Residency and my Dating/Social Life

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DocDanny

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So basically, I'm a single guy in my mid 20s.

I want to go into Internal Medicine, and all the cities I am looking at are medium sized cities in the mid west.

I am close by my family. But I will be on my own. Whichever hospital I go to, I will be in a new city.

I am really worried about the social aspect of residency. I've always wanted to get out and do things, but I always put everything aside for medicine. On top of that, I'm introverted and quiet. So I never made a lot of friends in med school, and I wasn't one of those people who went out every other weekend and drank or went on vacations, or went on dates. Usually 2-3 of us go to a movie or to dinner.

But I'm tired of living my life like that. I want to become more social in my residency. I KNOW it will be busy. However, despite being busier in med school than college, I have more of a social life now.

I'm just afraid of going to a new city and falling back into my old routine of being a loner who does nothing but work all the time. No history of going on vacations, no past relationships, zip. Also, I'm at an age where I am REALLY trying to date more. But I have had no luck with it. It has been frustrating, and I also dread being single all through my residency.

I'd appreciate any advice on what you think I could do to help my situation. Maybe I worry too much. Or not enough?
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moving to allo as more pertinent.

...o wait I cant even do that. Sorry bro. Its gonna be clicheish - but you just need to man up and get out and meet people. It really is as simple as that.
 
chiz2kul said:
moving to allo as more pertinent.

...o wait I cant even do that. Sorry bro. Its gonna be clicheish - but you just need to man up and get out and meet people. It really is as simple as that.
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Wow. Kind of harsh.

To the OP: Maybe look for a residency where the residents socialize with each other outside of work. Honestly, you probably won't have much time to meet people outside of work (e.g. no time to take ballroom dancing).
 
It's all how you talk to these broads. As long as you arent a weirdo, there is nothing more attractive to women then financial security aka early retirement for them. You have that, that is huge. Look for women that are into what you are into. Set up a nice bachelor pad. If you bring a girl over have her favorite drink on hand. Keep your place clean. Have a decent car, decent wardrobe. When it comes to women ask questions, ask questions, ask questions....women love to talk, especially about themselves, just keep asking questions. They also like everything free, pay for everything, dinner, movie, etc. Keep you head up.
 
I know how you feel. When you devote so much time to your career and academics, it's very easy to lose sight of other things, especially if you are the introverted/quiet type. Honestly, you sound like a really nice and genuine person. I hope you don't make yourself believe that you have to be like others and drink/party every weekend in order to get a girl or believe that you don't have a social life. In psychology, introverts tend to prefer to have a few close friends as opposed to many friends that may/may not be true friends. Introverts also tend to prefer outings in smaller groups of 2-3 as you had mentioned.

I don't see anything wrong with you, but what does concern me is if you don't make enough time for yourself to do OTHER things that you LIKE. If you have a week off, go somewhere by plane, anywhere, with anyone - friends or even family, even if it'll put you in a tad more debt (what's another $1000 anyway?) because you deserve a break and to enjoy yourself. You will feel better (and brag about the wonderful sights/sceneries when you get back!). It's funny that I came across your post b/c it is exactly how I felt a few months ago (although a little less extreme).

In terms of the dating thing...it sucks having to wait and believe that you will meet someone who will sweep you off your feet and everything will be dandy. It can get really depressing especially if people around you are all dating, engaged or married. I can't give any good advice on that for you though since I have the same issues. Even more, I've been in a relationship that didn't end well and has just scared me from trying. I think I'm getting over it now.. since it's been 4 years now. In a way, for you, not having been in a relationship could be a blessing in disguise.😛



DocDanny said:
So basically, I'm a single guy in my mid 20s.

I want to go into Internal Medicine, and all the cities I am looking at are medium sized cities in the mid west.

I am close by my family. But I will be on my own. Whichever hospital I go to, I will be in a new city.

I am really worried about the social aspect of residency. I've always wanted to get out and do things, but I always put everything aside for medicine. On top of that, I'm introverted and quiet. So I never made a lot of friends in med school, and I wasn't one of those people who went out every other weekend and drank or went on vacations, or went on dates. Usually 2-3 of us go to a movie or to dinner.

