Relationships and non-trads

[Petypet]

Well I am a newbie in regards to posting here, but have been a long time browser of the SDN forums.

I am currently a PhD student in biochem and will be graduating at the age of 26 (god I hope), so likely medical school at 27-28, putting me in the younger nontrad age bracket. What type of relationships do these types of students have, meaning who they associate with and such (from previous stats most schools admit ~4-8 people 26-30). Just recently single, after a 9 year relationship, I am worried about getting knees deep in school to only miss the chance of having a family while I am still relatively young. Ideally I would like to have my kids entering college when I am 50ish, so that I do not seem like the old fart (sorry non trads) that my children can't do fun things with. Don't take this as I am afraid of the challenges, because I am going to medical school, but just want to see what the reality is of dating someone my age/maturity is.

So, how easy/awkward is it for someone my age (single male) to find someone that is probably already knees deep in their profession to commit to someone that has a lot more schooling yet to do. Those of you in this age bracket, do you associate with your younger or older colleagues and going into this expedition single was it easy to find a significant other that was willing to sacrifice a lot to be with you?

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[Law2Doc]

Well I am a newbie in regards to posting here, but have been a long time browser of the SDN forums.

I am currently a PhD student in biochem and will be graduating at the age of 26 (god I hope), so likely medical school at 27-28, putting me in the younger nontrad age bracket. What type of relationships do these types of students have, meaning who they associate with and such (from previous stats most schools admit ~4-8 people 26-30). Just recently single, after a 9 year relationship, I am worried about getting knees deep in school to only miss the chance of having a family while I am still relatively young. Ideally I would like to have my kids entering college when I am 50ish, so that I do not seem like the old fart (sorry non trads) that my children can't do fun things with. Don't take this as I am afraid of the challenges, because I am going to medical school, but just want to see what the reality is of dating someone my age/maturity is.

So, how easy/awkward is it for someone my age (single male) to find someone that is probably already knees deep in their profession to commit to someone that has a lot more schooling yet to do. Those of you in this age bracket, do you associate with your younger or older colleagues and going into this expedition single was it easy to find a significant other that was willing to sacrifice a lot to be with you?

You will be able to hang with folks of all ages in med school. At 28 you won't be more than 5 years off the average at most schools so old/young may/december issues don't really play into it the way they might if you were more of an extreme nontrad. I think you have to be talking about a much larger age difference before folks start throwing around the whole "cradle robber" and "creepy old guy" comments.

As for planning when you are going to have children with someone you haven't even met yet, you are being pretty silly. You don't plan the timing of this kind of stuff. It happens when it happens. If it takes you to 35 until you meet the person you want to spend your life with, that's what happens. You don't decide -- I'm going to find someone by X year so I can have kids by Y year so I'm not 50 by the time they graduate from high school. Guess what, life isn't on a fixed timetable. Someone going into a career on a nontraditional timetable should understand this -- major life things aren't on a schedule. They happen when they happen. Take advantage of the fact that men are fertile well into their geriatric years and have a family whenever the time is right, not based on some pre-conceived notions of how old you want to by when you have kids.

 

[soulofmpatel]

You're allowed to take 22-23 year old women if you want.

 

[Mister T]

Rule of thumb:

Take your age/2 + 7 = youngest you can go with.

Thus 30/2 = 15 + 7 = 22. YOU CANT GO YOUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE.

Example 2) 50/2 + 7 = 32. YOU CANT GO OUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE AND A CRADLE ROBBER

Example 3) 70/2 + 7 = 42. Hey for a 70 year old getting some 42 year old tail, that may not be a bad deal.

Example 4) 100/2 + 7 = 57. OH YEAH WIN!!!!!

 

[Petypet]

Wow, I like the age/2 + 7.

But I'm not worried about having kids ASAP, but I just like to be reassured that going into this part of my life, single, won't mean doom in the end. It seems like a few bloggers I read that have gone through the process single, regardless of age, come out lonely or frustrated. Neither of which I want.

 

[DitchDoc73]

Rule of thumb:

Take your age/2 + 7 = youngest you can go with.

Thus 30/2 = 15 + 7 = 22. YOU CANT GO YOUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE.

