Hello sdn,
First of all, I would like to sincerely thank you for your kind and supportive reply - I have to admit, the most helpful in this thread thus far. I am always accepting advice from elders who walked in the same footsteps as myself.
You say you don't know me - so you can't give me specific advice pertaining to me. Well, you said in your own post "The anxieties you had during the process of getting qualified, applying & getting accepted, you somehow dealt with." But frankly - I never want to go through that for the rest of my life. You don't understand the mess I was in - no sleep, always sweating, fitgiding. My personality does not allow anything to go wrong, and when stuff *does* go wrong and I can't possibly do anything to fix it (except wait) - my body begins to break down, both mentally and physically.
Half my Christmas break was spent in sheer discomfort because I made a mistake and placed english as my "second language" - while it really was my first, indicating that I had to do the TOFEL or whatever the name is. And, as I could do nothing to contact the university while it was on break - I had to wait.
I suppose that could tell you a little bit about myself. I never really tried in highschool, except I got good marks. I don't expect the same to pass for university at all. That's why I need advice, I need specific advice on how to organize my files, how to take effiecent notes (me not even reading my own writing is a shame initself), and finally a daily "blue print" of what one usually does in pharmacy school.
You see - if I worried this much about school when I was paying NOTHING, how much do you think I'll worry when I'm paying 35,000$/yr, plus a whole year of my life. The possibility of failure is not an option, and while someone might say "that'll motivate you" - IT REALLY WON'T. That will just make me even more nervous, the even thought of that makes my legs shiver - how am I supposed to survive school in such a state?!?!
I don't know SDN. I think going to pharmacy school might have been a mistake - from what I'm hearing it's really stressful, and I'm not a stress-friendly person. I remember I wrote a physics exam once, and I got a 84% (OK), but my teacher informed me I would have recieved a 97% had I not made stupid calculation errors. I actually plugged the numbers into the calculator incorrectly. Why? Stress.
If it helps, I'm going to school in the states, but I'm from Canada - And that whole border-to-border transition just adds to my "eek!" file regarding university.
tolkien,
So...you've received a lot of advice here - some which perhaps is being received very well on your end.
Really - you'll never, ever know if you made the right choice until you reach the end - the end of your life, your professional life as a pharmacist (there are one or two here who are pursuing other ventures), your life as a working person - RETIREMENT!!!!
Honestly - there are times that I wonder - did I make the right choice? This is most often after I've been chewed out for doing what I thought was best at the time....and this still happens to me 30 years later! And - you are taking on this expensive venture in a country which is not your own. This, is hard....very, very hard for you!!!! But - I really would do this all over again & parts of me envies your position!
So - what do you need to develop to be a great pharmacist??? You need the basics - a really, really good background in chemistry & pharmaceutical chemistry, a good handle on physiology, know your pharmacology inside & out & know kinetics - not just the formulas, but what they're based on - because its hard to believe, but a drug gets "old" & a new drug takes its place. So - you need the "concepts" not the specific facts (those are the classes that Hel referred to - basic memorization which numbs the mind). But, when you really LEARN the concepts - then the facts become apparent - not readily..sure you need to read & learn, but you'll get there. I can't tell you what blueprint you'll need or how to learn it because of all I've said previously. But - keep in mind - you need to know the WHY of WHAT you do or advise.
Now - you've talked about your mistakes - the TOEFL mistake. If that is the greatest mistake you'll ever make - consider yourself lucky!!! I understand your Type A personality - you worry & stress about everything. You also have a hard time letting things go (after all - you can recount the feelings from 6 months ago very well!).
You could do what some have suggested - take a year off - but, honestly, what would that do? You need some time & space to grow up (& I don't use that terminology derogatorily (sp??)). Not every choice is a major one. Not every decision is a major one. It takes some time & experience to learn that. If taking a year off would gain you that, I'd say sure. But, if you were my child, I'd recommend you go & we stay in close communication. We'd need to talk & talk & talk yet again. Do your folks know of your propensity to worry? Do they provide some perspective when you need it? My daugher was not a worrier, nor is she now - but, she still has a hard time learning that each day is one day that gives you the chance to do only what you have within yourself - no more, no less. My son, however, is a worrier - worries about all the "what ifs & perhaps'" - I probably talk to her more than him, but each still need our "gounding" in reality which they don't yet experience.
However - understand...that this is indeed your personality type. You need to learn how to manage it. I am definitely that way. I don't care how you place the warning labels on a vial or how you package the promethazine vials to put in pyxis....but - I LIKE my Thanksgiving table set JUST THAT WAY!
But - professionally, I've learned that time & space allow me some ability to put things in perspective. I try to let time go by & think - what is the absolute worst thing that could happen from this experience? Well - if all it is is a poor grade... I can fix this the next time (remember - I said poor - not failing - we all have what we consider "poor"). Also, remember - you can only do the very, very best you can do under the circumstances you are presented at the time. Does that mean, do I wish I'd done some things differently??? ABSOLUTELY! But - I can only do & only expect my children, my employees, my colleagues to do the very best they can do that particular day. We are not perfect all the time, every day.
Likewise, my husband, drsdn is the most laid back type B individual you'd ever want to meet - until you talk to him about a dental restoration. Then, you'd think the world had stopped spinning. We all have those things that push our buttons & that make us crazy.
Right now - you are tremendously stressed about starting school. Know that all the advisors & professors know that all the P1s are equally stressed. Now, if you find that by Oct or Nov, things don't seem to be settling down into a pattern which you can live with - you need to seek some help. You might need to make some decisions...but, for right now - take a break, have some fun, know you've come this far & have done well. Give yourself some credit & know you won't be perfect.
Each school has its own student affairs office which can help you when things get tough - and I'd advise you to seek this out sooner rather than later if your grades don't come out as well as you'd like. It might be a nice place to visit & get to know the people, particularly since you're Canadian.
Stay in touch with your folks - vent, rant, cry.....its all only money & your life & happiness is worth far, far more than any money or debt you'd ever encounter.
Again - welcome & relax - you really will be fine. We are always here....There really is a great big community which want you to suceed. Hang in there & stay optimistic until life proves you otherwise.