But I'm tired of living my life like that. I want to become more social in my residency. I KNOW it will be busy. However, despite being busier in med school than college, I have more of a social life now.

I'm just afraid of going to a new city and falling back into my old routine of being a loner who does nothing but work all the time. No history of going on vacations, no past relationships, zip. Also, I'm at an age where I am REALLY trying to date more. But I have had no luck with it. It has been frustrating, and I also dread being single all through my residency.

I'd appreciate any advice on what you think I could do to help my situation. Maybe I worry too much. Or not enough?
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DocDanny said:
So basically, I'm a single guy in my mid 20s.

I want to go into Internal Medicine, and all the cities I am looking at are medium sized cities in the mid west.

On top of that, I'm introverted and quiet. So I never made a lot of friends in med school, and I wasn't one of those people who went out every other weekend and drank or went on vacations, or went on dates. Usually 2-3 of us go to a movie or to dinner.

But I'm tired of living my life like that. I want to become more social in my residency. I KNOW it will be busy. However, despite being busier in med school than college, I have more of a social life now.

I'm just afraid of going to a new city and falling back into my old routine of being a loner who does nothing but work all the time.
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You're fine man. Dont' worry.

Personal story? I'm 32 and was a loner in high school, but became as garrulous and gregarious as you could want in college. Walked in the middle of the road in medical school due to the searing burden of academic work.

My advice? Take a deep breath. Stop. Do not pass "Go." Do not collect $200. Decide what you want in a partner (as you did in your career). Okay then. Go get her. Be yourself. The only mistake you can make is to fail to be honest with your own heart and soul (and thus...her).

She's waiting for you man...good luck!

Relax. Have some fun. You might be surprised at how easy it starts to get...
 
I think residency can be a great vehicle for social interactions. I consider myself reserved, but had no trouble making friends in residency. I matched at a program across the country where I didn't know anyone in the state. Most residencies have social gatherings planned at the start of intern year. Make sure to go to these. Also, you will rotate with all kinds of people. I actually think residency is a great way to meet people. It's a series of contrived interactions with many people - surely some of them will make good friends. Also, as an intern, everyone is in the same boat as you - and you won't be the only one new in town. IM programs tend to be decent size, which works in your favor As for relationships, i would be cautious about dating in your program, there are many threads on this.
 
I was reading a recent study where extroverts and self centered people were viewed as more attractive. Several reasons were believed to be associated with this, but one is they got their personality out there to be viewed sooner - and that alone made them more likable. Introverts were not seen as attractive, but partly is they were just unknowns and nobody likes the unknown. That is a paraphrase of course. So dont be afraid to put yourself out there - there almost is no right or wrong except for certain aberrations like serial killer, pretty much all personalities had someone that liked them.

I am single again unexpectedly and a hell of a lot older than you, and am surprised how easy its been to hook up. I thought due to my age and work situation I would be done, but I have been amazed at all the places I have met girls (on plane trips, shopping, etc) and the variety in age and position : 22 to 44. I have found pretty much consistently though the 20-somethings are clingier, harder to break up with, but also more giving (more eager to pay for dates etc). Unfortunately most of these have been sexual to me

Try starting with "Hi, my name is _____"
 
Magnus2010 said:
I was reading a recent study where extroverts and self centered people were viewed as more attractive.
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You don't need a study for this. We all learned it watching Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High "act like wherever you are, that's the place to be."... "I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.... The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude."

The world of dating hasn't changed much since this classic movie. Truth of the matter, OP is you have to bust a move or you will remain dateless.

A few truisms:
(1) If you don't really have the time or inclination to date in med school, you sure won't have the time or inclination to do so in residency. You are going to have to force yourself and it will absolutely mean sacrificing precious time.

(2) It's important to build a dating resume. That may mean you need to throw some standards out the window for now so that you won't be ill prepared to date someone really great later.

(3) The older you get the more frantic some members of the opposite sex become to be coupled up. So if you are male and willing to date your age, the options get more and more numerous as you hit your 30s.

(4) For the introvert, internet dating is probably a lot like fishing in a barrel. OP, you might want to consider this.