Example 2) 50/2 + 7 = 32. YOU CANT GO OUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE AND A CRADLE ROBBER

Example 3) 70/2 + 7 = 42. Hey for a 70 year old getting some 42 year old tail, that may not be a bad deal.

Example 4) 100/2 + 7 = 57. OH YEAH WIN!!!!!

AWESOME!!! haha

 

[Mister T]

when I'm hundred, I'm gonna be a baller and bang 5 twenty year old chicks at the same time.

Hey, if Hugh Hefner can do it without looking like a societal pariah, why can't I?

 

[Mister T]

Workout. Wear expensive clothes. Wear cologne. Eat well. Read the Mystery Method for kicks (the Game is a piece of donkey ****) because the man is a methodological genius, and report back to us.

You are right that you will be a lonely miserable and sexually frustrated old man by the time you come out if you don't grab your pickings at the right time.

Also, don't spend so much time on the internet reading blogs. You need to ban yourself from the internet. For this, discover www.opendns.com and learn how to place parental controls on yourself.

And stop masturbating to hentai and African Girls Gone Wild.

 

[BennieBlanco]

Workout. Wear expensive clothes. Wear cologne. Eat well. Read the Mystery Method for kicks (the Game is a piece of donkey ****) because the man is a methodological genius, and report back to us.

You are right that you will be a lonely miserable and sexually frustrated old man by the time you come out if you don't grab your pickings at the right time.

Also, don't spend so much time on the internet reading blogs. You need to ban yourself from the internet. For this, discover www.opendns.com and learn how to place parental controls on yourself.

And stop masturbating to hentai and African Girls Gone Wild.

 

[futureboy]

Rule of thumb:

Take your age/2 + 7 = youngest you can go with.

Thus 30/2 = 15 + 7 = 22. YOU CANT GO YOUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE.

Example 2) 50/2 + 7 = 32. YOU CANT GO OUNGER OR YOU'RE A PERVERT AND A PEDOPHILE AND A CRADLE ROBBER

Example 3) 70/2 + 7 = 42. Hey for a 70 year old getting some 42 year old tail, that may not be a bad deal.

Example 4) 100/2 + 7 = 57. OH YEAH WIN!!!!!

Interesting formula. Guess Dr. Christian Troy on Nip Tuck didn't get the memo. He was smoking a bong and putting the moves on two 18 year old freshmen girls in the last episode...

 

[murfettie]

Interesting formula. Guess Dr. Christian Troy on Nip Tuck didn't get the memo. He was smoking a bong and putting the moves on two 18 year old freshmen girls in the last episode...

hah hah, i saw that episode..
is dr. troy balding?


to OP:
nah, you'll be okay.

 

[Mister T]

Interesting formula. Guess Dr. Christian Troy on Nip Tuck didn't get the memo. He was smoking a bong and putting the moves on two 18 year old freshmen girls in the last episode...

Well, the formula, of course, isn't law or anything but approximates pretty well what is generally considered socially acceptable.

In my opinion, I don't really give a **** what society or others say --- I mean if the media, for instance, can glamorize Hugh Hefner ****ing 5 teenagers and nobody thinks he's a pervert, then why the hell not?

Or Morgan Freeman dating his step-granddaughter or whatever?

Why the hell not indeed.

 

[jinx520]

Read the Mystery Method for kicks (the Game is a piece of donkey ****) because the man is a methodological genius, and report back to us.

Oh, yes, please. Read the Mystery Method for kicks.

And report back to us.


P.S. Masturbating to hentai? WHERE IS THE BRAIN BLEACH???

 

[Mister T]

Oh, yes, please. Read the Mystery Method for kicks.

And report back to us.


P.S. Masturbating to hentai? WHERE IS THE BRAIN BLEACH???

You may mock him, but the man will get more women than 95% of the people of the gunners on these forums ever will . The 5% of course is naturally those who have a lot of money, natural good looks, or just plain lucky. He is a modern day Casanova, and in the words of the holy Sean Connery, I'd say the one who is banging hot broads for the rest of his life wins.

http://winnersgohome.ytmnd.com/

 

[jinx520]

Yes, yes, we all know that good Mr. Mystery has a mind-boggling track record of getting into the panties. Well, all those lucky women who now are initiated in the "Mystery" arts are more than welcome to him. Good grief. I prefer quality over quantity. BTW, it makes me sad for my half of the species that so many women fall for that kind of thing. But if that's your thing, boys, knock yourself out.

