Sadness about not reaching your goals/expectations?

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MDPedigree

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I know this might come off as entitled to some people, but I've spoken to some people about this in my personal life and some people were able to relate, so this post is for those people.

I always dreamed of going to a top-tier med school, for a number of different reasons. I come from an underserved community and I wanted to inspire people and show them that the sky is the limit for people like us. I worked incredibly hard in undergrad, to the point where I don't think I could have possibly worked harder. I had a very high GPA and well rounded EC's. I came up a little short on the MCAT, in part because I had some major life events happen a few months before I took it.

I did get into med school, but I didn't reach my goal despite having some interviews at very high ranked schools. I am very happy with my acceptances, and honestly did not get sad over not reaching my goal until recently when I found out some people around me did reach those heights. Some people from my community, who are now doing what I dreamt so hard and long for.

It just hurts having a goal/dream in mind where you work so hard for it only to come up short. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? What helps get over it?

Thank you everyone!
 
MDPedigree said:
I know this might come off as entitled to some people, but I've spoken to some people about this in my personal life and some people were able to relate, so this post is for those people.

I always dreamed of going to a top-tier med school, for a number of different reasons. I come from an underserved community and I wanted to inspire people and show them that the sky is the limit for people like us. I worked incredibly hard in undergrad, to the point where I don't think I could have possibly worked harder. I had a very high GPA and well rounded EC's. I came up a little short on the MCAT, in part because I had some major life events happen a few months before I took it.

I did get into med school, but I didn't reach my goal despite having some interviews at very high ranked schools. I am very happy with my acceptances, and honestly did not get sad over not reaching my goal until recently when I found out some people around me did reach those heights. Some people from my community, who are now doing what I dreamt so hard and long for.

It just hurts having a goal/dream in mind where you work so hard for it only to come up short. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? What helps get over it?

Thank you everyone!
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Getting into a top 20 is not about reaching the stars and showing your worth. There's more luck in this process than you might think.

Also, when you talk about inspiring people: no one knows which medical schools are 'top-tier' and which are not. Most people only hear about Harvard Med and Hopkins. That's it.
 
Yes. Just move on and work and achieve in the best way you can. The world works in mysterious ways. I got rejected, back in the day, from an ivory tower place and went to a less prestigious place. Fast forward 15 years...and I got famous enough that I was invited as a guest lecturer at the place that once rejected me. 🙂 Don’t worry. Just move forward and don’t look back.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
MDPedigree said:
I know this might come off as entitled to some people, but I've spoken to some people about this in my personal life and some people were able to relate, so this post is for those people.

I always dreamed of going to a top-tier med school, for a number of different reasons. I come from an underserved community and I wanted to inspire people and show them that the sky is the limit for people like us. I worked incredibly hard in undergrad, to the point where I don't think I could have possibly worked harder. I had a very high GPA and well rounded EC's. I came up a little short on the MCAT, in part because I had some major life events happen a few months before I took it.

I did get into med school, but I didn't reach my goal despite having some interviews at very high ranked schools. I am very happy with my acceptances, and honestly did not get sad over not reaching my goal until recently when I found out some people around me did reach those heights. Some people from my community, who are now doing what I dreamt so hard and long for.

It just hurts having a goal/dream in mind where you work so hard for it only to come up short. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? What helps get over it?

Thank you everyone!
Click to expand...
Yeah, personally I think you sound entitled. You were one of the few who got an acceptance to a medical school. Instead of being happy with that and celebrating your achievements, you seem to be comparing yourself to others that got into higher ranked schools.

Even your username alludes to your desire for prestige. Nobody is entitled to acceptance to a top tier school. If you didn't get in, perhaps your competition bested you.

Congratulations on your acceptance to med school and work hard there instead of worrying about what schools you feel like you should have gotten into.
 
MDPedigree said:
I know this might come off as entitled to some people, but I've spoken to some people about this in my personal life and some people were able to relate, so this post is for those people.

