Pressured into being a pre-med, I want out (cliff notes)

[BoxinMoxin]

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Say I was a huge company on Wall Street and I was thinking about hiring you. I look at your transcript and overall, you finished undergrad with a solid GPA. I see though that at the start of college you were taking science courses and didn't fare so well. I ask you about this in your interview and your response if the story you told me above. You think I'll blame your parents for your grades? You think I'll give you the job?

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

But seriously, your plan is good. Now go do it and stop letting your parents run your life.

 

[willen101383]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

College is what you make of it. I went to east bumblefck state U for my undergrad and had a great time despite the fact that there was no premed dept, no premed major, limited resources, next to no research.

You are still going to have these issues with your parents controlling your life until you stand up and say back the f up I will do what I want.

If they say no....then it sucks....but have you ever seen the show Intervention? Thats what needs to be done. Cut them off, and if they cant handle it, they cant handle it....but if they are reasonable at all they will come to their senses that they are being overbearing velcro parents.

And I just took the time to reply to your thread on my birthday so you better listen.


Ive been at odds with my parents since undergrad since I was a big time screw up in high school. Big deal. "oh you will never go to college"....I went to college...."you will never ever go to med school so stop trying and just give up already".....went to grad school and smoked it....then got into med school and continue to do well.

Moved 400 miles away from my hometown, bought my own house, have my own life.

 

[UnclePhil]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

I guarantee you that that is not a valid excuse in ANY interview setting and no one will give you the benefit of the doubt for that.

What happens when someone asks you, "well, if you were in that current situation, what did you do to help yourself?"

 

[whatbout2morrow]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

Good luck. You're going to need it. I hope things go well for you. That being said, I can't help but feel that things probably won't change much for you, and that you'll probably be somewhere in the Caribbean a couple of years from now, still unhappy and still blaming your parents.

 

[Suncrusher]

i feel like ive seen this exact same op before

 

[NickNaylor]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

If you told me that I absolutely wouldn't hire you because you have no spine. You're completely unwilling to take responsibility for your actions. No one wants to be around someone like that.

 

[eHombre]

What if I was to tell you that I was pressured into my major and was at odds with my parents?

eitherways, to those that helped, thanks, this is my very last thread on the topic, to those that think that there is a scientific procedure out of my situation, think again

current plan

1. finish up this semester
2. try to change my major
3. for my junior year, try to transfer to the state flagship

I think what I really need is some time on my own

There a whole lot of "try to" in that post. As a great philosopher once said, "Do or do not. There is no try."

With an attitude like that, you get squished, just like grape.

[YOUTUBE]Y3lQSxNdr3c[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Morsetlis]

i feel like ive seen this exact same op before

You are not confused.

 

[BoxinMoxin]

alright so I did get back my second organic test and did bad on it again, basically, I do not know what it is but I am majoring the sciences because of my parents, I just do not find myself having an interest in this stuff but at the same time the issue is, can you really find a job or anything if you are majoring in economics or social sciences?

I mean I just do not know how to approach this. I never had a say in my major day one, my grades are terrible (2.85 GPA), I study a lot more than other kids yet I do worse on my exams than they do, and worst of all those inconsiderate people who I had to be born to keep telling me "oh you are just not working hard enough then".

Now guys, BELIEVE ME, I have tried, I have REALLY tried but they just do not get it period. They really don't get it no matter how much I tell they really do not have one bit of a clue.

HERE is where it gets scary though

1. They have threatened to send me back to India. I do not know how that works, if I am a permanent resident here then they can't send me back can they?

2. I have no means of financially supporting myself and if I change majors I know for certain they will cut me off.

I know if I major in economics I will get that 4.0 GPA because I love that stuff. I love social sciences as well. I love social studies. I am tired of working hard and studying stuff I don't have much interest in only to come up empty handed and not make A's in those classes, it is so frustrating.

 

[HumbleMD]

You need to talk about this with either 1) the source (your parents) or 2)a friend or family member who can advocate for you, because you are clearly too powerless to do so for yourself.

Explain to them you aren't going to be getting into medical school anytime soon with your poor marks, and more importantly, you have no interest in doing so. That, and if you can't pull through organic chemistry, I'd hate to see how you'd fare in upper biochemistry in undergrad, or biochem in medical school.