 

[Mister T]

Yes, yes, we all know that good Mr. Mystery has a mind-boggling track record of getting into the panties. Well, all those lucky women who now are initiated in the "Mystery" arts are more than welcome to him. Good grief. I prefer quality over quantity. BTW, it makes me sad for my half of the species that so many women fall for that kind of thing. But if that's your thing, boys, knock yourself out.

Oh you're a female huh? Didn't you say in a previous thread that you fell to a cocky ******* before and you learned your lesson? See, you all fall for the same stupid tricks when you're young, then you start picking up as you get older. It's inevitable as you're more experienced now. Though I bet if you didn't know who Mystery was and he came up to you, you would fall in love with him too

I prefer quality over quantity too. In two senses, of course. If it's going to be a relationship, then the girl needs to be compatible with my personality, be charming, intelligent, interested and even passionate about something, and not significantly crazy, oh and cute to boot.

The other way is that if you just want to bang chicks, then yes, quality matters too. I am reminded of my Turkish room mate who focused on quantity over quality and some of the girls he brought over --- well, let's just say that in his idea 5 * "2" girls = a "10" in his book.

 

[jinx520]

Didn't you say in a previous thread that you fell to a cocky ******* before and you learned your lesson? See, you all fall for the same stupid tricks when you're young, then you start picking up as you get older. It's inevitable as you're more experienced now. Though I bet if you didn't know who Mystery was and he came up to you, you would fall in love with him too

I did say in a previous thread that I fell for a cocky ******* before I learned my lesson, and yes, he did in some ways remind me of good Mr. Mystery. Thankfully, I grew up and I did learn my lesson.

But...GOOD GOD, MAN!!! THAT HAT!!! I don't care how handsome, smart, rich, buff, witty, considerate, or WHATEVER a man is...if he's wearing a hat like that, I'd never be able to look past it. Or the
Tommy Lee eyeliner...or the inexplicable binoculars-as-necklace.

Although I did once date a man in my misspent youth who wore a hat like this:

Before you say anything, let me make this point: the Eddie Murphy hat at least used to be in style. Mystery's hat, on the other hand, could only ever make it to the cover of Pimps, Unlimited if it was to be taken at all seriously.

 

[jinx520]

P.S. Dude looks like Joan Collins with that hat.

 

[Mister T]

I did say in a previous thread that I fell for a cocky ******* before I learned my lesson, and yes, he did in some ways remind me of good Mr. Mystery. Thankfully, I grew up and I did learn my lesson.

But...GOOD GOD, MAN!!! THAT HAT!!! I don't care how handsome, smart, rich, buff, witty, considerate, or WHATEVER a man is...if he's wearing a hat like that, I'd never be able to look past it. Or the
Tommy Lee eyeliner...or the inexplicable binoculars-as-necklace.

Although I did once date a man in my misspent youth who wore a hat like this:

Before you say anything, let me make this point: the Eddie Murphy hat at least used to be in style. Mystery's hat, on the other hand, could only ever make it to the cover of Pimps, Unlimited if it was to be taken at all seriously.

It's called peacocking. The point of it is to attract attention and to stand out from the rest of the crowd, so that you gain the other person's attention.

It'd sound so ridiculous if the man didn't pull it off so well. His mind is like a chess player's except that the playing field isn't the chess board but the club

The problem is, younger girls like stupid **** like that. They think it makes the guy look stupid "cool fun to the max" because young girls have ADHD in America. It's only when they get older that they wisen up, and if they don't well they're the ones who end up marrying bums --- and thus the circle of life repeats itself where girl is attracted to cocky douchebag *******, mates and reproduces, ad infinitum... the smart ones don't of course.

 

[jinx520]

I have to admit that Mystery knows his evolutionary biology and uses it to his advantage. Problem is, his objective is to get laid in bulk, rather than to cultivate a lasting relationship.