I always dreamed of going to a top-tier med school, for a number of different reasons. I come from an underserved community and I wanted to inspire people and show them that the sky is the limit for people like us. I worked incredibly hard in undergrad, to the point where I don't think I could have possibly worked harder. I had a very high GPA and well rounded EC's. I came up a little short on the MCAT, in part because I had some major life events happen a few months before I took it.

I did get into med school, but I didn't reach my goal despite having some interviews at very high ranked schools. I am very happy with my acceptances, and honestly did not get sad over not reaching my goal until recently when I found out some people around me did reach those heights. Some people from my community, who are now doing what I dreamt so hard and long for.

It just hurts having a goal/dream in mind where you work so hard for it only to come up short. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? What helps get over it?

Thank you everyone!
Click to expand...
You do you, and do the best you can.
 
I understand this (in large part due to my own family and friends expecting me to get into somewhere more prestigious). However, you know how difficult it is to get in to any medical school and should be proud of yourself for accomplishing that. Try not to compare yourself too much to other people or worry what they think. Be grateful you got in, get excited about the school you're going to, and enjoy your summer.
 
Are you on the WL for those higher ranked ones where you interviewed? You still could maybe get accepted to one of those. I'm currently sitting on 3 WL with no acceptances haha but I definitely do understand what you're saying tho, especially if you got II at those places you would hope for an acceptance to one of them
 
Med Ed said:
Perhaps they saw through you.
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I hope so. While it’s always good to aim high, I don’t think there should be ANY negative feeling at all associated with getting accepted into a US MD school. I’m sure there’s applicants with higher stats than OP that did not get in and would give their right 😵 for the opportunity OP has been given
 
It happens. You move on. In the grand scheme of things this is a minor inconvenience. Come back when/if (hopefully not) you don't match into your preferred specialty and have to scramble into something less desirable. Visit the medical student forums to get a little perspective about that.
 
Wanna know how many times my patients/colleagues asked where I went to medical school? None.

Wanna know what they care about? Actually treating patients. If you do what you're trained to do, no one cares where you went to medical school.
 
Interviewer: so what are your life goals?
OP: to get into a top ranked med school!
Silence
OP: oh yeah... and to be a good doctor

You want to inspire people? Become a good doctor and go back and actually serve those communities you speak of. A degree from a fancy school may impress someone momentarily, but to make a lasting impression on people you need to actually make a difference.

Just my $0.02
 
FutureOncologist said:
Wanna know how many times my patients/colleagues asked where I went to medical school? None.

Wanna know what they care about? Actually treating patients. If you do what you're trained to do, no one cares where you went to medical school.
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I like this. Adding on even further, as my hometown Walmart cashier who's known me since childhood likes to say, "know what they call the doctor who got C's? Still a doctor".
 
premstudent said:
Really? Huh, that's actually surprising, that after interviewing, the MCAT turns out to be the problem...
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Agreed, but just because you're above the minimum score they require for an II, they can still pick someone else who did higher and had just as good of activities/interviews as you. It's not necessarily the individual, its in comparison to the huge pool of other good candidates.
 
you know what they call the guy/gal who graduated last in their class from the lowest ranked school in the country? Doctor. You got into school, you know how many thousands of people don't every year?? This is the main problem with going on this site so much, it starts to seem like a 3.9 GPA 515 MCAT and acceptances to Harvard Yale and Hopkins is the norm in medicine.

Enjoy this summer and lets hit the ground running in the fall (also incoming MS1)!
 
I can actually empathize with this sentiment, but in a reverse sense - I went to a highly ranked undergrad and have all the "prerequisites" of a strong applicant. Having always been high achieving, I felt tremendous pressure to perform. I think we tend to conflate people's perception of us with our own goals, and so my goal was to get into a T20 not for my own sake but for others.

I think the hurt you are feeling is really just a re-evaluation of yourself. Now that the perfect bubble has burst, what attributes are you bringing outside of going to a brand name med school? It doesn't take a sparkly degree to be a great doctor, and if you are passionate about medicine, then you are on the road to a rewarding life and career.

