Question

Lifeblood_20

M1
2+ Year Member
Mar 23, 2017
827
1,891
146
Windy City
  1. Medical Student
Gotcha. I think it is up to you to balance the costs & benefits. Would the independence of living down the block really be worth all the rent? Medical schools will go back to in-person at some point, and holding out for a little while might be all you need to save some money.
If you decide to move out, present your case powerfully. You are an adult and should be allowed to make your own decisions.
 
About the Ads

Damson

Full Member
2+ Year Member
Nov 18, 2017
812
913
116
On The Move
  1. Medical Student
Stand up for yourself. Sit your parents down at the dinner table. Talk about their behavior and how it affects you negatively - your dignity, freedom, and very likely, your grades. Tell them that you love them and know that they care about you deeply. But you're all grown up now, and need your autonomy and independence.

Most parents are reasonable enough to start adjusting after they hear this from you. But if they won't budge then move out.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users

Supahchungus

Full Member
5+ Year Member
Apr 29, 2015
291
945
166
  1. Medical Student
Stand up for yourself. Sit your parents down at the dinner table. Talk about their behavior and how it affects you negatively - your dignity, freedom, and very likely, your grades. Tell them that you love them and know that they care about you deeply. But you're all grown up now, and need your autonomy and independence.

Most parents are reasonable enough to start adjusting after they hear this from you. But if they won't budge then move out.

This is the best suggestion. You need to do what’s best for your own mental health, even if that means taking out extra money to cover your cost of living.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
D

deleted480308

You need to do a lot of math and talk to some friends that live alone. If you don’t get to take a walk right now as an adult you probably have little ability to predict all the costs and work of living alone

do the research, then get out
 
  • Love
Reactions: 1 user

Prince_Avocado

Full Member
Jun 29, 2019
82
78
56
  1. Pre-Medical
Hey!

I'm pretty much in the exact situation as you're in. I'm 23, in my second gap year, and I'm starting medical school this year just like you! I'm assuming you're from either an Asian or a Middle Eastern culture as situations like these are quite common in those cultures.

I've lived with my parents my whole life. They controlled everything I did until I attended college. It was to the point where I couldn't even shop for my own clothes. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have friends until I attended high school because they thought I might be negatively influenced from other children. I wasn't even allowed to leave my house because my parents thought I would get kidnapped just like you. Ironically, we live in one of the safest cities in the United States.

To the partial defense of my parents, they are from a third world country. It is very common to get kidnapped, killed, or held at gunpoint on a daily basis in that country. My uncle who lives there was held at gunpoint over 50 times while walking to work last year. That's how unsafe it was. They grew up in such a ridiculous environment that it's almost impossible for them not to have some level or paranoia. They are also not educated so they don't understand a lot of things that we perceive as common sense. For example, my mother thinks that "Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey" ice cream is healthy because it has bananas in it. This leads to a lot of unpleasant arguments in my household.

Once I started college, I had to do something because it was getting completely out of hand. I made a compromise with my parents for me to have some level of independence. I suggested that I worked during college so that I could build a resume and learn about life. They were against the idea in the beginning, but they eventually accepted it after a few months. Thus, I worked a lot of jobs, even jobs I didn't like, just to gain some independence. Initially, my mother kept calling me every hour to make sure I was alive and safe. This lasted for ONE WHOLE YEAR. Once that year passed, they started feeling a lot more comfortable. I was allowed to hang out with friends, do my own shopping, and even come home late.

Basically what I am trying to say is that you need to make some type of compromise with your parents and make them understand why independence is crucial to your development as a person. Most likely they are being overprotective out of care and concern. You need to establish this soon. You do not want to deal with more stress than you have to in medical school.

Are my parents still controlling? Yes, but nowhere near as much as in the past. Our relationship has gotten a lot better and they trust me to the point where I can live by myself once I start medical school.

They still want me to have an arranged marriage with this Polish girl though. :rolleyes:
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users

Rezi

New Member
2+ Year Member
Mar 7, 2019
8
1
76
  1. Pre-Medical
I would take the loan and move out. Living in such a toxic environment can be very damaging to your studies, especially since you mentioned that your siblings are noisy. I ended up working predominantly full-time during undergrad to support myself since it wasn't worth the money saved at home. For some people, compromise is possible and of course is the ideal route if possible ... however, it is also key to be realistic with yourself. My parents have always been stubborn and unwilling to compromise because it is our culture for their way to be the final way. Don't let them bring you down!

Good luck.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user

openstage

Full Member
2+ Year Member
Feb 25, 2018
422
543
116
  1. Medical Student
Wow - very common issue. I won't repeat what others have said, although I agree. But I will advise that you tread carefully. It's likely that your parents have provided emotional and financial support over the years. Try to exit without burning your bridges. I think it's very realistic to tell them the amount of focused study and quiet Med School requires, means you need to be out on your own.

BTW - I love that book "Esperanza Rising"
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user

Angus Avagadro

SDN Lifetime Donor
2+ Year Member
Aug 3, 2018
2,584
6,350
126
  1. Attending Physician
Wow - very common issue. I won't repeat what others have said, although I agree. But I will advise that you tread carefully. It's likely that your parents have provided emotional and financial support over the years. Try to exit without burning your bridges. I think it's very realistic to tell them the amount of focused study and quiet Med School requires, means you need to be out on your own.

BTW - I love that book "Esperanza Rising"
I agree with the above ^^^. The first 2 yrs of med school are miserable for all but elite students. Explain that you love your parents, but need a large amount of time to study all of the material so you can get good grades and a residency at a place like Harvard. Try to make time for them after tests and on breaks. They eventually will see your independence is not a threat. But definitely work on a comprise. Good luck and best wishes. Btw, my parents were quite eager to see me move on. Must be my sparkling personality ;)
 
  • Haha
  • Love
Reactions: 2 users

Cornfed101

Full Member
2+ Year Member
Aug 10, 2017
2,581
5,105
126
  1. Medical Student
Is the med school you are attending in the same city? My med school had a FAQ that said even if they do online school they recommend moving to the school because we have no idea how long things will be locked down. In other words, act as if school will be starting in person. You never know what will happen with all this COVID stuff.

Also, keep all these experiences in your memory for if/when you have your own kids. Don't be an overbearing parent.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
About the Ads
This thread is more than 1 year old.

Your message may be considered spam for the following reasons:

  1. Your new thread title is very short, and likely is unhelpful.
  2. Your reply is very short and likely does not add anything to the thread.
  3. Your reply is very long and likely does not add anything to the thread.
  4. It is very likely that it does not need any further discussion and thus bumping it serves no purpose.
  5. Your message is mostly quotes or spoilers.
  6. Your reply has occurred very quickly after a previous reply and likely does not add anything to the thread.
  7. This thread is locked.