kid's movies, which no one wants to go with us to see (Rapunzel was amazing)
• Read, real books, not magazines about "50 Ways to BlahBlahBlah"
• Discuss scientific/philosophical/religious/other interesting subjects, not what Glee was about yesterday or why Lindsey Lohan is in jail again
• Form efficient study groups, but no one gets near us anyway or cares about studying
• Dress in alternative fashion (and we're in the land of jeans and a free t-shirt. Minus the big bow [small one] and just normal black hair let loose and you can see how I dress on non-lab days. Note this isn't me though, but a similar style: http://www.lolitafashion.org/images/gothic7.jpg Husband goes baggy-pants goth 😛 )
• Attempt new cooking styles or try new, healthier, organic foods rather than go eat greasy campus food. We love herbal, unsweetened teas while campus drinks sodasodasodasodabeer!
• Attempt crafts, such as his basic woodworking and my sewing. We also dabble a bit in sketching, paiting, writing fiction/lyrics and I forgot the rest.
• And if we shop, bargain hunt for something we need for the house or some other necessity

Yeah, we're a little "boring," but at least we go to class, don't end up with hangovers, and you can trust us with many responsibilities. 🙂 And we haven't made a single friend on campus yet.

 

[KTownGT]

Next fall, take a light course load and see if Greek life is for you like others have mentioned.

After pledgeship, you can pick and choose exactly what you want to go to.

 

[sc4s2cg]

Exactly my (and my husband's) problem. We're not into the main campus "ideals," (for moral or religious reasons) such as:

• drinking
• partying
• going to sports events (I rather get a crappy team together to jokingly play a sport than sit and watch one.)
• going out late night to do... whatever
• doing drugs
• taking ritalin/adderall (sp?)/meth to stay up if an emergency sets back the date to complete an assignment. (Use good-old willpower instead and nap later.)
• watch horror movies or chick flicks
• go shopping (too poor)

We'd rather:

• Watch kid's movies, which no one wants to go with us to see (Rapunzel was amazing)
• Read, real books, not magazines about "50 Ways to BlahBlahBlah"
• Discuss scientific/philosophical/religious/other interesting subjects, not what Glee was about yesterday or why Lindsey Lohan is in jail again
• Form efficient study groups, but no one gets near us anyway or cares about studying
• Dress in alternative fashion (and we're in the land of jeans and a free t-shirt. Minus the big bow [small one] and just normal black hair let loose and you can see how I dress on non-lab days. Note this isn't me though, but a similar style: http://www.lolitafashion.org/images/gothic7.jpg Husband goes baggy-pants goth 😛 )
• Attempt new cooking styles or try new, healthier, organic foods rather than go eat greasy campus food. We love herbal, unsweetened teas while campus drinks sodasodasodasodabeer!
• Attempt crafts, such as his basic woodworking and my sewing. We also dabble a bit in sketching, paiting, writing fiction/lyrics and I forgot the rest.
• And if we shop, bargain hunt for something we need for the house or some other necessity

Yeah, we're a little "boring," but at least we go to class, don't end up with hangovers, and you can trust us with many responsibilities. 🙂 And we haven't made a single friend on campus yet.

Your "we'd rather" section is exactly what I like to do as well. None of the alcohol, dancing, partying, shopping, sports, and more alcohol stuff. I prefer to read, talk serious (have not had anyone mention Egypt. At all.), form efficient study groups, and so on.

I considered joining a religious organization/club at our university, but after a friend of mine gave me the lodown I was not impressed.

Usually I keep such opinions to myself.

 

[RedLight2]

Start boozing. Srsly.

If you're not into it, get into it.

 

[madamebovary]

 

[Musclemass]

Has anyone considered the situation where the student just doesn't click with the population? Its one thing if you're not making yourself sociable but its another thing if you can't stand the student population because all they do are things that you were taught was wrong/immoral.

If (from your later post) it is correct to assume you are an undergrad, married, and restricting any friendship interest to people with the same unusual list of preferences you have, I'd say there are not many schools or other places where you would be likely to meet people who would meet your standards.

 

[RedLight2]

If (from your later post) it is correct to assume you are an undergrad, married, and restricting any friendship interest to people with the same unusual list of preferences you have, I'd say there are not many schools or other places where you would be likely to meet people who would meet your standards.

Let alone medical school. Also, goth is unprofessional.

 

[Mazdave]

It's perfectly fine to prefer friends that enjoy low-key nights in rather than loud nights out. However, just by definition the second group tends to be the one you see (because they're out and not in) and can lead you to believe that the first group doesn't exist. It's statistically very unlikely that there is absolutely no one else on your campus that has fun in at least some of the same ways that you do.

It's also not required that you have friends that have exactly the same set of interests you do. Try joining a few clubs that focus on one specific interest you have (such as a hobby, a sport you've wanted to try even if you've never played before, your school's version of a pre-med society). Then you can meet people who you know you have at least a little in common with and go from there.

 

[Overmjnd]

Exactly my (and my husband's) problem. We're not into the main campus "ideals," (for moral or religious reasons) such as:

• drinking
• partying
• going to sports events (I rather get a crappy team together to jokingly play a sport than sit and watch one.)
• going out late night to do... whatever
• doing drugs
• taking ritalin/adderall (sp?)/meth to stay up if an emergency sets back the date to complete an assignment. (Use good-old willpower instead and nap later.)
• watch horror movies or chick flicks
• go shopping (too poor)

We'd rather:

• Watch kid's movies, which no one wants to go with us to see (Rapunzel was amazing)
• Read, real books, not magazines about "50 Ways to BlahBlahBlah"
• Discuss scientific/philosophical/religious/other interesting subjects, not what Glee was about yesterday or why Lindsey Lohan is in jail again
• Form efficient study groups, but no one gets near us anyway or cares about studying
• Dress in alternative fashion (and we're in the land of jeans and a free t-shirt. Minus the big bow [small one] and just normal black hair let loose and you can see how I dress on non-lab days. Note this isn't me though, but a similar style: http://www.lolitafashion.org/images/gothic7.jpg Husband goes baggy-pants goth 😛 )
• Attempt new cooking styles or try new, healthier, organic foods rather than go eat greasy campus food. We love herbal, unsweetened teas while campus drinks sodasodasodasodabeer!
• Attempt crafts, such as his basic woodworking and my sewing. We also dabble a bit in sketching, paiting, writing fiction/lyrics and I forgot the rest.
• And if we shop, bargain hunt for something we need for the house or some other necessity

Yeah, we're a little "boring," but at least we go to class, don't end up with hangovers, and you can trust us with many responsibilities. 🙂 And we haven't made a single friend on campus yet.

i was with you until the whole goth thing