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[Gwenevre]

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I would be okay with giving up my maiden name for his. Assuming we're married before finishing school. Post-school I'd have to consider the difficulty of getting my name changed on everything.

 

[Jess Monster]

It's all a matter of personal preference. I had a former roommate who married her girlfriend a few years ago and together she and her wife chose a new surname to unite them and reflect their Irish heritage. I thought that was a nice way to be equitable with the post-wedding name change custom.

 

[pp9]

I think what you want is way more important than what he wants in this situation. I tend to be kind of cynical when it comes to last name stuff though.

I gave my son his father's last name when he was born, despite my mom advising me otherwise. His father was only around a few years and then skipped town. I loathed being called "Mrs ExBF", and it happened all the time. One day my son asked why he didn't have my last name and expressed that he'd really like to. I waited several more years, but eventually went through with changing his name, which was costly and time consuming. Most people don't even realize he ever had a different last name now. He, my family and I are all much happier now and I wish I had listened to my mom initially, or even just was willing to put my foot down with the ex.

Basically the point of that was, if you want to be Dr maiden name, then that is what you should do, because if you ever get a divorce from current BF (not that you will, but it happens) you may really resent being Dr married name, and it will be a pain to change it over (from what I was told by a vet that got married after vet school.)

My response to this would be "Oh hells to the no". Wanting me to give up a) the name I've had since I was born plus b) the title I've worked my ass off for to stroke his ego would be a gigantic NO. And would probably make me rethink my relationship with him, because to me, it shows a massive lack of respect.

Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?

 

[pp9]

I would be okay with giving up my maiden name for his. Assuming we're married before finishing school. Post-school I'd have to consider the difficulty of getting my name changed on everything.

He is firm in that we won't be engaged until after I graduate. I say, what's wrong with a longer engagement? He doesn't want an engagement/marriage to start out long distance. I can respect that, but that doesn't mean I agree lol.

 

[Coquette22]

It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?

It's the feminist in you. Embrace her. 🙂

 

[Gwenevre]

He is firm in that we won't be engaged until after I graduate. I say, what's wrong with a longer engagement? He doesn't want an engagement/marriage to start out long distance. I can respect that, but that doesn't mean I agree lol.

My only stipulation is that we need to live together for a year before there's a ring in a box in his pocket.

 

[pp9]

My only stipulation is that we need to live together for a year before there's a ring in a box in his pocket.

Certainly not a bad stipulation at all. I'd likely be moved in with my boyfriend now, but part of me thinks it's pointless to move in with him for a few months. I also can't take my dog (my dad would be sad) and I love her dearly and don't want to be separated from her. If I had gotten into my IS, we would have gotten an apartment together closer to the school.

 

[psilovethomas]

Re: last name change with marriage

I'm pretty firm on not changing my last name. My boyfriend is very firm on me changing my last name. I am pretty sure this is the #1 reason why we are not engaged yet. I'm not giving in. I love my last name and will be the first Dr. in my family. My family is super proud of me and my father is very glad that I insist on keeping my last name. Also, I am used to being identified solely my last name. A part of me would die if I gave up my last name. Besides, my boyfriend's last name is lame, anyways.

 

[pp9]

Re: last name change with marriage

I'm pretty firm on not changing my last name. My boyfriend is very firm on me changing my last name. I am pretty sure this is the #1 reason why we are not engaged yet. I'm not giving in. I love my last name and will be the first Dr. in my family. My family is super proud of me and my father is very glad that I insist on keeping my last name. Also, I am used to being identified solely my last name. A part of me would die if I gave up my last name. Besides, my boyfriend's last name is lame, anyways.

I'd be the first doctor in my family as well. To me, I'd almost be giving credit to a family that has had nothing to do with my hard work or acceptance, if that makes sense.

 

[dyachei]

it was more important to my husband that I take his name than that I keep mine. But I compromised and am now dr. dyachei maiden name husband's last name.

 

[psilovethomas]

it was more important to my husband that I take his name than that I keep mine. But I compromised and am now dr. dyachei maiden name husband's last name.

This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)

 

[Coquette22]

This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)

Eh some people might think it's weird but I'm of the opinion that unless you're using a title you didn't earn or stealing someone else's identity, what you call yourself is your business and anyone who complains about it can STFU.

 

[Minnerbelle]

Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?

Um if it's that important for him for both of you to have the same last name, then he should take Mr. YourMaidenName.