Finally, plenty of kids out there make it on there own at 18; I know I (and you) probably wouldn't be capable of it. "Sending you back to India" seems like a fairly empty threat, but even if it isn't you happiness has to be worth something.

 

[Stumpyman]

If you want independence go and get a job; make your own life.

 

[azerkail]

your helicopter parents doing jack, right?

pardon me for asking, but what does this adjective helicopter mean.

i too sympathize with your situation but don't have anything to offer that hasn't been said basically. i think the only way to sway unsupportive parents is to just be proactive. its what i'm trying (except they don't want me to become a doctor, strange twist of events); its better the ask for forgiveness than beg for permission or something like that.

 

[NickNaylor]

alright so I did get back my second organic test and did bad on it again, basically, I do not know what it is but I am majoring the sciences because of my parents, I just do not find myself having an interest in this stuff but at the same time the issue is, can you really find a job or anything if you are majoring in economics or social sciences?

I mean I just do not know how to approach this. I never had a say in my major day one, my grades are terrible (2.85 GPA), I study a lot more than other kids yet I do worse on my exams than they do, and worst of all those inconsiderate people who I had to be born to keep telling me "oh you are just not working hard enough then".

Now guys, BELIEVE ME, I have tried, I have REALLY tried but they just do not get it period. They really don't get it no matter how much I tell they really do not have one bit of a clue.

HERE is where it gets scary though

1. They have threatened to send me back to India. I do not know how that works, if I am a permanent resident here then they can't send me back can they?

2. I have no means of financially supporting myself and if I change majors I know for certain they will cut me off.

I know if I major in economics I will get that 4.0 GPA because I love that stuff. I love social sciences as well. I love social studies. I am tired of working hard and studying stuff I don't have much interest in only to come up empty handed and not make A's in those classes, it is so frustrating.

You are either incredibly dense or trolling. In every single one of your threads people have given you legitimate, intelligent advice as to what you should do. Do you just not read that?

You're a damn adult - you can't be sent anywhere you don't want to be sent. Get over yourself and take control of your own life. When you're unhappy in 10 years, it's your fault, not your parents', because you're the one allowing them to influence you so strongly. Grow a pair or stop complaining.

 

[NickNaylor]

pardon me for asking, but what does this adjective helicopter mean.

i too sympathize with your situation but don't have anything to offer that hasn't been said basically. i think the only way to sway unsupportive parents is to just be proactive. its what i'm trying (except they don't want me to become a doctor, strange twist of events); its better the ask for forgiveness than beg for permission or something like that.

Helicopter parents = parents that are all over your life, "hovering" over you (thus the name).

 

[eHombre]

can you really find a job or anything if you are majoring in economics or social sciences?

I have no means of financially supporting myself

You are a permanent resident, not here on a student visa. There are no legal barriers to your getting a job for yourself. Also, there are student loans. And no, your parents cannot force you to go back to India.

As for jobs with a social science degree, clearly you need to talk to your school's career counselor. There are plenty of opportunities, but you can't be so passive about your future. You'll need good grades, internships, and contacts in order to make it happen.

You should probably stop by your school's study center as well to improve your study habits, because you're not going to start making a 4.0 from a 2.8 just because you switch to a major that you "love" but haven't started yet.

 

[Autarkeia]

I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet, but you will make a horrible doctor. You will resent your parents, job, and life every day, and there will be a special resentment for your patients since you will view them as the ones making you so miserable. For the sake of those who will trust you with their care, do the hard thing and change course. Failure to do so makes your first step into medicine deeply selfish.

 

[Will2Survive]

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/28591/original/josephcollection.jpg

 

[SeminoleVesicle]

alright so I did get back my second organic test and did bad on it again, basically, I do not know what it is but I am majoring the sciences because of my parents, I just do not find myself having an interest in this stuff but at the same time the issue is, can you really find a job or anything if you are majoring in economics or social sciences?

I mean I just do not know how to approach this. I never had a say in my major day one, my grades are terrible (2.85 GPA), I study a lot more than other kids yet I do worse on my exams than they do, and worst of all those inconsiderate people who I had to be born to keep telling me "oh you are just not working hard enough then".

Now guys, BELIEVE ME, I have tried, I have REALLY tried but they just do not get it period. They really don't get it no matter how much I tell they really do not have one bit of a clue.

HERE is where it gets scary though

1. They have threatened to send me back to India. I do not know how that works, if I am a permanent resident here then they can't send me back can they?

