My g/f and I met the 1st time 10 yrs ago.she was still in high school.lot has changed since then,but she wasnt happily married n divorced in July of this yr.Now she looked me up online Dec. or Nov. of last yr.So we started talking and things got serious.we both love each other,and shes 7 hrs away doing her residency for 5yrs.She just started in July.I've seen her every 2 wks for the past month or so until now.(saw her every weekend before that since she lived at her parents before)Shes exhausted from call duties and long hrs,she barely has time to do much.Shes told me its basically a waste for me to visit when all shed do is sleep.I really want to try to make it work.I know it'll be tough.We've talked about before she left to do her residency.I'm trying to move her way in Nov.Im an engineer/inspector so il be traveling some times of the yr and being there for her on the rest.I just dont know how to tell her that I find it insulting to say that me going there is a total waste.I'm wondering how is residency?Does it get easier?Is it the first yr thats the worst?shes going for radiology.
Sounds like she's just trying to save you the pain of visiting her. Long distance relationships are hard (I know--my husband and I have spent over three years apart during while we were dating and even after our wedding). Intern year is really stressful for everyone and when you're on a tough rotation, it's all you can do to get enough sleep, eat, find clean clothes, and bathe. Based on your other post, it sounds like she's starting out on three really hard months, too.
Realize that her telling you that it's a total waste of time to visit is her trying to protect you, not trying to insult you. When you do see her, be willing to accept whatever you do together and be willing to accept that she might be a bit cranky, tearful, easy to upset, etc. Try hard to bite your tongue and let it go and realize that frequently it's exhaustion speaking and not her true feelings.
If she's going into radiology, her life will get sooooooo much better after this year. Basically she has to do one year of a bunch of stuff that's NOT radiology and then four years of radiology. once this year is out of the way, her life should resemble more what you remember it being before this year. She'll still study a lot and work reasonably long hours, but it shouldn't be as bad as this year.
Good luck! Long distance relationships are what you make of them! My husband had flowers delivered one morning when he knew I'd be coming home post call and that was really sweet and appreciated. (We're literally across the country right now--pacific northwest vs. deep south). If the long distance has an endpoint in sight (which it sounds like it might if you're willing to move), then you can handle it!