 

[dyachei]

This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)

I don't think it's weird.

 

[orca2011]

Now that you all bring this up, I haven't quite figured out what I want to do with mine. Part of me wants too keep mine, and possibly hyphen it like my mom did, but my last name is long and hard to pronounce. That being said, I'll be the first Dr. in my family too and a lot of my work ethic is from my father, so I'd like to keep some honor or whatever to his name as well.

A friend of mine from undergrad hyphened her last name and he hyphened his, so they are both HerLastName-HisLastName.

 

[DVMDream]

Solution: Never get married.... 😛

 

[Gwenevre]

Now that I think about it, I might just take his name because it's a nifty pun

 

[WildZoo]

I'm pretty set on keeping my last name. Fortunately my bf is fine with it...though my mom is very traditional and will probably be appalled

 

[Trilt]

I told my SO less than a year into dating that my last name is important to me (mother's maiden name - I didn't change it when she got married, I'm the only kid from this generation of my family that is doing anything with their life, first doctor ever, etc) and that it wasn't going to be changing. Period. It's either a dealbreaker for people or they'll get over it, and that's that. Definitely with Minnerbelle that if he someone desperately wants to have the same last name, changing to the female's name is always an option, too... doesn't have to go one way.

 

[that redhead]

My mother kept her maiden name and growing up there were definitely times where she said, "I wish I had just changed it!" Like when she couldn't pick up my dad's passport for him, etc. I changed my last name to my husband's and made my maiden name my second middle name because my middle name is a family name. It was kind of weird at first, but I like the traditional family feeling of having the same last name, and I feel like it gave me a "fresh start" after school. Sure, I'm the first doctor in the family and my parents/family were so supportive in that, but I don't feel as though I'm dismissing them by not keeping that name.

Re: the feminist undertones...with all due respect, keeping one's maiden name is simply continuing the line of patriarchy for another (your father - unless your mother didn't change her last name, so you're carrying on her father's line). If you're concerned about not being someone's property, a) don't marry someone who considers you their property and b) come up with a new last name of your own 🙂

 

[BIOMMMM]

I want to keep my last name because my last name sounds better with Dr in front of it 😛 Literally the only reason.

 

[Jamr0ckin]

I hate my last name. It belongs to my biological father who is not part of my life at all. Can't wait to get married so I can be Dr. SO last name. Even if I didn't hate it, I'd change to be the same as my husband.

ETA: plus, when I change my name I'll share a name with an actress instead of a teacher who died in a school shooting and a gay porn star.

 

[LyraGardenia]

I plan on taking my boyfriend's last name, assuming I marry my current boyfriend. We both want to wait until we're finished with school to get married. My last name now is fine, but I'm not particularly attached to or fond of it. I'm pretty sure I would also be the first doctor in my family (assuming I do get into and finish vet school, of course...), but that's not something anyone in my family has ever brought up. They probably all just assume I'll take his last name. Plus my parents chose my first name for its Irish origins, and my boyfriend has a "Mc" last name, so having a quintessentially Irish name would be cool. 😛 Interestingly, my boyfriend's mom kept her maiden name and gave him her last name. I'm glad she did, because his dad's last name is kinda silly.

 

[Caiter92]

I told my SO less than a year into dating that my last name is important to me (mother's maiden name - I didn't change it when she got married, I'm the only kid from this generation of my family that is doing anything with their life, first doctor ever, etc) and that it wasn't going to be changing. Period. It's either a dealbreaker for people or they'll get over it, and that's that. Definitely with Minnerbelle that if he someone desperately wants to have the same last name, changing to the female's name is always an option, too... doesn't have to go one way.

This is how I feel. My last name is awesome and has a lot of history to it, so it's not going any where. Plus, it was a name I picked and changed as an adult (mother's maiden name) because my father was not involved with my life and I didn't want his last name, so it means a lot to me. Any children I have will also either be getting both last names, or just mine. If I have to deal with growing a small creature in side of me for nine months, no way are they not getting my name.

 

[Skimble]

I really like the Hispanic way of giving last names. Everyone has two last names, their maternal grandfather's and their paternal grandfather's.

 

[Coquette22]

Re: the feminist undertones...with all due respect, keeping one's maiden name is simply continuing the line of patriarchy for another (your father - unless your mother didn't change her last name, so you're carrying on her father's line). If you're concerned about not being someone's property, a) don't marry someone who considers you their property and b) come up with a new last name of your own 🙂

For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.