(5) Don't select a residency based on the co-resident dating potential. You don't want to date your co-residents. Residency is like a small family. Your co-residents will be like your sisters. In at least 48 states dating your sister is frowned upon.
 
Internet dating is your friend. You'd be surprised at how many people in the medical field met their partners that way. It's just so much easier and more efficient than trying to meet someone by chance hanging out in bars or whatever when you're short on free time.
I agree with the advice to socialize with your fellow residents but try to avoid dating fellow residents. You don't need the drama of things going sour with someone you're forced to work with for years on end. This is also a reason to use caution when considering dating nurses/techs (if you'll keep rotating in the same wards throughout residency). But I have known a ton of male residents who dated nurses, so you wouldn't be the first if you do take that road.
 
Magnus2010 said:
I am single again unexpectedly and a hell of a lot older than you, and am surprised how easy its been to hook up. I thought due to my age and work situation I would be done, but I have been amazed at all the places I have met girls (on plane trips, shopping, etc) and the variety in age and position : 22 to 44. I have found pretty much consistently though the 20-somethings are clingier, harder to break up with, but also more giving (more eager to pay for dates etc). Unfortunately most of these have been sexual to me
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Half plus 7 rule brother
 
danielmd06 said:
You're fine man. Dont' worry.

Personal story? I'm 32 and was a loner in high school, but became as garrulous and gregarious as you could want in college. Walked in the middle of the road in medical school due to the searing burden of academic work.

My advice? Take a deep breath. Stop. Do not pass "Go." Do not collect $200. Decide what you want in a partner (as you did in your career). Okay then. Go get her. Be yourself. The only mistake you can make is to fail to be honest with your own heart and soul (and thus...her).

She's waiting for you man...good luck!

Relax. Have some fun. You might be surprised at how easy it starts to get...
Click to expand...

Would you be able to record sweet nothings on tape so I can listen to you before I fall asleep? 😍
 
If you want to date more and do more things socially, then being in a residency where you "fit in" more might be best. Also, it may be helpful to be in at least a medium sized or larger city. People on here are saying you won't have time to do things with nonresidents, but I don't think that's really true. It's kind of true about intern year, but with the work hours limits, etc. it is less true than in the past. Also, IM tends to have some months without call, or with very little call, particularly in the upper level years (2/3).
Internet dating can be OK, but you have to be a bit careful...there are some people on there with problems, such as too clingy or who are cheaters, etc. There are a lot of divorced people on there, with kids...which may be more complexity than you want to take on. I think meetup can be fun just to meet some people who like the same stuff you do. Also, the more friends you can make (male, female, etc.) then they will introduce you to more people, including members of the opposite sex, etc.

You don't seem like the "chasing tail" type of guy, so I wouldn't listen too much to the guys on here giving you some questionable advice (hopefully some of it is a joke or partly a joke...LOL). IMHO the girls or women you want are not going to be the ones who are only in to dating docs because they have (or will later have) lots of money. Of course it's nice to date someone who has financial security, but you don't want someone whose main goal is to get her own personal ATM machine in human form...that would be kind of like me (female) dating someone who just wants a 5'8" blond girlfriend. You don't want to be someone's stereotype in human form.
 
dragonfly99 said:
...Also, IM tends to have some months without call, or with very little call, particularly in the upper level years (2/3)....
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It's kind of hard to universally say what upper year schedules will look like -- now that interns can't pull > 16 hour shifts, a lot of the longer calls may get pushed to upper years at some places, and some of the cush months may get scaled back due to lack of manpower.
 
dragonfly99 said:
...IMHO the girls or women you want are not going to be the ones who are only in to dating docs because they have (or will later have) lots of money. Of course it's nice to date someone who has financial security, but you don't want someone whose main goal is to get her own personal ATM machine in human form...
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Most folks focused on dating the money aren't really looking for a longterm investment. A resident with 3-7 years still to go before a doctor's income is not of any interest in a golddigger. A golddigger looking for someone with a doctor's income will date someone who already has a doctor's income, not someone earning $45k with $200k in tuition debt. So there's really not that much risk of falling prey to a golddigger while in residency.
 