I understand the concept of peacocking, as well...although I personally think that a nice Gumby T-shirt would be more effective. But, once again...GOOD GOD MAN!!! THAT HAT!!! They call that dinner in Appalachia.

And, if that's what you young whippersnappers are going for, then yes, by all means educate yourself on the Mystery Method and knock yourself out. But just remember, boys, skin your prey and tan the hide before you stick it on your head.

 

[Mister T]

I have to admit that Mystery knows his evolutionary biology and uses it to his advantage. Problem is, his objective is to get laid in bulk, rather than to cultivate a lasting relationship.

I understand the concept of peacocking, as well...although I personally think that a nice Gumby T-shirt would be more effective. But, once again...GOOD GOD MAN!!! THAT HAT!!! They call that dinner in Appalachia.

And, if that's what you young whippersnappers are going for, then yes, by all means educate yourself on the Mystery Method and knock yourself out. But just remember, boys, skin your prey and tan the hide before you stick it on your head.

Nah, he talks about how he initially was into getting laid by lots of beautiful girls, but then he got bored of that and focused on finding a girl to be in relationships.

Actually, one of the contentions that evolutionary biology-minded people make is that most relationships aren't meant to last very long.

Biologists have long understood that monogamy is rare in mammals. Of about 4,000 mammalian species, only a handful have ever been called monogamous. The tiny list includes beavers and a couple of other rodents, otters, bats, certain foxes, a few hoofed mammals, and some primates -- notably gibbons and the tamarins and marmosets of the tropical New World.

The evidence is as follows: First, men are significantly larger than females, a pattern consistently found among polygynous species. From deer to seals to primates, the harem-keeping sex is the larger one, because competition among harem keepers rewards those who are larger and brawnier. Second, around the world, men are more violent than women (see Evidence No. 1; it avails little in acquiring a large number of mates for a male to be physically intimidating unless he is also inclined to make use of his assets). Third, girls become sexually mature earlier than do boys -- another tell-tale sign of polygyny, because the intense competition among harem keepers conveys an evolutionary payoff for the "keeping" sex to delay maturation until individuals are large, strong, and possibly canny enough to have some chance of success. And fourth, before the cultural homogenization that came with Western colonialism, more than three-quarters of all human societies were polygynous.

Gorillas, despite their large bodies, have comparatively tiny testicles. Those of chimpanzees, by contrast, are immense. The reason for the difference seems clear: Gorilla males compete with their bodies, not their sperm. Once a dominant silverback male has achieved control over a harem of females, he is pretty much guaranteed to be the only male who copulates with them. Chimps, by contrast, experience a sexual free-for-all, with many different males often copulating in succession with the same adult female. As a result, male chimpanzees compete with their sperm, and they have evolved big testicles to produce large quantities of it. In most species, the ratio of testicle size to body size is a good predictor of how many sexual partners an animal is likely to have.

How, then, do human beings rate in this regard? The testicles of Homo sapiens are, relatively speaking, larger than those of gorillas but smaller than those of the champion chimpanzees. The most likely interpretation? Human beings are less certain of sexual monopoly than are gorillas, but are not as promiscuous as chimps. Another way of putting it: We are (somewhat) biologically primed to form mateships, but at the same time, adultery is no stranger in our evolutionary past.

There is no question about monogamy's being natural. It isn't, and that's a big reason why many (most?) relationships don't last or if they do they tend to lose the luster.

 

[BennieBlanco]

You may mock him, but the man will get more women than 95% of the people of the gunners on these forums ever will . The 5% of course is naturally those who have a lot of money, natural good looks, or just plain lucky. He is a modern day Casanova, and in the words of the holy Sean Connery, I'd say the one who is banging hot broads for the rest of his life wins.

http://winnersgohome.ytmnd.com/

hmmmm. A guy who dedicated his life to getting women and teaching other guys to get women will "get more women than 95% of the people... blah blah"

Well, yeah. If you focus on doing something 60 hrs a week for 6 years you will probably be good at it. Tiger Woods got good at golf because he played a lot. Not everyone wants 100 women at the end of the day.

Speaking of Tiger Woods, ask him what he thinks about having as many women as he wanted vs. having a wife.

