premeds who "don't do well" with different personalities

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Ashley1989

Ashley1989

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Hi SDN,

I just had the most bizarre exchange with one of my classmates, and I'm trying to mull it over in my head and figure out what happened.

I had a neuroanatomy exam tonight, and as I was walking to my car I ran into one of my classmates who is in my lab group, so I know him fairly well and work with him in class. We chatted for a few minutes about the test, and he asked me to "be honest" and tell him what my grade was in the class as well as how I scored on the previous two tests. When I asked him how he did he became really vague and kept saying how disappointed he was and how he is just going to have to memorize like crazy for the next two exams. He has already applied to medical school and taken the MCAT, and is finishing his classes to graduate. When he said he was going to have to memorize like crazy for the next two exams, I asked him if he had ever considered a different approach to the material. I mentioned to him that there was a time with this professor where I wasn't scoring as high as I would like and that I went to office hours and he gave me tips on how to learn the information and understand it better as well as score better on his tests. I told him that I would be more than happy to share it with him.

Well, when I asked him if he's tried a different approach to the material he became extremely defensive. Here are some gems that he said to me:

"I find you really annoying because you're offering to 'fix' my problem"
"In case you haven't noticed, we have completely different personalities"
"What the professor told you to do won't help me because in case you haven't noticed my personality clashes with his as well"
"In case you can't see, my body language is indicating that I'm trying to leave but you're keeping me here"
"Can't you see that I'm trying to keep you away?" (this was seriously a wth moment for me ...what? I was just walking to my car and you wanted me to " be honest" and tell you my grade)

When I told him that I wasn't trying to keep him there at all, that I was simply offering to pass along information, and to please feel free to leave, he said:
"I don't do well with personalities that are different than mine"

This was about the time that I started to get annoyed so I said "You say you don't do well with personalities different than yours, but you want to be a doctor?" to which he responded with "Excuse me?" and I repeated myself. Well, he ended up getting even more mad (expected here), got really defensive, lashed out a couple of times, and kept rambling about how he wanted to leave but took forever to actually do it.

Needless to say, I have nooooo idea what just happened. Class is going to be a little awkward next week.

Anyways, thanks for listening, I feel a bit better. Has anyone run into situations like this with other premeds?? I've never been attacked like that before for simply trying to be nice and pass along information.

Ashley
 
He was upset over his poor performance, he thought you got a low score so he tried to solace in it, your score wasn't as low as he thought, he got angry and lashed out to save his ego.

I guess gunners aren't too smart after all. 😛
 
TheShaker said:
He was upset over his poor performance, he thought you got a low score so he tried to solace in it, your score wasn't as low as he thought, he got angry and lashed out to save his ego.

I guess gunners aren't too smart after all. 😛
Click to expand...

This describes it perfectly.

He's trying his best to salvage his ego, but he's not the best under pressure, so he stopped making sense when trying to come up with excuses. I'm sure that, if he only "did well with similar personalities as him", he would be a very lonely person.
 
TheShaker said:
He was upset over his poor performance, he thought you got a low score so he tried to solace in it, your score wasn't as low as he thought, he got angry and lashed out to save his ego.

I guess gunners aren't too smart after all. 😛
Click to expand...

I think you and I both know that all of the symptoms point to Dumb Gunner Syndrome (DGS).
 
that student is cray cray. Imagine their interviews for med school...😕
 
The best part is these people will be your classmates in medical school as well. I have heard more than a couple of classmates openly admit that they want to score above average on exams because that "means" they are "smarter" than the rest of us 🙂confused🙂. And I love to generalize our class as pretty relaxed and chill, especially with respect to academics.
 
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Sounds like he has mild Asperger's or something. Wow. Makes me feel so much better about my own personality even if I don't have the best GPA/MCAT etc
 
Ashley1989 said:
Hi SDN,

I just had the most bizarre exchange with one of my classmates, and I'm trying to mull it over in my head and figure out what happened.

I had a neuroanatomy exam tonight, and as I was walking to my car I ran into one of my classmates who is in my lab group, so I know him fairly well and work with him in class. We chatted for a few minutes about the test, and he asked me to "be honest" and tell him what my grade was in the class as well as how I scored on the previous two tests. When I asked him how he did he became really vague and kept saying how disappointed he was and how he is just going to have to memorize like crazy for the next two exams. He has already applied to medical school and taken the MCAT, and is finishing his classes to graduate. When he said he was going to have to memorize like crazy for the next two exams, I asked him if he had ever considered a different approach to the material. I mentioned to him that there was a time with this professor where I wasn't scoring as high as I would like and that I went to office hours and he gave me tips on how to learn the information and understand it better as well as score better on his tests. I told him that I would be more than happy to share it with him.

