Residents, too busy to date or just not interested?

[beanerthapoodle]

Hi

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[Stroganoff]

I've always been under the impression that if a person has a bit of interest they'll make time for you.

If someone's working a million hours a week, around the clock, there is literally no time to make. Have you never been in those shoes in a full-time job, working 70+ hours/week, overnight, on call, sleep- and food-deprived, etc? I'm not in medicine, but this type of schedule is common in the USA in many jobs.

Is it really impossible to meet up like he says, or is he just not interested?

This is illogical in light of:

• "I 'liked' somebody's profile, he liked mine back."
• "He always responded immediately to my messages,"
• "I told him I would like to meet up at some point and he said he would like that."
• "I gave him my number and he texted immediately."
• "I asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend and he said 'I'd love to....' "

Sure, of course anything is possible, and the guy's not interested. A guy who's truly not interested wouldn't behave like that and play mind games in order to lead you on. In your short post alone, you've given multiple examples where he has demonstrated behavior indicating interest through both his words and his actions. And has been forthright that his short-term schedule is prohibitive with introducing new people in his personal life, which is likely non-existent.

I would be more patient, empathetic, and not worry so much. This worrying and insecurity could turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy where you end up nagging/clinging/smothering, and he truly goes from liking you to being annoyed with you to the point of running away.

That's just my impression based off the information you've given, and it's just my one cent.

But what is the point of being on a dating site if you don't plan on meeting people?

I guess I got asked that question years ago on OKCupid, so I ended up just disabling my account (best decision ever). You have a point. I dunno. Maybe his heart desires companionship (we're all human), but life circumstances simply don't allow it.

Or maybe he's trying to avoid confrontation and doesn't like you but is just being friendly. Which doesn't make sense considering he said he'd love to meet up. A guy who wants to let a girl down gently wouldn't say stuff like that. At least I wouldn't.

I recommend giving him the space he needs and not pestering him too much, but a few times a week send classy, sexy pics to him without comment, forcing him to become overwhelmed with desire.
Kidding.

And honestly, I just read your post again. You asked if he'd like to "get together this weekend." Well schedules book fast, so maybe it's way too short notice. He said "I'd love to, but...." Since he seems to have the busier schedule, why not put the ball in his court and have him suggest a good day/time in the future to meet? You say, "He didn't offer any alternative date we could eventually meet," but maybe you weren't direct enough and simply assumed he'd offer an alternative date.

Good luck. And welcome to SDN!

 

[BabyYoureAFireworl]

Premed checking in here. Who wants to date during residency? You're working like 80 hours. Nooo... It's way more funner once you pay off your debt and have more free time. In residency you're broke,indebt, working 80 hours,etc. Boy you better chill.

 

[atomi]

Ummm apparently this guy who signed up for a dating app and gave me his phone number?



He works 60 each week at the hospital he is at.


I'm definitely not a boy

Also I have a family member who is a doctor, she got married in med school, had her first child in med school, had her second child in residency. I asked her how she managed to balance it all. She smiled and said "It was a priority for me, when something is a priority for you, you make it happen."

Anyway, as suggested, last Sunday I told him to look at his schedule and pick a day and time that works best for him and he still hasn't said anything about meeting up.

Ignore that person he/she was a troll and got banned for other ridiculous posts.

The reality is that you can go on dates even when working a 80 hour week. If he really wanted to, he would find the time and schedule his day off or short call day to meet you.

You need to move on. For whatever reason he is not interested right now. Maybe he was just testing the waters, who knows it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry, try not to lose any sleep over it, don’t get hung up on this guy, and keep putting yourself out there.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

The only person you can control is yourself. You can’t control what he does. Send him a polite message and if he doesn’t respond, move on.


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[atomi]

I appreciate the replies. Okay.... looks like we are split on this one. Some people are saying he is definitely not interested because even residents can find time to date; others say that residents are busy and to be more patient and empathetic. Hmmmmm......

I was an 80 hour a week intern and still went on dates with my gf or went out to the bars with friends once a week. If he is one of the super rare true 120 a week surgeons (most of whom say this but really overexaggerate), then it’s not possible (and would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that anyway?). But he’s a neurologist, so he’s not even close to this.

He’s either not into you enough or he has something else going on in his life, oh I don’t know say like a wife and kids (stupidly common on dating apps sadly). If it were the latter tho he would be sexting you.

Maybe one final chance to set a firm date so you can show him how awesome you are. If he still doesn’t respond or commit move on!

 

[Stroganoff]

I appreciate the replies. Okay.... looks like we are split on this one. Some people are saying he is definitely not interested because even residents can find time to date; others say that residents are busy and to be more patient and empathetic. Hmmmmm......

With new information:

Anyway, as suggested, last Sunday I told him to look at his schedule and pick a day and time that works best for him and he still hasn't said anything about meeting up.

...I've modified my earlier opinion. Move on. Don't worry about it. If he's not responding after this many days, not worth it.

 

[VenusinFurs]

In residency I technically had enough free time to date, but it can be very demanding emotionally and it can be difficult to sustain the energy needed to date. I still met up with people from the dating sites, but I could see a more introverted person having trouble summoning up the energy to go on a date. My experience with dating sites is a lot of people want to chat/ test out the waters and don't really want to meet up.