2. I have no means of financially supporting myself and if I change majors I know for certain they will cut me off.

I know if I major in economics I will get that 4.0 GPA because I love that stuff. I love social sciences as well. I love social studies. I am tired of working hard and studying stuff I don't have much interest in only to come up empty handed and not make A's in those classes, it is so frustrating.

Here's a thought. Take out some loans, move away, and get a job. Go to a CC if you're not doing pre-med. Your weakness is not worth anyone's pity.

Life is not experienced sitting idly by.

 

[tennischamp822]

Is that you again Protagonistic?!?

 

[BurntFlower]

BoxinMoxin, why do you always come here asking for advice and then not follow ANYTHING that other people say?

 

[MD Odyssey]

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/28591/original/josephcollection.jpg

Let me help you with that.

 

[BoxinMoxin]

alright ya know what

 

[AACmd]

I really don't understand why you guys bully up on someone who is obviously reaching out and trying to talk to someone. The guy has told you guys repeatedly that his parents wont listen to him. I've heard some bad stuff about the pre-allo community but never really read anything in here, now i see what everyone is talking about.

FWIW i didn't really want to be a doctor for the first few years of college. I also got a C+ in organic I and had to retake it. I thought i wasn't cut out for any of this and thought there would be no chance for me with these mediocre grades. I think my GPA was a 2.9 half way through my soph year. I ended up sticking with it all and really fell in love with science after taking genetics with an awesome professor. After genetics I put her in gear and got straight As and graduated with a 3.4 cgpa. Fell right into a biology masters program because of research that I got involved with during undergrad. Graduated with a 3.8 and a molecular based thesis. Thought I wanted to do PhD. Eded up going on a medical mission to guatemala that really motivated me in the direction of medicine. Started shadowing doctors and realizing how "sciencey" medicine could be and so I dedicated an entire year after graduation to taking the MCAT and applying. Now I'm accepted and I have a year off before school 🙂

Just so you know I wanted to quit for a long time because I never really thought medicine was for me until about a year ago. My parents pushed me the whole way and I'm glad they did because now I'm exactly where I want to be. My point is dont think you know everything about yourself and what you want. And dont count yourself out just because your having trouble with orgo. Stick with it man.

Hope that helps.

 

[Stumpyman]

I really don't understand why you guys bully up on someone who is obviously reaching out and trying to talk to someone. The guy has told you guys repeatedly that his parents wont listen to him. I've heard some bad stuff about the pre-allo community but never really read anything in here, now i see what everyone is talking about.

FWIW i didn't really want to be a doctor for the first few years of college. I also got a C+ in organic I and had to retake it. I thought i wasn't cut out for any of this and thought there would be no chance for me with these mediocre grades. I think my GPA was a 2.9 half way through my soph year. I ended up sticking with it all and really fell in love with science after taking genetics with an awesome professor. After genetics I put her in gear and got straight As and graduated with a 3.4 cgpa. Fell right into a biology masters program because of research that I got involved with during undergrad. Graduated with a 3.8 and a molecular based thesis. Thought I wanted to do PhD. Eded up going on a medical mission to guatemala that really motivated me in the direction of medicine. Started shadowing doctors and realizing how "sciencey" medicine could be and so I dedicated an entire year after graduation to taking the MCAT and applying. Now I'm accepted and I have a year off before school 🙂

Just so you know I wanted to quit for a long time because I never really thought medicine was for me until about a year ago. My parents pushed me the whole way and I'm glad they did because now I'm exactly where I want to be. My point is dont think you know everything about yourself and what you want. And dont count yourself out just because your having trouble with orgo. Stick with it man.

Hope that helps.

Lol. This guy starts a new thread every week asking for the same advice, and gets the same answer. There comes a point when people start to get annoyed.
-I feel a little bit of sympathy for him, but he refuses to seek out ACTUAL help (not on an online forum).

 

[BurntFlower]

alright ya know what

See you next week!

 

[UnclePhil]

I really don't understand why you guys bully up on someone who is obviously reaching out and trying to talk to someone. The guy has told you guys repeatedly that his parents wont listen to him. I've heard some bad stuff about the pre-allo community but never really read anything in here, now i see what everyone is talking about.