 

[yogapony]

Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?

If that's his reasoning, then I'll go ahead and call it out as BS. My mom didn't change her name. I can't recall a time I've ever had to question - or had others question - whether or not she was our mom, or if we were a family. If it is important to you, then don't change it. You'll still end up being Mrs. So-and-so in various social situations because that's what people will often call you, but remain Dr. pinkpuppy for work.

I would never change mine - but I'm also from a family of non-name changers.

 

[pp9]

Um if it's that important for him for both of you to have the same last name, then he should take Mr. YourMaidenName.

LOL YES. This is exactly what I said!!

If that's his reasoning, then I'll go ahead and call it out as BS. My mom didn't change her name. I can't recall a time I've ever had to question - or had others question - whether or not she was our mom, or if we were a family. If it is important to you, then don't change it. You'll still end up being Mrs. So-and-so in various social situations because that's what people will often call you, but remain Dr. pinkpuppy for work.

I would never change mine - but I'm also from a family of non-name changers.

I might actually change my legal last name to pinkpuppy now.

We're kind of at a stand-still with it. He wants these issues solved before a ring comes into the picture, but I don't see any reason to get stressed over it unless the ring is in the picture. I'm still hoping he can survive these next semi-long distance four years. 😕

 

[that redhead]

For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.

I concur 🙂

 

[Filly Bay]

This has been brought up on this thread before, but how are you ladies handling maiden -> married name changes? I'd really like to stay Dr. maiden name, but my bf wants me to be Mrs. married name badly. If any of you do this, does it cause any confusion in legal/financial matters? If you did change your name, did you have to change anything for your veterinary license?

I just got married about a month ago and I am halfway through vet school. I changed my name because I wanted to and not because anyone told me to. I say do whatever you feel most comfortable with and don't let anyone sway you either way. My good friend (who is in my year in vet school) is also getting married this summer and is not changing her name because she likes her last name. There is no wrong answer.

As far as paperwork, I don't have my DVM yet so I'm not sure how those things work. Legally changing my name wasn't as bad or time consuming as people made it sound. I'll be getting a new email at school with my married name but I believe emails sent to my old email address will be forwarded.
Edit: Just after I posted this I checked my email and saw that I had a notification about my new email address and that all my mail will be automatically forwarded 🙂 Yay for making life easy!

 

[Filly Bay]

For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.

I agree with this. I've had people accuse me of being "anti-feminist" for changing my last name and also that I must be disappointing my family for not becoming Dr. Maiden name. No one forced me to change my name - I simply wanted to have the same last name as my husband and future children. That doesn't affect my viewpoints (or my family's for that matter) on anything else.

 

[Coquette22]

Yesterday was my birthday. It was lovely. Around 7 PM, flatmate comes home. For the record, flatmate is another vet (different clinic) and a former classmate. First words out of his mouth: "So here was the plan. I was supposed to be off at 4, and I was going to take you to dinner. And I have stuff in the fridge to make a cheesecake which would have been ready by the time we got back from dinner. Unfortunately, at 3:50 a cat came in with a huge fish hook in its arm." At least his heart was in the right place? 😀 (And I'm apparently still going to get both the dinner and the cheesecake. In fact, the cheesecake is in the fridge now. Dark chocolate chip with a strawberry glaze.)

 

[jmo1012]

Yesterday was my birthday. It was lovely. Around 7 PM, flatmate comes home. For the record, flatmate is another vet (different clinic) and a former classmate. First words out of his mouth: "So here was the plan. I was supposed to be off at 4, and I was going to take you to dinner. And I have stuff in the fridge to make a cheesecake which would have been ready by the time we got back from dinner. Unfortunately, at 3:50 a cat came in with a huge fish hook in its arm." At least his heart was in the right place? 😀 (And I'm apparently still going to get both the dinner and the cheesecake. In fact, the cheesecake is in the fridge now. Dark chocolate chip with a strawberry glaze.)

happy birthday!! i have chocolate cookie dough cupcakes on my counter right now, but i seriously want to steal your cheese cake that sounds amazing!!

 

[dyachei]

happy birthday Coquette!

 

[Coquette22]

happy birthday!! i have chocolate cookie dough cupcakes on my counter right now, but i seriously want to steal your cheese cake that sounds amazing!!