Law2Doc said:
Most folks focused on dating the money aren't really looking for a longterm investment. A resident with 3-7 years still to go before a doctor's income is not of any interest in a golddigger. A golddigger looking for someone with a doctor's income will date someone who already has a doctor's income, not someone earning $45k with $200k in tuition debt. So there's really not that much risk of falling prey to a golddigger while in residency.
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Maybe it appears different coming from a man's POV, but I can tell you that the ugliest male resident will get the attention of female nurses, allied health care workers simply because of the potential income he has and the promise of the "good life". I've even heard ICU nurses talk about the "holy grail" of marrying a CT Surgeon and this was extrapolated to CTS fellows. They were willing to wait a few years.

I saw it with my own eyes, many times, and even experienced it with my ex-SO (while not ugly, was not the rockstar he and the nurses seemed to think he was. :laugh: )
 
Winged Scapula said:
Maybe it appears different coming from a man's POV, but I can tell you that the ugliest male resident will get the attention of female nurses, allied health care workers simply because of the potential income he has and the promise of the "good life". I've even heard ICU nurses talk about the "holy grail" of marrying a CT Surgeon and this was extrapolated to CTS fellows. They were willing to wait a few years.

I saw it with my own eyes, many times, and even experienced it with my ex-SO (while not ugly, was not the rockstar he and the nurses seemed to think he was. :laugh: )
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+1, even med students attract gold diggers. We just attract the more patient/younger ones who can/don't mind waiting
 
+2. I'm female, and I know that residents, particularly male residents, do attract some gold diggerish types. Just because you don't realize it doesn't mean that it can't ever/won't ever happen to you. However, I think if a secure life is just part of what attracts someone to someone else, that's not always 100% bad. Some men don't mind that some women are after them/ in to them for that reason. It depends on the person, I guess.
 
And I had some janitor hitting on me during my residency, so it probably happens to female docs too...or maybe he just was confused and thought we both wandered on to the set of that "Scrubs" TV show.
 
2012mdc said:
+1, even med students attract gold diggers. We just attract the more patient/younger ones who can/don't mind waiting
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dragonfly99 said:
+2. I'm female, and I know that residents, particularly male residents, do attract some gold diggerish types. Just because you don't realize it doesn't mean that it can't ever/won't ever happen to you. However, I think if a secure life is just part of what attracts someone to someone else, that's not always 100% bad. Some men don't mind that some women are after them/ in to them for that reason. It depends on the person, I guess.
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As a wise man once said, "If you aint no punk, holla we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup. It's something that you need to have, cus when she leave yo ass she gonna leave with half."
 
Slack3r said:
As a wise man once said, "If you aint no punk, holla we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup. It's something that you need to have, cus when she leave yo ass she gonna leave with half."
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Word. My bro (a lawyer) has been talking about my prenup ever since I decided to be premed 😀
 
Law2Doc said:
Most folks focused on dating the money aren't really looking for a longterm investment. A resident with 3-7 years still to go before a doctor's income is not of any interest in a golddigger. A golddigger looking for someone with a doctor's income will date someone who already has a doctor's income, not someone earning $45k with $200k in tuition debt. So there's really not that much risk of falling prey to a golddigger while in residency.
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Golddiggers: no

Child support babymamas: yes.
Whereas golddiggers chase men who actually have gold, babymama types will take out the old trusty safety pin to poke holes in the condoms, and forget to take the pill on schedule once they have a future six-figure doctor on the table. Some might even try to self-fertilize with a recently used condom! If they manage to prove you are the genetic father, the "rights of the child" come first, which means the mama will get 20%(or more!) of your income for 18 years! No marriage necessary! You can thank our severely misandric family justice system for that.

Urban legend has it that the NBA players are instructed by their risk management teams to flush all condoms down toilets ASAP if having fun with groupies on the road. It would be wise for all of you male childfree types to do the same.
 
Substance said:
Golddiggers: no

Child support babymamas: yes.
Whereas golddiggers chase men who actually have gold, babymama types will take out the old trusty safety pin to poke holes in the condoms, and forget to take the pill on schedule once they have a future six-figure doctor on the table. Some might even try to self-fertilize with a recently used condom! If they manage to prove you are the genetic father, the "rights of the child" come first, which means the mama will get 20%(or more!) of your income for 18 years! No marriage necessary! You can thank our severely misandric family justice system for that.

