Sadness about not reaching your goals/expectations?

[OrthoTraumaMD]

I have read that AMA - can i pm you for a specific question?

Sure.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Trollest]

This. This right here, is the best advice.

I agree you can only give them your best. Only regrets your decision when you know for a fact that you didnt give your best.

So @OP, you couldn't have prevented the death or medical issue in your family; dont beat yourself for it! It sucks that you are friend have made it; but med school isn't the end of the road. You have residency then fellowship!

 

[Moose A Moose]

I know this might come off as entitled to some people, but I've spoken to some people about this in my personal life and some people were able to relate, so this post is for those people.

I always dreamed of going to a top-tier med school, for a number of different reasons. I come from an underserved community and I wanted to inspire people and show them that the sky is the limit for people like us. I worked incredibly hard in undergrad, to the point where I don't think I could have possibly worked harder. I had a very high GPA and well rounded EC's. I came up a little short on the MCAT, in part because I had some major life events happen a few months before I took it.

I did get into med school, but I didn't reach my goal despite having some interviews at very high ranked schools. I am very happy with my acceptances, and honestly did not get sad over not reaching my goal until recently when I found out some people around me did reach those heights. Some people from my community, who are now doing what I dreamt so hard and long for.

It just hurts having a goal/dream in mind where you work so hard for it only to come up short. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? What helps get over it?

Thank you everyone!

Lol, I hope you can shake this mentality. If your ego was this bruised from a med school acceptance, just wait until the match. Hell, just wait until you start getting pimped.

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

Why is your dream to impress the community that you came from, and not actually help them through the work of a physician? Again, why is it that your dream here is not to become a physician, but to go to a top school, with the only rationale for such school being that people would look up to you? You don't even need to answer this question, this is clearly an ego thing. Even your attempt to spin it as "good for the community" falls apart given that you're unhappy that others in the community will be the source of inspiration you thought was needed.

Stop chasing prestige for prestige's sake alone. Making this kind of thing your identity and tying it into your self-worth is not only pointless but also unhealthy. Do you know how sad it would be if someone's entire existence was based around getting into/attending/having gone to a prestigious medical school? There is so much more to being a physician and living life than that.

Truthfully, nobody you're trying to impress who is worth your time will care where you are going to school other than maybe your parents. You probably think that's an exaggeration or simplification, but it's really not. You should take this as a good thing, you don't have to worry anymore! If your friends/people in your community are giving you a hard time because they have more prestigious (read: pretentious) acceptances than you, I'm sorry to hear that. Cut that negativity out of your life and let them live in the rat-race they are creating for themselves. More power to them, less stress for you. If you are disappointed merely because you believe they are "succeeding" more than you are, you need to cut that mentality ASAP. It's just another variation on crabs in a bucket.

If you want to be happy, you really have to figure out what you value in life. If you place too much value on something as fickle as prestige, you will have a hard time. Chasing prestige is like chasing money, no matter how much you have, it won't be enough.

 

[Trollest]

Why is your dream to impress the community that you came from, and not actually help them through the work of a physician? Again, why is it that your dream here is not to become a physician, but to go to a top school, with the only rationale for such school being that people would look up to you? You don't even need to answer this question, this is clearly an ego thing. Even your attempt to spin it as "good for the community" falls apart given that you're unhappy that others in the community will be the source of inspiration you thought was needed.

Stop chasing prestige for prestige's sake alone. Making this kind of thing your identity and tying it into your self-worth is not only pointless but also unhealthy. Do you know how sad it would be if someone's entire existence was based around getting into/attending/having gone to a prestigious medical school? There is so much more to being a physician and living life than that.

Truthfully, nobody you're trying to impress who is worth your time will care where you are going to school other than maybe your parents. You probably think that's an exaggeration or simplification, but it's really not. You should take this as a good thing, you don't have to worry anymore! If your friends/people in your community are giving you a hard time because they have more prestigious (read: pretentious) acceptances than you, I'm sorry to hear that. Cut that negativity out of your life and let them live in the rat-race they are creating for themselves. More power to them, less stress for you. If you are disappointed merely because you believe they are "succeeding" more than you are, you need to cut that mentality ASAP. It's just another variation on crabs in a bucket.

If you want to be happy, you really have to figure out what you value in life. If you place too much value on something as fickle as prestige, you will have a hard time. Chasing prestige is like chasing money, no matter how much you have, it won't be enough.

Did you even read the thread? He wanted to impress kids in his community to show them that they also can do it. He wanted to inspire them. I dont see anything wrong with that. And of course, it's an ego thing for all of us!


