Ranting about GF

[MirrorTodd]

On second thought, this doesn't belong here. Mods can you move this to the relationship forum?

So my GF and I are talking on the phone, chitchatting about whatever, when we start to talk about how our conversations are going. She's worried that we don't talk on the phone enough since I'm going overseas again and we will only be able to talk on the phone. It's important for us to have good, "stimulating" conversation while we're on the phone, so that we can feel closer to each other when we're apart. Apparently, I haven't been doing that for her. In fact, I am such a bad conversationalist that I have never left her feeling satisfied after talking, whether that be on AIM or on the phone. Apparently, I have been asking her the same questions over and over again. So now, she's mad at me for 1) being a little miffed that she just made me feel like crap for being a bad conversationalist and 2) for not "understanding" what she means when she says all this. Honestly, WTF am I supposed to do? Apparently, I can't even ask her what's going on in her life. I'm supposed to start out our conversations with some great amazing story that's happened to me and she is supposed to feel enriched by this.

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[187502]

Sounds like you need to trade this one in for a new model... She's obviously immature, not to mention a ****ing lunatic, or at the very least a headcase.

 

[cheezer]

Sounds like you need to trade this one in for a new model... She's obviously immature, not to mention a ****ing lunatic, or at the very least a headcase.

yes, but she love him long time.

 

[MirrorTodd]

Those are both very good arguments. Although, I feel like Cheezer's argument is so much stronger. I'm gonna sleep on it. (no, not THAT it, weirdos)

 

[Hoberto]

Although, I like Epo's advice best, it sounds like you are going to go for that option. I don't understand what she means, either. I think you should apologize, tell her you understand now, and then promise that in the future, when on the phone with her, you will use more entertaining anecdotes. Then if she whines, you could ask her to please be more specific about what's bothering her about your phone skills.

 

[MaddieMay]

Maybe you could just ask her straight out without baiting her first.

 

[SMCohen]

I agree with MaddieMay. Ask her to articulate what it is that she needs from you. If you make a promise you can't deliver on, then it will continue to be a source of conflict in the future.

 

[Stroganoff]

I know the lovin' might be awesome and hot, but I honestly would never put up with this petty drama and her dictating how you should converse with her (what are you, her subject?). To me -- speaking as an outsider -- stuff like this would be a relationship dealbreaker.

The moral uptightright side of me says break up with her now and move on with your life, but the evil side of me says give her the silly conversations she wants on the phone so she continues to put out. Pump her and dump her before you leave for Iraq, and in the process, guard your heart so you don't feel depressed in the decision to break up with her and simply have a physical relationship with her until this summer, then out of nowhere end the relationship (maturely, directly, honestly and in person, of course).

PS. Don't knock her up or you'll truly never be able to end the relationship even after you break up!

Sorry for sounding like a dick in this post, but I respect you and think you can do better, so I'm just being brutally honest.

 

[MaddieMay]

And if mirrortodd just happens to actually be a bad conversationalist, then what? (No offense, Mirrortodd, I don't know you, this is just hypothetical.)

His gf comes to him and actually tells him (although certainly unspecifically) about something he could do to make her feel like he thinks she's interesting instead of being passive-aggressive, and your solution is to "pump her and dump her?"

What am I missing, has she been a witch in the past?

 

[jdh71]

Not everyone matches out in the end. if you're making awesome conversation and she says, "no," what does that tell you? I know what it tells me . . . sometimes real good sex and good looks keeps people together much longer than would normally happen and now that you are apart it is forcing the issue to be dealt with. She is essentially asking you to change so that she can feel better. I don't know about you, but to that I say, "f**k you! Love it or leave it," That's the breaks IMHO. Plus a woman that can't deal with you being away isn't a woman you want to be with anyway.

Good luck brother and thanks for serving.

 

[MirrorTodd]

Thanks for all the advice and support people. I really do want to be with and have things work out for us, but as my deployment looms ahead, I'm becoming more and more unsure if she will be able to handle it while I'm away. She said she was sorry for being a bitch last night and that she just got her period. I'm not exactly sure if she was just using that as a scapegoat because we both knew her period was coming up and she's never really been a bitch during her period. I guess only time will tell. I'm not breaking up with her because I really do think that we have a future together. It just takes time to learn each others quirks etc. I've never been one to just call and chit-chat on the phone. When I call people I have a specific question most of the time. I never got the whole talking for hours on end with someone. That probably comes out during our conversations when there is awkward pauses etc.