It was amazing. I came home from work last night to the smell of chocolate filling the apartment. Having him as a flatmate is easily one of the best decisions I've ever made.😀

 

[jmo1012]

http://www.gomerblog.com/2014/02/ventilator/

 

[Gwenevre]

Trying to share a tumblr post I found today, but the gorram site keeps changing the hyperlink to a media link

 

[Gwenevre]

 

[Winged Scapula]

LOL at the above that pre-med advisors are always good sources of information regarding applications. Perhaps at undergrad programs with medical schools but at others the advisor is often some random faculty member with little to no experience getting people into medical school. Many of us did it on our own for exactly that reason.

There's a reason SDN has become the largest and most popular pre-med website and its because the volume of accurate information vastly outweighs the bad.

 

[that redhead]

So I'm at the grocery store today, stocking up for the week. Checking out and I don't really notice the dude in line behind me until his female partner waltzes up complaining loudly about all the grams of sugar in the organic, non-GMO, happy-apples-only apple juice the dude picked out (nevermind the fact that without sugar, apple juice would taste even more like its true main ingredient: horse piss.) Then she starts rambling on about grams of protein and other health conscious stuff. I peek back and notice their cart is full of fruits, vegetables, all kinds of healthy stuff (at which point I move my bag of nectarines to obscure the view of mint Oreos) and then I see it: a 50lb bag of grocery-store brand dog food.

If you're going to be so self-righteous about healthy eating, at least do your dog the favor of feeding him something that isn't ground up cardboard with meat flavoring and food coloring. Sheesh.

 

[dyachei]

So I'm at the grocery store today, stocking up for the week. Checking out and I don't really notice the dude in line behind me until his female partner waltzes up complaining loudly about all the grams of sugar in the organic, non-GMO, happy-apples-only apple juice the dude picked out (nevermind the fact that without sugar, apple juice would taste even more like its true main ingredient: horse piss.) Then she starts rambling on about grams of protein and other health conscious stuff. I peek back and notice their cart is full of fruits, vegetables, all kinds of healthy stuff (at which point I move my bag of nectarines to obscure the view of mint Oreos) and then I see it: a 50lb bag of grocery-store brand dog food.

If you're going to be so self-righteous about healthy eating, at least do your dog the favor of feeding him something that isn't ground up cardboard with meat flavoring and food coloring. Sheesh.

yeah but it was probably the natural, high protein cardboard crap because that's always better!! Even if higher protein foods haven't been typically beneficial to most dogs and are contraindicated in some disease processes.

ETA: i'd rather a client feed a store brand grocery food than Blue Buffalo.

 

[WildZoo]

yeah but it was probably the natural, high protein cardboard crap because that's always better!! Even if higher protein foods haven't been typically beneficial to most dogs and are contraindicated in some disease processes.

ETA: i'd rather a client feed a store brand grocery food than Blue Buffalo.

I get so annoyed whenever I'm watching something on Hulu because they have so many Blue Buffalo ads 😡

 

[orca2011]

So I'm at the grocery store today, stocking up for the week. Checking out and I don't really notice the dude in line behind me until his female partner waltzes up complaining loudly about all the grams of sugar in the organic, non-GMO, happy-apples-only apple juice the dude picked out (nevermind the fact that without sugar, apple juice would taste even more like its true main ingredient: horse piss.) Then she starts rambling on about grams of protein and other health conscious stuff. I peek back and notice their cart is full of fruits, vegetables, all kinds of healthy stuff (at which point I move my bag of nectarines to obscure the view of mint Oreos) and then I see it: a 50lb bag of grocery-store brand dog food.

If you're going to be so self-righteous about healthy eating, at least do your dog the favor of feeding him something that isn't ground up cardboard with meat flavoring and food coloring. Sheesh.

This is why everyone needs guinea pigs or something. It makes you look healthy and you can more easily hide the 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's you're buying. I'm buying peppers, tomatoes, carrots and such every week for them.

 

[Coquette22]

Texts only veterinarians* send: "Do you have any use for a dead gannet?"

*Or possibly taxidermists.

 

[battie]

So I've gotten into a debate with a girl on the APVMA facebook page (of course I did) about the condition of vet med. For once, it's actually someone I think is too doom and gloom. The main reason is that she is saying that she works for the AVMA looking at statistics and most of the vets who wrote in for this survey are saying that they're basically destitute: they wouldn't be able to eat without their spouse sort of thing. Now, while I'm all for economic awareness in vet med, that seems rather far fetched to me. I even broke it down for my state's average cost of living, starting salary for vets, etc, and I wasn't getting anywhere near "verge of starvation poor". More over, the ten to twelve vets I've worked for are no where near that situation either. It's just super hard for me to grasp that.

