PS Question - Empathy vs. Pity? Is this the right way to convey that?

[Doctor.Mike]

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Hey there everyone. I would like perspective from students on whether this statement below is an accurate way to display how you've learned empathy in the past relative to those who are less fortunate than us. Is this an accurate statement representing how you possess the necessary to empathize with others effectively?

"Tae Kwan Do, a demanding martial art, represented childhood challenges for me, particularly in guiding and directing children with physical and mental disabilities. It was painful to observe one boy with Down syndrome; I recognized, but could not relate, to his frailties. He collapsed from horse stances, deteriorated doing push-ups, and lacked coordination in sparring. When I was instructed to face him, I had clear height and cognitive advantages; I hesitated while striking. Frustration mounted in his eyes; he wanted to feel those hits, and I was cheating him of his own development. This marked a powerful lesson in empathy: while it can be impossible to fully understand the plight of others, respecting them as equals propelled us to push past our walls. So I delivered back robust kicks and rapid jabs, and when we exited the mat, he valued my honest effort. I felt with him rather than for him; empathy, not compassion or unwarranted pity, made us both grow."

My approach to this was that feeling bad for someone isn't what less fortunate people want - that we treat them differently because of their faults is worse off for everyone involved with growth. Is this an appropriate way to convey that empathy through feeling with someone (rather than for someone, which to me is pity) is sometimes an unconventional way of viewing the issue?

 

[JLT223]

It sounds like you just feel bad for him to me. At least that's the vibe I'm getting. You say it's "painful"....not really the right word to use imo. Again, my opinion.

Edit: I should add talking about pity/empathy is something that can be a trap. It's 100% not necessary to make it a key point in any PS.

 

[Doctor.Mike]

How do you feel that way? I talked about hitting him back normally at the end of this paragraph. That's how empathy developed.

 

[changtw]

I agree with @JLT223.

"It was painful to observe one boy with Down syndrome; I recognized, but could not relate, to his frailties. He collapsed from horse stances, deteriorated doing push-ups, and lacked coordination in sparring."

The paragraph didn't convey empathy when I read through it, maybe because of the choice of words. However, I think I can see what you were getting at - where this experience led you to believe that people don't want to be catered to/babied based on their disadvantages. They want to be treated as equals, and I'm assuming you'll connect this to your goals when treating underserved communities?

It may be a better idea to change the language in the paragraph, that left me, personally, feeling a little uncomfortable, and condense it down to focus less on empathy and more on the what you learned and how that will affect you as a healthcare provider.

 

[JLT223]

condense it down to focus less on empathy and more on the what you learned and how that will affect you as a healthcare provider.

👍

 

[ProspectiveKidd]

Having spent time around people with disabilities, my honest first impression was simply that you hadn't. We know what you're getting at, but you're making him seem pathetic. Its clear you have advantages over him and he struggles with things you don't. We know this already without all of the wording. I think your intentions are pure with what you're trying to say, but thats just how its coming off as the other posters have also noted.

Your own unique perspective is always good, but I think this tie in needs to be more refined and used in the appropriate place.

I concur that your personal statement should be your personal story and what drew you to your field, and I doubt this incident encompasses that.

 

[SrJulio]

What is empathy?

 

[shaken not stirred]

I don't think this would would be a good paragraph to include in your PS, because it comes across as a reflective piece on the meaning of empathy rather than being about how you are an empathetic and compassionate person. Plus, saying that you felt painful to watch someone with disability and admitting you could not relate to his suffering, whether true or not, do not make you look like an empathetic person.
Also, you run the risk of being perceived as someone who is comfortable with the idea of being harsh on people with physical / mental disabilities.

 

[fayevalentine]

This paragraph made me uncomfortable and you contradict yourself.

Definition: em·pa·thizeˈ(empəˌTHīz/): understand and share the feelings of another.
And you say "It was painful to observe one boy with Down syndrome; I recognized, but could not relate, to his frailties".