I guess you missed all the earlier threads where people gave him legitimate advice. You should run a search, there are a ton of them.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/search.php?do=finduser&u=410263&starteronly=1

He just likes to complain, that's about it. If he had any real problems, he would have proactively tried to address them by now and if he is so mentally incapable of doing so, then he needs to see a therapist. Both of which I believe have been suggested several times.

 

[BoxinMoxin]

dude be proactive?

how?

look at my situation, mods I am not trying to start a pity party

I am 19, living at home, going to college in the same town I went to high school in, my parents are STUBBORN IMMIGRANTS who are selfish (didn't I tell you guys about how they would not let me participate in extra curricular activities?), and in college admissions they DELUDED me, my state flagship requires a 3.75 or higher GPA, I had around the lower 3s, they would not let me apply to other colleges outside of town and made me apply to reaches which they knew REAL well I could not get into.

And even today they continue to be nosy. Did you know that my dad had the password for my college email and just two semesters ago I changed it? Before I changed it HE WOULD CHECK MY EMAIL. Like seriously.

Alright i know you guys said "helicopter parents" right?

Well look at it this way. Tiger mom for example might be a good parent but she is "strict", her kids are going to go to Yale and Harvard because she knows how to get them there. So ya she was a strict mom but she knew what she was doing.

Then you have your "lenient parents" who let their kids do what they want, sure some of their kids end up being party animals, their kid's grades might suck but overall their kids are enjoying life and partying it up.

My parents were the tiger parents who did not know what they were doing period, like they did not let me out of the house at all and they really believe extra curricular activities are for poor people.

They constantly fight with me and get mad at me when I say I want to do volunteer work and say things like "volunteer work? grades grades grades!", BUT THEN after I do bad one semester they say things like "ya just keep trying and studying harder, they'll go up".

I do not think you get my situation.

I have no means of supporting myself, no experiences with being independent, my parents would not let me get a job (jobs are for kids who have bad parents in their opinion, irony right), I have no one to stay with, no way to get out on my own two feet.

I have read the advice you guys have given me, before I even posted this I looked at my past threads. I did associate commonly with this one user but honestly folks, I am lost.

My plan you say?

I would try to finish my degree and get out of the house but even then I do not know what those bipolar individuals have planned. I hate to sound so teenage (then again I am 19) but it is like they live their life for the sole amusement of making mines more miserable.

 

[UnclePhil]

dude be proactive?

how?

look at my situation, mods I am not trying to start a pity party

Then what are you doing?

I do not think you get my situation.

I have no means of supporting myself, no experiences with being independent, my parents would not let me get a job (jobs are for kids who have bad parents in their opinion, irony right), I have no one to stay with, no way to get out on my own two feet.

You have no means of supporting yourself? Bull****. Take out loans and pay for tuition/books/housing like the rest of us. No experiences being independent? Here is a tidbit of info, very few people have any experience being independent until they've actually... you know... been independent. No one is going to hold your hand through it, that's the point.

Your parents can't actually keep you from getting a job (or anything for that matter) seeing that you are an adult and legally entitled to do whatever you want to do. But since you are basically choosing to do their bidding and live under their thumb, you don't really have much room to complain.

 

[candbgirl]

See you next week!

You should have said tomorrow.

 

[kuckimonster]

dude be proactive?

how?

look at my situation, mods I am not trying to start a pity party

I am 19, living at home, going to college in the same town I went to high school in, my parents are STUBBORN IMMIGRANTS who are selfish (didn't I tell you guys about how they would not let me participate in extra curricular activities?), and in college admissions they DELUDED me, my state flagship requires a 3.75 or higher GPA, I had around the lower 3s, they would not let me apply to other colleges outside of town and made me apply to reaches which they knew REAL well I could not get into.

And even today they continue to be nosy. Did you know that my dad had the password for my college email and just two semesters ago I changed it? Before I changed it HE WOULD CHECK MY EMAIL. Like seriously.

Alright i know you guys said "helicopter parents" right?

Well look at it this way. Tiger mom for example might be a good parent but she is "strict", her kids are going to go to Yale and Harvard because she knows how to get them there. So ya she was a strict mom but she knew what she was doing.

Then you have your "lenient parents" who let their kids do what they want, sure some of their kids end up being party animals, their kid's grades might suck but overall their kids are enjoying life and partying it up.

My parents were the tiger parents who did not know what they were doing period, like they did not let me out of the house at all and they really believe extra curricular activities are for poor people.