Well, when I asked him if he's tried a different approach to the material he became extremely defensive. Here are some gems that he said to me:

"I find you really annoying because you're offering to 'fix' my problem"
"In case you haven't noticed, we have completely different personalities"
"What the professor told you to do won't help me because in case you haven't noticed my personality clashes with his as well"
"In case you can't see, my body language is indicating that I'm trying to leave but you're keeping me here"
"Can't you see that I'm trying to keep you away?" (this was seriously a wth moment for me ...what? I was just walking to my car and you wanted me to " be honest" and tell you my grade)

When I told him that I wasn't trying to keep him there at all, that I was simply offering to pass along information, and to please feel free to leave, he said:
"I don't do well with personalities that are different than mine"

This was about the time that I started to get annoyed so I said "You say you don't do well with personalities different than yours, but you want to be a doctor?" to which he responded with "Excuse me?" and I repeated myself. Well, he ended up getting even more mad (expected here), got really defensive, lashed out a couple of times, and kept rambling about how he wanted to leave but took forever to actually do it.

Needless to say, I have nooooo idea what just happened. Class is going to be a little awkward next week.

Anyways, thanks for listening, I feel a bit better. Has anyone run into situations like this with other premeds?? I've never been attacked like that before for simply trying to be nice and pass along information.

Ashley
Click to expand...


Usually when a non-friend asks me about how I'm doing in a class I assume they are doing poorly so if I'm doing well I am vague and make it seem like the class is hard (or harder than it is) to make them feel better. Usually things end there we we go our separate ways.

Definitely a weird situation. Sorry you experienced that.
 
Thanks everyone. It helps to put it into perspective.

I kind of want to either tell him next class that I thought he was really rude and should not just say everything that jumps into his head about others, or simply avoid him altogether but that would be immature so I guess I will just have to suck it up. Ugh.
 
NickNaylor said:
The best part is these people will be your classmates in medical school as well. I have heard more than a couple of classmates openly admit that they want to score above average on exams because that "means" they are "smarter" than the rest of us 🙂confused🙂. And I love to generalize our class as pretty relaxed and chill, especially with respect to academics.
Click to expand...

That's so annoying. People that have that hyper "I-want-to-be-smarter-than-you" attitude can really dampen the classroom vibe. It's also a pet peeve of mine when people crane their necks to see your score on an exam, or ask you what you scored and then refuse to say anything about what they got. I mean, really, what's the point of that.
 
Ashley1989 said:
Thanks everyone. It helps to put it into perspective.

I kind of want to either tell him next class that I thought he was really rude and should not just say everything that jumps into his head about others, or simply avoid him altogether but that would be immature so I guess I will just have to suck it up. Ugh.
Click to expand...

He doesn't deserve your time. Let it go and ignore him.

I once felt bad when someone asked me in class what I got on a genetics exam we just took. I said I got a 97 unenthusiastically because I should've have a gotten a 100 but I forgot to multiply by 1/2 for girls. Unfortunately, the people around me didn't do so hot, they were giving me dirty looks. I think the average was in the 50's. I learned to just tell someone that I did good instead of blurting it out because it might upset some people. It's like seeing a "What Are my Chances post of 3.9 GPA 39 MCAT"
 
Answer: thinks your cute/attractive, he's a nervous guy, and wants to salvage his ego.
 
So best thing to do right now is to make a move, Ashley
 
Translation said:
that student is cray cray. Imagine their interviews for med school...😕
Click to expand...
"Why do you want to be a doctor?"
"I can't answer this question, sir, because it doesn't mesh well with my personality."
 
Ashley1989 said:
"I don't do well with personalities that are different than mine"
Click to expand...

Lol, nice career choice. Dude sounds crazy and self-absorbed....grown men shouldn't be getting all sassy and emotional like this, so he's probably got some baseline problems or personality disorder.
 
There's always pathology. I don't think dead body parts and samples have much of a personality.
 
I mean, I don't think it has anything to do with the kid's status as a premed. Some people are just douchebags - that's life.
 
circulus vitios said:
There's always pathology. I don't think dead body parts and samples have much of a personality.
Click to expand...

But there is M3 year, and M4 year. And I have never seen a more collegial group of people than the pathology attendings and residents at my place. The work may be with "things" but there is significant interaction with other members of the team and you do need to get along with a wide variety of people.

The OPs experience is a good reason why we do interviews. As unsuccessful as we are some times, I do think that we weed out some of the worst d-bags. And it is just one more chance to say:

"Pre-meds -- most of us will be going pro in something other than medicine."
 