So question: Of those of you who are now vets, would you guys be unable to afford necessities such as food or housing if you were without a spouse? Those without a spouse, do you feel like you're suffering compared to those with spouses?

 

[deleted676737]

So I've gotten into a debate with a girl on the APVMA facebook page (of course I did) about the condition of vet med. For once, it's actually someone I think is too doom and gloom. The main reason is that she is saying that she works for the AVMA looking at statistics and most of the vets who wrote in for this survey are saying that they're basically destitute: they wouldn't be able to eat without their spouse sort of thing. Now, while I'm all for economic awareness in vet med, that seems rather far fetched to me. I even broke it down for my state's average cost of living, starting salary for vets, etc, and I wasn't getting anywhere near "verge of starvation poor". More over, the ten to twelve vets I've worked for are no where near that situation either. It's just super hard for me to grasp that.

So question: Of those of you who are now vets, would you guys be unable to afford necessities such as food or housing if you were without a spouse? Those without a spouse, do you feel like you're suffering compared to those with spouses?

I saw that post, too. I honestly don't know why I continue to follow that page; it is literally just people giving poor, uninformed advice and asking the same six or so questions over and over again. It is terrible.

I can't answer your questions obviously, but I just want to throw out there that I completely agree with your comments over there. Being aware of the financials of the vet med profession is absolutely important, but I think she is going too far with her assumptions that no pre-vet ever has actually considered it or is 100% completely financially naïve with loans. I was on board with her original post cautioning people, but then... she just kinda derailed into outright scaring people off by making it sound like vets are absolutely destitute and can't afford to even feed themselves or pay rent and were "starving". I would imagine that those are very extreme cases that don't apply to the majority of graduates. Or at least that's what I have gathered from new vets, anyway.

 

[battie]

The best part is that we're not even discussing my original point any more. It's gone completely off topic, really. lol.

I feel like if the extreme she is describing were more of the norm, the unemployment rate would be higher and the starting salary would be lower. That's basic economics.

I'm really trying to back off of contributing to that page, but when I see something that is so blatantly extreme, I can't let it go because it's irresponsible of her to be saying such things. If she really does work for the AVMA, she shouldn't be saying anything at all.

 

[dyachei]

So question: Of those of you who are now vets, would you guys be unable to afford necessities such as food or housing if you were without a spouse? Those without a spouse, do you feel like you're suffering compared to those with spouses?

It would be very difficult to make ends meet if I did not have my spouse's income.

I feel like if the extreme she is describing were more of the norm, the unemployment rate would be higher and the starting salary would be lower. That's basic economics.

I feel like this ignores the part-time jobs and low paying jobs people feel forced to take due to their loan situation. The unemployment rate isn't higher because there is *some* demand. It's just that not all jobs are good jobs.

 

[battie]

It would be very difficult to make ends meet if I did not have my spouse's income.

I feel like this ignores the part-time jobs and low paying jobs people feel forced to take due to their loan situation. The unemployment rate isn't higher because there is *some* demand. It's just that not all jobs are good jobs.

Thanks very much for the info. Can you think of stuff I might not be considering when factoring in everything together? I'm having a real hard time understanding where the extra difficulty comes in for vets. Like I said, I did a quick mock up of what monthly expenses would be for my home state and while it wouldn't be cushy living by any means, I was coming up with a little extra cash at the end of the month.

I did not consider part-time jobs at all, I will admit. I wonder if there is anywhere that shows an estimated number of newer vets working part time.

 

[dyachei]

Thanks very much for the info. Can you think of stuff I might not be considering when factoring in everything together? I'm having a real hard time understanding where the extra difficulty comes in for vets. Like I said, I did a quick mock up of what monthly expenses would be for my home state and while it wouldn't be cushy living by any means, I was coming up with a little extra cash at the end of the month.

I did not consider part-time jobs at all, I will admit. I wonder if there is anywhere that shows an estimated number of newer vets working part time.

ok so you have your rent (in this area, it is high cost of living), car payments and/or car maintenance, student loan payment, association dues and CE (may or may not be covered by employer), liability insurance, utilities, pet food and care, medical bills and or insurance to name a few