They constantly fight with me and get mad at me when I say I want to do volunteer work and say things like "volunteer work? grades grades grades!", BUT THEN after I do bad one semester they say things like "ya just keep trying and studying harder, they'll go up".

I do not think you get my situation.

I have no means of supporting myself, no experiences with being independent, my parents would not let me get a job (jobs are for kids who have bad parents in their opinion, irony right), I have no one to stay with, no way to get out on my own two feet.

I have read the advice you guys have given me, before I even posted this I looked at my past threads. I did associate commonly with this one user but honestly folks, I am lost.

My plan you say?

I would try to finish my degree and get out of the house but even then I do not know what those bipolar individuals have planned. I hate to sound so teenage (then again I am 19) but it is like they live their life for the sole amusement of making mines more miserable.

grow a f**king pair. STOP complaining and DO something. do they have you locked in a cage? go out, apply for jobs, talk with your counselor at school. stop being such a sissy. SDN is not gonna help you. self-pity is not gonna help you. ACTION is gonna help you. YOU are going to help you. NOBODY else. Such is life. Welcome to the real world. 19 is more than enough to stop taking BS from your parents.

please get out of SDN and start doing something that will actually get you out of your predicament (sounds like first world problems to me).

 

[BurntFlower]

You should have said tomorrow.

Tell me about it.

 

[mipp0]

dude be proactive?

how?

look at my situation, mods I am not trying to start a pity party

I am 19, living at home, going to college in the same town I went to high school in, my parents are STUBBORN IMMIGRANTS who are selfish (didn't I tell you guys about how they would not let me participate in extra curricular activities?), and in college admissions they DELUDED me, my state flagship requires a 3.75 or higher GPA, I had around the lower 3s, they would not let me apply to other colleges outside of town and made me apply to reaches which they knew REAL well I could not get into.

And even today they continue to be nosy. Did you know that my dad had the password for my college email and just two semesters ago I changed it? Before I changed it HE WOULD CHECK MY EMAIL. Like seriously.

Alright i know you guys said "helicopter parents" right?

Well look at it this way. Tiger mom for example might be a good parent but she is "strict", her kids are going to go to Yale and Harvard because she knows how to get them there. So ya she was a strict mom but she knew what she was doing.

Then you have your "lenient parents" who let their kids do what they want, sure some of their kids end up being party animals, their kid's grades might suck but overall their kids are enjoying life and partying it up.

My parents were the tiger parents who did not know what they were doing period, like they did not let me out of the house at all and they really believe extra curricular activities are for poor people.

They constantly fight with me and get mad at me when I say I want to do volunteer work and say things like "volunteer work? grades grades grades!", BUT THEN after I do bad one semester they say things like "ya just keep trying and studying harder, they'll go up".

I do not think you get my situation.

I have no means of supporting myself, no experiences with being independent, my parents would not let me get a job (jobs are for kids who have bad parents in their opinion, irony right), I have no one to stay with, no way to get out on my own two feet.

I have read the advice you guys have given me, before I even posted this I looked at my past threads. I did associate commonly with this one user but honestly folks, I am lost.

My plan you say?

I would try to finish my degree and get out of the house but even then I do not know what those bipolar individuals have planned. I hate to sound so teenage (then again I am 19) but it is like they live their life for the sole amusement of making mines more miserable.

Consider the military (no, not the marines bud). They will pay for your education and take care of you while you get some real life experience. They also have counselors to give you advice about your finances, etc.

I would never really offer this advice to the vast majority of people, but man...it seems you've been so sheltered you don't know how to live independently...

Think about it...

I'm thinking support, communications, technician, logistics, etc. BTW. I can't and don't want to imagine you in the front lines...

 

[235788]

I guess you missed all the earlier threads where people gave him legitimate advice. You should run a search, there are a ton of them.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/search.php?do=finduser&u=410263&starteronly=1

He just likes to complain, that's about it. If he had any real problems, he would have proactively tried to address them by now and if he is so mentally incapable of doing so, then he needs to see a therapist. Both of which I believe have been suggested several times.

hahaha omg. This just makes me love being me even more.

 

[Camy99]

Siiiiiiiiiiigh, I don't want to nor do I have time for this but I'm gonna reply.

OP. LISTEN UP.

So, I was/am in a similar situation. My parents, especially my mom, are uberly-overprotective. If it were up to them I would have no friends, no job, no fun, no favorite sports, and just study-study-study all day long.