Urban legend has it that the NBA players are instructed by their risk management teams to flush all condoms down toilets ASAP if having fun with groupies on the road. It would be wise for all of you male childfree types to do the same.
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OR, you can spike the condom with bleach after use.....:laugh:
 
Substance said:
Golddiggers: no

Child support babymamas: yes.
Whereas golddiggers chase men who actually have gold, babymama types will take out the old trusty safety pin to poke holes in the condoms, and forget to take the pill on schedule once they have a future six-figure doctor on the table. Some might even try to self-fertilize with a recently used condom! If they manage to prove you are the genetic father, the "rights of the child" come first, which means the mama will get 20%(or more!) of your income for 18 years! No marriage necessary! You can thank our severely misandric family justice system for that.

Urban legend has it that the NBA players are instructed by their risk management teams to flush all condoms down toilets ASAP if having fun with groupies on the road. It would be wise for all of you male childfree types to do the same.
Click to expand...

Yeah I've heard the stories of groupies using turkey basters for search and rescue.

I only use my own condoms and I always flush. It's just more sanitary anyway, used condoms stink especially after a day or two.
 
Substance said:
Some might even try to self-fertilize with a recently used condom!

Urban legend has it that the NBA players are instructed by their risk management teams to flush all condoms down toilets ASAP if having fun with groupies on the road. It would be wise for all of you male childfree types to do the same.
Click to expand...

2012mdc said:
Yeah I've heard the stories of groupies using turkey basters for search and rescue.
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Intruiging.
 
Substance said:
Golddiggers: no

Child support babymamas: yes.
Whereas golddiggers chase men who actually have gold, babymama types will take out the old trusty safety pin to poke holes in the condoms, and forget to take the pill on schedule once they have a future six-figure doctor on the table. Some might even try to self-fertilize with a recently used condom! If they manage to prove you are the genetic father, the "rights of the child" come first, which means the mama will get 20%(or more!) of your income for 18 years! No marriage necessary! You can thank our severely misandric family justice system for that.

Urban legend has it that the NBA players are instructed by their risk management teams to flush all condoms down toilets ASAP if having fun with groupies on the road. It would be wise for all of you male childfree types to do the same.
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I think you travel in a very different circle of women than a lot of us if this is a real problem for you.
 
Law2Doc said:
I think you travel in a very different circle of women than a lot of us if this is a real problem for you.
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It's funny how you think you know me based on my words of warning. Nowhere did I mention it was a problem for me. I mentioned that it is a potential, very real, problem for many eligible doctors.

Money is a great motivator for this kind of behavior. Ask athlete Boris Becker -he has to pay child support because he received a blowjob.
 
Substance said:
It's funny how you think you know me based on my words of warning. Nowhere did I mention it was a problem for me. I mentioned that it is a potential, very real, problem for many eligible doctors.

Money is a great motivator for this kind of behavior. Ask athlete Boris Becker -he has to pay child support because he received a blowjob.
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Um, we weren't talking about Boris Becker or NBA players, we were talking about residents. You chimed in in response to my statement that golddiggers didn't waste their efforts to prey on poor residents many years from a payday. Thus you must have some exposure to this practice or it's a very strange leap to make. I don't purport to know you beyond your statements, but either you have some personal knowledge as a basis for them, or you are just being outlandish. Yes, "money is a great motivator", but residents have none. Boris Becker and NBA players do. Very significant difference.
 
Paranoia much?
Some of you all don't like women very much...very depressing.
p.s. I'm not getting how Boris Becker managed to get someone knocked
up by getting a blow job?
 
dragonfly99 said:
Paranoia much?
Some of you all don't like women very much...very depressing.
p.s. I'm not getting how Boris Becker managed to get someone knocked
up by getting a blow job?
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Rumor had it she didn't swallow and instead transferred the semen to her vagina. However, Becker has now admitted he had sex with her. Apparently he thought the blow job story would make his wife less upset with him. 🙄

And yes, there are a lot of angry men out there/here.
 