"Stop chasing prestige for prestige's sake alone." Dude you clearly didn't read the article or you can't relate at all. For someone who somewhat identify with the OP, i 1000% undertsand what he means. Do i condone it? maybe not, but i def sympathize with the fact that OP gave his best throughout his undergrad for a goal that he didnt achieve. So remorse is to be expected.

 

[dr_kateb]

Did you even read the thread? He wanted to impress kids in his community to show them that they also can do it. He wanted to inspire them. I dont see anything wrong with that. And of course, it's an ego thing for all of us!


"Stop chasing prestige for prestige's sake alone." Dude you clearly didn't read the article or you can't relate at all. For someone who somewhat identify with the OP, i 1000% undertsand what he means. Do i condone it? maybe not, but i def sympathize with the fact that OP gave his best throughout his undergrad for a goal that he didnt achieve. So remorse is to be expected.

Whoa speak for yourself. And really? The guy is in medical school. If where he came from is underserved as he says it is that would be impressive enough. Hell getting into medical school is pretty impressive for anyone of any background. This whole thread just reeks of pretentiousness.

 

[Trollest]

Whoa speak for yourself. And really? The guy is in medical school. If where he came from is underserved as he says it is that would be impressive enough. Hell getting into medical school is pretty impressive for anyone of any background. This whole thread just reeks of pretentiousness.

It does but he worked hard for it which is what you guys are missing. It's like working so hard on a car to have it stolen! If you cant get that then idk what to say. It doesn't matter whether or not you think it's pretentious but people have expectations. You expect your girlfriend to be loyal to you. You expect her to treat you even better (same for you) after you tie the knot.

The OP wasn't a slacker in undergrad, so if you cant sympathize with him then i am afraid you "may" not be able to relate to others. Try to see it from his perspective.

 

[thegrind33]

I always wanted to be a pro-golfer. I wasn't good enough to get a scholarship to a big D1 school so I decided to pursue pre-med to hopefully get into med school. Was I crushed? No, life goes on, and I was thankful for the opportunity I had going forward.

 

[dr_kateb]

It does but he worked hard for it which is what you guys are missing. It's like working so hard on a car to have it stolen! If you cant get that then idk what to say. It doesn't matter whether or not you think it's pretentious but people have expectations. You expect your girlfriend to be loyal to you. You expect her to treat you even better (same for you) after you tie the knot.

The OP wasn't a slacker in undergrad, so if you cant sympathize with him then i am afraid you "may" not be able to relate to others. Try to see it from his perspective.

Are you saying that every other premed doesn’t work hard?

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

Did you even read the thread? He wanted to impress kids in his community to show them that they also can do it. He wanted to inspire them. I dont see anything wrong with that. And of course, it's an ego thing for all of us!


"Stop chasing prestige for prestige's sake alone." Dude you clearly didn't read the article or you can't relate at all. For someone who somewhat identify with the OP, i 1000% undertsand what he means. Do i condone it? maybe not, but i def sympathize with the fact that OP gave his best throughout his undergrad for a goal that he didnt achieve. So remorse is to be expected.

Going from an underserved background to getting into medical school and becoming a physician is by itself inspiring. If your perspective is so corrupted by the prestige echo chamber on this forum that you think it wouldn't be, then those kids are now getting that inspiration from other members of OP's community anyways. The kids lose nothing here, it's all ego.

If you plan to rely on the size of your ego for your happiness, be prepared to pick up the shards when it inevitably shatters. OP asked for advice on getting over the sadness he was feeling. The first step is to recognize that the pain is a hit to the ego, the second step is to learn to rely less on that ego for happiness.

 

[Trollest]

Are you saying that every other premed including everyone here doesn’t work hard?

I will be the first to admit that i dont have a 4.0 gpa and nor do i think that someone with 4.0 gpa should have the same expectations than a 3.5'er. There is reason why some schools screen based on the GPA and MCAT.

 

[Trollest]

Going from an underserved background to getting into medical school and becoming a physician is by itself inspiring. If your perspective is so corrupted by the prestige echo chamber on this forum that it isn't, then those kids are now getting that inspiration from other members of OP's community anyways. The kids lose nothing here, it's all ego.

If you plan to rely on the size of your ego for your happiness, be prepared to pick up the shards when it inevitably shatters.

No, you are not getting it. Another way to put it to you is that, playing in the NBA is impressive enough. However, Lebron doesn't have the same expectations than let's say isaah thomas. People who buss their ass 24/7 or work as hard as they can, are allowed to have high expectations in my world. It doesnt matter whether or not I agree with their whole philosophy; but hard work should always be rewarded.

 

[thegrind33]

No, you are not getting it. Another way to put it to you is that, playing in the NBA is impressive enough. However, Lebron doesn't have the same expectation than let's say isaah thomas. People who buss their ass 24/7 or work as hard as they can, are allowed to have high expectations in my world. It doesnt matter whether or not I agree with their whole philosophy; but hard work should always be rewarded.