Key word: IF.

I am 19, my parents moved WITH me to college, so I live at home. My first two years of college I didn't do any clinical work and all that jazz because my mom (who's been an RN for >20yrs) thought it was unsafe for a inexperienced teenager to run around a hospital. Did I mention she did her schooling in Europe? And gets her information about US Med Schools from "my friend who has a kid that goes to that one school"? At the time, I took her word for it because despite wanting to be doctor for years, I didn't know the specifics of what I needed to do. Of course, as we all know, her 'not needing experience just high GPA' talk was BS as I am now quite behind in hours. Will I let that stop me? No. I am looking for all these things now with or without her consent. Unlike you she doesn't have my email password (which I blame you for btw, it's not hard to not give something to someone) so she doesn't need to know if I get an interview somewhere. But now that she understands she even offered to check at her hospital for me, but I didn't let her because that would only be another opportunity for her to protrude into my life.

So yes, I'm independent, but I'm still living at home with the parentals and all their overprotection. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive. My job (which I got despite her repeatedly telling me that it's not worth it) isn't high paying enough to support myself, and I don't want to find myself having to pay 100K for undergrad loans because of my parents. My mom is def one of those people you can't talk sense into, so I just do what I need to do and then deal with her anger and threats later.

Kinda like you, my goals and theirs is different. I want to be a Pediatrician they want to me be a surgeon of sorts. I hate surgery, I can't see myself ever doing it. Though it doesn't matter now because both are Premed, I've made sure to drill into my parents mind that the surgeon thing isn't going to happen. So I work at a daycare, I research with a Ped and guess what--by seeing me work hard for what I truly want, my parents have shifted more towards supportive. Additionally, I'm minoring in English for the heck of it even though they think it's stupid, time-wasting--you just have to remember that YOU'RE the one taking the classes, not them. All this nonsense would only be okay if they were also offering to do your ochem hmk for you (not that would be okay either but you get my point...)

tl;dr: (though you better have read it!!!) You are a human being too, just because they birthed and raised you doesn't mean they OWN you and your mind/future. Make yourself happy first and foremost. Doesn't mean turn into a rude kid, but just do what you gotta do and then deal with their (probably empty) threats later. ALRIGHT?!
Everything you're doing here is called whining and will get you nowhere. Not to being the doctor you don't want to be. Not to being the Economist you wish you'd be. Not to being the independent you can't be. Nothing. So just stop it. Unlike probs quite a few people who've replied, I understand the kind of family system you're coming from, so I've given you my reply. If you don't listen to this either, you might as well not bother come back on here.

/rant

 

[Pisiform]

we need foreveralone.jpg

 

[shaggybill]

OP, you can whine all you want, but the only person who can fix your situation is YOU. This isn't a hard concept to grasp. Why don't you get that?

It all boils down to the fact that you are scared of your parents. Your 19 years old and you are scared to death to upset mommy and daddy.

Here's the deal. If you want out of this situation, the only way it's going to happen is if YOU fix it. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

So you need to decide if you want to be happy, or if you would rather be a miserable slave to the wishes of your psycho parents.

If it's the former, grow a pair and do something about it. If it's the latter, keep posting whiny threads on SDN about how terrible your life is.

 

[eHombre]

Siiiiiiiiiiigh, I don't want to nor do I have time for this but I'm gonna reply.

OP. LISTEN UP.

tl;dr: (though you better have read it!!!) You are a human being too, just because they birthed and raised you doesn't mean they OWN you and your mind/future. Make yourself happy first and foremost. Doesn't mean turn into a rude kid, but just do what you gotta do and then deal with their (probably empty) threats later. ALRIGHT?!
Everything you're doing here is called whining and will get you nowhere. Not to being the doctor you don't want to be. Not to being the Economist you wish you'd be. Not to being the independent you can't be. Nothing. So just stop it. Unlike probs quite a few people who've replied, I understand the kind of family system you're coming from, so I've given you my reply. If you don't listen to this either, you might as well not bother come back on here.

/rant

^^^ This. +1. 👍

Listen to this person, OP.

Only YOU can prevent helicopter parenting.

 

[redhaireddeamon]

I took out loans from the day I moved out of my parents house for college. I worked my a** off to pay for my undergraduate, masters, and next year, medical degree. If your parents are suffocating you-MOVE OUT. Would you rather be unhappy for the rest of your life as a failed premed because, lets face it, you will never get in with those grades, no EC, and no passion for medicine.