Yeah, I'm generally vague when people ask me how I did on exams etc. Instead of answering their question with an actual number, I'll tell them how I felt about how I did, like "oh, I thought this one was super tough so I'm pretty surprised that I did ok." Doing 'ok' means something different to everyone, so they can interpret how they like 🙂
 
This a big reason I avoided most other premed's during UG. Most have a cloud of toxic stress surrounding them.
 
punkedoutriffs said:
+1, he was just negging you, Ashley.
Click to expand...

Ha. I always strive to be kind but I have to say:

Hell no.

In retrospect, maybe he thought I was being a know it all or something like that? 🙁 I swear that wasn't my intention though. Not to sound silly but I sincerely just love to help people any way I can. I'm the girl who offers to stay late in ochem lab and help a random person if they're running behind or are lost and have a class right after. Usually people are really nice back, which is why I was so shocked by him. Am I supposed to put on a sad face and act dreary just to appease others if I'm loving a class? I wasn't blabbing my grade or anything.

I should just let it go and write it off as stress or something.
 
Ashley1989 said:
Ha. I always strive to be kind but I have to say:

Hell no.

In retrospect, maybe he thought I was being a know it all or something like that? 🙁 I swear that wasn't my intention though. Not to sound silly but I sincerely just love to help people any way I can. I'm the girl who offers to stay late in ochem lab and help a random person if they're running behind or are lost and have a class right after. Usually people are really nice back, which is why I was so shocked by him. Am I supposed to put on a sad face and act dreary just to appease others if I'm loving a class? I wasn't blabbing my grade or anything.

I should just let it go and write it off as stress or something.
Click to expand...

Lol, yes you are dwelling on this more than you should. Unless it's a pattern in your life, it's his ordeal. So, instead of being this:

jackie-chan-meme.jpg


just be like this:

Yao-Ming-meme.png
 
One pet peeve of mine is people asking me for my grades. I would never think of asking someone what their score is on an exam.

So I agree with the above, that misery loves company, and he was hoping you would say you did badly too. Then you could both complain about the class, the professor's hard, unfair exams, and he would walk away feeling better about himself.
 
LizzyM said:
But there is M3 year, and M4 year. And I have never seen a more collegial group of people than the pathology attendings and residents at my place. The work may be with "things" but there is significant interaction with other members of the team and you do need to get along with a wide variety of people.

The OPs experience is a good reason why we do interviews. As unsuccessful as we are some times, I do think that we weed out some of the worst d-bags. And it is just one more chance to say:

"Pre-meds -- most of us will be going pro in something other than medicine."
Click to expand...

New avatar! 😱
 
I'm not surprised they were able to get into medical school. A 30 min to hour long interview isn't going to tell anyone that this person doesn't play well with others. I never understood the rationale behind putting so much emphasis on an interview for judging people skills. Sure it tells you that they can clean up and adhere to basic hygiene but most people, even those that are terrible with people can carry a conversation or just answer questions thrown at them.

Some people are charming or funny at interviews which are great characteristics for doctors to have but it does little in weeding out people who can't play nice, Even a person that may seem charming at first glance can later on show their true side in either being arrogant, dishonest, grumpy, etc.

I don't know why more med schools don't ask for references from employers. Being good at your job has much to do with getting along with your co-workers or other people you work with as it does with work ethic. In addition, a friend of mine says doctors all need to take a mall job over Christmas because many have terrible people skills and need to be taught the basics of customer service.

Almost all jobs require a team effort. Instead of asking for yet another letter from a professor stating this person got an A in my class yada yada. An employer letter seems more relevant than another academic letter of reference stating the same thing. It would have most likely screened this person out.
 
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AnthonyBourdain said:
I don't know why more med schools don't ask for references from employers. Being good at your job has much to do with getting along with your co-workers or other people you work with as it does with work ethic. In addition, a friend of mine says doctors all need to take a mall job over Christmas because many have terrible people skills and need to be taught the basics of customer service.

Almost all jobs require a team effort. Instead of yet asking for yet another letter from a professor stating this person got an A in my class yada yada. An employer letter seems more relevant than another academic letter of reference stating the same thing. It would have most likely screened this person out.
Click to expand...

100% agree. I don't want to diminish others' activities and interests, but I think past work experience is MUCH more valuable in evaluating your ability to work hard and in a group setting than being president of ____ club or volunteering at clinics.
 
Geebeejay said:
Lol, nice career choice. Dude sounds crazy and self-absorbed....grown men shouldn't be getting all sassy and emotional like this, so he's probably got some baseline problems or personality disorder.
Click to expand...

He's probably not a grown man yet.
 
LizzyM said:
See the new Bond flick and you'll understand.

M
Click to expand...

Is that the only way we can impress you these days? ...By being a buff, accent-laden secret agent while flaunting our awesome gadgetry during the interview?

