premed dealing with family issues/life struggles

[thethinkbox]

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I always considered myself to be in the upper middle class....I had mom and dad who are both very hard working immigrants and have always been there for me in the time of need. Since I'm their only child, I also worked hard to make them proud, too.

When I thought that's how it'd be forever, it all fell apart in past few years...

The financial breakdown of the US in 2008 forced a part of our family's business to go bankrupt. It was a long legal process, but in the end, we lost our house, lost most of our family's life savings, and most importantly, my parents have filed a divorce and are walking separate paths. What's worse, soon after my father got divorced, he got remarried to this woman with a high school kid...whom he has to support despite all these financial calamity...Obviously I'm not on good terms with my step mom and step brother but I'm living with them because my dad can financially support me better than my mom...however, I don't think I can take living with them anymore....after discussing the issue with my dad...I think I'm going to move out to my mom's apartment after taking my MCAT exam in March..

Needless to say, the whole fiasco has been very emotionally draining……bouts of depression on &off / on&off…

If there were things that went well in the past four years...are my school performance and my dedication to keeping my records straight for med school application. Despite all these setbacks, somehow i was able to stay focused and was able to obtain a degree in bio with 3.87cGPA ~3.9sGPA from UC Davis. I have a decent ECs (research, club activities, volunteering, shadowing)....and LORs...I plan on applying to medical school this year if my MCAT goes all well..(right now i'm not doing so hot...getting around 29 on my practice test..)

Ever since graduating in June last year, I had more free time than I'm used to since I don't have classes to attend to anymore...all this free time (aside from MCAT studying and a part time job) is doing more bad than good because I'm keep dreading about why this happened and what went wrong...I know the past is past and I have to move forward...and I know that I'm still fortunate enough to have food on the table, own a car, and roof over my head.... still...i can't get over the fact that it hurts.

I don't know why I'm writing this on SDN 🙁….maybe it's due to many uncertainties…uncertain of getting into med school…..uncertain of what lies ahead of me….or maybe I'm subconsciously wondering if there is a premed going through a similar life struggles…or maybe it's that time of the day where you get more emotional.

If you read my post until now, thanks for reading....let's fight on for there is still tomorrow.... 👍

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Ok. If I sound like a giant douche it is only because I am a giant douche. So let's recap.

You started off upper middle class. Then part of your family's business went under, a risk that any business owner is fully aware of, and your parents divorced, a problem that about half of all marriages go through. this apparently dropped you down to regular middle class. You ended up attending and doing very well at a very respectable school getting all the necessary ECs to be a competitive med school candidate. now you work part time only, study for the mcat, and have a bunch of free time to do nothing, but you choose to mope about the past. now you are uncertain?

I am not sure what you are looking for. You know your gpa is competitive. I assume you know your mcat is low competitive and your ECs are competitive (assuming they are where they need to be) and you are uncertain? did you want an ego stroke? are you wanting someone to say you overcame adversity? are you looking for someone to explain your problems aren't bad? just curious what the point of the thread is.

I think it is that time of day because you will likely get a med school acceptance if you apply early and broadly (depending on the mcat). your problems aren't bad at all and you should get help if you are as distressed are you are. sorry your parents divorced, and that sucks. but you are going to have to deal with it. You are approximately 22 and of the age where you should live your own life and not your parents.

This is why I am a democrat.

 

[kpcrew]

newsflash:
everyone goes through **** during their lives. you're not the only one with problems.

 

[kunalp89]

Okay people, no need to be this harsh on this person. OP, you have a very competitive GPA and you haven't even taken the MCAT yet. Assuming you score at least descent on your MCAT, you are in a very good position. So don't worry, you have a bright future ahead of you. Also, make sure you don't ONLY study for your MCAT while in your gap year since med schools look at that negatively. I suggest you do something else at the same time, maybe shadowing, volunteering, employment, etc.

 

[willen101383]

Typical *****hole SDN replies here. 🙄 Regardless of the OP's GPA or standing in terms of med school competitiveness he/she went through some personal struggles and still maintained a good GPA with all of that going on. Good work OP and pay no mind to these posters who think its hilarious to rip on you.

 

[pre med 2014]

Good work on maintaining focus on school during a difficult life situation, not everyone can do it. You will make it into med school.

 

[dwdrums2112]

All I can say is stay hungry and achieve your goals.

 

[tryp]

If you truly believe that you may be clinically depressed about this, or that your distress is persistent and disproportionate to the situation, have you thought about counselling? Lots of people go to counselling for all kinds of reasons and sometimes it does help to talk these things through.

 

[dwdrums2112]

I encourage the counseling idea. Or better yet, engage in activities that relieve your stress. Art, fitness, etc.

 

[whatbout2morrow]

It is what it is. Spending all of your time thinking about it won't make anything better.

If you have too much time on your hands. Do something with your free time. Get a full-time job, immerse yourself in activities, whatever it takes. You'll be fine.