Law2Doc said:
Yes, "money is a great motivator", but residents have none. Boris Becker and NBA players do. Very significant difference.
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Think ahead a few years. Let's do some math:

The radiology resident has basically no money. Fast forward ten years and they are in a private practice making $450,000. They will continue to work there until retirement making the same yearly income.

The child is born while the future radiologist is still in residency, be it because of a condom accident, OCP failure, or the aforementioned uncouth practices. The child is entitled to support payments for 18 years. Support payments are around 20% of the father's income.

For the first five years, the mother recieves about 20% of 50k yearly. Not that much. For the next 13, the total substantially increases to 90k a year. That is more hefty sum adding up to over a million dollars, substantially so if you compound it at 10%. Sure its not NBA player money, but most women like this aren't going to find an NBA player so they'll settle for something a little more local.

To make assumptions about the person making these statements weakens your position. Ad hominem attacks are what people resort to when they cannot find a logical flaw in someone else's point of view. I'm not angry, nor have I had any exposure to or experience with these types. I'm merely thinking of worst case scenarios.
 
Substance said:
Think ahead a few years. Let's do some math:

The radiology resident has basically no money. Fast forward ten years and they are in a private practice making $450,000. They will continue to work there until retirement making the same yearly income.

The child is born while the future radiologist is still in residency, be it because of a condom accident, OCP failure, or the aforementioned uncouth practices. The child is entitled to support payments for 18 years. Support payments are around 20% of the father's income.

For the first five years, the mother recieves about 20% of 50k yearly. Not that much. For the next 13, the total substantially increases to 90k a year. That is more hefty sum adding up to over a million dollars, substantially so if you compound it at 10%. Sure its not NBA player money, but most women like this aren't going to find an NBA player so they'll settle for something a little more local.

To make assumptions about the person making these statements weakens your position. Ad hominem attacks are what people resort to when they cannot find a logical flaw in someone else's point of view. I'm not angry, nor have I had any exposure to or experience with these types. I'm merely thinking of worst case scenarios.
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I don't know, given the way NBA (Shawn Kemp) and NFL (Antonio Cromartie, Travis Henry) players sleep around unprotected they should have the gold digging market on lock but they don't.
 
Substance said:
Think ahead a few years. Let's do some math:

The radiology resident has basically no money. Fast forward ten years and they are in a private practice making $450,000. They will continue to work there until retirement making the same yearly income.

The child is born while the future radiologist is still in residency, be it because of a condom accident, OCP failure, or the aforementioned uncouth practices. The child is entitled to support payments for 18 years. Support payments are around 20% of the father's income.

For the first five years, the mother recieves about 20% of 50k yearly. Not that much. For the next 13, the total substantially increases to 90k a year. That is more hefty sum adding up to over a million dollars, substantially so if you compound it at 10%. Sure its not NBA player money, but most women like this aren't going to find an NBA player so they'll settle for something a little more local.

To make assumptions about the person making these statements weakens your position. Ad hominem attacks are what people resort to when they cannot find a logical flaw in someone else's point of view. I'm not angry, nor have I had any exposure to or experience with these types. I'm merely thinking of worst case scenarios.
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Dude, again, I made no assumptions about you beyond suggesting your statements were pretty outlandish in this context unless you claim to have firsthand knowledge, such as traveling in such circles. Not unreasonable given how far out in left field this is in a discussion about the tribulations of residents, not NBA stars.

Yes, "let's do some math", and I will show you your "logical flaw". First, the typical golddigger has the option of going after someone who has a good income now, or someone who might have a good income 5 years from now (assuming there aren't major healthcare changes, the person doesn't do multiple fellowships/residencies, the person doesn't go get a job in public health/service. Lots of "ifs".) They don't need to land an NBA player, but certainly trapping a doctor with a current income makes a whole lot more sense than trapping a resident with no real income. There are more doctors out there than residents BTW.