The world is full of whiners. Don't be one of them.

 

[HumbleMD]

Would you rather be unhappy for the rest of your life as a failed premed because, lets face it, you will never get in with those grades, no EC, and no passion for medicine.

The world is full of whiners. Don't be one of them.

This is the bigger point. Whether or not this kid wants to go into medicine is irrelevant, because it's probably not going to happen regardless.

I always love the pre-med asking to be convinced to go into medicine. If you don't have the drive yourself, get out. There are thousands lined up behind them ready to taked their place.

 

[Autarkeia]

I really don't mean to be rude, but your victim-mentality is going to trash your life. You are an adult now and everything that follows is on you. At this point, your parents have no way to ruin your life--only you can do that, and the attitude you have adopted makes it very likely.

All your "what-should-I-do" questions aside, you need therapy. It sound like you've endured a lifetime of Type II emotional trauma, and perhaps some Type I as well. You are largely frozen in a pre-adolescent stage.

You keep telling everyone how they "just don't get it," when in reality, it is you who just don't get it. Because of your stalled our development, you think in black-and-white, all-or-nothing, good-and-bad. As a result, you can't begin to understand what everyone is telling you. I get that, but it's a problem, because a lot of people have been sharing adult perspectives that you will need if your are to thrive in this world.

You have so many options, but you can't begin to appreciate them until you grow up inside. Therapy is indicated. Unfortunately, odds are you're responding inside with some excuse about how you can't pursue therapy because of your parents, and that is the tragedy of emotional trauma--it self-perpetuates. You've taken over the role of crushing yourself for your parents, and you would continue on their work even if they vanished today.

 

[TunaSub]

Parents from the subcontinent can definitely be the worst kind of tyrants. I understand your situation, but I also think you need to step up to the plate. There is a lot of pressure to become a doctor or engineer or some other "respectable profession", but at the same time, I believe that what matters most is doing something you enjoy and that you will be successful at. I agree with the sentiment expressed by others that if your parents see you devoted, motivated, and working hard to achieve what you want, they won't stop you. At some point you have to be accountable for your choices and actions--your parents won't be a valid excuse for everything. Apart from a select group of born and raised Desi people, nobody will relate to your story, and as you see from the many responses so far, you will be held in pretty low regard. I think you just need to take a step back for a moment, think about what you really want to do in your life, and then do it. Desi parents may seem like completely unreasonable and intolerant people, but I think you will be surprised at how they receive your thoughts/plans if you presented it to them in a mature fashion, and work to pursue your goals in a mature fashion. Good luck.

 

[BoxinMoxin]

Parents from the subcontinent can definitely be the worst kind of tyrants. I understand your situation, but I also think you need to step up to the plate. There is a lot of pressure to become a doctor or engineer or some other "respectable profession", but at the same time, I believe that what matters most is doing something you enjoy and that you will be successful at. I agree with the sentiment expressed by others that if your parents see you devoted, motivated, and working hard to achieve what you want, they won't stop you. At some point you have to be accountable for your choices and actions--your parents won't be a valid excuse for everything. Apart from a select group of born and raised Desi people, nobody will relate to your story, and as you see from the many responses so far, you will be held in pretty low regard. I think you just need to take a step back for a moment, think about what you really want to do in your life, and then do it. Desi parents may seem like completely unreasonable and intolerant people, but I think you will be surprised at how they receive your thoughts/plans if you presented it to them in a mature fashion, and work to pursue your goals in a mature fashion. Good luck.

I know right!?

It is like most of these kids are born White and think ALL PARENTS are going to be like their parents. I swear to god, I wish one of these White kids would have to walk in my shoes for a day and they would see how good they have had it. If I had White parents, I would be sitting in Harvard or Yale right now, promise to god.

I mean the main problem I have identified is that I am unaware. I do not know how this thing works. I have done extra curricular activities and to give you a general idea of how much life at home sucks, I am not home all day Saturday or Sunday, I am either at school or somewhere else, anywhere but home.

The thing is, how? How? How? How? How? How do I do it? I KNOW I need to do it but how do I get independent in my situation? I mean it is frustrating to deal with a tough major and at the same time deal with being independent. I honestly think moving out on my own will help my grades a lot.

