relationship decisions / couples match

[TypeAdoc]

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So with residency application approaching, I feel like there's a lot of pressure on couples to get engaged. It seems like most couples just aren't talking about it. For those who have non-medical school SOs, the problem is still there, but the non-medical partner doesn't understand the implications of only applying to one city.

Anyone had any experience with this? Is is crazy to get engaged just for a career-imposed deadline? Crazy to only apply to one place for someone who isn't ready to make things official?

 

[MrBurns10]

Is is crazy to get engaged just for a career-imposed deadline? Crazy to only apply to one place for someone who isn't ready to make things official?

I'm only a 2nd year so I don't have any personal experience, but I have a few thoughts:
1) you don't have to be engaged or married to couples match
2) yes, it's crazy to only get engaged because of the match
3) you also don't just "apply to one place"...you may not get your first choice based on your significant other's placement, but you would still interview everywhere and see what places and you do and do not like. Doing so would allow you to say, for example, "I would be willing to go to residency X for this person" and "hell no would I ever go to Y."

 

[TypeAdoc]

Not one residency program...one city or area of the country. Clearly no one would apply to just one residency program.

Does anyone have other thoughts?

 

[MrBurns10]

Not one residency program...one city or area of the country. Clearly no one would apply to just one residency program.

The same applies to one city. You wouldn't need to do that either.

 

[Blade28]

You don't need to be engaged to enter the couples match.

In fact, any two (or more, for that matter) people can enter the couples match. Friends, significant others, etc.

 

[Anka]

This is just a personal opinion, but I don't think you should couples match unless you are engaged and preferably married. I've seen people couples match, both take hits on what interviews they went on, as well as how seriously they were taken (e.g., "so, does your partner have an interview in Boston?"), then at the end of the game break up 😱. I know one resident who couples matched, wound up at something other than his first choice program (in fact, a poor fit for him, although a great program), then have his SO break up with him a couple of weeks in. Granted, all of this can happen even if you're married or engaged, but if you aren't serious enough about each other to take the leap, you should probably part on good terms and worry about your own careers. Who knows, if you wind up in the same city, you might stay together.

Anka

 

[Brian Griffin]

I apologize for asking a really basic question, especially since it doesn't really apply to me, but I'm just curious... what exactly are the advantages and disadvantages of doing the couples match? I know what it is, but I don't really understand the details of it too much.

 

[MrBurns10]

I apologize for asking a really basic question, especially since it doesn't really apply to me, but I'm just curious... what exactly are the advantages and disadvantages of doing the couples match? I know what it is, but I don't really understand the details of it too much.

You and your match partner enter the computer match algorithm as a couple and you rank the programs together. For example, say Programs A and B are in the same city and C is in a different one:

Rank list:
1st choice: Person 1 at A and Person 2 at A
2nd choice: Person 1 at B and Person 2 at A
3rd choice: Person 1 at A and Person 2 at B
4th choice: Person 1 at B and Person 2 at B
5th choice: Person 1 at C and Person 2 does not match

That's a quick and dirty of how it works. Go to the ERAS match forum for more info.

 

[Brian Griffin]

You and your match partner enter the computer match algorithm as a couple and you rank the programs together. For example, say Programs A and B are in the same city and C is in a different one:

Rank list:
1st choice: Person 1 at A and Person 2 at A
2nd choice: Person 1 at B and Person 2 at A
3rd choice: Person 1 at A and Person 2 at B
4th choice: Person 1 at B and Person 2 at B
5th choice: Person 1 at C and Person 2 does not match

That's a quick and dirty of how it works. Go to the ERAS match forum for more info.

Thanks for replying... I actually just kind of meant though, like what's the biggest disadvantage of doing it. Basically I guess just that it severely limits each individual applicant's options, right?

 

[MrBurns10]

Thanks for replying... I actually just kind of meant though, like what's the biggest disadvantage of doing it. Basically I guess just that it severely limits each individual applicant's options, right?

Well, for some it can be a disadvantage because it does limit you somewhat. On the other hand, it can also help you if your partner is a stellar applicant for the same or even another department (I've heard departments talk to each other).

 

[fakin' the funk]

Thanks for replying... I actually just kind of meant though, like what's the biggest disadvantage of doing it. Basically I guess just that it severely limits each individual applicant's options, right?