 

[Nibbler]

Before everyone tells MT to dump the gf, let's review something first, shall we:

Right. Do you guys really think he should dump her?


MT, I think she is probably just nervous about your upcoming deployment, and doesn't know how to express how much she will miss you. It's definitely not her period, but it is her just being so frustrated that you will be leaving so soon. You guys have dated for a few months now, and have had a lot of ups and downs...but they were all good, right? In the end, you did choose to stay with her after each fight.

Is there anyway for you guys to communicate via webcam while you're over? Some friends of mine have done that with their long distance relationships--virtually sit down to dinner with their loved ones every other night. And I'm also sure the webcam serves other purposes as well...

 

[Stroganoff]

Before everyone tells MT to dump the gf, let's review something first, shall we:

<pic>

Right. Do you guys really think he should dump her?


MT, I think she is probably just nervous about your upcoming deployment, and doesn't know how to express how much she will miss you. It's definitely not her period, but it is her just being so frustrated that you will be leaving so soon. You guys have dated for a few months now, and have had a lot of ups and downs...but they were all good, right? In the end, you did choose to stay with her after each fight.

Is there anyway for you guys to communicate via webcam while you're over? Some friends of mine have done that with their long distance relationships--virtually sit down to dinner with their loved ones every other night. And I'm also sure the webcam serves other purposes as well...

Your post is kinda creepy and stalkerish, whoever you are.

 

[jdh71]

Before everyone tells MT to dump the gf, let's review something first, shall we:

<picture>

Right. Do you guys really think he should dump her?


MT, I think she is probably just nervous about your upcoming deployment, and doesn't know how to express how much she will miss you. It's definitely not her period, but it is her just being so frustrated that you will be leaving so soon. You guys have dated for a few months now, and have had a lot of ups and downs...but they were all good, right? In the end, you did choose to stay with her after each fight.

Is there anyway for you guys to communicate via webcam while you're over? Some friends of mine have done that with their long distance relationships--virtually sit down to dinner with their loved ones every other night. And I'm also sure the webcam serves other purposes as well...

Hotness is NEVER an excuse for bad behavior. I'd dump the hottest chick in the world if she started acting like a hag.

 

[jdh71]

Thanks for all the advice and support people. I really do want to be with and have things work out for us, but as my deployment looms ahead, I'm becoming more and more unsure if she will be able to handle it while I'm away. She said she was sorry for being a bitch last night and that she just got her period. I'm not exactly sure if she was just using that as a scapegoat because we both knew her period was coming up and she's never really been a bitch during her period. I guess only time will tell. I'm not breaking up with her because I really do think that we have a future together. It just takes time to learn each others quirks etc. I've never been one to just call and chit-chat on the phone. When I call people I have a specific question most of the time. I never got the whole talking for hours on end with someone. That probably comes out during our conversations when there is awkward pauses etc.

Good luck man. It sucks being in your position right now, but you'll know soon enough, I imagine, one way or the other.

 

[MirrorTodd]

Is there anyway for you guys to communicate via webcam while you're over? Some friends of mine have done that with their long distance relationships--virtually sit down to dinner with their loved ones every other night. And I'm also sure the webcam serves other purposes as well...

Yes, we can easily connect via webcam and I've assured her that it won't be a problem. The military has made huge strides to keep loved ones in contact with each other. Hell, last time 30 of us got together and paid a local national to come on base and hook us up with satellite internet so that we wouldn't have to go to the rec center to use the computer/internet.
Yes, all the ups and downs have been a good thing in the end. It's been a real learning experience and whatever happens, I'm sure that it will have been for the best.

Your post is kinda creepy and stalkerish, whoever you are.

lol I'm fairly certain that it's VandyYankee.

Good luck man. It sucks being in your position right now, but you'll know soon enough, I imagine, one way or the other.