Mission: accepted.
 
Ashley1989 said:
Thanks everyone. It helps to put it into perspective.

I kind of want to either tell him next class that I thought he was really rude and should not just say everything that jumps into his head about others, or simply avoid him altogether but that would be immature so I guess I will just have to suck it up. Ugh.
Click to expand...

Avoiding people isn't immature. Its just cutting off someone you don't want to associate with. It would be immature if he brings up that incident every day and cries about it in public for people to watch.
 
LizzyM said:
See the new Bond flick and you'll understand.

M
Click to expand...

At first I thought Lizzy was an old lady with an avatar a long time ago, then a wise cracking coach, and now a head of Secret Service 😱
 
Ashley1989 said:
Here are some gems that he said to me:

"I find you really annoying because you're offering to 'fix' my problem"
"In case you haven't noticed, we have completely different personalities"
"What the professor told you to do won't help me because in case you haven't noticed my personality clashes with his as well"
"In case you can't see, my body language is indicating that I'm trying to leave but you're keeping me here"
"Can't you see that I'm trying to keep you away?" (this was seriously a wth moment for me ...what? I was just walking to my car and you wanted me to " be honest" and tell you my grade)
Click to expand...

The best response to any one of these gems might be, "OK, see ya' later." Then walk quickly and deliberately in the opposite direction. Don't go out of your way to say Hi in the future but don't be rude when passing close enough to smile or say hello. This guy's got emotional problems that are not your problems and you really can't be his friend.
 
Typical premed. I swear literally 70% of the premeds I meet either have a borderline personality disorder or have the social skills of Fogell. :scared:

This must make for some awkward interview moments lol
 
Venom5 said:
Typical premed. I swear literally 70% of the premeds I meet either have a borderline personality disorder or have the social skills of Fogell. :scared:

This must make for some awkward interview moments lol
Click to expand...

With a few exceptions I found most people at interviews to be pretty well-adjusted.

(sent from my phone)
 
LizzyM said:
The best response to any one of these gems might be, "OK, see ya' later." Then walk quickly and deliberately in the opposite direction. Don't go out of your way to say Hi in the future but don't be rude when passing close enough to smile or say hello. This guy's got emotional problems that are not your problems and you really can't be his friend.
Click to expand...

This is good advice, thank you. Im not sure how lab is going to work now though.. just be polite and keep it professional i guess? I think he's having some personal problems right now and so I don't want to be harsh, but a person can't treat others badly just because they're stressed because all of us are and if we all treated each other badly the world would be such an awful place to live.

I think my mistake was not turning and just leaving. Deep down I think I was so shocked at him calling me annoying that I kind of wanted to stay and see how far he would take it. Bad idea on my part.
 
There's one girl I've became friends with through my girlfriend who is in a bunch of my classes. All she does is memorize the material, and then complain when there are questions on the test that "weren't talked about in class".

It's not just the personality I find frustrating, but also her intellectual aspirations. I can't imagine not wanting to learn more than just facts, it's fairly annoying. I try to not surround myself with people like her.
 
Ashley1989 said:
This is good advice, thank you. Im not sure how lab is going to work now though.. just be polite and keep it professional i guess? I think he's having some personal problems right now and so I don't want to be harsh, but a person can't treat others badly just because they're stressed because all of us are and if we all treated each other badly the world would be such an awful place to live.

I think my mistake was not turning and just leaving. Deep down I think I was so shocked at him calling me annoying that I kind of wanted to stay and see how far he would take it. Bad idea on my part.
Click to expand...

Lol, you poked the bear.
 
NickNaylor said:
With a few exceptions I found most people at interviews to be pretty well-adjusted.

(sent from my phone)
Click to expand...

In my experience, about 5-10% of the applicants we interview are people we decide are no-way, no-how going to be admitted to our medical school (and we hope for the sake of society, not to any medical school) due to social/emotional problems.

They really are an exception to the rule that the vast majority are nice people who you wouldn't mind being around.
 
punkedoutriffs said:
Lol, you poked the bear.
Click to expand...

Lol, I guess. I think it's more that the bear growled at me and I stayed in the situation because I'm idiotic sometimes. But honestly, I should be able to trust that the majority of my classmates are able to control their emotions and stay respectful to each other all the time. In the perfect world I suppose.
 
Ashley1989 said:
Lol, I guess. I think it's more that the bear growled at me and I stayed in the situation because I'm idiotic sometimes. But honestly, I should be able to trust that the majority of my classmates are able to control their emotions and stay respectful to each other all the time. In the perfect world I suppose.
Click to expand...

Sounds you got the short end of the stick this time. Don't worry about it.
 
Rule number 1: Don't talk about fi- er, about grades.
 
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