Yeah, I like how you said "I know what the couples match is and how it works" and then this guy tells you all about it and how it works

Anyway, there are a bunch of posts by aProgDirector in the NRMP forum about this. The gist of them is, there's no statistical downside to couples match since you can specify any combination you want, and it might help some people (the weaker of the couple) get interviews they might not otherwise get. But most couples have a practical downside in that "I match at A and you go unmatched" is not a feasible slot in your ROL.

 

[MrBurns10]

Yeah, I like how you said "I know what the couples match is and how it works" and then this guy tells you all about it and how it works

Girl, and his post said "I know what it is, but I don't really understand the details of it." To me that meant that he didn't know the details of it...but you're right, that IS pretty hilarious!

 

[Brian Griffin]

Girl, and his post said "I know what it is, but I don't really understand the details of it." To me that meant that he didn't know the details of it...but you're right, that IS pretty hilarious!

I'm a girl too. haha. I just happen to really love Family Guy. 🙂 But thanks to everyone for filling me in... I'm sure there were other people wondering about it too.

 

[MrBurns10]

I just happen to really love Family Guy. 🙂

Ooh me too, though I'm partial to Mayor Adam West.

 

[gbwillner]

So with residency application approaching, I feel like there's a lot of pressure on couples to get engaged. It seems like most couples just aren't talking about it. For those who have non-medical school SOs, the problem is still there, but the non-medical partner doesn't understand the implications of only applying to one city.

Anyone had any experience with this? Is is crazy to get engaged just for a career-imposed deadline? Crazy to only apply to one place for someone who isn't ready to make things official?

I'm going through this right now.... I'm a total commit-a-phobe so this has been good motivation to go out and buy a ring. It kind of forced me into a corner where I had to make a decision. My SO is in graduate school and will follow me wherever I go, once she finishes her Ph.D.. She did get to help decide on the ROL though... and I picked my #1 over #2 because she likes that city better.

 

[Tiger26]

Nobody in my class would be worth risking the scramble for

 

[nightowl]

I am one of the few lucky people who met my husband in med school, and we got married M2 year (me) and M3 year (him). We were the type couple who just said, screw the complications of matching, blah blah blah, and risked it. I'm completely surrounded by couples who have been together just as long as us and not engaged. One person's not ready, they argue about it, commit-phobe types, you name it. I think if two people have been together for 2+ years or so, and are not willing to move to the same city together, the future is probably looking bleak. I'm sorry, but if you're not willing to factor your significant other into that big of a life decision..... is marriage really going to happen? ever?

saying all that, I think if two people are fighting a lot about it, and one person feels cornered, that is an awesome motivator to break up maybe I'm a little calloused, but two people who are really in love and want to put each other first (aka where you should be if marriage is in your future) don't have to go round and round about making this sort of life decision. anyway, that's just my two cents.

 

[shamwe]

i have a question regarding the couples' match, and it may be a silly one-

how does it work if you are not in the same year? i will graduate one year behind my SO, and i was wondering if you could still apply as a couple, and get the special consideration? our plan is to pick out the programs we want to apply to as a team, so that regardless of where he matches, i will want to be at the program too. i just wasn't sure if they would still consider me as part of that couple, or just as a regular single applicant.

 

[MrBurns10]

how does it work if you are not in the same year? i will graduate one year behind my SO, and i was wondering if you could still apply as a couple, and get the special consideration? our plan is to pick out the programs we want to apply to as a team, so that regardless of where he matches, i will want to be at the program too. i just wasn't sure if they would still consider me as part of that couple, or just as a regular single applicant.

Since the couples match is just a computer algorithm, it only works if you go into the match the same year. But many programs do take into consideration if your partner is also there. Another option would be if your SO takes an additional year and then you apply through the couples match together.

 

[NRAI2001]

Does going through the couples match usually mean you will not get as great of a residency as you would have if you had gone into the match alone? I ve been wondering about this for awhile now..

 

[had2piknowEM]

One of the other downsides is that if YOU are the stronger applicant you may not match into your top programs because of your SO. So just as it can help you match somewhere you may not have matched otherwise, it can also prevent you from matching somewhere where you may have had you applied individually. It's like a double-edged sword.