Mystery = Loser

Mystery and one of his 200 women... STD check please.

of course there are some slutty chicks into his sort of weird "dress up like a *****" tricks.

FACT: you go to clubs 250 times per year, you will probably get some chicks. Superstar or playing the #'s... hmmm.

 

[BennieBlanco]

Mr. T. Your philosophy scares me. But I guess that is why they call you Mr. T.

Nah, he talks about how he initially was into getting laid by lots of beautiful girls, but then he got bored of that and focused on finding a girl to be in relationships.

Actually, one of the contentions that evolutionary biology-minded people make is that most relationships aren't meant to last very long.

Biologists have long understood that monogamy is rare in mammals. Of about 4,000 mammalian species, only a handful have ever been called monogamous.

And I think there is something like only 1 that has figured out how to use language and communicate with words. Let me look this one up.

The tiny list includes beavers and a couple of other rodents, otters, bats, certain foxes, a few hoofed mammals, and some primates -- notably gibbons and the tamarins and marmosets of the tropical New World.

The tiny language using list includes... humans.

The evidence is as follows: First, men are significantly larger than females, a pattern consistently found among polygynous species. From deer to seals to primates, the harem-keeping sex is the larger one, because competition among harem keepers rewards those who are larger and brawnier. Second, around the world, men are more violent than women (see Evidence No. 1; it avails little in acquiring a large number of mates for a male to be physically intimidating unless he is also inclined to make use of his assets). Third, girls become sexually mature earlier than do boys -- another tell-tale sign of polygyny, because the intense competition among harem keepers conveys an evolutionary payoff for the "keeping" sex to delay maturation until individuals are large, strong, and possibly canny enough to have some chance of success. And fourth, before the cultural homogenization that came with Western colonialism, more than three-quarters of all human societies were polygynous.

Gorillas, despite their large bodies, have comparatively tiny testicles. Those of chimpanzees, by contrast, are immense. The reason for the difference seems clear: Gorilla males compete with their bodies, not their sperm. Once a dominant silverback male has achieved control over a harem of females, he is pretty much guaranteed to be the only male who copulates with them. Chimps, by contrast, experience a sexual free-for-all, with many different males often copulating in succession with the same adult female. As a result, male chimpanzees compete with their sperm, and they have evolved big testicles to produce large quantities of it. In most species, the ratio of testicle size to body size is a good predictor of how many sexual partners an animal is likely to have.

Yes. Animals like to have sex. Men also would like to have sex a lot. Wait... HUMANS HAVE HIGHLY DEVELOPED BRAINS AND DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE BY INSTINCT. They can actually THINK and determine what is best. Wow.

repeated: They can actually THINK

Dog: I want to eat
Dog's brain: Eat

Dog: I want to have sex.
Dog's brain: do it.

Guy: I want to kill that guy
Guy's brain: You will go to jail. Probably not best to kill him. Maybe killing is wrong too. I'll will go calm down.

Guy: I want to sleep with 100 women even though I have a wife and kids
Guy's brain: Maybe this following my instinct isn't a good idea. My kids probably won't be happy, and wait, I made promises to my wife. I think I'll pass.


LESSON: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACT LIKE A DOG/GORILLA although your instincts may call for you to.

another ape or a bit something more... hmmm.

How, then, do human beings rate in this regard? The testicles of Homo sapiens are, relatively speaking, larger than those of gorillas but smaller than those of the champion chimpanzees. The most likely interpretation? Human beings are less certain of sexual monopoly than are gorillas, but are not as promiscuous as chimps. Another way of putting it: We are (somewhat) biologically primed to form mateships, but at the same time, adultery is no stranger in our evolutionary past.

There is no question about monogamy's being natural. It isn't, and that's a big reason why many (most?) relationships don't last or if they do they tend to lose the luster.

Man determines his fate by the thoughts that occupy his mind. What you say is true if you think it is.

 

[jinx520]

BennieB: Amen, brotha!

I would have said the same thing (maybe less eloquently) but that damned hat left me dumbfounded. Any man who can bed as many women as he claims to whilst wearing The Cat in the Hat's winter garb is a man who works for Satan.