 

[octupus]

Keep busy and do something that will make you happy. Volunteer at a tutoring center and work with kids with learning disabilities or children from poor families. If there's a refugee center or homeless shelter, go volunteer there. Just pick up the phone and CALL THEM!

You will see, through working with these children, that your situation really isn't so bad. It sucks that your parents are divorced and you are forced to live with total strangers, but really, there are worse situations to be in. Volunteering might help put that into perspective and you will have less time to beat yourself up over something that you can't control.

 

[kautionwirez]

Focus on your MCAT.

I had two close friends pass away during my study and s*** hit the fan. Just have someone as your support system. I've been through hell and back but I made it.

Everyone has problems, just watch the documentary of my avatar, see how he had literally nothing and now is in the NFC championship right now.

 

[johnisles2011]

I'm a little surprised by some of the rude responses you got up above. Yes, everyone has their problems, but I really feel for the OP. Think of the emotional extremity you must be in to reach out like this on an online forum. Be nice, people.

Hey, OP, good luck dealing with everything. I'm glad to hear you did well in school so you have put yourself in an excellent position to get into med school. Good luck on the MCAT.
I know for me when I was going through tough times in my life, having extra time on my hands definitely was a bad thing, a sentiment you seem to echo. I know one psychologist who joked that a great way to deal with depression is to get the person busy. I'm not saying you're depressed, but maybe you want to consider "getting busy" once you're done with the MCAT.

That's the other thing. The MCAT is probably adding a big strain right now, even if you don't feel it, and once you're done with it, you might feel a lot better. Once your done with it, you could consider picking up a second part time job, making your part time job full time, starting to volunteer, or picking up a hobby (learn to play guitar!).
My vote would be for the jobs, because money will be hard to come by in medical school.

I'm sorry if this advice isn't helpful or is overly prescriptive. Good luck!

 

[UpQuark]

newsflash:
everyone goes through **** during their lives. you're not the only one with problems.

This pisses me off. You're going to be a doctor, at least show some compassion towards others.

 

[octupus]

This pisses me off. You're going to be a doctor, at least show some compassion towards others.

👍

 

[octupus]

and to think that these people will be my classmates...

what logic was that anyway? just because other people go through sh** too, doesn't mean that the OP can't be upset about it. It's like saying, "right, you have cancer? well you're not the only one. get over it"

 

[LifeTake2]

This pisses me off. You're going to be a doctor, at least show some compassion towards others.

Not one to normally stand up for kpcrew...BUT

the point is the OP comes across as an over-privileged brat.

Even at its worst the OP's story still fails to put them in the 'oh wow that is abnormally harsh' life story category.

If they need a pat on the back and a morale boost, go find a friend. Don't join SDN just to whine.

 

[vapor90]

and to think that these people will be my classmates...

what logic was that anyway? just because other people go through sh** too, doesn't mean that the OP can't be upset about it. It's like saying, "right, you have cancer? well you're not the only one. get over it"

+1 couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[LizzyM]

Get off the computer after midnight and go to bed. Lack of sleep or late nights/sleeping late makes things worse.

Make studying for the MCAT your full time job because your future depends on it. Spend some of your free time in volunteerism and your part-time job and make an hour every day for exercise which can also help you feel more energetic.

You can't change the past but you can control how you use today. Don't use it longing for times gone by.

 

[UpQuark]

Not one to normally stand up for kpcrew...BUT

the point is the OP comes across as an over-privileged brat.

Even at its worst the OP's story still fails to put them in the 'oh wow that is abnormally harsh' life story category.

If they need a pat on the back and a morale boost, go find a friend. Don't join SDN just to whine.

Regardless, that doesn't give you the right to be ignorant and utterly insensitive. You don't know OP's situation. Don't just assume that there's one way to get help.

 

[StoicJosher]

Not one to normally stand up for kpcrew...BUT

the point is the OP comes across as an over-privileged brat.

Even at its worst the OP's story still fails to put them in the 'oh wow that is abnormally harsh' life story category.

If they need a pat on the back and a morale boost, go find a friend. Don't join SDN just to whine.

Exactly. 👍

While it is commendable that the OP was able to focus through all these things and maintain a good GPA and EC's, the thread comes across as an attempt at trying to get a pat on the back or some sympathy.

OP- It is all about perspective. You have it easy compared to many people I personally know. The people who were being "rude" and "harsh" to you are just giving you a reality check. Study for the MCAT, get into medical school, make some friends and move on.