My biggest fear is the accumulation of this. Like today they are trying to decide my major but they have told me marriage and all that is my choice, they will not force me into an arranged marriage. But the issue is me preparing for that day, what if they all of a sudden again change their minds and force me into one? It is a scary though.

 

[Stumpyman]

Oh no. I only read the bold print, but please don't tell me you're starting a new thread about parents forcing you into an arranged marriage!

 

[ksmajmudar]

I know right!?

It is like most of these kids are born White and think ALL PARENTS are going to be like their parents. I swear to god, I wish one of these White kids would have to walk in my shoes for a day and they would see how good they have had it. If I had White parents, I would be sitting in Harvard or Yale right now, promise to god.

I mean the main problem I have identified is that I am unaware. I do not know how this thing works. I have done extra curricular activities and to give you a general idea of how much life at home sucks, I am not home all day Saturday or Sunday, I am either at school or somewhere else, anywhere but home.

The thing is, how? How? How? How? How? How do I do it? I KNOW I need to do it but how do I get independent in my situation? I mean it is frustrating to deal with a tough major and at the same time deal with being independent. I honestly think moving out on my own will help my grades a lot.

My biggest fear is the accumulation of this. Like today they are trying to decide my major but they have told me marriage and all that is my choice, they will not force me into an arranged marriage. But the issue is me preparing for that day, what if they all of a sudden again change their minds and force me into one? It is a scary though.

Listen man. I'm Desi too. And all I think when I read your posts is that you need to grow a pair and man up.

You need to communicate to your parents the reality of the situation, how you are feeling, and how things need to change. Both you AND your parents need to make concessions and give a little to make it work. Worst comes to worst, tell your parents to back off or you will drop out of college. If they don't back off, go join the military. That will give you food, shelter, something to do, and (incidentally enough) it will get you one step closer to becoming a doctor (and at a way cheaper cost). Or you can go get a job and start working.

Your life is what you make it. Right now, you're just making a mess of it. Fix your problems and move on with your life.

 

[UnclePhil]

I know right!?

It is like most of these kids are born White and think ALL PARENTS are going to be like their parents. I swear to god, I wish one of these White kids would have to walk in my shoes for a day and they would see how good they have had it. If I had White parents, I would be sitting in Harvard or Yale right now, promise to god.

No offense, but I highly doubt that.

 

[Koosalagoosagoo]

Mfw this thread is still alive...

 

[BurntFlower]

I know right!?

It is like most of these kids are born White and think ALL PARENTS are going to be like their parents. I swear to god, I wish one of these White kids would have to walk in my shoes for a day and they would see how good they have had it. If I had White parents, I would be sitting in Harvard or Yale right now, promise to god.

Yeah, because no white person has financial, social, and personal problems, right? 🙄

 

[TunaSub]

My biggest fear is the accumulation of this. Like today they are trying to decide my major but they have told me marriage and all that is my choice, they will not force me into an arranged marriage. But the issue is me preparing for that day, what if they all of a sudden again change their minds and force me into one? It is a scary though.

Sorry for laughing at your predicament, but that is such a brown-guy-thought/problem.

I don't agree with your "if I had white parents" thing. That's way off.

I think you should focus on the rest of my previous post rather than the stuff you bolded. It seems like you've identified your issues. In terms of "how", like others have said, talk the problems over with your parents as an adult. With brown parents like yours, there is always a power-struggle stage, and it is at this time that you need to respectfully assert yourself as your own person.

Keep in mind, that if you act like a teenager, you will be treated like one. So, clean up your attitude, etc.

When I said a select group of born and raised desi ppl would relate to your situation, I meant to imply that even most of those ppl would think you have a flare for the dramatic. I'm half brown-half black, but grew up with mainly Desi influences so I've heard of the horror stories. Like the previous Desi guy said though, the problem is not only with your parents. Both you and your parents need to compromise and communicate--you are obviously not on the same page. Hope it turns out well eventually. You must feel trapped at this point...

Also, don't post all of your issues on these kind of forums. Talk to your parents, friends, or counselor. It's just weird for everybody here...

 

[Autarkeia]

You keep saying no one can understand the particulars of your situation. That's the first line of defense for a person who is too scared to change it. You will either go to the grave comforted by the thought that no one can understand why your life was so miserable, or you will do something about it. On the plus side, this is not your last opportunity to change course. Age brings perspective. Just remember these feelings when you have your own children.