Additionally, baby food, clothes, diapers and other childcare needs are quite expensive -- a lot more expensive than anyone can manage on 20% of a 50k paycheck (ie $10k/year). If one's goal is to live the good life (as I presume most golddiggers seek), then they aren't going to live for 5 years dead broke, in squalor, trying to get by with a baby/toddler on no significant income, in hopes that there will eventually be a payday. You can't really work as a single parent unless you have a job that pays more than daycare, and if you have a high paying job, I question how many women would bother being a golddigger at all. So we are talking welfare mom with minimum help from a resident deadbeat dad. Because of the first 5 years of being broke with a baby, I suggest this simply doesn't happen. No one who thinks it through would consider this a good idea. It's bad math, even if the investment yields a profit down the road. Five years may not seem like much to the typical med student/resident engaged in their training, but I suspect it seems like a lot to someone who is going to be staying home with a baby they don't really want.

Now if the mark was an NBA star where the league minimum is $470k, then maybe getting pregnant for 20% of that CURRENT SALARY puts you in a nice position. So in that case, the math may work out. But the math simply doesn't work out if you are looking at a long investment like a resident, but are going to incur huge baby expenses now (or more precisely 9 months from now) with essentially no financial help.

I submit this isn't a real worry for residents. It's folly.
 
danielmd06 said:
You're fine man. Dont' worry.

Personal story? I'm 32 and was a loner in high school, but became as garrulous and gregarious as you could want in college. Walked in the middle of the road in medical school due to the searing burden of academic work.

My advice? Take a deep breath. Stop. Do not pass "Go." Do not collect $200. Decide what you want in a partner (as you did in your career). Okay then. Go get her. Be yourself. The only mistake you can make is to fail to be honest with your own heart and soul (and thus...her).

She's waiting for you man...good luck!

Relax. Have some fun. You might be surprised at how easy it starts to get...
Click to expand...

Really good advice. That was almost poetic. Thank you.
 
Winged Scapula said:
I saw it with my own eyes, many times, and even experienced it with my ex-SO (while not ugly, was not the rockstar he and the nurses seemed to think he was. :laugh: )
Click to expand...

Since when rock stars are good looking?
 
How did you get good at taking multiple choice exams? Doing an H&P? Answering clinical questions?

Practice.

It's the same with dating women. All of this advice people throw at you (be yourself, don't be yourself, wait and hope, go and get someone, whatever) can end up being a big burden on your mind, making you feel like you have to put on a spectacular show to actually trick someone into liking you! That's not the case, you will find as you date that the women you are going out with are people just like you. You don't have to be some Don Juan moviestar type to start an amazing relationship with a great woman. And it certainly doesn't hurt that you are passionate about a respected, secure profession (IM).

Start out right now just talking to women, and people in general. Chat when you get the chance. Go to social events (like outdoor clubs etc, not somewhere where you can get drunk as an easy out to avoid your anxiety). When a girl seems interesting and attractive to you ask her out for coffee or some other small date, and see it more as seeing whether you two enjoy each other's company rather than as winning her over. You will likely have embarassing moments as you learn since you are picking up a new skill, but brush those off, see each failure as a step toward success, and start having fun dating.

As for whether any of this is possible with the time commitments of residency, I don't know. It will definitely be hard. I know it's very possible each year of medical school though.
 
sam1999 said:
Since when rock stars are good looking?
Click to expand...

I never said that rock stars were good looking. Most are not and many will tell you that they got into music to attract women (that they presumably could not have done otherwise).

But you cannot deny that women are attracted to rock stars, good looking or not. The ugly rock star-model relationship/hook up has become a cliche its so common. Same goes for surgeons. I can tell you that the letters MD/DO behind an ugly man's name ups his cache in terms of sexual attractiveness. Maybe not as much as the pre-med students would like to believe, but I've seen it enough times to know it exists for many women.

Therefore, my comment was not meant to reflect a belief that rock stars are good looking, but rather the belief that many surgeons have that they are as attractive to women and as "cool" as rock stars. Unfortunately, many women feed into that egocentric belief (which I did not and which is perhaps the reason we are no longer together. :laugh: )
 
Do women think that being a doctor is sexy? That the profession is sexy?

Or it it because the letters are associated with money and influence?

========================================

Anyway, I do ask women out. They just don't say yes very often. I've always though that my being really short and having a limp had something to do it. It's made me a little self conscious, which makes asking women out harder.
 
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