I feel like this is a big issue with a lot of medical school applicants. Prestige is so bred into our mindset and competition is so integral to this process that we lose the end goal - to be a doctor.
 
I was about to start a thread about this. Feeling sad/depressed during the last few months before med school. I was accepted to my state med school and placed on the waitlist of a great t20 school.
 
Your app sounds oddly similar to mine. I have a pretty good GPA and ECs that I feel help me stand out. While I did well on the MCAT, I'm confident I scored 3-5 points below my plateau due to poor time management.

I haven't applied like you so I can only say so much, but man, be thankful you got in. Lots of dreams are crushed in undergrad, where many don't have talent or work ethic to get in, and lots of viable apps still don't garner an acceptance. If I only get into the least desirable school on my list, I'll still be satisfied.
 
I'm looking forward to whatever my results may be- Rejection or not 🙂

Acceptance means going into the path I've prepared for since childhood. Rejection means finding my true path in life outside of medicine. I'm so ready for my future and looking forward to preparing for my winter MCAT!
 
This is an absolutely wild post. Think about how far you've gone in life and celebrate y'all!! And if you absolutely have to compare yourself to people to evaluate your self worth, I suggest perusing through Facebook friends from high school and see how many bums there are lol. My high school did not have the most successful alums and their current life circumstances often make me feel good about myself 😛

But seriously, think about how many medical school dreams were crushed all along the path (high school, pre-med curriculum, organic chemistry, etc), and you are one of the few that made it! If this doesn't help even a little, you might be a narcissist
 
Anonymityismyname18 said:
This is an absolutely wild post. Think about how far you've gone in life and celebrate y'all!! And if you absolutely have to compare yourself to people to evaluate your self worth, I suggest perusing through Facebook friends from high school and see how many bums there are lol. My high school did not have the most successful alums and their current life circumstances often make me feel good about myself 😛

But seriously, think about how many medical school dreams were crushed all along the path (high school, pre-med curriculum, organic chemistry, etc), and you are one of the few that made it! If this doesn't help even a little, you might be a narcissist
Click to expand...
It is not always about comparing to others. Highly ranked schools offer better resources and more opportunities.
 
lovehate said:
It is not always about comparing to others. Highly ranked schools offer better resources and more opportunities.
Click to expand...
That’s pretty debatable if we’re talking US MDs. For example, my state MD school that is ranked like 75th had a big press release today about having our cancer center named as a NCI comprehensive cancer center: one of 70 in the nation and in the top 2% of all cancer centers. Apparently they also enroll more clinical research subjects than any other cancer institute as well, according to the NCI. And this is a public school focussed on the poor health of a very rural state, not a private research university. You have to split hairs to discern any difference in student resources for US MDs, rank 1 or 100.
 
joschar said:
That’s pretty debatable if we’re talking US MDs. For example, my state MD school that is ranked like 75th had a big press release today about having our cancer center named as a NCI comprehensive cancer center: one of 70 in the nation and in the top 2% of all cancer centers. Apparently they also enroll more clinical research subjects than any other cancer institute as well, according to the NCI. And this is a public school focussed on the poor health of a very rural state, not a private research university. You have to split hairs to discern any difference in student resources for US MDs, rank 1 or 100.
Click to expand...

Would disagree with this, even though I know its not what most people want to hear.

I was fortunate enough to get accepts at HMS and a few other top tiers last cycle (although with little aid), alongside a full-tuition scholarship to one of my state schools. Ultimately I opted to pass on the scholarship not because of chasing prestige or anything like that, but because the gulf between the amount of support from faculty, resources/opportunities available to students, and curriculum flexibility offered by those schools (not to mention the de-emphasis on competition, no AOA at many etc.) compared to what I would get at that state school was so huge it was actually kinda upsetting. Even more-so since it really feels like unless you're an out of this world superstar applicant which I definitely was not, just getting into any of the top tiers is far more dependent on pure luck than people like to admit.
 
my trick: make goals/expectations of various tiers so you can always reach one of them. As long as you are sane, you prolly will never end up not meeting any goals.
 