Thanks man, it will work itself out in one way or another. I don't want to give up on her just like that. We've been together nearly 10 months now.

 

[Nibbler]

Your post is kinda creepy and stalkerish, whoever you are.

I'm really not sure if you're being facetious, or if you're having a brainfart and really don't know who I am.

Good luck MT! When are you leaving?

 

[MirrorTodd]

Mid-August. After I get back, I'll have about 6 months left on my contract, then I'll be home free.

 

[C. LaRue]

Eh. Girls are crazy. All girls. Every girl in the entire world will act exactly like that at some point. Just ride it out -- she's upset, can't verbalize it properly, and reacts by flipping out about something ******ed. We've all been there a time or two. As long as she doesn't do it all the time, it's normal. Just be as understanding as you can, because she's only acting like this because she's freaking out about you leaving.

If my boy had a quarter for every time I flipped shit about something totally unrelated to what was actually upsetting me, he'd have a shitload of quarters.

 

[Winged Scapula]

She's probably stressed about you leaving, wondering if your relationship will survive and (sub)consciously testing you and herself by trying to find something wrong, so if it doesn't work out, she's mentally preparing herself.

Since I didn't finish my PhD Dissertation in Psych, I will not charge you for my analysis.

 

[veggie lee]

I have to agree about girls being crazy sometimes...it's normal. And her freaking out is a sign of just how much she cares. Be understanding and view this as a chance for you to grow. Most guys are behind in the communication/expression of feelings dept compared to thier girls. And that's on or off the phone. Thinking back on the early parts my relationship with my husband (3.5 yrs) I now see I should maybe have taken more of his early criticisms to heart because if there was a flaw or weakness in my character at that time, it hasn't magically gone away. Usually the ones you're closest to see these things the most clearly and if it really bothers her then you should try to work on it.

 

[ArmyDocDude]

I think that your problem may boil down to the fact that men and woman are different on many levels, including talking on the telephone. Men, generally, use the phone to call someone and get information. Call with a direct question, get an answer, and goodbye. That's how I do it, I've been told this many times by my wife. Women, on the other hand, want to talk on the phone about many things, not just facts. They like to connect and interact, whereas men just want info. Forgive me if any ladies take offense, by the way, this is only in my experience.

Knowing this, and explaining this to your girl, and explaining also the fact that changing the way you communicate on the phone will be hard, and that she is going to have to cut you some slack.

One thing you might try is to keep a notepad with you, and a pen, and write down interesting things that happen to you during the day. That way, you have a hard copy of what to talk about when it is time to talk with your girl. Some might say it won't be genuine, only a scripted conversation, but I don't see the problem if it is enhancing a troubling phone relationship. If you are extreme long distance, it will be a lot better than realizing you have nothing to say, and listening to each other breathe and try to make up something from several thousand miles away.

Might be worth a try, anyway. I prefer AIM to communicate with my wife, because there is more room to think about what to say, and the conversation moves slower, allowing more time for details.

 

[Iquitos]

yes, but she love him long time.

Long distance relationships are definitely tough. From my observations, if it's tough over the phone, it usually doesn't get that much easier in person. I will also agree with the previous post about "physical intimacy" keeping some relationships together longer than they would otherwise-definitely an unhealthy emotional rollercoater if you ask me.

 

[natesgirl]

Deployments are tough, the weeks and days leading up to them are rough, I have to make a conscious effort not to nag DH or nit pick on him ... it sounds like an excuse but it's a defense mechanism. You know you'll be hurting when they leave so you want to coil up and protect yourself.
maybe pick up a copy of the five love languages, sounds lame but if it's worth it to you to learn how to communicate love over the 15 minute phone calls it's worth it.
as a spouse, and having been through over half a dozen deployments it really is important that you both are understanding and reassuring.
I don't want to make excuses but maybe shed some light on the fact that you are leaving so she feels she needs to get as much attention, reassurance and feel like everything is ok before you are gone...
it gets better or for us it did. I just learned that life is what it is and we deal with it... some days the convos are are loving and reassurance and some days it's all business and what bills need to be paid or whatever but still
anyway i am rambling.