(Repost) Interview question about family

[scimusicgirl]

So today my mom just blocked my phone number and blocked me on Facebook. We've had a pretty rocky relationship all my life--90% fantastic, 10% hell, 100% of the time scared my good day will take a turn for the worse because I've upset her somehow.

I'm not applying til next May, and of course we have the rest of our lives to patch things up. But I know a lot of interviewers ask, "tell me about your family." I'm an only child who as of now still has a relationship with her dad, but we've never been close. How much information am I obligated to give? Does my not having the best family relationship make me more likely to be rejected?

And before I get scolded for not having my priorities straight--I'm not going to beg her to love me again, at least not tonight. And I have to get into medical school no matter what our relationship is. If talking about med school keeps me occupied, so be it. I'm 99% sure I'll be seeking therapy for this; I will be doing the best I can to take care of myself. Thank you for your advice.

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[Isoval]

I'm not applying til next May, and of course we have the rest of our lives to patch things up. But I know a lot of interviewers ask, "tell me about your family."

I was never asked this.

Does my not having the best family relationship make me more likely to be rejected?

Any school that does this isn't one that you'd want to be a part of anyways;.

 

[Rachapkis]

The question may not be as common as you think. It is not a common question like “why do you want to attend our school?”. What’s more, the people who will be interviewing you are humans who understand that family dynamics can be complicated. That said, if the possibility of being asked this question really concerns you, trying thinking through an answer in advance. Perhaps you can frame your relationship with your mother in a way that exhibits qualities that would be perceived as good in a medical student or doctor—e.g., understanding of mental illness, empathy, strength in the face of adversity, etc. Once you have the general contours of an answer, try it out in a mock interview with someone you trust.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

But I know a lot of interviewers ask, "tell me about your family."

I completely disagree. For formal interviews, interviewers are explicitly told NOT to ask this question as it makes us liable for discrimination (US federal laws). We can ask about YOU, not your family, your intention to start a family, or anything. You are welcome to tell us about your family, but in a professional interview, we focus on your professional credentials.

To your situation, I hope that you are able to make your relationship with family members a little more normal whenever possible. However, I know many people whose relationships with family are extremely toxic, and the people were never able to begin healing until they completely severed their relationships. I hope you have appropriate counseling to help you through this.

 

[marcosma]

I was asked it in quite a few interviews. I would say just turn the question back on yourself and talk about your upbringing, your siblings (if you have any), etc. You don’t have to feel like you have to reveal anything THAT personal. I would stay away from talking about family “drama” not because you’re more likely to be rejected by talking about it, but more because it’ll put you in an uncomfortable place.

You could also just be totally honest and say something like “I don’t have the absolute best relationship with my parents but I do have strong relationships with x and y ...” and I’d be shocked if they dug into that any more. People understand family dynamics are complicated.

 

[BCB153]

So today my mom just blocked my phone number and blocked me on Facebook. We've had a pretty rocky relationship all my life--90% fantastic, 10% hell, 100% of the time scared my good day will take a turn for the worse because I've upset her somehow.

I'm not applying til next May, and of course we have the rest of our lives to patch things up. But I know a lot of interviewers ask, "tell me about your family." I'm an only child who as of now still has a relationship with her dad, but we've never been close. How much information am I obligated to give? Does my not having the best family relationship make me more likely to be rejected?

And before I get scolded for not having my priorities straight--I'm not going to beg her to love me again, at least not tonight. And I have to get into medical school no matter what our relationship is. If talking about med school keeps me occupied, so be it. I'm 99% sure I'll be seeking therapy for this; I will be doing the best I can to take care of myself. Thank you for your advice.

I have a somewhat similar situation to you and I was asked about my family probably 2/5 of my interviews.


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[LizzyM]

In the unlikely event that you are asked, you can say that your mother lives in [city] and your father lives in [city] and you are an only child. Then pivot and talk about your support network of people other than your parents. If an interviewer is going anywhere with that question, it is to know more about your social supports.

 

[AMCASTuesdays]

In a sense I'm right there with you as far as rents go. I did get asked in a few interviews and felt more comfortable just answering in a way most relevant to why I was there (i.e. in an interview for medical school). My mom has (a profession), my dad has (b profession), they come from (c) and talked about how the way the brought me up helped shape by goals and work ethic. I think you should gauge the interview and the kind of body language/conversation you're getting from your interviewer to determine if you want to expand any farther than that. In one or two interviews I felt comfortable brining up how some less positive things about my upbringing have led to some mistakes and or teaching points but this was always just to speak on my character (i.e. it was never a lament for the sake of lamenting).

I think it all boils down to what you're most comfortable with doing, and how you bring it up. In those instances where I chose to bring it up based on what I sensed from the interviewer I got pretty positive feedback.

 

[longhaul3]

Sorry for your plight. You don't have to get into any of this. If someone asks about your family you can just say you're an only child, your dad does X and your mom does Y. You think it would be awesome to go to medical school because you'll be the first physician in your family/be able to follow in someone's footsteps which you've always wanted to do.

Nobody is looking to hear about complicated family dynamics or psychoanalyze you.

 

[Goro]

In my ~20 years of interviewing, I nor any of my colleagues have ever asked that question.

Suggest that you browse through SDN's interview feedback section to see if this ever comes up.

Just tell the truth. I myself am estranged from an older sister.

 

[Goro]

In my ~20 years of interviewing, I nor any of my colleagues have ever asked that question.

Suggest that you browse through SDN's interview feedback section to see if this ever comes up.

Just tell the truth. I myself am estranged from an older sister. Nobody will penalize you for the sins of your mom.

 

[scimusicgirl]

Thank you so much to everyone for the advice. Means a lot to me 🙂

 

[ciestar]

I was only asked about it in med school and residency interviews because i mentioned the problems in my application. (Im assuming)

you can divulge as little or as much as you want to. Just remember if put it on your app, it is fair game.

 

[LizzyM]

Most people do fill in the blanks indicating their parents' names, (living Y/N), highest education attained, alma mater, profession. This information is helpful and often puts an application in perspective.