I had a 97th %ile MCAT and a great GPA. I had over 2000 hours in research with multiple publications. Applied to 20+ schools and was lucky enough to get into 2 state medical schools. Everywhere else gave me a rejection or waitlist spot with no dream of coming off of it. That was in 2012.

The admissions game is 100% seller's market.
 
FutureOncologist said:
I had a 97th %ile MCAT and a great GPA. I had over 2000 hours in research with multiple publications. Applied to 20+ schools and was lucky enough to get into 2 state medical schools. Everywhere else gave me a rejection or waitlist spot with no dream of coming off of it. That was in 2012.

The admissions game is 100% seller's market.
Click to expand...
Do you think anything held you back in this case?
 
Sunbodi said:
I'm looking forward to whatever my results may be- Rejection or not 🙂

Acceptance means going into the path I've prepared for since childhood. Rejection means finding my true path in life outside of medicine. I'm so ready for my future and looking forward to preparing for my winter MCAT!
Click to expand...

You are pure sunshine.

Never leave SDN.
 
Yes, it is normal to feel disappointment and grief over missed expectations. It may be the first time you have faced such but won’t be the last. As long as it doesn’t tip over into wallowing and maladaptive thinking/behaviors. However I think you realistically appreciate that you actually have accomplished something respectable, and you will be well placed to serve and inspire your community as a physician. Even if it was true that you would miss some connection or opportunity available elsewhere, that isn’t under your control and doesn’t matter to you now: maximizing the opportunities you do have is what matters. Set your focus on the future and the challenges to come. Seek support from your irl community and boost your mood by giving back - unfortunately online support seeking has a tendency to turn toxic.

You did it! You’re gonna be a doctor!
 
I hardly have the time to be sad.

Take comfort knowing that you're kicking ass and anyone in your way will become collateral damage
 
premstudent said:
Do you think anything held you back in this case?
Click to expand...
  1. I had an upward trend. I had a 4.0 GPA for 4 semester straight junior-senior year of college which brought me up to a 3.7 cGPA and a 3.6 sGPA. Did NOT start that way though.
  2. My first MCAT was a 28. Then got a 36 the second time with even scores.
  3. My school list had a bunch of top 20's, a few top 50's, and then the two state MD schools I thought I could only apply to with residency and connections I had to want to return. AKA bad list of schools.
  4. My secondaries were a tad late (late September to late October.)
I do want to say I did land interviews at top 20 institutions, but they were very late in the process. To me, it seemed like I was interviewing for a waitlist spot. I held two acceptances by mid-February so I started declining interviews to save money.
 
FutureOncologist said:
  1. I had an upward trend. I had a 4.0 GPA for 4 semester straight junior-senior year of college which brought me up to a 3.7 cGPA and a 3.6 sGPA. Did NOT start that way though.
  2. My first MCAT was a 28. Then got a 36 the second time with even scores.
  3. My school list had a bunch of top 20's, a few top 50's, and then the two state MD schools I thought I could only apply to with residency and connections I had to want to return. AKA bad list of schools.
  4. My secondaries were a tad late (late September to late October.)
I do want to say I did land interviews at top 20 institutions, but they were very late in the process. To me, it seemed like I was interviewing for a waitlist spot. I held two acceptances by mid-February so I started declining interviews to save money.
Click to expand...

You don’t mention your volunteering? How did your interviews go?
 