 

[KLycos]

The same thing happened to me too in 2008, you are not alone. Financial disaster that year was, my parents lost everything and there was no money left for me to finish college. My parents got divorced right after we lost our house and my mom moved in with another guy really soon after. (Now my dad is dating a girl who has a kid in high school).We were living in ghetto apartments living off unemployment and scraping pennies together for food. I managed to get a loan to cover my last year of college and still managed to get really good grades my last year. I came from a similar background, upper middle class but that can change in an instant. I don't know if you are religious, but my faith in Jesus and relying on Him was what got me through the roughest moments of my life. My dad was suicidal, family driven apart, but in the end everything kind of resumed normality. I graduated with my loan, got a job a few weeks after graduating, moved out and am now fully supporting myself and paying off my loans. I took a year off to study for the mcat while working, rocked it, and then with the money that wasnt spent on rent, food, or basically the cost of living, went to funding my primary app and then my secondaries, and now my interviews. If I need extra money I do paid research. I now have an acceptance to med school, where I will take out a lot of loans, but I am confident in myself and I know that I will make a good living despite all the people crying on SDN about the field of medicine going to crap with all the reform. Just focus on what needs to be done, and consider reading the Bible =] If faith alone and a relationship with Jesus is not for you, you are going to need to find a girlfriend, or some friends who can give you support. You may be hurting, but you need someone that you can talk to about any emotional pain you are feeling. Don't let it get to you.

 

[bluecabinet]

newsflash:
everyone goes through **** during their lives. you're not the only one with problems.

I hope you don't become a doctor. Some of the answers I found here are staggering..It's the definition of apathy.

And to OP, don't mind these douches. They are just jealous of your stats..

You are almost there to become a solid candidate. Keep up the good work. Just don't meander too much. 👍

 

[NCOldie]

Get off the computer after midnight and go to bed. Lack of sleep or late nights/sleeping late makes things worse.

Make studying for the MCAT your full time job because your future depends on it. Spend some of your free time in volunteerism and your part-time job and make an hour every day for exercise which can also help you feel more energetic.

You can't change the past but you can control how you use today. Don't use it longing for times gone by.

I cannot count how many times lack of sleep has caused what small "problems" I have to seem 100X worse. Good advice!

OP: You're doing well, academically. If this issue of yours is causing such heartache, I second the counseling thing and also the exercise!

When I was in middle school, I found I was drowning in my sorrows. My solution? Focus on someone else. That's when I began volunteering at my local hospital. I found that I was spending way too much time worrying about myself so I focused my energy on something productive. I suggest you do the same! Good luck, OP.

 

[kpcrew]

I'm also a nazi because I don't care at all about some random person on the internet who may or may not be lying about his commonplace situation for attention.

 

[NCOldie]

I'm also a nazi because I don't care at all about some random person on the internet who may or may not be lying about his commonplace situation for attention.

I find it odd that a lot of people who "don't care" actually take the time to comment...

If I truly don't care about something or someone, I ignore it.

 

[thethinkbox]

I thank all of you who took their time to express their kind words..I really appreciate it and I'm sure you guys will all become compassionate doctors who care for patients not only physically but spiritually as well.

Though it is not appreciated on my part, it is understandable if some of you think I should just "suck it up" like a man. I know it could be worse and I know some people have it much much worse than I do. You guys do have a point. However, why people like kpcrew2oo2, think I'm making this stuff up for "attention" is well beyond me...I wish it was something I fabricated or exaggerated..I really do...it's quite unsettling think they too are aspiring to become doctors who's utmost priority is "to care others."

I would like to especially thank KLycos for sharing his personal story. Story like that gives me hope and I found it to be very inspirational...For the record, KLycos, I'm a Christian too and God has helped me so much to get me through the tough times as well. Congrats on your acceptance, also. 🙂

Though I'm not the type of person who has a lot of friends, I do have very close friends who know everything about my situation and always gives me support when I'm down.

I still don't know why I posted this on SDN, but looking back I think I was hoping to hear some inspirational stories... someone who was challenged by the similar struggle and came out as a winner.

Again, thank you all for you kind words. I will definitely take some of the advices given here. When I post again on SDN next year, I hope that I can also be the one to share a story who can inspire others.

Thanks all.

 

[centrigeugle]

tl;dr

I'm amazed at how much energy people spend moping.

 

[idontcaureuknow]

First, OP: Sorry, it sucks. But keep on trucking through it and deal with the MCAT. Also, why you living at home? Get a full-time job and an apartment somewhere (this is my plan if I don't get in this cycle, I am NOT going to live at home because I would go insane). When you get through this you'll be that much better of a person.

Second, all of you who feel like saying "he/she only wants attention"/"stop whining", by even making that comment you are providing attention. It seems quite obvious that if this story is true the person's entire support system has crumbled in four years. That places a large amount of emotional stress on someone. Yes, this stress is probably being compounded by the OP's actions, but the situation still sucks. Even if the story is not at epic suck.

Oh and FrkyBgStok, I'm not sure why that makes you a be democrat.

 

[Raid KH]

You should be proud of yourself that you maintained a high gpa under those conditions.
just you know , all those problems will give a better chance to get admitted into medical school - mention those problems on your essay and on the interview.
that will give them an idea that you can work hard and proceed under a very stressful environments - that what doctors must have.

keep going ...
everyone get problems in their life ...
don't think to much .

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