Just because someone busts their butt 24/7 doesn't mean they will be the best in their field. In your example of IT and Lebron, IT could work a billion times harder than Lebron (this is all hypothetical btw) and he will never be as good because he doesn't have the skill set or body of Lebron. This can be applied to school as well. I know some people who live at the library, study hard everyday and almost all day, but they don't perform that well on the exam. I also know some people who never study and just get the material right away and ace the exam.

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

No, you are not getting it. Another way to put it to you is that, playing in the NBA is impressive enough. However, Lebron doesn't have the same expectation than let's say isaah thomas. People who buss their ass 24/7 or work as hard as they can, are allowed to have high expectations in my world. It doesnt matter whether or not I agree with their whole philosophy; but hard work should always be rewarded.

Unfortunately, that's not how life works. Life isn't fair. Coming to this understanding is a huge part of "growing up" and leads to less unneeded pain and stress throughout the rest of life.

Regardless, OP's hard work was rewarded. He gets to go to medical school and become a physician, unlike the 60% of applicants who worked hard and were not rewarded for it in this way.

 

[dr_kateb]

No, you are not getting it. Another way to put it to you is that, playing in the NBA is impressive enough. However, Lebron doesn't have the same expectation than let's say isaah thomas. People who buss their ass 24/7 or work as hard as they can, are allowed to have high expectations in my world. It doesnt matter whether or not I agree with their whole philosophy; but hard work should always be rewarded.

The real world doesn’t give E for effort. Results get rewards, not how much you work.

 

[Trollest]

Just because someone busts their butt 24/7 doesn't mean they will be the best in their field. In your example of IT and Lebron, IT could work a billion times harder than Lebron (this is all hypothetical btw) and he will never be as good because he doesn't have the skill set or body of Lebron. This can be applied to school as well. I know some people who live at the library, study hard everyday and almost all day, but they don't perform that well on the exam. I also know some people who never study and just get the material right away and ace the exam.

I agree which is why i told the OP on my initial post to not be so hard on himself. To look forward! Still, that doesn't mean that i have to discard the way he feels.

 

[Trollest]

@OWO and @doctorcocter I am currently reading On Success by Williams Hazlitt who is pretty much echo'ing the same thing as you guys. Namely, that life isnt fair, people dont care about perfection they want result. And that by emphasizing perfection you miss a chance of getting something done, etc..

Knowing this, i am not going to put down someone who perspective "maybe" different than mine, especially when i value hard work. The way i see it, it's like not undertsanding why a starving kid would steal bread if left alone in a bakery. Is it wrong? YES, but do i understand why he did it? Hell yeah!

 

[altblue]

Just because someone busts their butt 24/7 doesn't mean they will be the best in their field. In your example of IT and Lebron, IT could work a billion times harder than Lebron (this is all hypothetical btw) and he will never be as good because he doesn't have the skill set or body of Lebron. This can be applied to school as well. I know some people who live at the library, study hard everyday and almost all day, but they don't perform that well on the exam. I also know some people who never study and just get the material right away and ace the exam.

The thing is we don't know how hard or smart they were actually working, so it's difficult to say what OP's potential is

 

[MDPedigree]

Just so everyone knows, I absolutely want to be an amazing doctor. That is my #1 priority and I know that can be done by not going to a school I had my sights set on... but what isn’t clear and what I should have made clear is that I also wish to do a ton of research in my career and have a strong presence in academic medicine. Going to a top tier school would have helped a lot with my career goals. I guess I’m just going to have to do my best from here on out, because not every physician who has a big presence in academia came from a T20 school.

Thanks everyone!

And as a side note, coming out of high school, I didn’t think I had what it took to go Pre med in college. One thing that motivated me more than anything was one of my best friends cousins (part of my community) scored a 42 on the MCAT and went to Yale medical school. When I saw him, I suddenly believed I could do it too. I wanted to have that same impact.

 

[thegrind33]

Just so everyone knows, I absolutely want to be an amazing doctor. That is my #1 priority and I know that can be done by not going to a school I had my sights set on... but what isn’t clear and what I should have made clear is that I also wish to do a ton of research in my career and have a strong presence in academic medicine. Going to a top tier school would have helped a lot with my career goals. I guess I’m just going to have to do my best from here on out, because not every physician who has a big presence in academia came from a T20 school.

Thanks everyone!

And as a side note, coming out of high school, I didn’t think I had what it took to go Pre med in college. One that that motivated me more than anything was one of my best friends cousins (part of my community) scored a 42 on the MCAT and went to Yale medical school. When I saw him, I suddenly believed I could do it too. I wanted to have that same impact.

It matters somewhat where you go, but its what you do with your time there.