FutureOncologist said:
  1. I had an upward trend. I had a 4.0 GPA for 4 semester straight junior-senior year of college which brought me up to a 3.7 cGPA and a 3.6 sGPA. Did NOT start that way though.
  2. My first MCAT was a 28. Then got a 36 the second time with even scores.
  3. My school list had a bunch of top 20's, a few top 50's, and then the two state MD schools I thought I could only apply to with residency and connections I had to want to return. AKA bad list of schools.
  4. My secondaries were a tad late (late September to late October.)
I do want to say I did land interviews at top 20 institutions, but they were very late in the process. To me, it seemed like I was interviewing for a waitlist spot. I held two acceptances by mid-February so I started declining interviews to save money.
Click to expand...
Ok this consoles me. I feel like school list is what plagues most decent candidates? I guess everyone wants to go Top 20 right?
 
premstudent said:
Ok this consoles me. I feel like school list is what plagues most decent candidates? I guess everyone wants to go Top 20 right?
Click to expand...
I didn't feel so much entitled to a top 20 spot, but I didn't know about other schools that look at OOS applicants. Especially ones that favor reinvention (U Washington, Dartmouth, etc.) Also, you gotta shoot your shot, right?
 
doctorcocter said:
You don’t mention your volunteering? How did your interviews go?
Click to expand...
My volunteering was pretty solid, in terms of hours and what I could write about it. I had over 400 hours non-clinical and 500 hours of clinical. The clinical volunteering came from two different hospitals over 4 years; I made one of them my most meaningful. That's because I met so many doctors there that let me shadow on days I didn't get to volunteer. Got to shadow different specialties over a span of >150 hours.

Interviews were mixed; MMI's weren't really a thing except maybe at a school or two being tested on a few days of interviews.
  • State School #1 (where I ended up going) - great faculty, amazing opportunities (only MD in the state, so they had clinical sites everywhere.) What stuck out the most was how genuinely happy everyone was to go there. Everyone was down-to-earth. There were no traditional grades, just P/F for preclinical and H/P/F for clinical to show who shined in certain specialties to help people match. When I got my first acceptance there, I pretty much "checked out" at other interviews because the standard was set so high. This school is mission-based, thus had lower stats of accepted students. Yet the board scores were above-average
  • State School #2 - I loved the faculty there too. They had more impressive "pedigrees" (some got their PhD's at Harvard, Northwestern, Yale, and Brown.) However, they had a traditional grading scale for preclinical (A/B/C/F) which was a big negative for me. They don't release class rankings to students and they don't do percentage-grading (25% only get an A, 25% get a B, etc.) but that didn't really matter to me. Their clinical sites where pretty good too, but I'd be competing with other medical schools in-state for a spot at other sites in state (that were even "home institutions" nonetheless.)
I interviewed at 4 other schools. Two of which were in the top 20's; which surprised me because I applied because I could. JHU was my second interview and I was floored with what they offered. I fell in love, which was a mistake because I received a waitlist spot pretty late in the game.

Stanford was mean to me, maybe because I didn't have the numbers they wanted (which why would they interview me in the first place anyway?) They had open-app interviews and they grilled me about my GPA, even though I had a year of 4.0 GPA and it rose considerably.

Emory was amazing too. The interviewers were more laid-back and took an interest in who I was as a person, despite taking an L GPA-wise sophomore year. The tour of the medical school made them my #1. If I got an acceptance there, I would have gone. Instead I got put on the WL
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
Yes. Just move on and work and achieve in the best way you can. The world works in mysterious ways. I got rejected, back in the day, from an ivory tower place and went to a less prestigious place. Fast forward 15 years...and I got famous enough that I was invited as a guest lecturer at the place that once rejected me. 🙂 Don’t worry. Just move forward and don’t look back.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
Click to expand...

what do you mean you got famous enough for become a guest lecturer? I thought you were a practicing orthopedic surgeon? do you conduct research as well? if so what type
 
firsttimer123 said:
what do you mean you got famous enough for become a guest lecturer? I thought you were a practicing orthopedic surgeon? do you conduct research as well? if so what type
Click to expand...

Yes I am a practicing orthopaedic surgeon. I also do research and teaching and that includes giving grand rounds and guest lectures. It’s all part of an academic career. For further info you can see my AMA thread.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
Yes I am a practicing orthopaedic surgeon. I also do research and teaching and that includes giving grand rounds and guest lectures. It’s all part of an academic career. For further info you can see my AMA thread.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
Click to expand...

I have read that AMA - can i pm you for a specific question?
 
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