 

[jinx520]

.

Run, Baby Sas/Mr. Gorilla! Satan's Henchman has a cold head and he's looking your way!

 

[futureboy]

Well, the formula, of course, isn't law or anything but approximates pretty well what is generally considered socially acceptable.

In my opinion, I don't really give a **** what society or others say --- I mean if the media, for instance, can glamorize Hugh Hefner ****ing 5 teenagers and nobody thinks he's a pervert, then why the hell not?

Or Morgan Freeman dating his step-granddaughter or whatever?

Why the hell not indeed.

When I was in my early 20s, it seemed like a lot of women my age went for guys in their mid-40s. Now that I'm (getting to) that age, it's considered cradle robbing and creepy. Kind of sucks. I guess the point is moot for me because I'm married, but still...

 

[futureboy]

the girl needs to be compatible * * * and not significantly crazy

Too funny. Yes, we guys usually have to deal with at least SOME craziness.

 

[akinetopsia]

I think setting up arbitrary timelines for your life only invites disappointment.

Didn't John Lennon say, "Life's what happens when you make other plans." ?

I am not too worried about this. I will most likely be 31 when I start medical school, which I don't think is on the borderline of "creepy older guy" territory, considering I've been told I am younger-looking than my age, and I try to eat well, exercise regularly, and generally take good care of myself.

I've been shadowing a specialist the past two weeks, and one thing I've noticed is that it really depends on how well you take care of yourself and your attitude/outlook on life. Just because you are 50 or 60 doesn't mean you won't be able to do fun things with your kids. There was a 95 (NINETY-FIVE!!) y/o patient the other day who you would not have guessed was 95. The patient was completely independent, good hearing, good vision, walked around like 55 y/o, not a 95 y/o. Talk about a cool great-great-grandparent.. the patient talked about going to see Avatar and "vampire movies" with the great-great-grandkids.

Try to stay positive about things. You'll live longer.

 

[bobat]

You really think being over 50 when your child is 18 would make you creepy? Really?
Thats absolutely ridiculous.
I too was concerned about being a young cool parent---when I was 13! I now realize it doesn't matter and its actually a lot smarter to wait until youve been alive for as long as possible. Who cares if your kids think you are "cool" or not. You are not there to be cool, you are there to be their parent and sorry to break it to you, but once they are teens they are going to think you're a loser no matter how old you are. If you want something to take care of that is going to always think you're awesome, then get a dog.
Speaking of being a parent- I dont get how you expect to be one while still in med school. Are you planning to have a stay at home wife? That's a bit unfair to her. Then there is also a fact that a woman with all the time in the world to devote to her kids is going to want a man with all the time in the world to devote to her. You wont have this time. You would probably fare best with a woman as driven as you, and quite frankly, a woman like this is not going to sabatoge her career so she can give you a kid before you get too "old."
Like others said, love should be unplanned. Stressing out about finding a wife to bear you kids within 5 years is only going to bring you bad relationships and possibly a bad marriage with someone you are not truly compatible with. You are male, you have your entire life to have kids. Take it slow, the time will come on its own, you can't force it.

 

[Petypet]

The last 2 posts were very insightful. I only asked the question because it seems like it would be very challenging for a single non trad that wants to begin a family to do so, not that it needs to be done tomorrow so that I have my kid in 3 years. No definitely not. But I am also very active, and I know that it will be important for me to share things with my kids before I am unable to do so. My parents had kids prior to me, that are some 15 years older than I, and just from my experience I hated having a dad that was physically incapable of doing some of the things that we wanted to do.

Thanks for the advice, cheers

 

[bobat]

I was in the same boat as you. My closest (agewise) sibling is 15 years older than me. My parents had me in their late 30s. The only thing my parents couldn't do that I wanted to do was go on roller coasters, and heck im 23 now and afraid of roller coasters so that's not even an age thing.
You are more than capable of being active after 50 and even if you arent- thats what the kid has friends for. Im not a boy so i never had a desire to play ball with my dad but I know life doesnt stop and your body doesnt automatically shut down at 50. If you want to be active your entire life- you can be. There are 80 year olds out there running marathons and jumping out of planes.