 

[ProspectiveKidd]

Surely OP will deliver his thoughts on this issue or a revised statement for critiques.

 

[schmoob]

This paragraph made me uncomfortable and you contradict yourself.

Definition: em·pa·thizeˈ(empəˌTHīz/): understand and share the feelings of another.
And you say "It was painful to observe one boy with Down syndrome; I recognized, but could not relate, to his frailties".

I agree. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy.

OP, honestly if I were you I would completely remove this part of your PS. I, along with some other people, see that you can appreciate the disadvantages of others, as well as try to make the best of the situation. I also understand that Tae Kwon Do is a sport that requires strength, discipline, and respect.
However, it leaves lots of room for misinterpretation. Not everyone is alike, to include ADCOMS. To read a PS that talks "violence towards someone who is disabled" can make people uncomfortable. Again, I understand this is a sport with rules, oversight, and respect. I also understand that he was not a "victim." But even if they agree with my sentiment, they may put you in the "no" pile just because of that potential for misinterpretation.

 

[doc toothache]

Mike Tyson must be the most empathetic person of his generation. Just because you met a masochist, it does not mean that all genetically challenged individuals are the same.

 

[schmoob]

Mike Tyson must be the most empathetic person of his generation. Just because you met a masochist, it does not mean that all genetically challenged individuals are the same.

Thank you Doc once again for your insightful comments; always objective. We can always rely on you to be helpful and encouraging.

OP, this illustrates my point. The potential for misinterpretation is huge. Even the most educated people can be judgemental with comments like calling someone with Down Syndrome a masochist. Ultimately, the choice regarding that portion of your PS is up to you. I would just say you might strike a nerve with someone, and that's the last thing you want when it comes to probably the most important application of your life.

 

[Doctor.Mike]

How do you address empathy for others *without* saying you recognize their disadvantages or faults? That's what empathy at its core is.

 

[Doctor.Mike]

How's this, everyone?

"Tae Kwan Do, a demanding martial art, represented a childhood challenge empathizing with others. Being physically taller than everybody else in my youth, I recall the first time I ever sparred with a fellow classmate smaller in height and stature. When I was instructed to start, I hesitated, flailed while striking. Frustration mounted in his eyes; he wanted to feel those hits, and he knew I was holding back. This marked a powerful life pivot point in empathy: while it can be impossible to fully understand the perspective of others, respecting them as equals, not trying to silver-line it, propels us to both push past our own walls and fuel a personal connection. So I delivered back robust kicks and rapid jabs, and when we exited the mat, he smiled back at me across the room. I felt with him rather than for him; empathy, not unwarranted pity, made us grow."

Much more seduced, and gets the point across.

 

[schmoob]

Definitely much better. But again, empathy and sympathy are different.



"Empathy vs. sympathy

When you understand and feel another’s feelings for yourself, you have empathy. It’s often spoken of as a character attribute that people have to varying degrees. For example, if hearing a tragic news story makes you feel almost as if the story concerns you personally, you have the ability to empathize.

When you sympathize with someone, you have compassion for that person, but you don’t necessarily feel her feelings. For instance, if your feelings toward someone who is experiencing hardship are limited to sympathy, then you might have a sense of regret for that person’s difficulty but are not feeling her feelings as if they’re your own. Meanwhile, sympathy has broader applications that don’t necessarily have to do with one person’s feelings for another. You can sympathize with a cause, for instance, or with a point of view that resonates with you."


Other then that, I don't see any issues with it.
I hope you get some interview invites, best of luck and feel free to ask more questions!

 

[Likkriue]

Dental schools don't want philosophical personal statements. Stick with simple and concise. You are shooting yourself in the foot trying to write a personal statement like that. On top of that, you just used half your writing space writing about your tae Kwon do class.

 

[JLT223]

Dental schools don't want philosophical personal statements. Stick with simple and concise